by Sara Cate
Reaching back behind her head, she begins to scratch at the base of her neck. “Glad to see the original Isaiah still lives inside of you. I’ll tell you what.” Her voice is upbeat, and I’m not sure how she’s reacting to my suggestion. “I’ll talk to River and ask him what he thinks. But, then again, if I feel animosity toward you, he seems to feel it tenfold.”
“And,” I say as she halts at my words, and part of me wants to say, good girl. But if she had a thoughtful reply, it would simply have my dick aching painfully against my suit pants. “It seems like you and River are quite cozy now?”
She opens her mouth to talk and only fumbles at a reply.
“Don’t worry, you’ll find your words eventually. Until then, I’m going to the dining room for breakfast. Be sure to find me if your words come, and you’re able to talk like a normal person.”
I’m out of the living room, lined with both Tanya’s and Shannon’s Christmas décor. I revert to my douche-like ways when I’m uncomfortable. Having a hard-on for the girl who I held at her baptism and swore to protect in the absence of her parents is painful in more ways than one; considering with a retort from her sassy mouth, may have me creaming my pants.
River is in the kitchen, drinking out of the carton of orange juice. “Fuck, River, pour yourself a cup of OJ. No one wants your cooties.”
He stares at me and has my attention, and then does the unexpected and spits into the OJ. “Now you won’t touch it, like you won’t touch me.”
I stay still, dumbfounded by his actions, his words.
“I’ve had more than enough out of you, boy.”
I charge him, and his glare is void of emotion. “What will you do, Ize? Will you actually fuck me this time? Is it what has to be done to have your dick inside of me? Huh?”
His words are affecting me more than they typically do. “River Hanson, I swear to…”
“You swear to what, Ize? Will you run your nails down my back? Do you want to rim my asshole? Do your best to me, motherfucker.” He hands me the OJ, and I take it out of shock with his words. “Here, you can have a little bit of me, until you get a fucking clue that you and I aren’t over.”
I’m rarely, and I mean fucking rarely, knocked off of my axis, but with River this morning, it’s exactly what I am. And I’m fucked when it comes to both kids.
Chapter 11
Kenzie
For three weeks, I’ve lived in the mansion with Isaiah and River. My relationship with River has changed. We spend almost every night together. It’s typically in the shared game room or his music room as I listen to some of his new songs. They’re sad, reflecting on his grief at losing Mom and Dad.
I love to sing, and he’s played some of my favorite Christmas carols. When I’m not screaming or crying at the loss of Mom and Dad, we share movies and hot cocoa. We’ve even gone outside in the Montana snow. Isaiah has a great hill, and we’ve sled down it several times. We’ve made snow angels and even have had a couple snowball fights. I could get used to this side of River Hanson, and I’m afraid it will be yanked away from me and the hurt will be so much greater.
Each night, I use the images of Isaiah and Riv to get me off. I may be a virgin, but like River, I have needs.
It’s lunch when my day meets up with River. He enters the cafeteria, the last day before school breaks for Christmas, because our school doesn’t believe in long holiday vacations. River’s larger-than-life presence is known to me as he gives me a slight nod.
My nose is in a book, as per the typical Kenzie Hanson vibe I give off. Solie, my only true friend, slides into the same booth but across the table. I’d seen her at the funeral, but with Isaiah’s edict of our life-changing commands, we’d not talked. And I’ve not had a chance to share all about my life changes, with barely attending school. Most of the days I can hardly pull myself from my bed, but today, I was feeling a little bit better. But my days ebb and flow. Who knows what it’ll be like tomorrow.
“Kenzie, my girl,” she begins because Solie has as many friends as I do, so I’m really her girl. “What the hell are you doing here? I went by your house yesterday, and it was on the market. By the way…” She pulls for a french fry of mine. “Do you check your texts anymore?”
Solie has been known to ask up to twenty questions before she takes a breath. Today I get off lucky with just a couple.
