Letting Go

by Jessica Ruddick

  Everyone nodded, as if that explained everything. I rolled my eyes. My major had nothing to do with logical thinking.

  “She makes a solid argument, bro,” Josh said.

  “Eating animals is wrong,” Kimberly said. We all ignored her.

  “She didn’t talk about the taste though,” Luke said, not willing to give in so easily, which actually earned him my respect, even though he was oh-so-wrong in this case. “I’ll give her the point about the fork thing, but bacon tastes better. And with food, isn’t that what’s important?”

  “What’s your major?” I wanted to know. “Is it marketing?”

  “Business.”

  I crossed my arms, nodding. “That makes sense.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you’re not using logic in your reasoning. You’re just trying to sell us on something. That’s business thinking.”

  “Damn, girl,” Josh said. “I think the shooters made you smarter. My brain can’t handle this kind of talk after a few drinks.”

  “This is her being dumb,” Amber said, then added, “she was valedictorian.”

  Luke looked at me, obviously impressed. I blushed. I was saved by the arrival of our food.

  It’s not that I wasn’t proud of my accomplishments, but I didn’t like to advertise them either. No one liked a braggart. Besides, high school was over, which meant the slate had been wiped clean. It was time for new accomplishments.

  Luke offered me a piece of his bacon. “Truce?”

  I leaned forward and took a bite. “Mmm. Crisp and crunchy.” I smiled as I chewed.

  “You mock me, but you know you like it. Just admit it.”

  I swallowed and simply continued smiling at him. I did see something I liked, and it wasn’t the bacon.

  After our meal, Brad called the Beta Chi DD, and we sat outside the restaurant to wait.

  Amber pulled me aside. “Brad wants us to go back to the house with them.”

  Now that I had eaten, I was starting to think more clearly. “I don’t know.”

  The night had been fun, but going back to the house? I had my reservations.

  “Please,” Amber said. “I don’t want to go alone, but I do want to go.” She glanced over at Brad. “I really like him.”

  I sighed. My gut told me that they were good guys, but we’d only known them a week. Brad did seem to like her, and for once, she might have attracted a non-loser. I didn’t want to be the reason she missed out.

  “Okay, I’ll go.”

  The DD’s car was a compact, so it took some creativity to fit all of us in. Brad and Josh sat in the backseat with Amber and Kimberly on their laps. That left the front seat for me and Luke.

  I looked at him nervously. He climbed in the front seat and patted his lap, grinning at me. I clambered in after him and tried to do it as gracefully as possible. With the tight quarters of the car, I was lucky I didn’t flash my goods.

  There was nowhere to comfortably put my arm, so I wrapped it around his shoulders. That brought me in close contact with his throat again. When I tilted my head down, I could smell his cologne. And bacon.

  I wouldn’t ever think of bacon the same way again.

  Luke wrapped his arms around me. My dress had hiked up when I sat, and his hand rested on my bare thigh. I tensed. If Luke noticed, he didn’t let on.

  “Where to?” the DD asked.

  “Lawrence Hall,” Kimberly said, earning a collective sigh of relief from the rest of us.

  When we got there, she jumped out and ran into her building without even saying good-bye.

  “Strike out,” Brad said.

  “Nah,” Josh said, good-natured. “She doesn’t eat meat. It wasn’t meant to be.”

  “I think you’re just disappointed she won’t be eating your—” Brad didn’t get to finish his thought because Amber smacked him.

  On our last drive out to the Beta house, I hadn’t noticed how bumpy the road was. Now that I was sitting on Luke, I was aware of every bump, twist, and turn in the road that jostled my body into his, making our physical contact that much more intimate.

  Except it wasn’t. Not really. Luke didn’t take advantage of the situation at all. He was a perfect gentleman.

  “I hope I’m not too heavy.”

  Luke chuckled. “Are you kidding? I could bench press you.”

  I didn’t even want to think about the logistics of that. Where would his hands go?

