Beneath Our Faults

by Charity Ferrell

  "Daisy," she rasped out, kneeling down on her knees and grabbing my hand. "Please listen to me. You have got to move on. I'm not telling you to quit grieving or forget about him because no one will ever forget about Tanner. We all loved him." I let out a low whimper at the sound of his name, sinking deeper into my chair. "He will always be in our thoughts," she continued. "In our hearts. But you have got to close that chapter and start turning the pages." The pleading in her voice was going to break me. "Do it for yourself. Do it for Tanner. Live for Tanner."

  "It's been five months!" I screamed, letting out a sharp breath. "Both of you act like I am some eighty year old cat lady whose been pining over her first love for decades!" My fingers clenched into my palms and I could feel the skin breaking. "Give me some fucking time to grieve!"

  My mom quickly went back to my dad’s side. Panic filled my veins waiting for what was coming next. "We talked to your Aunt Jamie and she has agreed to let you come stay with her and your Uncle Tommy to finish out the remainder of the school year."

  "You're trying to send me to Georgia?" I spat out, my heart racing. My Aunt Jamie was my father’s younger sister. While my dad decided to stay in Indiana and become the town sheriff, my aunt studied interior design and moved to Atlanta. I brought myself to my feet abruptly, crossing my arms across my chest. "You might as well forget it because I'm not leaving."

  The loud bang of my dad slamming his fist down on the coffee table caused me to jump. "I will not have my daughter wasting away in her room day after day over some boy who is never coming back! Over something that is never going to change!" He stood up and his voice got louder. "He is gone! You need to come to terms with that and get your ass back on track."

  "And what if I refuse to go?"

  "Then you better get your butt ready to go back to school tomorrow.”

  "When do I leave?"

  And that is how I ended up on a plane to Atlanta. I blew out a sigh of relief at the feeling of the plane landing. Standing up too quickly, I whacked my head on the ceiling. "Jesus," I cried out, wincing.

  I walked out of the terminal and gripped my bag against my chest as I weaved through the traffic in search for a bathroom. Washing my hands, I glanced up into the mirror to see what I had ben avoiding at all costs. The reflection of the girl in front of me was almost unrecognizable. My dark eyes had puffy circles under them, making me look lifeless. My tongue dipped out, running against my overly-chapped lips that were beginning to crack along the edges. I swiftly pulled the elastic out of my hair and watched the dull, dark waves cascade around my shoulders. My hair looked even darker against my pale skin. I cringed at the extra pudginess around my cheeks from my lack of attendance to the gym. With a shake of my head, I ignored my new insecurities and left the bathroom.

  I HEARD my name before the tiny creature ambushed me and attached itself to my waist like a spider monkey. Looking down, I spotted my cousin looking up at me with bright, innocent eyes. “I am so glad you are here to live wif me!” Her grin was huge and she was missing a few teeth. A giant pink bow was attached to her brown hair braided along her hairline.

  “Hi Sophia, I’m glad to be here too,” I lied, giving her an out-of-practice smile. I couldn’t exactly tell a five year old that I was only there because I was forced. Her small hand grabbed mine and struggled to pull me through the crowd.

  “We are going to have sooo much fun! My mommy and daddy got me some new Barbies and you look just like one of them! I will let you play with one and-”

  “Sophia, sweetie, why don’t you let Daisy get her bags then you can tell her all about your Barbies,” my aunt said, coming up and pulling me into her arms for a hug. “As you can tell, all of us are happy you are here.”

  ANY AND all awkwardness I was afraid would happen on the short ride to my new home was washed away by my pint-sized cousin. I managed to get the full scoop on every Barbie she owned, the mansions they lived in and the cars they drove. It was like Real Housewives: Doll Edition. My jaw practically dropped into my lap as I glanced out the window when the car stopped and pulled into the driveway of a huge, brick house.

  “Nice house,” I complimented, unbuckling my seatbelt. I opened the door and a rush of warm, sticky air smacked me in the face. Hello humidity, I’m sure you will be giving my hair a hell of a stay.

