The One

by Danielle Allen

  None of us were drunk, but none of us would’ve been under the legal limit to drive. The tipsiness levels varied and while it made most of the women talkative and ready to have a good time, it seemed to make Ana sad. But she may have started drinking before we got together for our late lunch.

  She did spend the entire week ready to burst, I thought, giving her another once over. Maybe we shouldn’t have drunk so much.

  I moved seats and sat beside her. She looked at me and gave me a small smile.

  “I was just about to ask you if you were okay,” Ana said softly.

  “Me? I was coming over here because you looked sad,” I replied, my voice matching hers.

  “You look like you’re about to cry,” she pointed out.

  Shit. I ran my fingers under my eyes and then smiled.

  “No, I don’t,” I argued, bumping her with my shoulder. “Are you really okay? Do you feel like he took advantage of you?”

  She rolled her glassy eyes. “No, I seduced him. He told me he could get fired and he had a girlfriend…he said he didn’t want to risk it. But I knew he’d never been with anyone as hot as me so I just kept coming on to him, hoping he’d break. And once he did, that’s when I told him I wanted to make it to the final two. I told him that as long as I kept moving to the next round, we could keep playing. He said he could definitely get me into the final two. But it didn’t happen.” She shook her head. “Now I feel like I made an ass of myself on TV. I left my kids at home with my parents. I left my job. I left everything. And for what? I go home empty-handed.”

  I put my arm around her slight shoulders. “You can always be yourself on today’s show. It’s live so they can’t do too much to edit it or anything. You can save your image tonight.”

  “Thanks.” She gave me a bleak smile. “What about you? How are you going to handle things?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know exactly what I mean. I heard you couldn’t even handle watching the date with Julian and Leah in Hawaii. How are you going to keep it together on live TV?”

  Does anyone know how to keep their mouths shut? I grumbled in my head, looking around at the rest of the ladies on the bus.

  I didn’t have an answer. I didn’t know what to say because I really didn’t know how I was going to handle it. I didn’t know how I was going to keep it together.

  “Hey ladies!” Bryce Wilson welcomed us as he climbed onto the bus. “This is the finale! Are you ready?”

  We followed him off of the bus and into the nondescript grey warehouse looking building.

  “Right this way,” Bryce directed, leading us through a few doors before we entered the right hallway. “Here’s makeup, hair and wardrobe.” He gestured to three different doors as he walked. “Here is the green room where you will hang out until you are called on stage. There’s food and drinks in there already. You will probably get called two at a time to get pampered. But first, let me show you the soundstage.”

  We entered a smaller sized soundstage than what I was expecting. The live studio audience surrounded the mainstage on three sides. On the fourth side there was a huge projection screen.

  “Look at this, dude. There is seating for about one hundred audience members. The finale episode will be projected on this screen for us all to watch together.”

  He pointed to two large black couches. “You will be seated here. Someone will bring us the seating order later.” He pointed to the winged back chair that sat in the center with a TV monitor right beside it. “This is my seat. We will watch the show right here if it’s too difficult to turn your whole body around to see the projection screen.”

  He showed us a few more things before we were led back to the green room. We had only been in there for fifteen minutes when there was a sharp knock on the door. My stomach rolled from nerves as I knew it was the beginning of the end.

  Koko stuck her head in the doorway. “Hi ladies! Zoe, I need to see you, please.”

  I rose to my feet and walked as normally as possible. Once I was out of the green room, Koko and I hugged so tightly I thought I was going to crush the smaller woman’s bones.

  “Do you know how much shit I have to tell you?” Koko hissed.

  “You?! I’ve been freaking the fuck out because I have so much stuff to say and no phone to call you.”

  Koko all but pushed me into the makeup room. “At least when I went to Kyoto to visit my grandma for a month, I was able to use the phone to call you. This shit right here has led me to make some questionable decisions. You know you’re my voice of reason!” She looked around and didn’t see anyone. “Okay, JJ went on location to do their makeup early, but I think she should be on her way back soon. Let’s say we have fifteen minutes so tell me everything. You fucking left? What the fuck? Dude, I had to find out from Bryce.”

  “Yeah, I know. I don’t know. It made sense and then it didn’t and then it did again. But I was falling for him, Koko. Hard. And I just couldn’t take it anymore. Seeing him being affectionate with other women…” I shook my head. “I know that was part of what I signed up for but I couldn’t take it. It was too hard.” My voice broke.

  “I’m sorry.” Koko wrapped her arms around me, hugging me and stroking my hair. “You really love him, don’t you? I mean, I knew you loved him, but…you’re crying. You don’t cry. You’re like the Elise Jordan of not crying.”

  I let out a teary laugh. “I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed you too.” She let me go and looked at me. “And just so you know, he has been miserable without you.”

  A tear rolled down my cheek that I swiped away quickly. “It looks like he’s bounced back nicely.”

  I gave her a quick update of what had been going on and how the time at the suites had been. I told her how miserable I’d been and how I thought getting out of the show environment would make my feelings go away, but they didn’t. I told her how all of us would watch the episodes together and the most recently kicked off contestant would tell the rest of the group the real scoop behind the episode.