  The DD dropped us off at the Beta house and sped off to pick up more brothers. Josh headed to the party room to join in some beer pong, and Brad, Amber, Luke, and I headed up to Brad’s room.

  Brad opened his mini-fridge and handed Luke a beer. “Ladies, what’s your poison?” He gestured to a shelf above the fridge that had at least a dozen bottles of liquor on it.

  “What can you make?” Amber asked.

  Brad listed a dozen cocktails, and Amber decided on an Amaretto Sour. I had the same just to keep things simple.

  Amber and I settled onto the couch while Brad mixed the drinks. Luke pulled over the rolling chair from the desk. Amber nonchalantly looked around the room, but I could tell she was inspecting it. His desk had a haphazard stack of papers and books on it, but his movies and video games were neatly organized on a shelf next to his TV. There were no dirty clothes in sight, but there were several pairs of shoes lying around. For a guy, he was pretty neat. He was much neater than Amber was. I was still waiting for her to finish unpacking.

  I picked up a pack of Uno cards from the end table. Amber snatched them. “I haven’t played this in years.”

  Brad handed us our drinks and took a seat next to Amber on the couch. “You want to play?”

  Amber nodded and started dealing the cards.

  “Here’s the rules,” Brad explained. “You drink for every card you have to draw. If you throw down a wild, everyone else has to drink.”

  “Sounds fun,” Amber said, placing her cards facedown on the coffee table. She took a sip of her drink.

  “Pace yourself, my dear,” Brad warned. “I’m a beast at Uno.”

  Luke laughed. “It’s a game of luck.”

  Brad chuffed. “There’s definite strategy involved. Only the most skilled Uno players know the optimal time to play the wild cards and the reverse cards to maximum advantage.”

  “Yeah, right,” Luke said. “You’re just skilled at looking at everyone else’s cards.”

  The look on Brad’s face was one of indignation. “Are you implying that I’m a cheater?”

  “No.” Luke took a swig of his beer. “I’m warning the girls to guard their cards.”

  “I don’t cheat,” Brad protested. “I’m just really good at reading people.”

  “Okay.” Luke leaned forward in the chair, resting his elbows on his knees. “How many blue cards do I have?”

  Brad rested back in his chair, shaking his head dismissively. “It doesn’t work that way.”

  I laid my first card down. “I’m starting.”

  We played a few rounds, and I had to draw nine cards. Two wilds were played. My cup quickly became empty.

  It was fun.

  About halfway through the game, Luke nudged me with his knee and nodded at Brad, who was suspiciously craning his neck and leaning close to Amber.

  Luke leaned close to me to whisper, “Do you want to call him out or should I?”

  I looked over at Brad again. “I don’t know. He might not be cheating. I think he might be checking out her chest.”

  Luke leaned to the other side to get a fresh angle on the situation. “Close call.”

  He picked up a pen and flung it at Brad, hitting him square in the forehead.

  Brad rubbed his forehead, smearing the bit of blue ink from the pen. “Not cool, man.”

  “Eyes on your own cards,” Luke said pointedly.

  “I wasn’t looking at her cards.”

  “Then what were you looking at?” I asked.

  Brad wore a serious expression. “I’m a gentleman. I
don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Uno.” Amber grinned.

  I looked down at the bevy of cards fanned out in my hand. Damn.

  Amber happily laid her last card down in the next round, despite our attempts to thwart her win.

  I put my cards on the table and excused myself to go to the bathroom. When I came back, Luke was leaning on the wall outside Brad’s door, which was partially closed.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I left for a second and when I came back, there was this.” He nodded at the crack in the door.

  I peeked in and saw Amber and Brad sitting close together on the couch talking. His hand was on the inside of her knee. Their faces were inches apart, and they were laughing at some private joke. I looked away when they started kissing, feeling like a Peeping Tom.

  “I didn’t want to interrupt,” Luke said.

  “Yeah, I guess not,” I said. Now what?

  “Come on.” Luke grabbed my hand and pulled me down the hall. “Let’s give the lovebirds their privacy. My room’s this way.”

