As I listened to Tori detail her trip to Cabo San Lucas, I’d never thought I’d actually miss the news. I turned to Mya and frowned.
She frowned back.
We talked quietly about life back home, but every ten minutes Tori would get extremely loud, causing us to not even be able to hear each other. An hour into the trip and I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Tori—”
“We’re here!” Ana announced, her face practically pressed to the window. “I’ve always wanted to record my music! I wish I would’ve thought to bring my business cards.”
I looked around the bus and it seemed as though I was the only person who heard it or took concern with it. Even the producer, who was busy talking to the cameraman, seemed to not catch that bit of information. I knew I was sensitive to Ana’s comment because Julian just told me that his fear was meeting someone like that. But I had to tread lightly because telling anyone what Ana said had the potential to be misconstrued as me being jealous or trying to throw her under the bus.
Even though I’m just trying to look out for Julian.
The bus slowed to a stop and we filed out of it quietly. The red brick building looked like a converted warehouse. It had no windows, only a steel door complete with a big black heart on it. We were waiting and in position when the town car pulled up. Cameras focused on us and our reactions while a separate camera trailed Julian and Emma as they strolled up. His arm was draped around her shoulders with the kind of ease that is typically reserved for someone special.
Someone like me.
I couldn’t deny the pang of jealousy that ate at my twisted gut. I was trying not to feed it. But as Julian and Emma walked by me, I felt invisible. So I endeavored to keep my distance from Julian during the date.
If I’m going to end up without the guy, I for damn sure am not going to end up without my self-respect.
Julian jogged up the five steps leading to the entrance and opened the door for us. As we entered the building, I noticed Julian patting everyone on the back. When it was my turn, I expected a signal, a whispered message, or any kind of acknowledgment of what we shared the night before. Instead, he patted me on the back like everyone else.
The pit in my stomach grew and my heart sank. I couldn’t even pretend disappointment wasn’t wreaking havoc on my insides. It wasn’t so much that he spent the last hour with Emma. It was the fact that after spending that time with me last night, he acted as if I was invisible to him today.
A mere sixteen hours ago, he wanted me to promise him that I knew that he wanted to ride off into the sunset with me. Yesterday, I was his one and only choice. Today, I’m one of many choices.
My feelings were hurt, but I knew from experience that I was going to be okay. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply and then I let it out slowly.
Feeling better already, I told myself until I heard the timber of his voice when he started to speak.
“I am in my element. This place is one of my happy places,” Julian stated, glancing at me before training those gorgeous grey eyes on each of us. “When I was a kid, I dreamed of becoming a singer. Well, honestly, I dreamed of becoming a rapper, but that wasn’t in my wheelhouse.”
I snickered along with everyone else.
“I’ve always known that I would do something with music. I wasn’t sure what or how it would manifest, but I knew I would do something. And I want you to get to know me better so one of the things we are going to do is put you in my shoes.”
He paced before us causing the cameraman to adjust his placement. Someone in the camera crew signaled for Julian to stand next to the wall which had the black heart spray painted on it…which I was also leaning against.
Julian continued speaking as he walked toward the wall, his back to the camera. He looked at each of us, but when his eyes landed on me, he stumbled over his words.
I raised my eyebrows. Interesting.
A few feet away from me, Julian turned to face the camera, standing directly under the heart. “I know this may take some of you out of your comfort zone, but you and your partner are going to write and record a song here at the infamous Black Heart Studios!”
The sound of ten excited shrieks seemed to be magnified in the open reception area. The large space had a modern design with several seating areas and what looked to be soundproof glass walls as none of the people in their offices reacted to the noise.
“Oh wow!” I looked at Mya who was clutching my arm with her little hands and jumping up and down.
“Oh my God! Oh my God!” She kept repeating the phrase as she dug her surprisingly sharp nails into my arm.
“Ouch,” I exclaimed with a laugh, swatting her away.
“Ladies, ladies!” Julian rubbed his hands together. His face was the epitome of happiness as he tried to get our attention. “You’ll have an hour to write a verse each and then we’ll get each pair of you into one of the studios to record. You will all be using the same track and the team with the best song will accompany me to a listening party tonight.”
Another round of squeals and clapping followed.
He smiled and nodded then he calmed everyone’s excitement down. “So if you look around the lobby, you’ll find paper and pens at each of the tables and a couple on those couches near that fish tank. When I say go, your one hour begins.” He paused for so long that I was convinced he was toying with us. Then he shouted, “Go!’
Fortunately, as soon as I was given my t-shirt and instructed to put on jeans, I decided to wear sneakers. A lot of the women wore heels so it didn’t take much for me to spring into action to race to the couch in the corner. It was tucked away and seemed to offer the most privacy.
I plopped down on it as Tori, in five inch heels, slid to a stop in front of me. Her face was red with anger and exertion. “Move! I was headed here first!”
“Well I got here first, so I don’t know what to tell you except better luck next time.” I shrugged and then flashed a smile to Mya who took her time since only one of us needed to claim the seat.
“Excuse me,” Mya said to Tori. “I just need to get by you so I can sit with my partner on our couch.”