  "Thank you," she answered, turning off the ignition. Her smile dropped a hint. "I just wish it wasn't so far away from the family. It would be nice to have them come visit and see the place I've spent so much time putting together." If it weren’t for my Aunt Jamie’s dark, curly hair, you would think my grandma had an affair with the milkman. My dad either spent his time in a police uniform or an old flannel. My aunt, on the other hand, was dressed flawlessly in a violet blouse and a black pencil skirt.

  "Just wait until you see the pretty room we made for you!" Sophia cried, from the backseat, unsnapping her seatbelt and barreling out of the car. "I helped Mommy do it too!" Her little legs skipped up the front walk with her hair swinging in the wind.

  A new room? "You really didn't have to do all that." I looked over at my aunt and she gave me warm smile.

  Leaning over, she grabbed my hand and squeezed it into hers. "It was no problem. I want to make you at home here. Plus," she added with a grin, "decorating is my passion. You just gave me another reason to do what I love."

  I RUBBED the back of my neck, allowing my brain to take in everything that had happened in just one day. Before I had the chance to do anything, Sophia grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs to see my new room. It was beautiful. The large room was painted a light grey that gave it a relaxing vibe against the white windows. A huge, white headboard was perched behind a full size bed with a bright coral-colored comforter. A long matching dresser ran across the long wall across from my bed with a flat screen TV hanging above it on the wall. There was a white desk sitting at the right corner with a coral lounge chair scooted under it that matched the comforter. My favorite part of the room, though, was the over-sized French doors that led straight out to a private balcony that was all mine.

  I slid my now empty suitcase under my bed and moved around it. My aunt and uncle had informed me during dinner I was starting my new school, Atlanta Valley High, tomorrow morning. I collapsed onto my bed at the same time my phone rang. Glancing down at the screen, I saw Tessa’s name lighting up. I hit the ignore button and snuggled closer into Tanner’s sweatshirt I had thrown on.

  I had never told her I was leaving, which most likely nominated me for the worst best friend ever award, if we were even still best friends. I wasn’t sure. I was sure, though, that if I did tell her, she would try to convince me to stay. So I persuaded myself that I was too busy trying to get everything in order before leaving to call her. Truth was, I couldn't pick her up when I didn't even have the strength to carry my own weight.

  I pulled myself out of my bed and mentally cursed myself when I pulled the album from my nightstand drawer. Grabbing my phone, I opened up the doors to the balcony and stepped out into the dry, sticky air. I walked to the edge and took in the black night. I arched up on my tiptoes, looking over the railing but seeing nothing but darkness underneath me. The same way I felt inside.

  Turning around, I walked over to the tiny area my aunt had furnished. A small, red loveseat was up against the blocked off ledge with a small ottoman sitting to the side. A coffee table sat in front of the couch with candles sprawled everywhere on it. I slowly crept to the couch, sinking down and stretching my legs out. I opened up my album and hit the music icon on my phone.

  My heart raced when I opened the first page of the album. Photography and Tanner had always been my two obsessions. My parents had surprised me with a new Canon Rebel for my sixteenth birthday. Most kids would have wanted a car, but not me. From the moment I got it, the camera had been plastered to my hand.

  I flipped through the book and took a trip down nostalgia lane. Every reminder of my old happiness had been captured in the photos and stored in a smal
l book. My attention was caught in the book until a high-pitched moan shrieked through the air and captured my attention. Shutting the album, I turned down the music and twisted around in my seat.

  A second later, another moan rang through the air, only louder this time. The moaning squeal sounded like someone had porn playing with the volume set too high.

  I stood up quickly, on a mission to find where the obnoxious moaning was coming from. I walked back to the edge of the balcony and looked over the ledge but still saw nothing. The loud voice moaned out again and I turned my head the opposite way spotting another balcony slightly adjacent to mine with a dim light shining above it giving me a full view of where the noise was coming from.

  Holy shit!

