“Well damn.” Julian looked like he was at a loss for words. “Just like that?”
I lifted my shoulders. “Just like that.”
“He did you a favor. Any man who would drop you at the first taste of success isn’t the kind of man who deserves a woman like you. You’re beautiful, funny, smart, educated, kind and sexy as hell. I’ve only known you for a weekend and I can’t stop thinking about you. But good riddance. He’s an opportunist and he will always be chasing the high of being with you.”
“Thank you.” I grinned, putting my palms on my flaming cheeks. “I smile so much when I’m around you. You have a way with words that just…” My sentence trailed off as I struggled to put it into words. “I like it. I like being with you.”
He removed his hands from my legs and scooped me up in his arms, shifting me into his lap.
I gasped at the quick movement. “What are you doing?” I exhaled the question so softly that I didn’t know if he heard.
Our faces were inches apart and as I sat atop him, I realized that somehow during the shift in position, I ended up with my arm around his neck. The electricity between us crackled and I wanted to simultaneously back away and be sucked in closer.
It really wouldn’t take much to twist my fingers in his hair and kiss him silly. I shouldn’t do it, but it really wouldn’t take much for me to—
He licked his full lips. I watched his tongue linger at the corner of his mouth for a second before disappearing again. I was mesmerized by that action and how badly I wanted to kiss him. A wave of heat coursed through my body. I forced myself to raise my eyes to his and my heart stammered.
“What are you doing?” I breathed, even though the answer didn’t matter. I decided instantly that being wrapped in his arms didn’t require a reason. The real question should’ve been ‘why didn’t you do this sooner?’
“I have to tell you something.” He lifted his hand and tugged at a lock of hair that had curled its way onto my cheek. “And I wanted to hold you close, just in case what I tell you changes how you feel about me.”
What is he about to say?
“I’m not going to lie. That warning makes me nervous.” Although my tone was joking, I was serious. I paused, trying to read his expression and realized he was serious. He was more serious than I’d ever seen him.
I put my hand to his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his quick breaths. “But in the short time that I’ve known you, you’ve always made me feel so comfortable. So I hope that you are comfortable enough to tell me anything.”
“I am. No one knows what I’m about to tell you except for my boys and Bryce. And none of them even know the whole story.”
Nerves caused every worst case scenario to filter through my brain. “Just tell me. I won’t tell anyone if that’s what you’re worried about. I just want to know.”
He’s married. Or he has kids that he doesn’t take care of. Or he’s a serial killer who only kills bad guys. Or—
“I was at the cocktail party interview last week and I wasn’t supposed to be there.”
I let out a sigh of relief that bordered on a giggle. “Okay? You had me worried. Why would that change how I feel about you?”
“I only got Bryce to agree for me to be there if I didn’t talk to anyone. I was supposed to observe and then leave. But on my way out, I saw another pretty face that I hadn’t seen earlier in the night while I was discreetly making my rounds. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to get to everyone and I was okay with that. But when I saw her, there was something different about her.”
My stomach knotted.
“Her style was different. The way she carried herself was different. She was different. But what really stuck out to me was that she was genuine. And in that environment, when you see someone do something nice for the sake of being nice and not because she’s on camera or any of the studio heads were around.”
My instincts were to climb out of his lap. As hard as I resisted his charms, I let him get under my skin and it felt like he was telling me that he had already met someone.
I took a deep breath and unraveled my hands from around his neck, feebly attempting to remove myself from his locked arms.
I cursed silently as I felt stinging behind my eyes. It was way too soon for me to be invested anyway. This is what I get.
I nodded, avoiding eye contact. “I understand.”
“I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours, but I don’t think you do.” His head moved to try to catch my eye. “Look at me.”
Swallowing hard, I met his gaze and blinked rapidly. Being that close, that intimate with him threatened to push the tears over the edge. And then the fact that I was about to cry was about to make me cry.
I didn’t understand why I was having such an emotional reaction. Whenever I’d see previews of these types of shows where women are crying over a man they knew for seventeen minutes, I would roll my eyes in disgust.
And then here I am doing the exact same thing.
I liked him, but I wasn’t in love with him. I knew him, but at the same time, just barely. But I felt connected to him in a very real way. And I allowed myself to get excited, I allowed myself to get caught up in the flood of emotions he brought out of me. I let myself want it a little more than I even realized.
“Look at me. Please,” he begged, gripping my hips tightly before holding me in place. When his hands moved, I felt him interlock his fingers and rest them at the top of my ass. “I didn’t want anyone to know who I was so I couldn’t get the makeup team to disguise me. So I bought a wig, a beard, brown contacts and some dark self-tanner.”
The worried look in his eyes perpetuated the fear I felt within me and it took a few minutes for what he said to resonate.
My heart rattled in my chest. “You were Evan?”
He nodded. “Evan is my middle name.”
My forehead tightened as I felt my eyebrows furrow in confusion. “So you already knew who I was?”