Tori let out a noise that was part growl and part scream as Mya eased by her in dramatic fashion.
The camera was in our faces in no time and somehow Julian managed to pop up discreetly behind the camera crew. He winked at me as soon as I noticed him.
I was statue-still, unable to move. I didn’t know what to do or how to react to that. He had ignored me the entire day and then he winked at me as if everything was okay.
Julian cleared his throat and then flashed his sexiest smile. “Tori, the clock has started ticking and I think your partner is over on the other side of the room. You should head over there and get started.”
Tori’s tone and demeanor changed when the cameras arrived, but when she saw Julian, she transformed into a whole other person. “Julian, you’re right. Will you walk me over there please?”
“Of course.” He looked at us with amusement in his eyes. “I’m coming back to check on you two in a few minutes.”
“Thanks, Julian!” Mya’s chipper reply was the only response needed. “I’m looking—we’re looking forward to it! So thanks for…thanks!”
Julian smiled sweetly at Mya’s awkwardness. “You’re welcome. I’m looking forward to it as well.” His eyes shifted to me and held my gaze for longer than what was socially acceptable. “Zoe.”
I cocked my head to the side. “Julian,” I returned, inexplicably poised despite the butterflies that danced inside of me.
He chuckled as he took Tori’s arm and escorted her across the room, the camera crew following closely.
“We have to win that date! We have to! Please tell me you can sing. Please!” Mya was a ball of energy. “I don’t know why I keep making a fool of myself, but I do. And I can’t sing and if I lose this date opportunity, it’s over for me. I’m going to get sent home tonight if I don’t win.”
I looked a
t my insecure friend who had no idea how awesome she was and I smiled. “Mya, you’re not getting sent home tonight—”
“Because you can sing,” she interrupted with an abundance of hope.
“No, I can’t sing at all. Like at all. But you’re not getting sent home because you’re going to stop thinking of Julian Winters as Julian Winters and start thinking of him as Julian.”
“Look at him. Seriously.” Mya pushed my arm until I looked at Julian.
He was standing at the table of Tori and The Redhead, or as her name turned out to be, Tiffany. While Tiffany sat at the table, Tori remained clutched to Julian’s side with her hand on his bicep.
Even though his arms did look good in that t-shirt, it was his smile that resonated with me. It wasn’t just the perfect teeth or the softest, sweetest lips I’d ever tasted. It was that his smile seemed to radiate an innate goodness within him that I wanted to be a part of.
Mya sighed dreamily. “He’s so hot and rich and could have any woman he wanted. He was probably the captain of the basketball team and the most popular guy in school. I was the librarian’s assistant and president of the chess club. He’s out of my league in so many ways, but I know that if he got a chance to know me, we’d make each other happy. Just reading his info without knowing who he was or how attractive he was, I fell in love with him. I haven’t even liked a man since my ex-husband and I fell in love with the bio of ‘Eligible Bachelor J.’ Out of all the women who applied, there are only ten of us here. So maybe the producer was right. Maybe I have to do what I have to do to stay in the competition for as long as it takes for him to realize that I’m the one.”
My feelings were conflicted and I didn’t know what to say to her. Although I liked Mya and wanted to reassure her and keep her from selling out, my own feelings for Julian made it difficult for me to comfort her in the way that she probably wanted. I wasn’t able to tell her that I hoped she ended up with Julian, but I was able to tell her a hard truth that she needed to hear.
With a deep breath, I ripped my eyes off of Julian who seemed to be entertained by Tori and Tiffany. Turning toward Mya, I put my hand on her shoulder. “You have to get out of your own head. I don’t know if it’s the divorce or because we are in this weird competitive atmosphere, but Mya, you are worthy of real connection. And you won’t have that with anyone if you aren’t being completely yourself.”
She kept her eyes on Julian for a moment longer before nodding. “Okay, let’s write this song.” She made a face. “Have you ever written a song before?”
“Today will be the first day. But I love poetry so maybe that will translate into a decent song.”
“Okay good. But if we both can’t sing, how are we going to pull that off.”
“Let’s get the song written and then figure the rest out later.”
For the next thirty-five minutes, we each wrote a verse and then we settled on the phrase “I’m the one for you and you know that it’s true” for the chorus. Julian checked on us at one point, but we shied away from showing him any of it because it was about him.
“Time’s up!” Bryce Wilson called out. “Now, there are five groups and five available studios. You have one hour to record your songs. Once you’re done, you will come back out here to meet the judges. They will listen and vote for the best song.”
“Wait, so Julian isn’t judging?” I asked Mya even though I knew she didn’t know any more than I did.
She shrugged her shoulders and widened her eyes. “I don’t know, but I’m even more nervous now. I thought he was the only one who was going to hear it.”
“Well, him and the millions of people who watch this crap.”
“Cut!” Someone yelled from the corner of the room and the two cameramen sat their equipment down. Lighting and camera crewmembers charged the boxed lunch table.
Black Heart Studios didn’t allow filming equipment into the studio area because of the clients that they had recording at the time. So for one full hour, the crew had some down time and we were able to embarrass ourselves without the extra pressure of it being televised.
We were all instructed on which studio we would report to and we excitedly went through the ominous black door.
