“So what do you think of Julian?” A producer with a camerawoman in tow asked just as I sat down in the chair.
I was caught off guard and I froze. The camerawoman seemed to zoom in on my confusion.
“It’s okay to talk directly into the camera. Throughout the show we like to do confessional interviews. They’re just private moments with the contestants to get a sense of what they are feeling as things are going on.”
“Oh, okay.”
My mind instantly replayed the moment our eyes met for the first time and then when he recognized the poem. The corners of my lips turned up and as hard as I tried, I couldn’t control my grin. My first impression of him wasn’t the Tom Ford model that was standing in the foyer. My first impression wasn’t the introspective man writing his way through his stress in the garden. My first impression of Julian was in print. So I went with that.
“My first impression of Julian is that he’s deep. There’s more to him than meets the eye. I’m looking forward to getting to know him.”
“What do you think about the other girls?”
Girls? These are grown ass women. Sure some of them are childish, but it’s a little demeaning to refer to them as girls.
“I don’t.”
“What do you mean?”
I smirked. “I don’t think about the other women in the house.”
The camerawoman laughed as Mya walked up. Shifting the camera’s focus to Mya, she was asked the same question. “So what do you think of Julian?”
Mya’s entire face lit up as she detailed her interaction with him during her meeting.
I watched her and the more she talked, the more uncomfortable I became. It dawned on me that the look on her face probably mirrored the look on my face as we talked about the same man.
What am I doing? I sighed, letting my head drop back. What am I doing here?
Forty minutes had passed and almost everyone had stolen a few minutes with Julian. Most of the women were interrupting other women in order to get their turn. I figured, once everyone had their turn, I’d take mine and I wouldn’t have to worry about being interrupted.
On my way back from the bar, I stopped in my tracks when I noticed the last woman who went off with Julian talking to another woman. The drinks were flowing and only one person was sloppy drunk. I took a sip of my champagne and casually looked around the patio. Everyone had taken a turn.
It’s now or never.
“Zoe.”
The unexpected sound of Julian’s voice sent a chill down my spine.
I turned around to face him. My smile matched his. “Julian.”
He held out his hand. “Will you accompany me?”
“Of course.” I intertwined my fingers with his and the tingling started in my fingers and traveled up my arm.
I allowed him to lead me to a private section of the property. The pathway was lined with flowering bushes and lights. With each step, the noise of the women chattering disappeared and it was just me and Julian.
Well us and them.
I put my glass to my lips and glanced at the cameraman, two producers, a production assistant and someone with a clipboard.
“Have you adjusted to all of this yet?” I asked, squeezing his hand as we slowed to a stop.
We sat down on a bench under a beautiful stone archway that was wrapped in ivy.
He laughed. “Not at all. I think it’ll take some time to get used to it all.”
“Are you enjoying yourself at least? Because that’s what matters.”
“I am.” He looked down at our intertwined fingers before meeting my gaze again. “One of my favorite memories so far was when this beautiful woman walked up to me and recited a poem.”
“Someone stole my move?” I gasped in mock surprise.
Julian chuckled. “Beautiful, sexy, smart, funny…you’re the total package.”
“I would agree with that.” I grinned, finishing my glass of champagne and placing it on the ground. “And you’re not so bad yourself.”
“Not so bad?” He paused as if he was thinking about it and then he nodded. “I’ll take it.”
“So, what brings you on the show?”
“Well, I work a lot and when I do get some downtime, I want to spend it with someone special. I don’t want to spend the time that I have searching bars, online, whatever or with someone who isn’t right for me. So it just so happened that I had planned a month to write, no recording, no producing, just writing and this opportunity fell into my lap. Because the timing was so perfect, I felt like I had to give it a shot.”
I nodded, soaking in the information. “When things line up like that, you have to take the shot.”
“Zoe, I—”
“Cut!” One of the producers yelled as the cameraman swung the camera from his shoulder and started messing with it.
With a sharp intake of breath, I jumped. The flurry of activity took me by surprise. Julian rubbed his thumb across the side of my hand, calming me.
The producer put a walkie-talkie to her lips. “Are you getting this? Something is going on with Tim’s camera. It just happened. Yeah. Okay. We’ll be reset in five minutes. Tell someone in electrical to fix the damn camera in the damn archway. That’s the whole reason we have this bullshit on the side of a house. Yeah. Well, we have everything about why he’s here. Yeah. I know. Yeah…”
I turned my head back to Julian and found him still staring at me. My face instantly heated.
“We only have a few minutes where we aren’t being recorded.” His voice rushed and his hand covered his mic. “So let’s do this for real. What would you say is the worst thing about being here?”
I crushed the small device between my palm and my chest, smothering the sound of my voice. “For the most part, it’s one person in particular. Hands down. But in general, it’s the people. It’s like they see a camera and a handsome man and they lose their minds. What about you?”
“I’m sure I can guess who you’re talking about.” He smirked. “For me it’s being contractually obligated to do what’s in the best interest of the show.” He looked over his shoulder at the crew members before leaning in a little closer. “I know this isn’t your scene. All night, you’ve been off to the side observing. Earlier today, you went for a walk. So what made you decide to go through with this?”
