“You kissed her outside when she walked you out.”
He nodded. “I told them if I did it, it would have to be kept under wraps for a couple of days. They gave me their word. They had Leah sign something. They said that for twenty-four hours, it would be kept between the four of us. That’s why it pisses me off that someone leaked it. I was always going to tell you. I hope you know that I would never keep something like that from you. I was hoping you’d either win the one-on-one or you’d meet me tonight, but I was always going to tell you. I want to build something with you, Zoe, so I wouldn’t keep anything from you. I wouldn’t lie to you or betray your trust.”
Seconds passed and we just stared at one another. His words penetrated my heart and dug into my soul. He said everything I didn’t even know I wanted him to say. He had me. I had so many emotions churning inside of me that it was stifling. I couldn’t breathe.
Without warning, I moved forward and pressed my lips against his. It was an impulsive, involuntarily reflex to his words. He responded instantly, wasting no time deepening the kiss and letting his mouth move over mine seductively. My arms circled around his neck, pulling him closer. His hands traveled on separate missions with similar results.
One hand roamed over my back from my shoulders to my lower back pulling me closer to him and igniting my bare skin with his touch. His other hand stroked my cheek and worked his way down my neck. My nipples hardened thinking he was on his way to stimulate them. But he rested his hand over my heart and kissed me with so much passion that I moaned.
Pulling out of the kiss, my chest heaved as I stared at him. He rested his forehead against mine and we sucked in air, trying to catch our breath. His hand was still over my heart so while I played with his hair with one hand, I put my other hand over his heart. His breathing matched mine. My heartbeat matched his. And in his eyes, I saw the way he looked at me and I recognized it as the look my dad gives my mom.
Something passed between us and it made me tremble with a nervous energy I’d never experienced before. My stomach flipped and flipped on a continuous loop. My heart stopped and started erratically. My skin was enflamed. I’d never felt anything so intense and it scared me. I tried to shake it off, but I couldn’t quite stop the fluttering that traveled from my belly to my chest cavity. Feeling overwhelmed, I tried to break away or at the very least, avert my gaze. But I was powerless to do either. I was powerless to the feelings. I was powerless to that moment. I was powerless.
“What the fuck is going on?” Bryce Wilson hissed angrily, shattering our moment and scaring the shit out of us.
We didn’t have time to respond as he continued, “They have a fucking search party looking for you, Julian. They thought you were pissed about what they asked you to do…” He glanced at me in the least discreet way possible. “They thought you went home so Robert and his assistants are on their way to find you. They didn’t tell any of the women you were missing. They just said that you pushed the Bracelet Ceremony back an hour so the crew is on break, too. You better be glad that I’m the one that found you.” He shook his head.
As much as I wanted to interrupt his scolding to point out the hypocrisy of his own inappropriate work relationship, I knew it wasn’t going to help. If anything, it might’ve jeopardized Koko’s job and I wouldn’t ever do that.
Julian looked unbothered by either the search party or getting caught sneaking around with me. “I needed to talk to Zoe. I’ll be at the front door in a few minutes.”
Bryce’s eyebrows flew up. His Ken-doll features looked exasperated. “I like you, dude. I do. So I’m going to be straight with you right now. Zoe is a beautiful woman—smart, funny. I read the bio and she’s top notch so I’m not saying you’re not making the best choice for you.”
“I’m right here,” I muttered in annoyance.
“…What I’m saying is that your contract is for you to date multiple women and choose one at the end. People don’t tune in after you make your decision which is why the show ends with a live finale in which you choose. I told you on the first date you needed to chill out, but it’s getting bad now. People are noticing. This happened one other time and ratings dipped. Robert sued the fuck out of that dude. Dude literally had nothing left to give when Robert got through with him. Robert’s not a bad dude, but he doesn’t play with his money. And ratings equal money, so be careful.”
“I hear you.” Julian stood and the two men gave each other the handshake-hug combo that men often did. “Thanks for looking out. I’ll be up front in a minute.”
