The One

by Danielle Allen

  On Monday, I had the energy to venture out of my suite. Not that I had the ability to go far being restricted to one floor, but it was a change of pace. I went to restock my kitchenette with some goodies and I ran into Nicole in the lounge area. She told me that Samantha had been sent home the night I left and that someone else had moved into the suites on Saturday night, but she didn’t know who.

  I asked about the first two women and she said that only top ten went to the suites.

  We talked for a while and we figured out that the layout of the place and the privacy of the rooms were probably set up to give everyone time to grieve the breakup. I told her I was still wanting alone time, but we made plans to watch the next episode of The One together in the lounge.

  When Tuesday morning came, I couldn’t think about anything else except watching the show. Based on where Thursday’s episode ended, I knew the upcoming episode was the one where I left. Just thinking about it made me want to reconsider watching it with someone else. I knew I was going to get emotional.

  Tuesday late afternoon, I decided that watching it with someone else was going to force me to keep it together and really watch the episode.

  Tuesday, with seven minutes left until nine o’clock, I paced back and forth in my living room in just my leggings and a t-shirt. I shook my arms at my sides.

  “Okay, I can do this. I can do this,” I mumbled under my breath as I opened the door and headed to the lounge.

  “Hey!” Nicole chirped, waving me over to the couch. She looked comfortable in a pair of pajamas. “I thought you had changed your mind.”

  “Hi.” I gave her a tight smile. “I’m here.”

  I grabbed a bottle of water and sat on the other end of the couch.

  “I didn’t want to say anything, but I’m dying to know…how are you here?”

  “It was for the best.” I took a sip of water before changing the subject. “And I like your hair.”

  Although I wanted to shift the focus away from me, I really did like her hair. Nicole’s curly, reddish brown hair was braided and it looked cute on her.

  “Thank you,” she replied. She looked like she wanted to say more, but the theme music for The One started. “It’s starting!”

  When I heard the words ‘last time on The One,’ I sucked in a deep breath. We watched with rapt attention as the highlights from Thursday’s episode flashed across the screen followed by an argument.

  “Tori really is a bitch,” Nicole stated from the other end of the couch.

  Without looking over at her, I nodded. “She really is.”

  Tori was onscreen talking to the cameraman about how hard it was to be in the house with a target on her back because everyone was jealous of her.

  “Is she serious?” Nicole commented with a sarcastic tone.

  I couldn’t do anything but shake my head.

  The next scene was an argument brewing between Tori and Ana while they were by the pool. Tori had said something that the camera didn’t catch and instead of laughing like she ordinarily would do, Ana got mad. Ana called Tori a bitch and Tori called Ana a string of derogatory words that the network bleeped out. Tiffany stood between them looking shocked. Emma and Samantha walked out to see what was happening, followed by Leah and Bailey.

  “Where were you?” Nicole asked.

  “I was upstairs reading,” I answered, the light flutter of butterflies tickled my belly as I thought about how I was actually upstairs in bed reliving the best night of my life.

  After the commercial break, all of the contestants were sitting in the living room talking. My eyes always found my image whenever I was on screen. It amused me that it was so clear that I was not having a good time unless Julian was around.

  “Oh my God!” Nicole screeched as soon as Lillian appeared on screen. “I would die!”

  Watching Lillian with each of the women was interesting because the edited version of Lillian was coming off as sweet. She was saying all of the right things to pretend to be supportive of Julian being in a relationship with someone who wasn’t her. I was beginning to think that they were going to skip her sit down with me to protect her image when my face flashed on the screen.

  Lillian asked me if I loved Julian and the camera zoomed in on me and I finally saw what Lillian saw. My heart pounded in my chest. I didn’t know how to feel about my truth being exposed on national television. Even as I turned the question back around on her, it was so clear that I was in love.

  It went to commercial break soon after and I felt Nicole staring at me.

  “Wow.”