“Long story short, Isaiah is over the estate. He’s put the house on the market because the homes are selling like hotcakes and bringing in quite the profit. He says we’ll get more money if we sell now. And because his house is big, he thinks it’s no problem to just move in with him.”
She takes at least ten french fries, chewing them as her head has to be spinning with questions. With Solie, it’ll be a fuck ton, I’m sure. I push my plate over to her since my lunch is hers today. But I’ve barely eaten. I can’t. All I want is to crawl onto the couch with my mom and snuggle under a blanket as we catch up on The Bachelor. Or maybe go fishing with my dad. Hell, I’ll even take one of those forced proximity outings where they acted as if River and I were your average siblings, who fought for the show but got along behind closed doors. One was true, and one was not.
“Why is it that all the assholes are also the most drop-dead gorgeous?” She slaps her mouth at the words she’s just used “Oh, fuck, Kenz, I didn’t mean…”
I wave her off. “Solie, it’s a figure of speech. Just… go on. Ask your questions because I’m sure there are many.”
She taps her chin. “Are you close to River in the house? Is the mansion as nice inside as it is outside? Does he have servants? Will he bring his flavor of the night home? Oh, fuck, even though he’s a horse’s ass, I’d for sure be his flavor of the day.”
I wad up a napkin and toss it at her head. Solie, like me, is a virgin, and Isaiah would ruin her. But I have a feeling he ruins many people.
“River is across the hall from me. We have practically half of the upstairs to ourselves. The mansion is cold and void of life. Isaiah has a maid, a cook, and a butler. I’m sure there’s more, but they are all I’ve met. He’s told me there will be specific rules to follow, like no more short skirts, but then I showed up for breakfast this morning in the shortest one I own, just to spite the asshole.”
She’s now taken over my chicken sandwich but pops her head toward me, covering her mouth again as she hurries to finish her food.
“What? Your hot and sexy shithead brother stuck up for you? What the hell is going on in this world?”
She’s not the only one thinking this. “Yeah, but there’s more. Riv and I are grieving together. He told me it was him and me now. He wants us to be a part of each other’s life. I don’t know if it was just the grief, but fuck, I feel so alone.”
I close my eyes, willing myself to stop crying before it starts. Solie’s hand connects with my own. “You’re always welcome at my house. With Sanora in college, there’s an extra room. My parents would love to have you.”
If this was a couple of weeks ago, I would have jumped at the offer. But now, I have to give River a chance to prove himself, to see if we can be more than enemies who share the same name.
“Thanks, Solie, I may take you up on the offer, but for now, I have to see what I can do to hold on to the little bit of family I have left.”
The bell rings, but I have a free period, and I stay in the lunchroom while Solie scurries off to class. The book is back in front of my eyes when a swoosh of air distracts me from the next paragraph. I flip my eyesight over the top of the book’s spine and am shocked to see my stepbrother sitting in front of me.
“You left early this morning. I wasn’t able to check in on you.” It’s a matter-of-fact statement as he finishes the fries Solie hadn’t.
“Yeah, well, Isaiah was his charming self as normal. You know, just when I think the man has a heart, it’s like he can’t show it.” And why is he sexier when he’s an asshole? “Anyway, he was kind with his words about Tanya’s Christmas stuff I assumed Mom put up.
But come to find out, it was Dad, trying to protect Mom from the fact that he loved Tanya as much as he loved Mom.”
There’s a fruit salad Solie hadn’t touched, and River begins with the grapes, picking them out.
“Why the fuck do they have to ruin everything with grapes? Nasty, slimy fuckers.”
How can he eat? I know he’s going through his own hell right now, but it’s certainly not affecting his appetite. “So, what did the fucker say after he was kind to you?”
“He reminded me he was the one in control and in charge. He left me standing in all of Mom’s Christmas stuff as he made his point.”
Crimson crawls onto his face, and he fists his hands as though he’s about to fight the grapes he hates so much, but it’s not the grapes he hates at the moment.