Bryce looked at him as if he’d lost his mind. “See you soon, Julian.” The emphasis on the word soon wasn’t lost on me. He was telling him to hurry his ass up. “Bye, Zoe.”
With his head on a swivel, Bryce left us alone and headed toward the house.
Extending his hand out, I allowed him to pull me to my feet. He pulled me flush against his body and I rested my head in the crook of his neck. He held me, resting his head against mine. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I wish I would’ve had a chance to tell you and you didn’t have to hear it from someone else. I should’ve known that that was why you were pulling away from me. But I don’t want Leah. I don’t want anyone, but you. You know that right?”
I nodded. Opening my mouth to say what I had started to say before we were interrupted, I choked. I exhaled instead. The words on the tip of my tongue wouldn’t drop. So I swallowed them instead and settled for squeezing my arms around his middle tighter.
His chest expanded as he squeezed me with the same amount of force.
“We should get back out there,” he pointed out, kissing my forehead.
Again, I nodded, nuzzling him at the same time.
He pulled out of the hug and put his hands around my neck, cradling the back of my head. Resting his forehead against mine, I saw that look in his eyes again and I knew.
My eyes watered instantly.
I’ve always wanted someone to look at me like this.
He searched my face and his lips parted. I didn’t know if I wanted to hear what he was going to say. I didn’t know if it was going to make things harder or easier. I had already put myself in the precarious position that I was in. So instead of waiting for him to speak, I placed a kiss against his soft lips.
My intention was to give him a peck since we had to split up and head to the house. But somehow, my mouth opened slightly, inviting him in. Once the invitation was there, I wanted nothing more than to taste him. He tilted his head and lightly sucked on my top lip before tentatively exploring my mouth. When our tongues touched, I gave in to everything I felt for him. The desire, the emotions, and the sorrow all culminated into that kiss.
I brushed my hands over his well-defined chest, his perfectly sculpted abs and finally over the hardening bulge in the front of his pants. I just grazed him before getting the letter out of my pocket. He maneuvered his tongue in such a way that almost made me drop the letter, but I was able to keep it together long enough to slip it in his pocket. Returning my hand to his bulge, I applied more pressure to the touch. He moaned into my mouth and his fingers flexed against my scalp. Spurred on by his reaction, I stroked him through his pants. With a sexy growl that started deep in his throat, he tore his lips away from mine and backed up.
His eyes flashed with unbridled lust and that look alone soaked my panties.
“We can’t do this now,” he rasped, letting his gaze drop to my lips. He adjusted himself. “As bad as I want you, I can’t go to the production trailer with my dick hard.”
The mental image of that was hilarious. I laughed and within seconds he joined me.
He ran his finger down the side of my face. “Once I check in with them, I’ll let you know if they plan on being here late. If they are working with the usual overnight crew, I want you to meet me at midnight. I want to show you my house. I want to make sure you know how I feel about you.”
I stared into his grey eyes, my heart swelling with each of his words. I believed him
. I believed every word he said. But that didn’t make it any easier for me to be in the position that I was in.
“If you don’t walk away now, I’m not going to be able to let you go,” I whispered.
He chuckled to himself before dropping a kiss against my lips. “The feeling is mutual.”
I stood under the romantic stone archway with ivy twisting up and around it and I watched him move further and further away from me. I looked toward the sky and tried to breathe through the feelings to make sure I was making the best decision for me.
By the time the first couple of women came out of the house, I was already sitting off on the far side of the patio, in my go-to nook.
A camera crew followed Ana and Tiffany as they had a conversation about Tori being a bully. They pretended to debate if they were going to tell Julian. Based on their conversation while I was trying to make a snack earlier in the day, they had already made their decision. When Tori came out, they changed the subject abruptly.
I rolled my eyes.
