Until You Loved Me--A Novel

by Brenda Novak

  Ellie couldn’t help smiling. There’d been times in her life when she wouldn’t have taken Amy’s advice on anything. “You’ve gotten good at solving other people’s problems.”

  “What do you think I do all day?” she responded with a laugh. “Cut and style hair?”

  “Thanks for your help, Aim.”

  “You’re welcome. Except now I’m kind of mad at myself.”

  “For...”

  “Talking you into leaving. I’m going to miss you.”

  They’d become closer than ever before... “You can visit me.”

  “See if he has any single friends once you get out there,” she said, and Ellie laughed for the first time in several days.

  “I will.”

  “I have to go. My next appointment’s here.”

  Ellie said goodbye and pushed End on her phone. Hudson couldn’t be all bad, not after the way he’d taken care of her while she was sick. That was a fairly reliable measure of someone’s empathy and sense of responsibility, wasn’t it? She should give him the shot he was asking for. Since the pregnancy would interrupt her work anyway, she couldn’t see how it would hurt.

  Before she could change her mind, she called Hudson.

  “Hello?”

  The rasp in his voice took her by surprise. “Did I wake you?”

  “Didn’t get much sleep last night,” he mumbled.

  She felt guilty, since that was primarily her fault. “Okay. Call me when you wake up.”

  “No, I’d like to hear what you have to say—as long as it’s yes. Are you coming to California?”

  She clutched the phone tighter. “Do you ever not get your way?”

  “Let me think about that. No,” he said immediately.

  She had to chuckle. At least he was honest. “I hope I don’t regret this,” she said.

  “You’re in?” He sounded much more awake.

  “I’m in.”

  “I can’t believe it. What about your work?”

  “It’ll be better if I let someone else take over.”

  “Is that why you agreed?”

  “That’s what made it possible. Mostly I’m doing it for our son, so he can know you.”

  “I appreciate that. I really do.”

  “You’re welcome. If we get along, I’ll stay. If we can’t—if it’s not a good situation for me or the baby—I’ll come home, and...and we’ll work out some other way to share custody.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “Great. Get some sleep. I’ll see you later.”

  “Ellie?”

  “What?”

  “Can I come to the birth?”

  “Don’t press your luck,” she said and disconnected.

  * * *

  Hudson stared at the ceiling long after he’d hung up with Ellie. He was sleeping in her bed, which he preferred to being in a hotel, but living in her space, especially without her, felt weird to begin with. Now he’d be bringing a pregnant Ellie back with him to Silver Springs. That was sure to change a few things.

  Would he regret handling the situation this way? What if he was wrong about her? What if she was difficult as hell?

  The Ellie he’d seen so far made that hard to imagine. Despite her formidable intelligence, she seemed soft and sweet, and her room only enhanced that impression. He’d never been in such a frilly place. She definitely liked pink. What with the drapes and the bedding, he felt like he was swimming in a sea of it. The place smelled like woman, too. That was the best part. He could close his eyes and easily pick up the scent of her perfume on the pillowcase—and that scent was one he remembered well.

  He should be able to get along with her, he told himself. Even if he couldn’t, he had to try. He couldn’t go on as if nothing had happened while Ellie gave birth to his child almost three thousand miles away. He’d lived his whole life feeling rejected by the very people who’d created him. He would not allow a child of his ever to feel the same.

  His phone rang. Afraid it was Ellie—that she’d changed her mind—he checked caller ID.

  Not Ellie. Aaron.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, where are you?” Aaron asked. “You told Coach you’d help with weight training at school today. Everyone’s looking for you.”

  Damn it. Hudson groaned. He’d been so overwhelmed by the tsunami that’d upended his life, he hadn’t even told anyone he was leaving Silver Springs, let alone checked his schedule. “Sorry. Something came up and I forgot. Is Coach there?”

  “No. He got a phone call and stepped out to take it. One of the players told me earlier that you’d be here, so I came by.”

  “Can you apologize for me when you get the chance? Tell him to call me?”

  “After he’s done I can. But are you sure you don’t want to drive over? It’s not too late.”

  “Can’t. I’m in Miami.”

  “Doing what? More endorsement stuff?”

  “No.” He hated to say he’d gotten a girl pregnant. He’d preached and preached to the boys at New Horizons not to be that irresponsible. But once he got home, he wouldn’t be able to hide that he had a woman living with him, a woman who was expecting a baby. Within a few weeks, once Ellie was showing a bit more, the truth would be apparent. “I, uh, I’ve been dating someone out here.” He cringed at the way he was stretching the truth. He’d also preached honor and integrity, and honesty was a huge part of that.

  “You have?” Aaron said. “Who?”

  “Her name’s Ellie Fisher.”

  “You’ve never mentioned her.”

  “I should have.” Except that he hadn’t even known her last name until a few days ago.

  “Why didn’t you?”

  “Didn’t think it was serious, wasn’t sure it would last.”

  “What’s changed? Don’t tell me you’re getting married! Is that where this is going?”