  I didn’t even want to address her ‘wow’ so I didn’t respond, hoping she would move on. But she didn’t. I just continued to feel her eyes boring into the side of my head. After an entire commercial ended, I sighed and turned toward her.

  “Wow! I mean, it’s crazy, but I love it. It makes so much sense,” she squealed, putting her hands to her chest. “I didn’t even think that happened in real life!”

  “You didn’t think what happened?”

  “Love at first sight!”

  “Come on, now.” I rolled my eyes. “Stop.”

  She started to say something, but the commercial break ended. “This isn’t over,” she giggled.

  The conversations with Julian were cut short, but the one with Julian and Leah was the most riveting.

  ***

  “So I met your ex-girlfriend. She’s a peach,” Leah joked as she crossed and uncrossed her legs in short shorts.

  “I heard,” Julian replied dryly.

  “You were clearly not pleased that she was here.”

  “Clearly.”

  “Well I just want you to know that I’m here for you if you want to talk about it. I’m a great listener.”

  Julian smiled. “Thanks. But I don’t want to talk about her. How are you?”

  “I’m doing quite well actually. Thank you for asking. I’ve been trying to stay out of the fray.”

  Julian let out a sexy little laugh. “The fray? I don’t think I’ve heard someone your age say ‘the fray’ before.”

  Leah giggled. “Well, maybe you should hang around me a little more and I’ll expand your language.”

  “Oh my language needs to be expanded? By you?”

  Leah shrugged. “You’d be surprised by what I could teach you.” She gasped, covering her face. “I just heard how that sounded!”

  He smirked. “You knew how that sounded when you said it.”

  “I’ll never tell.”

  ***

  The flirty banter bothered me, causing a pit in my stomach. But when Leah asked Julian if she could walk him out, my skin started to crawl because I knew what was coming. I wanted to leave. I wanted to head back into my room. But I knew I would obsess about it even more if I didn’t see it.

  Julian and Leah hugged. I knew the kiss was coming because he brushed the hair off of her shoulders while she held on to him. I tried to control my breathing so I wouldn’t react. But when the camera zoomed in on his lips brushing against hers, a sound escaped my mouth.

  “Are you okay?” Nicole asked.

  I nodded, my eyes glued to the TV.

  As they said their goodbyes, I watched Julian’s eyes to see if he looked at her the same way he looked at me. But with my eyes beginning to water, I couldn’t really tell.

  The episode moved along as I remembered it. Nicole gasped and made comments, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss. Much like I was unable to stop thinking about the kiss while on that abandoned zoo group date. A close up of my face on screen made me realize that it was highly likely that I had the same expression on my face as I watched it.

  During the one-on-one with Leah, Julian was his charming self. There was an ease and comfortability between Julian and Leah and it bothered me. I didn’t feel like he looked at her the way he looked at me, but there was definitely something there. It rolled to a commercial break and I regretted not watching the show alone in my room.

  Nicole turne
d her entire body to face me. “Okay so…that took a turn I didn’t see coming.”

  “That’s reality TV for you.”

  The awkward silence filled the room and even though The One was torturing me, I was grateful when it came back on. Until I saw images of the cocktail party and the announcement that Julian had pushed it back. While the camera caught snippets of women speculating what was going on, I zoned out, remembering our conversation under the stone archway wrapped in ivy. And my heart rate increased.

  Everything slowed down when the Bracelet Ceremony began. I watched the surprise and the hurt play out in Julian’s face. I watched the giggles and laughter of a few of the women behind me. But what really blew my mind was that part of the conversation we had in the study was captured.

  “Was the camera outside of the room or something?” Nicole asked as we watched the scene play out through a crack in the door.

  I nodded, my eyes watering. “Yeah,” I whispered.

  Although the camera only caught me as I walked across the room to Julian, the audio prior to me turning our microphones off was clear.

  “You didn’t want to be in the competition anymore because you love him.”