“You’re right. This isn’t me. I think reality dating shows are complete bullshit.” The words flew out of my mouth. “But when I started reading the lyrics to songs you’ve written, that’s what did it for me. For some reason, I felt like I needed to be here. You are a poet. The things that you can do with words…intrigue me. That’s why I’m here. Because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I kept wondering about who you were and what you were all about and what inspired you to write with that much emotion.”
He let out a breath that seemed to sag his broad shoulders. “Wow, thank you for that.” He squeezed my hand and leaned closer, giving me a boyish grin. “I can’t even put into words how much that means to me, to hear you say that. Every song I’ve ever written started as a poem. I add the hook and chorus later. But for you to pick up on that.” His eyes bore into mine, not just looking at me, but looking inside of me. “No one has ever picked up on that before.”
My heart faltered. His words were dripping in sincerity and vulnerability. I had no idea the conversation was going to get so real, so fast. There was no pretense, no expectations, no hidden agendas. It felt like he’d let me in on a secret that he didn’t know he wanted to tell.
I looked over my shoulder to see if they were still working on the camera. When our eyes met again, I felt something pang in my chest so I tried to lighten the moment. “Well, I love poetry. I guess I just have an eye for talent.”
His deep chuckle from the barrel of his chest made me smile and broke the spell he was casting on me. He shook his head at me. “We don’t have much time before we’re back on camera. Where are you from?”
“Virginia. Chesterfield, Virgini
a. But I live here now. You?”
“Rockville, Maryland. But we moved here when I was twelve. When did you get here?”
“Seven years ago. If you didn’t write, sing, and produce, what would you do?”
“I’d be a lawyer. What do you do for a living?”
“Bartender.” I shook my head, slowing our hurried exchange of information. “Wait a minute, you want to be a lawyer?”
“I would if music didn’t work out. I went through a long trial early in my career and I got really into it.” I must have been making a face because he leaned back a little and asked, “You have something against lawyers?”
I stifled the giggle with my hand. “No, not at all. It’s just that I’m about to be a lawyer!”
“No way! You’re in law school now? While you’re here?”
“No, I’m done with school. I just have to take the bar and then…I can practice law.”
That sentence gave me hives two weeks ago. But for whatever reason, sitting with Julian, holding his hand, and talking to him about it didn’t make me want to freak out.
“That’s awesome, Zoe. Wow! You are…wow. When do you take the bar?”
“July. I could’ve taken it a couple of weeks ago, but…”
He searched my face, inching closer. “But what?”
“I choked,” I admitted. “I completely choked. I was—”
“Camera is back. Check your feed!” The producer exclaimed loudly into the walkie-talkie, startling me again. She lowered her voice and turned her back to us to add, “They’ve been whispering while we’ve been down so replay your sound feed. Oh. Yeah. They’re covering their mics.”
Julian frowned playfully. “She knows we can hear her right?”
Ignoring us, the producer yelled, “Action!”
A mutually understood look passed between us as we uncovered our microphones.
“Tell me something weird about you,” he asked, changing the subject.
There was a twinkle in his eye as if we shared something special that no one else knew and my smile widened. If I wasn’t so impressed by how much we had in common, I would’ve swooned over the look he gave me.
“Hmmm…something weird. Well, I love the smell of rain.”
“The smell of rain? I don’t think this is going to work out,” he deadpanned.
I threw my head back and laughed. “It’s the smell of plant oils and soil mixing with the rain droplets. It just smells so fresh and new.”
“Yeah, okay,” he joked, causing another round of laughter to bubble up within my chest.
We were joking back and forth when the producer indicated that he needed to wrap it up.
“Well, Zoe. Despite the fact that I now find you incredibly weird, I have something for you anyway.” Julian reached into his tuxedo pocket and pulled out a charm. “It’s the First Impression charm and I want you to have this.” He pulled out the white gold rose charm and held it in the palm of his hand. “Will you continue on this journey with me to find the one?”
“Absolutely.” My voice managed to keep its cool, but I felt inexplicably giddy.
He had inched closer and although it was unnecessary, it was welcomed. His fingers brushed against my skin as he snapped the charm onto the bracelet. We were inches apart and my body was reacting to his, but I was keeping it under control. It wasn’t until he looked up at me that my heart rate got the best of me.
Julian’s eyes lingered on my lips. “I’m happy that you will still be here. I look forward to getting to know you better.”
Maybe it was how talented and easy to talk to Julian was or the fact that he knew Pablo Neruda. Maybe it was the seclusion of being locked down at the mansion for the longest day of my life or the fact that the last two days had been consumed with the excitement of getting to meet him. Maybe it was the overtly romantic backdrop and the soft lighting that added to the ambiance or the fact that Julian was one of the most handsome men I’d ever seen in real life. Or maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t stopped touching me since he asked me to come to the archway with him. I didn’t know the reason, but when he leaned forward, the other women, the entire crew, the apprehension of being on The One, the camera, it all disappeared.