“Knock knock,” Mya said as she pushed open our private studio.
“Come on in.” A woman with bright blue eyes, curly blonde hair and two arms covered in tattoos said as she rose from her seat. “I’m Jo, the engineer for today.”
Rock on, I thought, greeting her with a firm handshake.
In my last semester of law school there was a case with a female sound engineer sued a label for sexism and I found out that ninety-five percent of sound engineers were male. So to see Jo as our engineer was a treat.
We immediately jumped into the conversation, explaining what we envisioned for the song as she played us the track.
“We were thinking something that kind of masks our voices and makes us sound better,” Mya explained.
“Like auto-tune?” Jo questioned.
I leaned forward. “More like other people singing.”
Jo laughed and tapped her finger against the huge sound board. “I think I have something. Which one of you wants to go first?”
Mya looked at me and pointed. “I need to shake the nerves out. You go!” She yelped and covered her face. “I don’t think I can deal with the two of you looking at me through the glass.”
I shook my head and sighed. “I’ll go.”
“I can hit this button and you won’t see anything in here,” Jo offered as I went in.
I looked at Mya’s animated face and stifled a laugh. “Yes, please hit the button. I can’t look at her and struggle to sing what I wrote.”
Once I was in the booth, I put on the headphones and sat down on the stool. Flattening the paper on the music stand in front of me, I got comfortable in my seat. Squaring my shoulders, I adjusted the microphone and then I gave them an anxious smile and a thumbs-up.
The glass frosted and within seconds I couldn’t see them anymore. Over the intercom, I heard Jo’s voice.
“Let me know when you’re ready.”
I looked at the paper in front of me and my heart ached as I reviewed the lyrics. It was one part love letter and one part letting go hidden under a lot of metaphors that on the surface sounded like an angst-ridden stroll through the garden.
I took a deep soothing breath and then I shook my arms at my sides. “I’m ready.”
The music started and I sang as if my life depended on it. Although I was able to carry a tune, it just didn’t sound good when I did it. But after only four takes, I was done with my part and she played it back. Once I gave the thumbs-up on what was playing around the studio, I was instructed to exit the booth.
“You did great!” Mya exclaimed as soon as I walked through the door.
“Thanks. I was nervous once I got in the booth, but when I couldn’t see anything anymore, I felt good. I know I wasn’t in there sounding like Jill Scott or Adele or anything but when Jo worked her magic, I didn’t sound like food going down the garbage disposal. So I’d say that’s a win.”
Mya laughed as she entered the booth. “You’re so silly!”
She got settled in the booth and the moment the glass frosted over, there was a knock on the door.
Jo had on headphones, cueing up the music. I didn’t know what protocol was, but I walked toward the door to open it. I was just about to reach out for the handle when it creeped open. When I saw who it was, I froze.
Being about a foot away from Julian overloaded my system with emotions and my stomach trembled. The seconds ticked by and each breath I took was hitching as I stared into his eyes.
“Zoe…” He whispered my name in a way that woke up every single cell in my body.
“Julian. I need to talk to you about—”
He looked over my head and then wrapped his hand around the back of my neck causing the words to stop on the tip of my tongue abruptly.
“Go to the room
with the green door in two minutes. Make sure you’re not followed.” His voice was so soft and so fast that I was too focused on understanding him to notice that his face was coming closer.
He brushed his lips against mine and I could taste the sweetness of whatever he was drinking. The kiss was brief, too brief, but long enough to feel him breathe himself into me. He looked over my head, ensuring our moment was still just ours, and as suddenly as he appeared, he was gone.
I turned around and Jo was messing with the levels on the board and bobbing her head to the music. Scanning the room, I found a pen and I wrote a quick note on a fresh sheet of paper.
Running to the restroom. Be back soon.
After leaving it on the table, I slipped out of the room undetected. If they didn’t know what time I left the room, they wouldn’t be able to determine exactly how long I was gone.
Walking quickly down the hall, I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure no one saw me. When I got to the end of the hall, I could go left or right. Left had the restrooms and a few other doors, none of which were green. So I sprinted in the other direction, landing on the ball of my feet so my shoes didn’t make any noise. When I saw the green door, I looked over my shoulder and then dashed inside.
The room was dark with a green light glowing softly from inside of the booth. I leaned against the closed door and waited for my eyes to adjust. When they did, I saw Julian’s profile. He was standing in the center of the room and I couldn’t see what he was doing, but I could tell he was concentrating. I saw the outline of his muscular body as he clicked a remote toward the booth. The light in the booth transitioned from one low green light to several. The extra illumination warmed the entire studio, but still kept it dim. The change made it so that I could actually make out Julian’s facial expressions.
I wanted to ask him about him ignoring me. I wanted to ask him why he chose to take Emma’s Chatty Cathy ass on the private ride. I wanted to ask him if he thought about me all night like I thought about him. I wanted to ask him a lot of things. And I planned to ask him every single one of those questions. But when he tossed the remote onto the green leather ottoman and then looked at me, I lost my train of thought. For a brief second, while my heart hammered in my chest, the connection between my brain and my ability to speak was rendered useless.
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