  “No, of course not. I mean...not yet. Maybe...maybe later. Some day. But—” he felt he had no choice except to reveal the truth “—we are expecting a baby.”

  This announcement was met with stunned silence. “Wow. That came out of nowhere,” Aaron said when he finally spoke. “How long have you been dating?”

  “Six months or so,” he said, stretching that, too.

  “What about the women you’ve been seeing around here?”

  Fortunately, he hadn’t dated anyone in Silver Springs. “You mean LA?”

  “Yeah. California.”

  “Ellie and I... We haven’t been exclusive. She won’t be upset, and neither will they.”

  “If you say so, but—” Aaron lowered his voice “—what’s really going on?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Something’s up. You’re acting weird. Don’t tell me you’re moving to Miami!”

  “Stop! I wouldn’t leave you. I’m coming back. Just wanted to give you a heads-up that I’ll be bringing Ellie with me.”

  More silence. Then Aaron said, “How far along is she?”

  Another uncomfortable question, one that would reveal how quickly they’d fallen into bed. “Four, five months,” he replied.

  “Oh, I get it!” Aaron said.

  “What?” Hudson asked.

  “You didn’t intend to get her pregnant.”

  Hudson rubbed his left temple. He couldn’t hide anything from this kid. Aaron was too savvy, too in tune with real life and what went on around him. “No,” he admitted. “It happened despite my best efforts to be...safe.” He hated to divulge too much, didn’t want Aaron running around telling everyone the damn condom broke. But he also hated to have Aaron think he didn’t take his own advice. “Doesn’t mean I won’t do everything I can to take good care of the baby, though,” he added. “I’m excited to have a c
hild.”

  “Yeah, you sound like it,” he said, laughing.

  “It’s true!”

  “You’re totally freaked out!”

  “It came as a surprise. That’s all.”

  He sobered. “Sorry. I won’t give you any more shit. I know you’re sensitive about kids. Doesn’t matter how she got pregnant. You’ll make a great father.”

  Once again, Aaron had exhibited maturity and wisdom. He was a special young man. Hudson was so glad it seemed that, for now anyway, he was going to be okay. “Thank you,” Hudson said. “I’ll see you soon.”

  After he set his phone on the white, mirror-topped nightstand, he tried to go back to sleep. He was still exhausted, but he had too much on his mind. Now that he knew Ellie would be coming home with him, he kept thinking about all the adjustments he’d have to make. What would he do if he wanted to go out with members of the team or spend some one-on-one time with the boys from the ranch? Leave her home alone? Or take her with him?

  She’d have to establish her own life in California, he decided. She couldn’t expect him to hold her hand all the time. But would she understand that? And would she manage to accomplish it? She wouldn’t be working, which would make it difficult for her to meet people...

  A burst of panic had his heart pounding, and yet he couldn’t devise a better solution. He couldn’t leave her in Miami, but he had no idea how she’d fit into his life on the opposite coast, what role she’d play.

  They’d just have to work it out. That was all there was to it. At least if she was living with him, he’d be able to ensure that she was gaining enough weight and taking care of herself. He’d go to her doctor’s appointments and learn...whatever doctors imparted. And, provided he could win her trust, she might even allow him into the delivery room. If he was going to have a child, he planned to experience it all, do everything a father should do.

  He climbed out of bed to use the bathroom and ended up wandering through her house, looking at everything a little more closely. A picture he’d noticed on a table in the living room showed Ellie graduating summa cum laude. Another picture showed her wearing a lab coat with several other scientists in front of the logo for the BDC. They looked like a bunch of thin, pale-faced intellectuals—but he found Ellie’s nerdiness sort of endearing.

  Yet another photograph showed her smiling at the camera with two older people who had to be her parents. Would her folks turn out to be interfering, annoying, heavy-handed? Would they ask for money or expect him to be available to their friends? Or would he envy her because she had the parents he’d always dreamed of?

  His heart was still pounding, so he went into the kitchen, opened a bottle of cabernet he found in the cupboard and poured himself a glass. He was sure she wouldn’t mind. She couldn’t drink alcohol right now, anyway; he’d have plenty of time to replace the bottle.

  Fortunately, the wine was decent. For whatever odd reason, it made him feel slightly better that she had good taste in wine. Perhaps it indicated she’d have good taste in other things. He’d liked her well enough in September; he just hadn’t known, when he got into that cab, that he was essentially stapling their lives together.

  Trying to talk himself down so he wouldn’t have a full-blown panic attack, he carried his glass into the nursery and leaned against the wall while he drank it. The nursery wasn’t bad, either. He liked her choices—except, of course, he preferred the sports theme to the animal theme. He hoped, now that she knew who he was and what he did for a living, she’d show enough consideration to choose the right wallpaper.

  “Wow,” he muttered. So much had changed—and in such a short time. But he supposed he should be grateful the situation wasn’t worse. He hadn’t known much about her when he took her to his hotel. What if he’d gotten another woman pregnant, a woman he couldn’t admire in any way?