  It was definitely not a porn on someone's TV, but instead a live show. My eyes practically bulged out of their sockets as I watched what was happening across the yard. The first thing I noticed (besides the ridiculous moaning) was the guy sitting upright in a large chair. His head was rolled back to the sky in pleasure while a skinny girl with blonde hair was straddling his lap completely naked. Her hips were moving up and down at a vigorous pace on top of him.

  The guy let out a deep grunt, gripping her thin waist. Her pace sped up while the cries grew even louder. Jesus, the girl had some lungs. The two were so wrapped up in each other that they were completely oblivious to the fact they were putting on a XXX rated show for the entire neighborhood to see.

  I let out a sharp breath but my eyes never left them. It's like they were glued to the two figures grinding against each other. Her sleek body continued her rhythm until they both finally groaned out in release and she fell limp against him. I couldn't wrap my mind around someone who would just have sex in the open like that. Wait, who watched people have sex in the open like that? I was just as messed up as they were, if not worse.

  At the same time I was getting ready to turn back and go inside, the guy's head raised up and looked directly at my balcony, at me. Dark eyes smoldered straight into mine and I froze, watching his mouth form a sly grin.

  Shit! I was busted!

  Embarrassment flushed through me and I swiftly covered my face with both of my hands. Fumbling around in panic, I ducked under the balcony ledge and crawled on the ground until I reached the doors to go back to my bedroom. I slithered into the room and kicked the door shut behind me. My crawling didn’t stop until I lunged into my bed and pulled the large comforter over my body. Shutting my eyes, I begged my body to shut down and go to sleep.

  That night, I prayed to God, Buddha, Obama and anyone else that came into my mind that I had imagined the entire thing. I wanted to believe it was my messed up mind and lack of intimacy that had conjured some mental image of seeing my neighbors have hot, passionate sex in front of me.

  MY SKIN felt raw as I scrubbed it harshly with my loofah while hot water streamed down my body. I had forgotten to take my sleeping pill so I didn’t get shit for sleep. I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that I was moving to a new place or witnessing my neighbors screw each other brains out. Either way, I had tossed and turned all night.

  Drying off, I tossed my hair into a wet ponytail and threw on a black t-shirt and jeans. It wasn’t my best look but I wasn’t trying to hard, either.

  "Happy first day of school," my mini-size cousin yelled when I walked into the kitchen. She was perched up at the table with a small bowl of oatmeal sitting in front of her and sporting another gigantic bow in her hair. I swear the thing was as big as her head.

  "I colored this picture for you," she beamed, holding out a sheet of paper. I grabbed it and looked down to see two stick figures holding hands in front of a pink house. "That's me," she pointed to the shorter figure with brown hair and a bow, of course. "And that's you." My stick figure was about three inches taller than her making me look like some deformed giant with curly black hair, sans bow.

  "Thank you," I said with a small smile. "It's very pretty." I grabbed a glass and filled it with orange juice before sitting next to her.

  "Would you like something to eat?" I looked across the room, spotting my aunt sitting by the island with a coffee cup in her hand. She had asked me the question but her attention was pointed towards the TV mounted on the wall.

  "No thanks," I answered, taking a sip of my juice. "I'm not really much of a breakfast person."

  "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," Sophia declared. "Isn't it mommy?" To further prove her point, she scooped up a giant spoonful of oatmeal and shoved it into her mouth.

  "That's right, honey," my aunt answered, turning around to smile at her daughter. "Tommy is going to drop you off at school on his way to take Sophia to kindergarten," she said, turning her attention to me. "Hopefully, we will have some time this weekend to look at a car for you while you're here to get you around."

  "You don't need to do that," I insisted, feeling uncomfortable. They had already taken me into their home; they didn't need to buy me a car too. "I can just take the bus." I had never taken a bus before, except for the occasional field trip and games when I cheered, but it couldn’t be that hard to figure out, right?

  "Nonsense," she replied, waving off my response and turning her attention back to the TV. “You probably don’t want Tommy and I carting you around to school everyday. I remember how embarrassing that was in high school, especially when it was your dad dropping me off. He scared all of the cute boys away from me.” She laughed, shaking her head at the memory. I smiled, because I could totally see my dad doing that. If I didn’t have Tanner, he would have done the same thing to me.