Our foreheads touched and his nose just barely grazed mine. His eyes were half-closed and darkened with desire.
“Can I be honest about how often I’ve thought about kissing you?” Julian breathed, his full lips mere centimeters from mine.
His champagne coated breath tickled my skin. His hands were warm and while one had remained intertwined with mine, the other traveled up my arm, over my shoulder to cradle my neck.
My eyes closed and I let out a shaky breath. I couldn’t hear anything over the pounding in my chest. Everything I felt was vivid and intense. I couldn’t pull away if I wanted to.
After what felt like a thirty second wait, I trembled at the first brush of his lips against mine. The kiss was slow, allowing us to relish in the feeling. He pulled back slightly, hovering just over my lips so that they were barely touching. My eyes opened to find his conveying the same confusion that was whipping through my brain.
What the hell was that?
Our tongues hadn’t even touched, but my body was on fire, my heart was rattling in my chest, and butterflies had turned into bats in my belly. That was essentially a peck on the lips, yet it sparked something and resonated deep inside of me. I’d never experienced anything like that before and from the look in his eyes, he hadn’t either.
He licked his lips and I knew he was about to kiss me again. I let my eyelids flutter closed.
“Excuse me?”
My eyes flew open and although Julian and I startled apart, we never stopped holding hands. I jerked my head in the direction of the voice and Tori stood on the walkway with her hands on her hips.
Once she had our attention, she closed the three feet of distance between us and stood directly in front of the bench. Giving her attention to Julian, she said, “I’m here to steal you away for a minute since the Bracelet Ceremony will be starting soon.”
“Oh, okay,” Julian said agreeably. He turned to me and I could see the confusion mixed with disappointment creasing his features. He squeezed my hand. “Thank you for spending some time with me, Zoe.”
I flashed him my best smile. “I enjoyed every second of it.”
Our fingers unraveled slowly and his eyes lingered on me for a beat too long.
Tori must have noticed as well because she reached for his free hand and tugged it. “Ready?”
Letting me go, he stood and gave Tori a charming smile. She pushed her obviously fake breasts out and threw her hair over her shoulder. Julian bent his arm for her to hold onto as they walked toward the patio with the cameraman and others in tow. The reality of the situation set in.
I am on a reality television dating show. Even if it feels real, it’s not, I reminded myself as my emotions knotted in my gut.
I stood, brushing the back of my dress off and squaring my shoulders. Acutely aware that while I didn’t see the second cameraperson lurking, they were.
I can’t let myself get swept up in the moment again. I wanted to meet him and I did. I wanted to know more about his artistic process and the First Impression charm gave me a few more days to do that. And then I’m out. It’s too easy to get caught up in my feelings in this environment.
I leisurely followed the path back to the patio trying to convince myself that I could still walk away from the show and Julian anytime I wanted.
*****
Chapter 7
The Sunday sunlight poured through the window, bathing the room in a Southern California glow. I stretched my arms and legs out under the thousand count sheets.
Now these are sheets.
Since the bullshit that took place at Friday night’s Bracelet Ceremony, I spent all of Saturday in bed. It wasn’t because I was avoiding confrontation. I was just tired so I slept.
We didn’t have plans to see Julian on Saturday so bes
ides to shower and eat, I didn’t feel the need to hang out anywhere else besides my room. It wasn’t as if I was interested in interacting with anyone else.
I mean I expected things to get crazy, but after the first ceremony? That’s unreal.
On Friday night, once I returned to the patio and people caught sight of the charm on my bracelet, the whispers and cattiness directly aimed at me ramped up. I didn’t enjoy it, but it didn’t bother me either.
At the beginning of the Bracelet Ceremony, Bryce Wilson called me to the front and announced that I had gotten the First Impression charm and the women clapped as if they were happy for me. It was the fakest thing I’d ever seen.
One by one, women were called to stand beside me, but the only one I was concerned about was Mya. She was called last, leaving two of Tori’s minions with whom I never conversed with to be sent home.
After the ceremony, Julian left the mansion and all hell broke loose. Tori tried to bait me into an argument and when I didn’t cave, she told everyone that Julian and I had kissed. If I thought the shade I was getting was bad when they saw the First Impression Charm, news of the kiss sent them over the edge. Because I didn’t want to talk about it and said I was going to bed, opinions and insults were thrown at me as I ascended the stairs.
Even Mya was a little distant with that news.
I sighed and flipped over so that my back was to the window. I opened my eyes to see if it helped tone down the brightness in the room.
“What the hell?” I yelped, sitting up in bed.
Mya was sitting on the edge of her bed staring at me with bloodshot eyes.
My outburst caused her to jump. “You scared me! But I’m glad you’re awake.”
I groaned, falling back into the safe haven of the sheets. “I’m not awake. The bed is pretty much where I will spend most of my time so I think I should spend more time getting acquainted with it.” Snuggling into the pillow, I found a comfortable spot and relaxed into the mattress. Tucking the sheet and comforter under my chin, I asked, “Why are your eyes red?”
“Are they still red?” She dropped her head and put the heel of her hand against her eye sockets.
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