  With a sigh, he pushed off from the wall and set his glass to one side. He figured he might as well take the crib out of its box and build it for her. He’d create a new nursery in California, wouldn’t try to ship this stuff, but it gave him something to do. Maybe they’d come back here periodically and would need it then.

  He was almost done when his phone went off and he had to go back to where he’d left it in her room. “Hello?”

  “Hudson?”

  Ellie. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

  “Much better.”

  “Have you eaten anything?”

  “They brought me some Ensure.”

  “Will you be able to keep it down?”

  “Feels like it.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.”

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  He didn’t want to tell her about the crib, preferred to surprise her. “Drinking your wine.”

  “Sounds like you’re making yourself at home.”

  “Figured that bottle wasn’t doing anyone any good sitting in the cupboard.”

  “I guess that’s true. What happened to sleeping?”

  “Can’t. Too amped up.”

  “You’re scared.”

  Absolutely terrified. “Maybe a little apprehensive,” he allowed.

  “That makes two of us. Are you convinced we’re doing the right thing?”

  “We’re putting the baby first. Isn’t that the right thing?”

  “I hope so.”

  “We’ll work it out. Don’t worry.”

  “Easy for you to say,” she muttered. “You’re not the one uprooting your life.”

  But he’d be making plenty of concessions. “We’ll set some ground rules, make sure the situation’s tolerable for both of us,” he promised.

  “We should do that sooner rather than later, so we know what to expect.”

  In other words, she needed some reassurance, and he couldn’t blame her. “Are you saying you want to do it now?”

  “Not over the phone. Tonight, after you pick me up.”

  “Are they releasing you?”

  “In an hour or so. I just saw the doctor.”

  “Understood,” he said. “I’ll be there to get you.”

  15

  Hudson didn’t have much to say on the drive home. Ellie took that to mean he was reeling as badly as she was. “How was the wine?” she asked, breaking the silence before it could stretch to the point of becoming awkward.

  “Not bad.”

  “Did you get any rest?”

  “Very little.”

  “Hopefully you’ll do better tonight.” Although she had no idea where he was going to sleep. She had only one bed—her bed. The couch would be miserable for a man his size, especially since he’d already spent one night on that couch while she was throwing up and the next night sleeping in an uncomfortable chair at the hospital.

  Maybe he’d get a hotel. Lord knew he could afford it.

  “Would you rather have our talk in the morning?” he asked. “You’ve been through a lot the past few days. Another night to recover probably wouldn’t hurt.”

  She was tempted to put it off, but she wouldn’t sleep at all if she still had that hanging over her. “I’d rather resolve everything, feel I have a plan. That should go a long way toward relieving my anxiety.”

  “No problem.” With that, he let the conversation lapse, which gave her the impression he was waiting until they reached the house.

  Sure enough, once they parked in her small garage and went inside, he poured himself a glass of wine, carried it—along with the entire bottle—to the couch and sat down. “Ready when you are.”

  She wanted a shower first. “Give me fifteen minutes,” she said and hurried into the bathroom.

  The hot water soothed Ellie and helped her gain some perspective. She told herself she needed to look at this as a grand adventure, needed to quit worrying so much
. If she and Hudson could remain thoughtful and cordial through the coming years, all might end well. Perhaps their approach to parenting was a little unconventional, with all the negotiations, but they were facing an unusual situation.

  She scrubbed and shaved and rubbed vanilla-scented lotion all over her body. After being so sick, she was dying to feel clean and as attractive as possible.

  After she dried her hair, she slipped into her big, fluffy robe, made a cup of herbal tea and brought it into the living room.

  Hudson was watching an action flick. He hit the off button on the remote as she perched on the wingback chair. “Feel better?” he asked.

  When she noticed that his gaze flicked to where her robe came together, she set her cup down and tightened her belt. But she couldn’t believe he had any real interest. There hadn’t been anything sexy or romantic about the past couple of days. “Much. Thanks for waiting.”

  “No problem.” He leaned back. “Where do we start?”

  “I guess we start with...exactly how you imagine our lives once we hit California.”

  “Well, I realize you won’t know anyone when you first get there. I’ll do my best to entertain you, but I hope you’ll make some friends soon, do what you can to acclimate. You’ll be happier then, and it’s important that we both retain our independence.”

  “In other words, you’re worried I might get in the way of your social life.”

  “I wouldn’t say worried. But I don’t want to feel guilty for going places without you. That would put me under pressure to always take you with me, and I’m afraid I’d start to resent it.”

  “Understood. But just so you know, you won’t have to feel guilty about that. I’m an only child, which means I figured out long ago how to entertain myself. Trust me, alone time is never a problem for me.”

  “You say that now, but what if I go out to play pool or poker with the guys? What will you do?” he asked, sounding uncertain.

  She took a sip of her tea. The warm liquid felt good as it slid down her throat and eased her sore stomach. She was finally getting hungry but was still afraid to eat much. “Read. Study. Research. I have a whole library on my e-reader. Feel free to go out whenever and wherever you want.”