  I didn’t answer, but I closed my eyes and let my head fall back. The scene ended with Julian saying, “You’ve made up your mind to leave; I can’t do anything about it” and was immediately followed up with the conversation with me at the end of the driveway.

  So all of that other stuff with Robert Brady was cut out?

  I ran my hand down my face a couple of times and sighed. Part of one episode and watching The One was already stressing me out.

  The Bracelet Ceremony began and although Julian smiled, his eyes looked sad. He seemed hurt and that hurt me.

  After Samantha was sent home, the ending credits rolled and I felt like I’d been through the ringer.

  “So…are you okay?”

  I stood up. “I think I’m going to head to bed.”

  Nicole stared at me in disbelief.

  Lifting my eyebrows, I gave her a tight smile. “Okay, have a goodnight.”

  She let her head drop back in irritation before she jumped up. “Wait, please! I’ve been here for a week without anyone to talk to. We can’t talk to anyone outside of each other. We are trapped on this floor for another few weeks. Can we please talk for a while? I need adult interaction right now. And I understand if you don’t want to tell me everything because it’s just a friendship of convenience, but dammit Zoe, can you please just talk to me? I’m going out of my mind.”

  Although I knew I wasn’t going to confide my entire life story to Nicole, I liked her and she had a really good point. I couldn’t imagine how I would’ve felt if I was here and didn’t see or talk to anyone for days on end.

  I gave her a small smile. “You’re right. But tonight was a lot to take in. Do you mind if we talk for a few minutes and then we can talk for longer tomorrow?”

  “That’s fine. I’ll take anything I can get,” Nicole conceded, sitting back down on the couch.

  I sighed. “I know you want to ask so let’s get it out of the way.”

  “You’re in love with Julian?”

  Well damn… She just jumped right to it, didn’t she?

  I pursed my lips. “Next question.”

  Nicole laughed. “Did you leave because of Leah?”

  I sighed, choosing my words carefully. “It wasn’t necessarily because of Leah. It was because of how I was feeling.”

  “Do you regret it?”

  I swallowed hard. “Sometimes.”

  She reached over and squeezed my hand. “For what it’s worth, the way you two looked at each other, no one else stood a chance.”

  I smiled. I hated to admit it, but after seeing whatever was happening between Leah and Julian, hearing that made me a little better.

  “I liked Julian.” Nicole smiled sweetly. “I didn’t get a chance to really know him or anything, but I liked what I knew about him. But the night I left, I wasn’t really sad about it. I get a thousand dollars, a month long vacation from life, and I met some cool people. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who clearly loves someone else.”

  “Me either.”

  “Whoever he ends up with at the end will always be competing with you.”

  “You’re pretty good at this pep talk thing.”

  “I just don’t want you to lock yourself in your room for another four days and then I won’t have anyone to talk to anymore!”

  *****

  Chapter 16

  I had been in the suites for over a week and as I looked around the marble and white community room, I smirked to myself.

  Two weeks ago, in the mansion, this would’ve never happened.

  “Please pass the pepperoni, Zoe,” Tiffany asked, reaching her hand out as I passed the pizza box to her.

  Sitting at the enormous conference room table, I looked around at the other women eating pizza. Nicole, Samantha, and Tiffany, who was the mystery contestant that came in on Saturday night, were sitting at the table with me, eating pizza and playing cards until The One came on. Maybe it was the cabin fever, but away from Tori, Tiffany was actually tolerable. I wasn’t going to exchange phone numbers with her, but I also didn’t feel the urge to punch her in the face.

  So that’s a win.

  After Nicole and I watched The One together on Tuesday, we decided to make a thing of it. Samantha was over her “breakup” by Thursday’s episode and Tiffany heard the three of us when she went to get ice so she joined in.

  “It’s about to come on! The brownies are ready. Are you coming?” Emma called out from the kitchen area. She had arrived on Wednesday night, completely unbothered by her “breakup.”

