Twisted Christmas

by Sara Cate

  It made me fall in love with him when I shouldn’t have. It made me want him for something else… As anything but a father.

  But he doesn’t feel the same. He never will, and that’s the most devastating part. Because if I can’t even have him for what he is to me, then what was the point of losing my real parents?

  “Why…” I cry harder and harder, banging my forehead on the steering wheel.

  Just… why?

  Sudden lights in my rear windshield catch my attention. I look up with wet eyes, vision blurred, at a large SUV that’s stopped right behind me. A Good Samaritan, likely stopping to make sure I’m alright.

  I cry even harder.

  I’m not alright. Not even close. I’m fucking lost.

  I barely process the large form staggering up to my window as I wipe my eyes frantically, trying to look less like a fucking infant crying in my car. But rather than just knocking on it, the person yanks open my door.

  It’s James.

  Holy fuck, now I’m shaking all over again.

  “Jesse, oh my God.” His voice breaks as he reaches inside the car and grasps my face with cold hands, looking me over for any sign of damage. “Are you alright?? Are you hurt?”

  My breathing is still too labored to answer him. So I simply nod. And keep nodding while he launches his entire torso into the car and takes me in his arms, hugging me to an almost strangling degree.

  But it feels good. It feels so good in this moment, I’m crumbling to pieces in his arms.

  “Baby, I thought I’d lost you,” he whispers into the crook of my neck, breath warming me as he practically climbs into the driver seat, clutching me for dear life. “I thought you were gone… I can’t lose you, too, baby. I can’t fucking lose you, too.”

  My cries have gone silent, but they’re still there as I grip him tight, pulling him and keeping him here, because I need it. I need him. I need everything he is right now.

  He’s all I have, and he’s all I need. It’s tormenting, this kind of reliance. But I’ve never noticed how much so until I left the house today.

  And he came after me…

  He fucking came after me.

  “I’m… s-so… g-glad you’re… h-here…” I quake in his arms, my breaths working overtime just to get the words out.

  James strokes my hair with his long fingers, clutching me to his chest. “It’s okay, Jess. I have you. Just breathe, baby. You’re alright.”

  My heart thumps to expand in my chest, breaking free from the chains of hurt, bleeding for this man. If there was ever a question as to the pain of love, a moment like this would be the answer.

  It’s crippling, my love for him.

  We stay like this for many minutes, until my breathing finally evens out a bit, and his grip feels less like he’s trying to hold me together, and more like he’s just holding me. Caring for me and comforting me. Two things James has always been good at.

  Prying us apart, he pulls back to look down at me, taking in the sight of my face; I’m sure nothing but wide, red-rimmed eyes, flushed cheeks and wet lips. Hopefully no snot, but who knows. I’ve been crying for what feels like hours.

  James reaches down and pushes the seat back, shifting me effortlessly as he climbs into the driver’s side of the vehicle, positioning me half on his lap and closing the door. I peek over at the passenger side, wondering if he could have just gotten in there. But it’s engulfed in snow. I guess I skidded right into that snowbank, and only the left side of my car is accessible.

  He gazes up at me, forehead lined with distress, dark coal eyes glistening as he slides his thumb beneath my puffy eye, then down my cheek to my lips. “You… left.”

  Guilt simmers in my gut as I stare at him, worrying my lip with my teeth. He tugs it free with his thumb. “I’m sorry…”

  “I don’t want you to apologize, Jesse,” he rumbles. “Your feelings are valid. I… I didn’t handle that well back there. This is all just so confusing for me. It’s so… new.” He pauses and blinks. “For me. Maybe you’ve been thinking about this for a while, but I haven’t. You hit me like a Mack truck, baby, and I just didn’t know how to react.” He stops again and breathes out slowly. “But I handled it poorly. I shouldn’t have made you feel like… loving me is wrong.”

  “I’m sorry…” I mutter again, unable to help myself, grieving in my guilt. “I know this is all my fault.”

  “No, it’s not,” he protests, but I don’t let him.