  Swallowing, I stumbled behind him.

  His room was at the end of the hall. It was similar to Brad’s, with a double bed, a couch, and a desk. Like most college guys’ rooms, there was also a big-ass flat screen. Unlike most college guys’ rooms, it was as neat as mine. His textbooks were neatly lined up on his desk next to a black metal desk lamp. No shoes were in sight, and the closet door was closed. The bed was neatly made with a navy blue comforter. There was even a matching throw pillow. I wondered whose touch that was.

  Luke grabbed the remote from the top of the television. “You want to watch something?”

  Luke was a gentleman. Despite what our friends were up to down the hall and despite our kiss from that first party, he had made no assumptions, attempted to take no liberties.

  It definitely did not go unnoticed.

  “Sure,” I said, and Luke tossed me the remote. I settled on the couch and pushed the on button.

  “Hungry?”

  I patted my stomach. “Nope. Still full of pancakes. I could use some water though.”

  Luke handed me a bottle of water and sat on the couch next to me. He kept a fair amount of distance between us. I mean, he was definitely sitting next to me, but our legs weren’t touching or anything. I felt a mix of relief and disappointment. Snap out of it, Corinne. It was better this way. Less complicated.

  It was what I wanted. Right?

  I clutched the remote, not answering my own question. “What do you want to watch?”

  He shrugged. “Whatever you want is fine.”

  I flipped through the channels, acutely aware of Luke’s presence next to me. He stretched out, putting his arm along the back of the couch. I stiffened for a moment, thinking he was pulling the oldest trick in the book, but he kept his arm on the couch and didn’t try to put it around me.

  My cheeks burned. Just because I threw myself at him last weekend doesn’t mean he was going to reciprocate. The memory of those moments flooded my mind. His hand on the small of my back, holding me against his lean body. The feel of his hair under my fingertips. The warmth of his lips on mine. My belly tingled.

  I looked at Luke out of the corner of my eye, petrified he could read my thoughts. His posture was relaxed and he seemed content just to hang out. Unlike mine, his mind obviously wasn’t in the gutter.

  And why wasn’t it?

  “Stop being weird,” he said without looking at me.

  I crossed my arms. “I’m not being weird,” I said through my teeth. Damn. I was totally being weird.

  “Your honor is safe with me. It’s me who should be worried.”

  I gasped, and my entire body blushed.

  He laughed. “I’m just messing with you. I’m not worried.” He waited a beat, then grinned. “You can jump me anytime you want.”

  I punched him on his shoulder, harder than I meant to. It hurt my knuckles a little.

  “Ouch.” He rubbed his shoulder. “We’re friends, right?”

  I considered. We’d sat next to each other twice in criminology and now we’d hung out two weekends in a row. I guess that did make us friends. I nodded.

  “Then let’s just leave it at that, okay? We can have fun together.”

  I nodded again and turned my attention back to the TV, my posture stiff. He was being so cool about everything. I, on the other hand, was closing in on being neurotic. My behavior last weekend was completely out of character for me, and I was still having a hard time coming to terms with it. Luke didn’t seem to think anything of it. Apparently my plastering myself to him in front of his fraternity and my sorority was no big deal.

  Then again, guys like him were probably used to girls throwing themselves at him. With his baby blue eyes and well-toned body, he was eye candy—the kind of candy that didn’t leave you with a sour stomach if you overindulged. He had a low maintenance style, usually wearing jeans and T-shirts. His buzz cut didn’t require any styling, and he wore no jewelry other than a watch. I was suspicious of guys who decorated themselves more than I did.

  The most attractive thing about him, though, was his laid-back confidence. It was confidence without cockiness, a rare delicacy.

  “When does recruitment start for you guys?” he asked.

  I had to think about it. I should know things like this, but it wasn’t a priority. “I’m not sure. Probably in a week or two.”

  “Sororities have it lucky. The girls come to you. You don’t have to actually recruit them. It’s a pain in the ass trying to find decent guys to pledge.”