  “Was it weird? Essentially, everyone is just discussing how they ended up getting dumped by the same dude.”

  I smiled. “It was weird. Almost as weird as you saying ‘dude.’” I poked her in her side. “So I take that to mean that things are still hot and heavy with you know who.”

  “I have to tell you all about that, but the short answer is yes. But more importantly, I need to tell you about Julian. Now listen, I’ve been watching the show, too and…”

  “Koko, guess—oh!” Julia Jones burst into the room. Both of them stopping abruptly, Koko stopped talking at the sight of Julia and Julia stopped walking at the sight of me. “Zoe! Oh Zoe… how are you?”

  I heard the sympathy in her voice and it made my skin crawl.

  “Hi Julia,” I replied, avoiding eye contact with her. I prayed I didn’t look like I’d been crying.

  “Hi JJ!” Koko greeted her boss with natural enthusiasm. “How are you?”

  “I’m great. Really great. Fantastic actually! And I just got the news that this season has had the most viewers ever and we’ve been enlisted to do another season!”

  “What? That’s great! I know I heard that the um…one episode was a game changer for the ratings.”

  Something made me uncomfortable by the way Koko looked at me.

  “Yes it was.” Julia glanced at me. “Social media was all abuzz about it and it caught the attention of Marisa Brown. We’ve been tapped to do a major motion picture next month!”

  “What?” Koko screamed, jumping up and down. “Wait, we? You mean we? As in you and me?”

  “That’s huge! Congratulations!” I celebrated with them. For the moment that I danced around the room with them, I forgot everything else having to do with the show.

  The sharp knock on the door brought me back to reality though.

  “I was told that you might have been in here,” Jamie informed me as she stuck her head in the door. “You are nee
ded in wardrobe.”

  I gave out congratulatory hugs before I followed Jamie out of the room. With each step, my stomach became more upset as the knots tightened.

  Before I walked in the door, I looked at Jamie. “JJ had mentioned something about this season being the biggest to date.”

  Jamie instantly looked away. “Yeah, it has been a great season.”

  “What episode were they talking about being the game changing episode?”

  Jamie looked at me. “Yours. When you walked away. It was all anyone could talk about online for a week. We had to re-air it on Saturday and from that point on, ratings have been through the roof. There are articles about…” She trailed off and then looked away.

  So one of the hardest things I had to do in my life has been reduced to online fodder.

  My throat was constricting and my mouth was dry. “Articles about what?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It does to me.”

  She sighed, looking around. “Just about how something must have happened off screen that people didn’t see because you and Julian were really into each other and then you left out of nowhere. Then there was a long weekend stint that revolved around the idea of you must have had a boyfriend and you were doing it for the money.”

  Oh my God, my parents are probably flipping out.

  “Can I call my parents? Please. If this has been going on all month, I need to tell them I’m okay.”

  She didn’t say anything for what seemed like forever and then she whispered, “Follow me.”

  I followed her into a stairwell and she pulled her phone out of her pocket.

  “You have to make it quick.”

  “Thank you so much.” I hugged her because I was so grateful. “Thank you.”

  I dialed the home number for my parents and no one was home. I tried my mom’s cellphone next.

  “Elise Jordan speaking.” My mother’s clipped, professional tone sounded like music to my ears.

  “Mom, it’s me.”

  “Zoe, how are you?” Her voice shifted to warm and sweet in a matter of seconds. “I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed you and Dad, too. I don’t have much time, but I wanted to know if you’ve been hearing stuff about me.” I looked at Jamie who was watching me carefully. “About me doing this for money or—”

  “That’s crap! Anyone with half a brain can tell by the way you look at the boy and the way he looks at you, that you weren’t faking your feelings. When you’re done with the show, we can go over the articles and file injunctions on the stories and sue them for defamation of character.”

  I laughed, wiping my eyes before the tears that formed had a chance to fall. “You always know what to say.” I took a breath. “Thanks, Mom.”

  “Zoe, I have a meeting that I rescheduled so your father and I can watch this live finale together so I only have a few more minutes. Did something happen to you? Did someone do something to you? Is that why you left the show?”

  “No, not at all! It’s complicated. It just got to be too much for me. But no one did anything to me.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m positive. I swear.”

  She let out a sigh of relief. “Okay because I watched the episode three times trying to see if I saw anything different. I was going to have the firm on it if I felt anything was amiss.”

  I let out a short giggle. “Wow, you watched it three times and rescheduled a meeting to watch the finale. You and dad are those kinds of people now.”

  “As long as our daughter is one of those kinds of people who would be on the show, we sure are,” she returned playfully. After a brief pause, she continued. “But I have to tell you something. I saw your face when you left the show. I don’t know how this thing works, but if Julian is on the show tonight or if he calls in or anything happens where you can get in touch with him, you need to tell him how you feel.”

  “I did,” I whispered softly. I looked down, praying Jamie couldn’t hear my mother’s side of the conversation.

  “Do you love him?”

  My heart clenched. “Yes.”

  “Then tell him how you feel.”