Samantha and Emma came out of the house and Samantha was actually smiling. When I’d left, she was sobbing so that was a positive. With Tori and her minions busy making derogatory comments about everyone and Emma and Samantha consumed with their conversation, the five of them didn’t notice me at all.
Which works out well because they won’t know how long I’ve been gone or when I came back.
Bailey strolled out onto the patio and she spotted me immediately. She didn’t call attention to me as she went to get herself a drink. With her glass of wine filled to the brim, she made her way to me and sat down.
After a long gulp, she smiled at me. “Where have you been hiding?”
“I’ve been outside the whole time. That’s a big glass.”
“I bet.” She winked and turned off her microphone. She pointed to mine and I nodded, indicating that it was off. “To put up with these bitches, I need it.”
I couldn’t do anything but laugh.
“Well during your hiatus, while you were ‘outside,’ you missed a lot.” She could only use her one free hand to do an air quote. “Everyone turned on Leah because she was bragging about kissing Julian so Tori and her henchmen joined forces with Emma and Samantha and it was the most hilarious thing I’d ever seen. Leah is a bitch, but she’s smart and Tiffany kept using words she clearly didn’t know the definition of so it was really funny.” She shook her head as she took another sip. “But when Mya got involved, my jaw dropped.”
“What? Why did Mya get involved?”
“Probably because you weren’t there to stop her from meeting with her handler.”
I closed my eyes. “Oh God, what happened?”
“She let Leah bait her into an argument with Samantha. Of all people, Samantha!”
I laughed, nursing the champagne. I thought I wanted to be alone, but Bailey’s story was helping calm my nerves.
“Anyway, your roomie goes off and gets in Samantha and Emma’s faces. I mean she was playing the hot-headed fiery Latina like a professional. I’ve taken acting classes so it didn’t take me anytime to slip into the sexy, dumb blonde role. But she was in character, to the max.”
“I wonder why she is acting like that.”
Bailey pursed her lips. “The same reason I’m doing the dumb blonde routine.” There was amusement in her blue eyes. “I respect that you didn’t cave and you’re still getting the guy. Being a stereotype is exhausting. Part of me wants to yell I graduated from an Ivy League School when some of the crew talk to me like I’m an idiot. But my producer told me that if I want to stay around, this is what I have to do. I imagine Mya was told something similar.”
“Yeah, Jamie told us to play the part. We both said no.”
“Well no worked for you. As confident as Ana and Leah both have been over the last couple of days, I think they know you are their main competition. Are you ready to admit there’s something between you and our boyfriend yet or are we still keeping that a secret?”
I blinked innocently. “What kind of wine is that?”
Bailey laughed loudly. “Okay, okay. Well, just so you don’t get blindsided by the news, Leah’s kiss story sounded fake. She stuttered and fumbled her way through how he kissed her to the point that I don’t think anyone was even listening to her story anymore. She said they made out for twenty minutes. But she was outside with him for ten.” Bailey rolled her eyes. “Bitches.”
Being reminded of that bit of information, no matter how fabricated, tore me up inside. The visual of Julian laughing with Leah, holding her in his arms, and kissing her was too much for me. The anger of a woman kissing my man mixed with the out of control feeling of not being able to do anything about it. And just to make me feel that much more out of my element, little fragments of jealousy shrapnel wedged into my spirit deeply. It was in that moment that I started to really freak out.
The only thing I know for sure is how I feel about Julian and that this whole thing is killing me. So maybe it is time for me to go. Maybe this whole thing was to take me out of my comfort zone so I can get my shit together. Maybe I was so scared that I wouldn’t pass the bar, I threw myself into the complete opposite direction so now I need to focus. Maybe—
“…Earth to Zoe,” Bailey sang, waving her hand in my face.
I blinked, I could feel the panic on my face.
She gave me a look. “No cocktail party. The Bracelet Ceremony is about to start.”
I looked over and all of the women were gathering in the center of the patio.