  “What about those guys from last week?”

  He shrugged. “They might be all right. We have a lot of guys graduating though, so we need a big pledge class, at least ten.”

  “I guess you’re in charge of it, huh?”

  “Yeah, and then I’m the pledge master, too, so you could say I’m really invested in finding good guys.”

  “Well, Josh made a good impression tonight. That should help, right?”

  “Maybe.” Luke rested his head on the back of the couch. “The talent show helps the sororities more than the fraternities. Freshman guys are more interested in partying.”

  He had a point there. “What do you do to recruit?”

  “We have recruitment meetings in the boys’ dorms.”

  “Do other frats do that?”

  “Yeah, they all do.”

  “Then how do you stand out?”

  “That’s the problem. There are too many damn fraternities on this campus.”

  I thought about the Greek community houses on campus, which were cookie cutter glorified dorms. Ours was nice, and the rooms were bigger than a regular dorm, but they were nothing special. “Your biggest asset is the house.”

  “Every frat has a house.”

  “Yeah, but most of them are on campus. They’re not unique. Pick up the guys and bring them out here. Have a cookout or something.”

  “We tried that before, but it didn’t work so well and it cost a lot of money. Plus once recruitment officially starts, we can’t have any alcohol at an official recruitment event, or we could lose our charter. So we can’t have guys out to the house like we did at the party last week.”

  “Let me ask you something—when those guys were here last week, how many of your brothers went out of their way to talk to them?”

  He frowned. “I don’t know.”

  “You should do what the sororities do.”

  He gave me a blank stare.

  I explained. “When you get a guy who’s interested, match him up with one of the brothers who has similar interests. Then the brother can get to know the guy and personally recruit him. When I rushed Alpha, I talked to the same girl every night. It was less intimidating coming in since I recognized someone. You just need a more organized strategy. Stop trying to impress the guys, and instead try to get to know them.”

  Luke considered. “Maybe. I don’t know if the guys would go alon
g with it. In the past, the pledge master has always done everything himself.”

  “But it sounds like that’s not working, so this is worth a try,” I said. “At the end of the day, people just want to belong, so make them feel like they belong.”

  Luke looked at me with raised eyebrows.

  I looked down and fiddled with my fingernail. “I took psychology last year during recruitment. I made some connections.”

  Luke grinned, which gave way to a yawn. Then I yawned.

  “What time is it?” I asked. “I should probably get Amber and head out.”

  He looked at his watch. “It’s three a.m.”

  “Wow. I didn’t realize how late it was. I really do need to go.” I stood.

  “How are you getting home?” Luke asked.

  “Uh…” For as smart as I was acting tonight, I was pretty damn stupid because I hadn’t thought about that. The Alpha DD stopped running an hour ago, and the town buses didn’t run this far out. “Can your DD take me home?”

  Luke shook his head. “He’s been drinking in the party room for the last hour.”

  What, no last call? What was I going to do now? I calculated the distance in my head. It definitely wasn’t walkable, especially in these heels. I couldn’t believe I got myself in this situation. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  “Can you take me?” I asked, desperate.

  He shook his head again. “I’m in no shape to drive.” His lips slowly stretched into a smile. “You’re stuck here.”

  A horrified expression formed on my face.

  When I was hesitant to come out to the house, I was worried about awkwardness between me and Luke. The possibility of getting stranded hadn’t even been on my radar.

  “Sorry.” The smile fell off his face and was replaced by a grimace. “That sounded really creepy. I don’t mean it in a creepy way, I promise.”

  “Uh-huh. I’m just going to go check on Amber,” I said and fled.

  I rapped on Brad’s door. When no one answered right away, I knocked again and called, “Amber! It’s Cori.”

  Amber cracked the door and stuck her head out. “Hey, what’s up?”

  What’s up? That’s what she had to say?

  And what was the deal with the cracked door? What was she hiding? I started to peek around, then thought better of it. I didn’t even want to know.