“River, you have decided you want to be an actual brother to me for what, all of a couple weeks? It’s hard to believe you want me in your life, and it’s even harder to trust it, as everything I’ve known has been yanked from me like a terrible magic act and all the shit on the table is now a fucking mess on the floor. It’s my life now. I have no one.”
I have Tanya’s parents. They love me and would take me in a heartbeat. They’d even take River in the bunch if I asked them to. But they had to move away from all the memories of Tanya when she died. With my grandpa’s pacemaker, they couldn’t make it to the funeral, but they’ve asked me to pack up everything and take the first flight to Nebraska. But, even though he had hated me as of a couple weeks ago, I can’t leave River. There’s a hope we could be more to one another, a real family. I’m now afraid to hope because the pain very well may destroy me.
“Kenzie, it’s hard to say trust me when I’ve done nothing to build your trust. Name it. Tell me what I can do?”
It’s hard to smile. It’s hard to recognize any happiness within me. There’s something, though, I know it will hurt like hell, but we have to do it. I’d not thought about it until now, but I’ll use this as a way where we can possibly heal one another.
“Are you serious?” I ask, and my eyes stay locked on the same ones of our mother’s. “Because I’m almost positive you’ll kick yourself when you find out what it is.”
“I mean it, Kenz. Tell me what I have to do to show you I’m in. I want us to be more than mere strangers. I took for granted the family I had. I’m not taking you for granted one more fucking second so tell me, and I’ll be there.”
Oh, he’s going to hate every moment of it. It’ll put a smile on my face at the idea.
“Okay, then join me tonight with the fuck nugget who we happen to be living with as we decorate the house for Christmas. Both Mom and Tanya loved the holiday so much. It’s one way, though it’ll hurt like hell, to feel a piece of both of them, and Dad, too.”
His countenance falls and white washes over his face. “Seriously, do we have to include Isaiah in it, too?” His whine is borderline sexy, and I have to remind my ignored woman bits that this man in front of me is my brother at the end of the day.
“As much of an ass as he is, he’s also grieving. Isaiah was a brother to Dad, he adored Mom, and truth be told, I think he may have been in love with Tanya but bowed out because of the physical connection Dad and Tanya shared.”
His eyes close as he takes in what I’d say is a calming breath. “Can’t I just buy you a diamond necklace or take you on a fancy trip? Why does it have to be him, with us?”
I give him a shrug of my shoulders. “Because as much as I hate to admit it, I think it’ll be the three of us who will heal our broken hearts.”
Chapter 12
River
Of all the things she could’ve asked of me—I blindly agreed to it before knowing the consequence. Every time her smile makes its way onto her face, she’s allowing me to see her in a completely different light. I crave her near my body, and the idea of Isaiah’s body in the same room as mine has my mind muddled, especially after he’d confessed his true feelings a couple weeks ago.
I catch a brief glance of Kenzie starting toward her AP English class, with Solie, the only person she talks to. Solie must say something specific, causing the most enormous grin to crawl onto Kenzie’s face, and it’s stunning. Kenzie is all parts of serious, ninety percent of the time. Dad was like that, but there’d been a warmth with him. Maybe there wasn’t that warmth with me since I treated her like an alien from a different planet.
My countenance falls when she exits the hall, making her way into her classroom. “Are you looking at how hot your sister is or her friend? The nerdy, geeky look works for both of them. Man, I’d get nerdy if only to find my way between either one of their legs.”
This is Ephraim, my one-time best friend, and we’re about to have words over the way he refers to my sister, but his gaze has already set its sight on my closed fists.
“Whoa, dude, I was only kidding. Well, about Kenzie, that is. Solie is a whole other matter. And to my knowledge it isn't forbidden.”
It looks as if Ephraim can remain my friend for now, with our bro-understanding that Kenzie is indeed off-limits, even more so. It’s forbidden—all my bros know she’s not available to them, but then again, the thoughts roaming through my brain with Kenzie are outlandishly banned, too.