  “Yes, it is!” I gasp, fingers combing into my hair as I yank it hard. “Because all this time, you’ve been raising me like I’m your son, while I’ve been lusting after you like a crush. Don’t you think I’ve wanted to stop? To just make it all go away…? Of course, I have! But I can’t. I can’t stop wanting you… Loving you. Every part. And I’m fucking sorry… I fucked everything up.”

  The last word of my confession barely has time to float from my lips before he’s pulling me by my jaw.

  His mouth crashes into mine and the grunt that bursts from my throat evaporates into a whimper as he kisses me desperately, panting into my mouth. He sucks at my lips fervently, holding me still by the nape of my neck, touching my tongue with his as his fingers slink into my hair.

  “I don’t want you to be sorry,” he says again on bated breaths while we kiss each other dizzy. My heart is spilling out of my chest, eager to unburden itself on his. “I never want you to regret this… What we’ve done. What we’re doing… It’s the best thing I’ve ever felt in my whole life.”

  Trembling whines crash from my mouth into his while I writhe into him, the warmth of his large body and his infinitely cherishing words breathing life back into me. My mind is overcome with emotions, shivering me where I sit on top of him.

  “I shouldn’t have left,” I tell him as he opens my coat to run his strong hands over my chest. “I just… I couldn’t…”

  He uses his left hand to recline the seat all the way back. “Shh… It’s okay, baby. You’re here. I found you, and I won’t let you go again. I don’t want you to… go.”

  “I won’t,” I breathe, our lips brushing. “I promise.”

  “Good.” His fingers slip beneath my shirt to trace the curves in my chest and abs. “Because I want this, too. It’s confusing and scary, but I can’t stop wanting you either. You’re the only thing in my life that’s never really made sense… In a good way. You make me feel alive, Jess. You always have.”

  I’m fucking flying. I don’t even know what to say to that, but I know what I want to do. I want to cling to this man forever.

  I never want to leave him again.

  Opening up his coat, I touch him the way he’s touching me, feeling his strength and his size beneath my fingers, making me weak. His hands grip my jaw as he kisses me wild yet thorough, our lips dancing, surviving on one another and the heat we make together.

  Shaky fingers rip at clothes, mine going first to the waist of his jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping frantically. He shifts his hips, lifting me on top of him so I can reach inside and grab his cock. It’s stiff as fuck already, crammed between us. Making a fist around it, I pull it out, jerking him slow and steady while he moves to do the same to me.

  This car is pretty small. Two dudes cramped in one seat is already challenging, and my neck is craned, head bumping the ceiling. But I don’t even care. We’re wearing each other like a second skin right now, grinding together, breaths echoing inside the car, windows fogging up at an alarming rate.

  James takes my cock out and strokes it while I stroke his, bringing them together so we can rub out some yummy friction. I don’t want to stop kissing him for even one second, but I can’t help the way the euphoric feeling of him jerking us both together has me leaning back. Lifting onto my knees a bit more, I straddle him as best I can, still fully clothed with only our aching cocks out. He pushes me back forcefully, my ass bumping the horn.

  Breathless chuckles leave us both before James leans down and licks the head of my dick.

&
nbsp; “Fuck…” I purr as he sucks me in, teasing me with his tongue until I’m seeing stars.

  At this angle, he can only really suck an inch, but that’s all I need. It’s fucking wonderful.

  “Baby, I can taste you,” he groans, licking and licking like he can’t get enough. “I love your flavor.”

  My fingers weave through his dark hair, eyes closed, head back, thrusting forward to give him as much of my desperate erection as possible. And he keeps flicking at it, tongue curling around and around before he sucks me so hard I go cross-eyed.

  “That feels so good…” Words tumble from my lips, eyes cracking open to watch him, visibly shaking while he envelopes me in his warm, wet mouth, beating his own dick rough in his lap.

  The vibrations of him groaning on my cock are almost too much to bear. I was wound up before, and I’m winding up even more now, muscles tightening all over my body as an orgasm sizzles in my balls.