“No. Not that night. I didn’t really know who anyone was. I was actually leaving when I ran into you in the hallway so it was purely coincidental. I told them I would be in and out. I picked a bunch of women based off of their packets, but I wanted to make sure the best possible matches were in the house. So I was just there observing to see who I got a vibe from. And the only person I felt anything for was you. The only person I feel anything for is you.”
It was as if his entire purpose in life was to steal my breath away.
“Julian,” I breathed softly, overwhelmed with the rollercoaster of emotions I was experiencing.
I was at a loss for words. It made no sense that we would have the connection that we had because we’d known each other for essentially five minutes. But it was there. And it was real.
“You don’t have to say anything. I’ve been thinking about this since the moment we met so I just wanted to let you know before all of the stuff we have to do tomorrow.”
I searched his face, fingers caressing his neck. “I don’t understand why you would think any of that would change how I feel about you.”
“Because you mentioned that the worst part of being here is one person in particular. I assumed you meant Tori.”
My left side of my lip quirked up. I love that he just gets me.
He continued, “Yeah, I thought so. I didn’t want you to think that I saw and heard the way Tori spoke to and about you at that cocktail party and still wanted her to be here. There are some things I can’t really speak about because of the contracts that I signed, but know that she’s here because I was outvoted.”
His eyes burned into me and my gut told me that there was more that he wanted to say. He ran his hands through my hair and then twisted his fingers in the back of the thick mass. Guiding my head forward, he stopped when our noses brushed up against each other.
His breath tickled my skin and his touch set it on fire. Our closeness weakened me as I felt my body’s desire to give in to my many, many wants when it c
ame to Julian Winters.
“Julian,” I murmured, in a needy voice that I didn’t recognize.
Kiss me dammit!
“Promise me that no matter what, you won’t forget that at the end of this, when it’s all said and done, you’re who I’m taking home,” he uttered so softly that my entire body reacted.
“What’s going on, Julian?”
He let his lips brush against mine briefly. I let out a little whimper when I realized I couldn’t lean in for the kiss. His firm grip in my hair kept me hovering just above his lips as he delayed kissing me.
“Tell me you understand. Promise me, Zoe.”
Staring into the greys of his eyes, there were so many emotions flashing through them. I felt so conflicted. On one hand, what he wanted me to promise him felt like something that someone would say before they do something that completely contradicts that. But on the other hand, when I thought about the way his arms gripped me protectively, his eyes drank me in appreciatively, and his voice held the promise he was looking for from me, I didn’t believe he would ruin whatever was just starting to develop between us.
I didn’t know what else to do so I nodded.
Finally, his lips crashed into mine and I moaned my approval into his mouth. Our tongues moved together in an effort to try to see who wanted who more. As the kiss deepened, I felt a vibration ricochet throughout my entire body.
“Did you sneak your cell phone into the house?” Julian asked between kisses.
I shook my head and continued giving and receiving the best kisses of my life.
And then realization struck.
My heart hammered in my chest as we pulled apart. I opened my jacket and saw the blinking red light of the microphone. “Oh shit! They are trying to track me.”
Scrambling to our feet, we ran out of the gazebo and made a beeline for the gate. He opened it for me, and after letting me walk through first, he grabbed my hand and we sprinted. Once we made it back to the discreet opening that led to the maze, we peeked out. I saw a few people with flashlights in the distance heading toward the garden. We ducked back into the hidden pathway.
“Okay, I’m going to make a run for it,” I informed him, pulling my hair back into a low ponytail.
“I can walk you back to the house.”
I shook my head. “And that would just start stuff and after Tori told everyone she saw us kiss, I’m sure that would just make things worse in the house.”
“Tori.” Julian scoffed, a grimace on his handsome face. “As soon as I’m able to, she’s gone.”
As soon as he’s able to?
I looked down at the buzzing battery pack. “Crap! I have to go.” I launched myself at him, wrapping my arms around him tightly. “Until tomorrow.”
He tilted my chin upward and kissed me with enough passion to get me through the night. “Until tomorrow,” he whispered between kisses.
With one last fleeting glance, I took off running toward the house. Staying on the outermost edges of the maze, I followed the well-lit garden path at full speed. Once I was far enough away from Julian that it didn’t look suspicious, I decelerated to a brisk walk and turned my microphone back on. The green light lit up quickly.
Less than three minutes had passed when Jamie the producer appeared on the other end of the straightaway. She gave me a wave. “We’ve been looking for you,” she called out to me, her voice echoing. “Where have you been?”
I didn’t respond until we were in closer proximity.
“I went for a run.”
“Oh!” Jamie’s surprise bordered on judgmental as her eyes surveyed my soft, curvy body.
“Okay Jamie, you can dial back the shock on your face.”
She laughed, lifting up her hands. “I’m not shocked that you went for a run, I’m shocked that you went for a run this late.”
