Letting Go

by Jessica Ruddick

  And I dreaded even more what lay beyond the parking lot.

  When he got in his room, he tossed his keys onto the desk and slipped out of his snow-covered shoes. I stood paralyzed in the doorway. When he saw me standing there, he pulled me into the room, shutting the door behind me.

  “I think the cold froze your brain.” He rooted around in his dresser drawer, coming up with the same clothes he had loaned me the first time I stayed the night.

  Déjà vu. The same, but oh-so-different.

  When he pulled my old toothbrush out of a drawer and offered it to me, I lost it.

  “I love you.”

  I hadn’t planned on saying that, but now that it was out, I kept going. “I love you, and I screwed it all up.” I pulled the necklace box out of my pocket. “This is just beautiful. It’s perfect. And you’re perfect. We were perfect, and I messed it all up.”

  He had watched me carefully through my whole speech. Now he took one step closer. “We weren’t perfect.” He took a deep breath. “We weren’t perfect because you should have told me about your past, especially if it was still affecting you.”

  “I didn’t want it to contaminate what we had,” I whispered. “I thought you might look at me differently.”

  “I would have.” He paused for a second to gather his thoughts. “That’s not a bad thing, though. I wish you would have trusted me with it.”

  “I was scared of what you would think, what you would do.”

  He rubbed his chin. “Rightly so, I guess. But damn. How was I supposed to react when I found out you were wearing his necklace?”

  “You wouldn’t even let me explain. You shut me out.”

  “The idea of you thinking of someone else when you were with me makes me want to punch something.”

  “I didn’t. I never did.”

  “I know that now. It just took me a while to figure it out.” He closed the space between us and took the necklace box out of my hands, opened it. “Do you like it?”

  I nodded. “It’s perfect.”

  Perfect, perfect, perfect.

  “Will you wear it?”

  I nodded again.

  He put the box down on his coffee table and unzipped my coat. I let him take it off me, and he tossed it onto the couch. He picked up the necklace and put it around my neck.

  “It suits you,” he said. “Even you could use some luck.”

  For the first time, I agreed. Maybe I should leave some things up to chance, to luck, rather than trying to control it all.

  I reached up and touched the silver clover with my fingertips. He took my fingers in his hand and brought them to his lips. “I love you, Corinne.”

  I launched myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck, running my fingers over his fuzzy hair. God, I’d missed that. I’d missed him.

  I’d come so close to losing everything, all because I couldn’t let go, because I refused to lose control.

  Our mouths crashed together, and there was nothing controlled about it. It was all heat and passion.

  The door swung open. “Hey, awesome, you’re still awake.” Josh sauntered in. “We need a fourth for beer pong.” A grin broke out on Josh’s face as he noticed me wrapped around Luke. “What’s going on here?”

  Luke looked down at me. “You up for beer pong? I’ll drink your cups.”

  I disentangled myself from Luke, and not-so-gently pushed Josh out the door.

  Luke laughed. “I guess that’s my answer.”

  “Hey!” Josh protested. He pulled his head out of the doorway just before I slammed the door in his face. “What about beer pong?” he called through the door.

  “Go away!” I yelled back.

  “Luke! Come on, man! Cori! We need you, girl!”

  Luke grabbed my hand, pulling me to him. “Go away, Josh!” he called.

  He nuzzled my neck.

  “We are so busting into his room the next time he has a girl in there,” I said. I tilted my head to give Luke better access. He did that little thing I liked with his tongue and ran his fingers along the skin at the small of my back. It was good I was holding on to him. My knees went weak.

  I wasn’t worried about falling though. I’d already fallen, and Luke was there to catch me. I could finally let go.

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  Acknowledgments

  Would you believe writing this is actually more difficult than writing a book? Here goes.

  Thanks first and foremost to my husband, Chris. You are my rock, my center, my happily-ever-after. Without you pestering me to get my butt in the chair and just write that bestseller already, this book (and others) would not have come to be. I can’t imagine sharing this crazy life with anyone else.

  To my sons, Tristan & Quentin, you inspire me every day. Watching you two convinces me that anything is possible.

  To my mom, thanks for inspiring my lifelong love of books. Those trips back and forth to the library are some of my happiest childhood memories.

  To the rest of my family, your excitement and enthusiasm are much appreciated, even when you don’t exactly understand all the writing and publishing jargon I throw around.

  It would be negligent of me not to mention the Romance Writers of America. Without that organization, I would not be a published author. Being a 2014 Golden Heart finalist changed my life.

  To my GH Dreamweaver and Dauntless sisters, your friendship and support mean more to me than you realize. I’m honored to be included in a group of such talented ladies with such big hearts.

  To Alycia Tornetta, my book is better because of you. Thanks for wiping the grins off my characters’ faces.

  To my fabulous agent extraordinaire, Sarah E. Younger, your enthusiasm and positive energy go a long way in this pessimist’s world. I am also indebted to your knowledge of vending machines—a single quarter won’t get you anything!

  Finally, to my Moxie girls, Terri and Marnee, what can I say that hasn’t already been said? In you two, I found my Pollyanna and my Twerk Twin. It doesn’t get much better than that. (And by the way, Lunchables are a perfectly acceptable meal, especially in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Just sayin’.)

  About the Author

  Jessica Ruddick lives in Virginia and is married to her college sweetheart—their first date was a fraternity toga party (and nothing inspires love like a toga, right?). When she doesn’t have her nose in a book or her hands on a keyboard, she can be found wrangling her two rambunctious sons, taming two rowdy but lovable rescue dogs, and battling the herd of dust bunnies that has taken up residence in her home.

  To learn more about Jessica, please visit her website at www.jessicaruddick.com.

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