  No lights, we’re bathed in shadows, fooling around in my car like hungry animals with no fucks to give about anything happening outside. I can hear the sleet hitting the windows, but I can’t see anything. We’ve created enough heat inside this car to last a lifetime.

  James’s fingers grip my balls, and he squeezes, the pain hitting me like a wave of something so bad it feels divine. And I stiffen, shifting my hips to his mouth, giving him my cock to suck like the sexiest goddamn human being ever invented until I break the fuck down.

  The climax rumbles through me as I spill into his mouth, pulsing and pulsing in aching throbs that he catches and swallows, drinking me like sheer perfection. He’s humming the whole time, like he loves it just as much as I do.

  Like he wants nothing more than to taste me and savor me like a sweet snack.

  My fucking brain is blown to smithereens.

  For moments after I’m done coming, James laps at the head of my dick, teasing me and cleaning me, breathing like there isn’t enough air in the world, let alone this car.

  Without even thinking, I crash off of him into the passenger seat, then scramble over the center console, fisting his cock and bringing it to my mouth.

  “Mmmm… that’s my good boy,” he growls, fingers brushing through my hair while I pump his cock with my lips. “Your sweet mouth is so warm and wet, baby. God… you’re gonna suck the cum right out of me.”

  I moan on his dick, throating him as best I can, slobbering on him while I fuck him with my mouth, gripping his thighs for leverage. James stiffens, his grunting and panting overwhelming the music still coming from the stereo as his hips lift to my mouth. His dick slides back into my throat and he swells.

  “Fuck, baby, yes… I’m fucking… coming for you…”

  The warm salty liquid shoots on my tongue and I slurp it up like my favorite drink. He keeps my head down on his cock the whole time, pouring down my throat while I whimper and cry, muffled, dazed and high as a fucking kite.

  When he’s done, his fingers lazily brushing through my hair, I suck up his length and sigh, unable to resist. I drop a kiss on his crown before lifting myself up on shaky arms, resting my head on his shoulder.

  He chuckles, “Did you just kiss my dick?”

  Dammit. That’s embarrassing.

  But I don’t really have any suave response to give in this moment. So I shrug. “Yea. I love him. So what?”

  He tilts my face up to his with fingers on my chin. “What about me?”

  “You’re okay, too.” I blink at him, my words teasing, though the enamored look I’m giving him prohibits me from smiling.

  James leans in and kisses my lips softly, gentle in his pure captivation. He’s the holder of my heart right now. In this moment, he has me, more than ever before.

  I just hope it isn’t too much for him.

  His eyes lift and he looks around, assessing the fact that we’re in a car, out in the open. Anyone could stumble upon us in this compromising position.

  But this time, rather than clamming up or running away, he just sighs. “We have to get out of here.”

  I nod. “Let’s go home.”

  His dark gaze settles on mine. “I mean like… out of here. This place… this town.” I can’t help the look of confusion on my face. His thumb slides over my lower lip, such an intimate gesture, I’m melting like Frosty in that greenhouse. “I wish we could just leave. Get away for a while…”

  My stomach clenches in all sorts of emotions. “You would do that for me?”

  His eyes sparkle as he murmurs with full sincerity, “I would do anything for you.” Swallowing thickly, I lean into his touch. “But for us too, Jess. I would do anything for us.”

  My chest unlocks with a strong breath, pulling in his words and letting them flutter about inside me.

  If he really wants us…

  “Take me home,” I whisper, fingers trailing up to his angled jaw. “I have something for you.”

  Chapter 13

  James

  * * *

  When we walk back through the front door, together, I’ve never been happier to be home.

  I managed to get Jesse’s car unstuck from the snowbank and drove it back, following him as he drove my SUV. The kid was scared, and I don’t blame him one bit. He drove five miles per hour the whole way, and I just sat in his car right behind him, inhaling deep breaths of his scent as it surrounded me.

  I won’t lie and say I’m at ease in what’s happening. I’m still nervous, about all of this. But one thing became abundantly clear when I realized that he’d left without a word.

  I can’t live without him.