  The five of us, all wearing pajamas, spread out over the lounge area with a glass of wine as we watched Thursday night’s episode of The One.

  It had been a week of me being off of the show and I couldn’t stop thinking about Julian. It seemed to get worse with each day. I read his poem daily. I used the notebook he gave me to write poems, thoughts and quotes that made me think of him. The recurrent theme that seemed to work its way into every thought was that maybe walking away only pushed him into Leah’s arms.

  The first moment I saw Julian’s face my heart skipped a beat. He had an interview with the camera man and he said all of the right things about the women of the house, but I still saw a hint of sadness in his eyes. My heart yearned for him.

  He was looking absolutely incredible as he took the women on the murder mystery date. The group date seemed a little more intimate with only six women left in the competition. They were dressed formally, sitting around a table for seven. Conversations ensued among all of them, but Leah was sitting next to Julian. I couldn’t help but notice the amount of time they spent talking.

  Tiffany started laughing and as soon as it cut to a commercial break. “The murder mystery was about a woman possibly killing her secret boyfriend and when she was accused of killing him, she said something about how she loved him in secret. Julian started talking about some poem and no one knew what he was talking about. Leah pretended she did and he asked her more about it and she had to admit that she was confused.”

  We all laughed, but on the inside I died a little.

  Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda. Julian is speaking directly to my heart right now.

  I didn’t talk much during the episode. Tiffany and Emma spoke the most and Nicole and Samantha were hanging on to their every word. Every commercial break, I just stared at the TV with my heart throbbing. I wanted more Julian.

  We watched as the women got into an argument while Julian was on the dance floor with Mya. Seeing Mya as the over-the-top flirty, sex kitten was odd, but fascinating. She was all over Julian, but from his expression, he was not interested in her. I wanted to avert my eyes when they kissed for the first time, but I couldn’t. He was sweet and flirtatious, both before and after they kissed. But there was no spark between them.

&
nbsp; Or is that just wishful thinking on my part?

  It was odd watching an episode I wasn’t part of because I didn’t know the backstory. Everything that Nicole, Samantha and I weren’t privy to, Tiffany and Emma were able to elaborate on. There were questions that I wanted to ask but didn’t because as friendly as we had all been that day, I didn’t have any desire to confide in them.

  “Okay, so this is when I thought I really had a shot,” Tiffany pointed out when the image of Julian asking her to dance flashed on the screen.

  “I never thought I had a shot. That’s why I wasn’t upset about it,” Emma added with a shrug. “Honestly, I didn’t want him. It wouldn’t have worked out.”

  “What?” Nicole, Tiffany, and I reacted at the same time.

  “Well,” Emma started, scooting to the edge of her seat. “I want—”

  “Wait, guys, look! This is my kiss,” Tiffany interrupted. “Watch how it goes from romantic to awkward in no time!”

  The idea of watching Julian kiss yet another woman rubbed me the wrong way; however, seeing as though Tiffany was sitting in the same room as I was, I knew it didn’t mean anything.

  Julian asked Tiffany to take a walk with him while the judges were deciding which table most accurately solved the murder mystery. On screen, Tiffany wore a red dress that hadn’t been really showcased until she and Julian were walking to the balcony. It was fire engine red and fit her body like a glove. Her red hair was piled on top of her head and she truly looked the best I’d ever seen her.

  “I loved that dress,” Tiffany noted, gazing at the television.

  Julian and Tiffany conversed while they were standing on a balcony overlooking the ocean. A light wind seemed to whip at their clothing and Julian put his arms around her to keep her warm. She stared at him, dreamily. After a brief exchange that I couldn’t really hear because I was focused on Julian’s profile, they kissed.

  The kiss looked soft and sweet. Julian pulled away and Tiffany moved in for the kill. She lunged at his mouth with hers and kissed him hard. He returned the kiss briefly, before gently pushing her away. The next scene cut to the women at the table. They were discussing how bad Tiffany’s breath was after eating the garlic knots.