“No, Solie is open season, but she’s a mouthy little thing and has her eyes wide open to the likes of guys like us, so good luck with that.” We do our customary handshake I have with the whole gang of guys I’ve grown up with and head to my next class. I ignore the lecture about the Battle of Waterloo, but on every naughty thing I could do between my sister’s legs. Ah, fuck, I’m going to hell, but right now, I don’t fucking care.
It’s not a decision or one I make with my mind. My heart leads me to the only place I know to be alone with my mom and dad. Pulling up to the winding road near their graves, I walk almost numb toward them. My mom was hands down the best mother ever. She was the nurse, therapist, financial planner, cook, and chauffeur to Kenz and my brotherhood friends.
I’m lost without her, imparting that smile so much like my own on me or pulling me into a hug. Then Dad was always open with me, and I knew where I stood. He never batted an eye when I became sexually active but gave me all the information and precautions I’d need to ensure I was safe.
My life doesn’t make sense without them. How can it? It’s been three weeks since we buried them, and I’m back at school, acting like my life is the same. I shouldn’t be this well put together but as soon as my knees hit the cold earth in front of their gravestones, I revert to the little kid who used to hold on a little tight to my mom, even when I became the cool kid who shouldn’t show their parents affection.
“I don’t know what to do without you. And now we’re under Isaiah’s thumb. Yeah, thanks a lot for that, Dad.” The last part is said with dry humor I’d use on my dad if he were in front of me. “And I’m having these thoughts of Kenzie I shouldn’t have. I want you back. It’s what’s wrong with my brain. I just want you back. I have no one. At least Kenz has Tanya’s parents. I have no one, not one person I can call mine. I’m an orphan without family.”
A hand lands on my shoulder. I jerk from the kneeling position to face who has scared the fuck out of me.
“Isaiah, what the hell are you doing here?” And how much has he heard?
“Hey.” In the one word of his greeting, there’s shakiness, something I’m not used to seeing in the asshole. But then again, it’s been the first time we’ve really talked since he confessed the real reason he turned me away, then turned me away for a second time after our blowjobs. “The gravestones were put in today, and I wanted to make sure they were correct.” He looks over my shoulder at the gravestones. I forgot they hadn’t been ready the day of the funeral.
I’m in front of Isaiah, pushing toward him, but not because I can’t get enough of the man. “How long have you been here? This is private between myself and Mom and Dad.”
He gently separates us with a tender touch to my chest. “Down, boy, I only hea
rd the very last sentence. And you’re wrong; you have someone to count on. You have me.” His hands travel up an inch as if he’s going to touch my face or caress my cheek, but he stops, taking his touch away from me.
I step back to give us more space. “I don’t have you. Being lied to for two years, treating me like I’m the dirt on the bottom of your shoes, isn’t having you, Isaiah. Not at all.”
I step around him as his solid hands find the biceps of my upper arms. I attempt to pull away, and with anyone else, I could. But the son of a bitch is too strong.
“I couldn’t then, Riv. There’s no way I could do that to Robert or Shannon. I didn’t have the history with your mom as I had with Tanya, but I absolutely loved her for taking care of your dad like she had.”
I let him pull me back to his space until we’re eye to eye. “And now, what about now? Are you going to allow me to kneel right here and take your dick, which if you haven’t forgotten, I know the feel of it, and that you’re uncut?” He winces at the memory as though I slapped his face. “Are you going to allow yourself the pleasure to touch my own cock again, the length and size, impressive, I may add, as you know. Then you can push into my virgin ass.” Somehow, I never let another breach me there, just in case. But I’m mad, and my words are meant to anger him, throw him into a rage he can’t recover from. They’re intended to hurt, as he’s wounded me in the past.
“Riv,” he continues, “I want you. I’m not going to lie, but I can’t. Not right now. Not when I’m supposed to be the father figure your dad asked of me.”
“It didn’t stop you three weeks ago, as we were a comfort to one another.” I push off him, and he allows it with his weight and build more prominent than mine. “It’s a game with you. See how much I can push the boy until I have him begging for me. Nope, you want me. You know where I am. Until then, maybe someone I know wants my tight virgin ass. Because I don’t think I want to save it for you anymore.”