  Maybe it was never romantic before this crazy holiday changed everything. Actually, I’m certain it wasn’t, at least not for me. And I’m happy about that. It makes me feel like less of a creep, and more like a man who’s been swept up in an unexpected love.

  So falling in love with your adopted son isn’t normal… But what has normal ever done for me anyway?

  It kept me alive with blinders on, with an unknown treasure hidden inside me, waiting to be discovered.

  I’m not sure what this means for my sexuality, but if the only man I’m attracted to is Jesse, then I’m totally fine with that. He’s gorgeous and smart and talented. Certainly more grounded than I was at eighteen.

  And where we’ll go from here is still vastly up in the air. But I have to give in to this. Because if the alternative is losing him, then I’ll do everything in my power to fight it.

  I’ll burn down the world to keep him happy. That I can do.

  We strip out of our wet boots and coats at the door, and I take Jesse by the hand, bringing him to the living room. He stands in front of the fireplace warming his hands while I throw a couple of logs on. I can’t read his face, but he seems lost in his own thoughts, and it reminds me of the scare he just faced.

  Jesse lost his parents to an accident, and it shaped him. The tragedy of it made him who he is, for better or worse. Though I’d say better, because he’s fucking strong. I gave him the best childhood I possibly could, and I know I did well for the kid. But he doesn’t need me…

  Regardless of what he thinks, his love for me, he doesn’t need anyone. I respect that immensely. I’d like to think I’m the same, but I’m not sure if it’s true.

  Because I definitely need him.

  Jesse’s face tilts up to mine and I can’t stop myself. I grab him and haul him into my arms, hugging him tight, hand sliding up to cup his head, the other resting on his lower back. He melts into me and we just sway for many minutes by the fire.

  He’s not shivering anymore. I think he’s warm and content. I hope he is…

  After a while, he pulls back and gazes up at me, lashes fluttering as he says, “Sit. Please.”

  I’m confounded by his soft command, and I nod, releasing him and plopping down onto the loveseat. Jesse wanders over to the Christmas tree and bends to rustle something from underneath. He comes back to me with a small gift box, wrapped in sparkly paper with a red bow on top.

  “
In all the excitement, I never got to give you your gift,” he says, handing it to me.

  I take it with a cock of my brow. “Excitement… That’s an understatement if I’ve ever heard one.”

  Jesse rolls his eyes, a smirk covering his plush lips. “Just shut up and open it.”

  A chuckle bubbles from my throat as I examine the box in my hands. I’m vibrating in anticipation…

  What kind of gift could he have picked out for me?

  Glancing up at him, I pat the seat next to me. His grin widens and he slinks onto the loveseat, nestling up to my side. I can’t resist pressing a kiss in his silky hair before slowly unwrapping my Christmas present.

  Removing the top from the gift box, I blink. Airline tickets…

  I peer at him, and he bites his lip. Taking them out, I read the destination.

  “St. Barth…” I murmur, my fingers trailing the tickets.

  Jesse leans in, pointing to the travel date. “For New Years.” I peer down at him, and he mumbles, “Surprise,” chewing nervously on his lower lip. “Is that okay? It’s only a week, and I know you have time off… I just figured you could use a vacation. I mean, we both could, I guess…”

  I cut off his rambles with my lips, kissing him softly, though I’ve surprised him enough that he gasps into my mouth. I have no idea why his timidity turns me on, why the idea that he was nervous about this gift has my heart thudding aggressively in my chest. But it does and I have to force myself to stop mauling him.

  “Baby… this is so thoughtful,” I whisper, fingertips trailing his sharp jaw. “Thank you so much. This is the best gift ever. Well, second best…”

  His brows zip together, honey-colored irises sparkling at me.

  You, baby… You’re the best gift I’ve ever received.

  I wish I could unwrap him.

  Jesse’s cheeks flush as understanding dawns, and he breaks our intense stare, glancing down shyly before resting his head on my shoulder.

  “I made a reservation at a cool resort, but now I’m thinking maybe we should get a villa,” he chirps, peeking up at me once more. “For some privacy.”