“Turn your mic back on,” I whispered as we made our way to the center of the patio. I hit my button as discreetly as possible.
Bailey hit hers, winked, and then seamlessly slipped back into her dumb blonde routine. “This wine was so good. It tasted like grapes!” She announced loudly, holding up her empty glass.
I rolled my eyes and couldn’t help but smile at her.
“Hello ladies! Welcome to the Bracelet Ceremony,” Bryce announced, smiling brightly. “Leah, you won the contest today so you automatically get to hold on for another week in hopes of becoming the one. Julian gave her the charm on their one-on-one today. So Leah, you can come on up.” Once Leah stood on the other side of Bryce, he turned to Julian. “Now, Julian…the floor is yours.”
“Again, it must be said, you all look especially beautiful tonight,” Julian began. “You each bring something special to our interactions and I just want to acknowledge that.” He took a deep breath as he picked up an elephant charm. “First up… Zoe.”
My heart pounded against my chest and I thought it might explode. With each step I took toward him, I felt my grip on my emotions slipping faster than my grip on reality.
“Zoe—”
“Can we talk for a minute?” I interrupted as quietly as possible even though the microphone still caught every word. I just didn’t want the other women to hear me.
Julian’s face froze and I could see him tense up. “Of course.”
Even if the women didn’t hear me, they knew something was up because they started murmuring.
With his hand on my lower back, Julian guided me into the mansion, through the foyer, and to the study.
“Can we have a second?” Julian barked as a camera crew member bumped into him as he tried to open the door for me.
They didn’t say anything, but they allowed us to go into the room alone.
Julian slammed the door behind him and the force didn’t allow the door to catch so it remained cracked. I was going to say something, but when I looked at Julian, the look on his face silenced me.
I guess whatever happened when he went to the production trailer did not go well.
“Dammit! We just need a fucking minute!” He unbuttoned his jacket and ran both hands through his hair. He looked at me, really looked at me, and I saw the moment that he knew something was wrong. His face transformed from irritation with the camera crew to confusion about why I needed to talk.
“You’re shaking,” h
e pointed out, rushing to me.
Putting his hands around my neck, he put his forehead against mine and we just held each other’s gaze. The electricity between us was palpable and I felt myself succumbing to my feelings. I knew what I had to do, but having him so close made it hard. Inhaling his scent, feeling his touch, and staring into his eyes, I was left powerless to my emotions. In general, I knew I had to be firm and do what was in my best interests. In actuality, I knew I would do just about anything Julian asked me to do.
Which is part of the problem.
I took a deep breath and channeled my mother. The words ended up tumbling out of my mouth. “I need to leave the competition tonight.”
Although his hands still held my face steady, he moved his head back. “The competition? You need to leave the competition?” He spat the word competition out as if it tasted bad.
“Yes. And the way you say it is the way I feel about being a part of it. So I need to leave.”
He chewed on his bottom lip as he stared at me. His eyes were filled with anger and hurt. “Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
His jaw tightened and he brought his face within inches of mine. “Because of a kiss? Because I kissed someone else, you want to leave?”
It was more than that, but the less I had to admit on air, the better. “Yes.”
“You know…” He glanced down at my microphone and then closed his eyes. He released his grasp on me and walked toward the book case letting out a deep roar. The silence that followed scared me more than his outburst.
It sounded as if the entire house stopped breathing.
“Julian.”
He sighed and turned around. Lacing his fingers, he rested his hands on the top of his head. His face was flushed, his jaw was set in a hard line and his eyes were reduced to slits. “I’m sorry I yelled,” he uttered hoarsely. “I’m just so frustrated because I can’t talk to you the way I want to talk to you.” He scrubbed his face with his hands and then exhaled.
I closed the six foot gap between us. Running my hand down his jacket lapels, I peeked at him through my lashes. “Listen to what I’m saying. I can’t stay because this situation is too much for me. It has nothing to do with you or how I feel about you. It’s just too much for me.”
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