*****
Chapter 9
Monday morning, we sat in the living room wearing jeans and matching white t-shirts waiting for someone to fix the chandelier. The broken bulb was bothering the creator of the show so production stopped while the team in charge of the set took care of it. The house had been operating with a few screws loose since I made my way back from Julian’s gazebo the night before.
At some point while I was out, all of the women converged at the pool and drank a lot. New friendships were forged, two huge arguments broke out, chairs were thrown into the pool, and someone’s blonde hair extensions ended up in the garbage disposal. By the time I’d arrived, crew members were swarming the house, getting it pretty for filming. Someone must have missed the broken bulb during clean up.
Sitting on the loveseat next to Mya, I nudged her with my elbow. “Is everything okay?”
She gave me a small smile. “I guess I’m just nervous.”
I reached out and patted her knee. “It’s going to be fine.”
Someone yelled “Action!” before I could say anymore.
Bryce and Julian walked into the room and we all cheered their arrival. Julian was wearing jeans and the same white shirt with the same black heart in the middle. His sunglasses were hanging from his collar and his hands were lodged in his pockets. He just looked effortlessly cool.
“Hello ladies!” Bryce exclaimed, unusually animated. “So I’m sure you’re all wondering why you’re all dressed the same. Well we are about to tell you. But first, I want you to pick a partner.”
The sound of women calling each other’s names engulfed the room. Mya and I just looked at each other and linked arms.
Feeling the eyes of someone on me, I glanced up to find Robert Brady staring at me just off camera. We held eye contact for a few seconds before Bryce pulled my attention away.
“Now that you have your partners, I’m going to let Julian deliver the good news.” Bryce clapped Julian on the back with a huge smile on his face.
“We are going to Black Heart Studios today. We’re making music!”
My eyebrows flew up and Mya and I danced in our seats excitedly. A couple of ladies squealed. Some jumped up. Tori went over to Julian and gave him a big hug to which he reciprocated with a huge smile.
The energy in the room changed at that point.
He looked around the room, giving us each eye contact. “Are you all as excited about this as I am? I hope you are all ready for a good time!” He waited for the cheers to die down before he continued. “The party bus is outside so let’s go.”
Julian didn’t stand around waiting to give us individual hugs as he did at the beginning of our last group date. Instead, he led the charge outside. Once standing in front of the house, we noticed there were two town cars right behind the party bus. We were lined up like we were told to do before filming began and a camerawoman stood on one side of us, while another stood near Julian.
I looked around suspiciously. Something is about to happen.
Julian slipped on his sunglasses and flashed a smile. “As you can see, most of you will be traveling on the bus. But I’d like to invite Emma to ride with me in the town car.”
My stomach twisted. I sucked in a sharp breath, but recovered by politely clapping and smiling as Chatty Cathy, real name Emma apparently, made her way over to Julian. Even though I knew that he couldn’t necessarily pick me for every one-on-one, private moment, it still bothered me to not get picked.
I tried to be discreet as I watched Julian place his hand at the small of Emma’s back as he escorted her to the car. He opened the back door for her to enter and she thanked him by running her hand down his chest. She must have said something funny as he laughed before closing the door behind her. He walked around the back of the car and climbed in on the other side without a second glance at the group.
Unfamiliar feelings whipped up inside of me as I struggled to hold on to the smile that was keeping my shit together. The two camera crews were panning over the group, waiting for us to say or do something. Who Julian picked to spend his time with was who he picked to spend his time with, but how we reacted to his decision,
that would be the thing that followed us around for the rest of our lives. With a deep breath, I pushed everything I was feeling down.
Don’t give them what they want. Let the drama queens do their thing and—
“I can’t believe he picked her,” Tori complained into the camera. “I really can’t. But I guess that’s part of why I love him. He is always so generous to the needy.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Was that eye roll because you agree with Tori, Zoe?” The producer standing beside the camera man asked.
“No, not at all. That eye roll was because of Tori. Who’s that mean and petty for no reason?” I shrugged.
“What about you, Mya?”
“Emma seems nice, but she isn’t me. I’m not worried,” Mya said, winking at the camera crew.
Go Mya!
I stifled a surprised giggle. I wasn’t sure what had gotten into her, but I liked it.
“Okay everyone else, over here,” Bryce shouted, standing at the party bus, ready to usher us in.
The nine of us climbed into the bus followed by a camerawoman and producer. Bryce gave us a few made-for-TV assurances before he exited the bus and got into the town car directly behind the car with Julian and Emma.
Just thinking about the two of them in a car together with the windows pretty much blacked out bothered me all over again. Pushing my sunglasses onto my face, I closed my eyes and tried to focus on something other than Julian. But without my phone, entertainment or music, all I’d been able to think about for the last four days was Julian.
This is how it happens. This is how reality TV ends up making a fool out of every single woman on these shows. It cranks up people’s emotions by creating the illusion of a relationship, ensuring the man that we’re in a relationship with is effectively dating several other women at the same time, pitting the women in question against each other for attention and affection, and isolating them from the real world.
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