  “On national television? In front of everyone?” I wondered, fear paralyzing me. “What if it doesn’t…go the way that I want?”

  “What if it does?” She countered. “And yes, scream it from the rooftops on national television in front of everyone.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Do you have his number or another way to touch bases with him?”

  “No.”

  “Then you need to seize the opportunities as they present themselves. So if you have to do it tonight, you have to do it tonight.”

  Jamie touched her watch frantically, giving me a ‘wrap it up’ signal.

  “I’ll think about it, Mom. But I have to go. I’m not supposed to be using the phone, but I really needed to talk to you. I just wanted to make sure you and Dad weren’t disappointed in me.”

  “To be honest, we are a little disappointed...”

  My heart started crumbling as the words hit me hard. I felt like I’d been kicked in my chest. Before I had a chance to respond, my mom explained her statement.

  “We are disappointed because you gave up. I don’t know what these kinds of shows are all about, but the chemistry between you and Julian couldn’t be manufactured in the editing room. Even your dad admitted that the way you and Tate looked at each other was nothing like the way you and Julian looked at each other. And there’s no bigger Tate supporter than your dad.”

  We both laughed.

  “We are disappointed that you might miss out on something good because you got scared. We taught you to never give up. Not in life and not in matters of the heart. Giving up is the first step toward failure,” she concluded, using her favorite motivational line.

  “You’re right. I love you, Mom.”

  “I love you, too, Zoe.”

  “Tell Dad I love him and I will call back once I get phone access again.”

  We said our goodbyes and I wiped my eyes. “Thank you, Jamie. I needed that.”

  “You’re welcome.” She rubbed my back before opening the stairwell door. “Do you feel better?”

  “Much.”

  “Good. Now you are going to have to bust your ass to get ready in time. Can you do it?”

  “I can do it.”

  My stomach was still in knots, but I believed the words that I said.

  I can do this. Right? Yes, I can do this. I can do this.

  *****

  Chapter 19

  “Stand right here,” Jamie directed me. “Once Bryce says come on out, you will just walk up the stairwell and take the seat nearest him.”

  I nodded that I understood even though I was on the brink of a panic attack.

  “How are you?”

  “I’m okay. Better than I thought I’d be.”

  Because technically pre-panic attack is better than full on panic attack.

  Jamie’s mouth turned up into a smile even though her eyes were worried. “Well, you look great.”

  I smiled, appreciatively. “Thank you.”

  My makeup was natural, even though Koko still used the high definition foundation and my hair was loose and wild, the way I preferred it. I looked like myself. Even if I didn’t feel like myself, I looked like me.

  The tense version of me.

  Nervously, I stood backstage teetering in black spiked heels with silver studs all over them. The shoes made my legs look long and graceful, like a dancer, and also badass like a rock star. In a black and white checkered backless dress, I felt more like myself than I did in the gowns. The dress was sexy without pushing too many boundaries and flirty without being too over the top. It showed off my curves, but wouldn’t be unbecoming of the future partner of L.A.’s top law firm. The only thing I was nervous about was the bodice inspired sweetheart neckline that only lightly covered me. My heavy breasts were held up by half of a package of doubl
e sided tape and the grace of God.

  “Our first contestant needs no introduction. She is, after all, the woman who brought us the most powerful scene of this season. Maybe the most powerful scene in The One history,” Bryce introduced. “Let’s roll the clip.”

  The crowd exploded with excitement, cheering and clapping so I couldn’t hear what footage was rolling at first. When the cheers died down, I could hear my own voice. I closed my eyes and visualized the scene as I listened to the audio.

  ***

  “I need to leave the competition tonight,” I said, my voiced sounded broken.

  With anger and hurt in his voice, he asked, “Are you serious?”

  “Yes.” I sounded unsure.

  “Because of a kiss? Because I kissed someone else, you want to leave?”

  “Yes.” I lied. It was more than that and the break in my voice gave me away.

  “You know…” He let out a wail that sounded more painful than angry upon hearing it for the second time.

  “Julian.”

  “I’m sorry I yelled,” he uttered hoarsely. “I’m just so frustrated because I can’t talk to you the way I want to talk to you.” He sighed again and I heard the defeat in his voice.

  “Listen to what I’m saying. I can’t stay because this situation is too much for me. It has nothing to do with you or how I feel about you. It’s just too much for me.” My voice cracked with each word.

  “Okay.” Julian’s tone was cold, flat, and almost despondent. “I’ve said everything that I could to you. I’ve laid it out as much as I possibly can. And you still want to walk.”

  “It’s not that I want to leave. It’s—”

  “I get it. You don’t have to explain.”

  “No, but I want to explain. It’s just hard putting myself out there like that.”

  “I don’t want to have this conversation anymore. You’ve made up your mind to leave; I can’t do anything about it.”

  ***

  My tattered heart thundered in my chest as I relived the moment that haunted me for weeks. In the edited replaying of the scene, I heard things I hadn’t heard before which dredged up feelings that I tried to force down for the duration of the live show. I sucked in a deep breath and held it for a second, hoping it would calm me down. But when Bryce called my name, I rolled my shoulders back and strolled out to the sound of applause.