  "Good morning, beautiful ladies," Tommy called, strolling in to the kitchen, wearing a black suit with a briefcase in his hand. Yep, he definitely had the whole "I'm a badass lawyer, don't fuck with me" look going on.

  "Hi daddy!" Sophia shrieked, jumping out of her chair. "We are ready for school now!" She grabbed her pink princess backpack and threw it over her shoulder. We? Did the girl have a mouse in her pocket? Because I was not in her "ready for school club." What I was ready for was to climb my ass back up those stairs and form a Daisy cocoon in that comfy bed of mine.

  "I bet you guys are," he laughed, grabbing her lunch box off the counter. Handing it over to his pink loving spawn, he gave my aunt a quick kiss on the lips, telling her goodbye.

  "Alright, Daisy, you ready to go?" he asked, while I rinsed my glass out and put it in the dishwasher.

  My brain was screaming a huge HELL NO on repeat but my head decided it wanted to turn against me. "Let me just go grab my bag."

  I ran up the stairs two at a time until I reached my room. I went straight to my nightstand for my phone, but it wasn't there. What the hell did I do with it?

  Then it hit me.

  I had abandoned it during my crawl of shame last night. Opening the door slowly, I peeked my head out the door just in case anyone was out there. The coast was clear. I grabbed my things, sprinting back to my room and locking the balcony door. Sliding my phone in my pocket, I put my album back in the drawer. Now I just needed to get this day over with.

  MY BODY completely stopped when I walked out the front door. My lack of sleep was playing juju tricks with my mind because what was in front of me couldn't be real.

  The guy from the balcony last night was standing in our driveway having an animated conversation with my uncle. My eyes shut suddenly, and then reopened to double check that I wasn't hallucinating. Nope, he was definitely there, but now his attention wasn't directed at my uncle. He was looking straight at me. The muscles in my chest tightened but I forced my legs to continue moving. If I had stood there with a blank stare on my face any longer, everyone would know something was up. The closer I got to him, the bigger his smile grew.

  "Oh hey Daisy," my uncle said when I reached them. "This is our neighbor, Keegan. You two will be going to school together.”

  Great, now I would be going to school with my porn star wannabe neighbor. Why was he even in school when he already had a great career choice in the
making? I was incapable of forming coherent sentences, so I opted to raise my hand in the air and give him a lame wave.

  He was hot I would definitely give him that. The eyes that were burning into mine looked straight at me, making me nervous. They had a slight slant to them but it was the color that intrigued me. They were a jaded green with a few grey spots that jolted straight through me. His hair was dark and cut short but I noticed a slight cowlick on the left side of his hairline. My eyes followed south, down his body, taking in the tight, black V-neck t-shirt covering his broad chest, clearly showing he worked out but also giving me a tiny peek of some sort of tattoo script.

  This guy was the absolute epitome of a bad boy.

  "Keeganator!" Sophia yelled out, running up to him. He lifted her up into his strong arms. Thank you for the save, little cousin. I wanted to give her a hug for saving me again from impending awkwardness. Was it possible to stick her in my pocket and take her to school with me?

  "Good morning, princess," he greeted her, setting her back down on her feet.

  "This is my cousin, Daisy," she told him, pointing at me. "I want to look just like her when I grow up. Isn't she pretty? She looks just like one of the Barbies that mommy got me," she rambled. I gave myself a quick mental note to inform her to quit referring to me as looking like a damn Barbie.

  "You're absolutely right," he answered her, his eyes twinkling with interest as he dragged his fingers across his mouth. "She is very pretty. I especially like those dark eyes of hers." He overly stressed the word, confirming that he indeed did see me watching him. His hand moved away from his mouth, giving me a full view of the smug smile he was still sporting. Another flush crept across my cheeks and I thanked the genetic gods that my olive complexion helped conceal my humiliation.

  "Daisy," it sounded so sensual coming out of his full lips, "If you're on your way to school, I can give you a ride."