Until You Loved Me--A Novel

by Brenda Novak

  Even after Bruiser went back to LA, Hudson didn’t head home. He ran into Aiyana and spent almost an hour talking to her about the new kid and what they could do to help him settle in.

  It was nearly eight and well past dark when he got home, which was why he was surprised to find that Ellie was still gone.

  He tried to call her cell, but her voice mail picked up, so he texted his housekeeper, Maggie.

  Have you seen my guest?

  The woman? came her response.

  Yes. Name’s Ellie Fisher.

  Since you gave me her name, I guess I’ll be seeing her again?

  Definitely. She’s going to have my baby.

  This is Maggie. Did you mean to share that much? Because you don’t usually tell me anything about your personal life.

  I have no choice with this. You’ll probably read it in the tabloids soon. You might as well get the facts directly from me. She’s five months along. She’ll be staying with me until after the baby’s born. She should’ve been here when you stocked the kitchen.

  I saw her leave earlier, when I was at the mailbox.

  What time was that?

  Not too long after you drove off with Bruiser.

  At one-thirty? And you haven’t seen her since?

  No.

  Where could she have gone?

  She took a few seconds to reply.

  I have no idea. I’ve never even met her, remember?

  “Smart-ass,” Hudson muttered and searched the house again. Still no sign of Ellie. He tried texting her. No response. He called—and got her voice mail again. What was going on?

  The Porsche is in the garage, so she must’ve come back at some point, he wrote Maggie.

  You don’t believe that I don’t know where she is?

  He scowled at her response. He’d hired Maggie because she treated him like her son—with no deference to his celebrity—and didn’t put up with any shit. He appreciated her sarcastic sense of humor, but he was getting worried.

  I am paying you, remember?

  Not to hold women captive.

  Funny. Is she with you?

  No. I’m telling you I haven’t seen her since she left. She never took the Porsche.

  She must’ve taken the Porsche. It was the only vehicle I left her.

  From what I saw, she walked off the property.

  Walked? As in exercise?

  I didn’t stop to interrogate her, Hudson. I try to mind my own business.

  Shit. He was dealing with the one person who respected his privacy.

  I appreciate that. Protecting my privacy is always good. But now I need you to tell me everything you saw. How was she dressed?

  Jeans. Sweater. Coat. Leather boots. She’s a cute girl.

  The outfit Maggie described suggested Ellie hadn’t gone out for exercise. She would’ve been wearing tennis shoes, at least. So where had she gone? She didn’t know any of his neighbors; he couldn’t imagine she’d be out visiting strangers. She’d mentioned a desire to go to town, but surely she wouldn’t walk there. That trek was almost four miles each way.

  Next time don’t lose track of her! he wrote, just to give her a little of the hell she’d given him.

  I’ll buy a collar.

  He couldn’t even appreciate her comeback. He was too concerned.

  He called Bruiser. “You didn’t happen to see Ellie walking on the side of the road when you went through Silver Springs, did you?”

  “I didn’t. Don’t tell me the Porsche broke down.”

  “No, it’s still here, but she’s not.”

  “Did you try calling her?”

  “Of course. She’s not picking up.”

  “Do you want me to turn around and help you look for her?”

  “No. You stayed later than you intended already. I’m sure I’ll find her—somewhere.”

  “Let me know the minute you solve the mystery.”

  “I will,” he said and grabbed his keys.

  * * *

  The walk had felt a lot shorter on the trip into town, before she’d been on her feet all day. Ellie hadn’t bought many things, but trying to carry even a few bags for three and a half miles was more of a challenge than she’d bargained for, especially since the boots she’d thought were so comfortable when she left the house had given her a terrible blister. She wished she could call Hudson to see if he was available to come and get her, but her phone had died two hours earlier.

  Although the road wasn’t terribly busy, there was a fairly constant stream of traffic. About halfway home, she grew desperate enough to consider flagging down a passing motorist to see if she could catch a ride.

  After another quarter mile, she was no longer merely considering it. Prepared to do almost anything to avoid taking another step, she stuck out her thumb.

  Several cars passed without stopping, but soon after that someone slowed. Although she couldn’t see a lot of detail in the dark, she could tell from the headlights that it was a truck.

  Hitchhiking wasn’t a safe practice, so Ellie felt more than a little trepidation as she approached the lowered window—until she recognized the vehicle and its driver.

  Hudson! Thank God.

  She was so relieved to see him that she was taken aback when he snapped, “Get in!”

  He didn’t have to tell her twice. She scrambled into the passenger seat so she wouldn’t hold him up any longer than necessary. Then she hung on to her seat belt as he raced off. She didn’t question him about his excessive speed, however. She knew he was angry.

  They drove all the way to the house in silence. Only after he’d pulled into the garage and turned off the engine did he face her. “What the hell were you doing back there?” he demanded.

  She released her seat belt. “Back where? I went shopping. That’s all. Found a really cute blouse and a more comfortable pair of pants. Now that my waist is expanding, I don’t have much—”

  He caught her hand to stop her from gathering up her bags. “I mean after that.”

  “When I was trying to get home?”

  “When you were hitchhiking.”

  If his stony silence on the ride hadn’t already let her know he didn’t approve, the acid in his voice would’ve made it crystal clear. “I was a little too optimistic about the distance.”

  “Do you realize what an easy target you were?” he asked. “Some stranger could’ve stopped instead of me—and raped and murdered you and left your body to rot behind a barn.”

  She pulled out of his grasp. “That’s a bit graphic.”

  “You need to think about it.”

  “The chances of being raped and murdered aren’t...great. But I wouldn’t want to be the exception, so I understand what you’re saying. It’s not something I would normally do.”

  “Then why’d you do it today?”

  “My feet were killing me, okay? I couldn’t walk anymore. And my phone was dead. I was out of options.”

  “I don’t understand why you were walking in the first place. I left you the keys to my car.” He gestured at the Porsche, which was parked right next to them. “What happened? Couldn’t you find them?”

  “I didn’t even look,” she muttered as she glanced over at it.

  “Because...”

  She turned back to face him. “Because your car cost... I don’t know...$100,000, and I didn’t want to be responsible for it.”

  “I told you it was insured!”

  The fact that he hadn’t bothered to correct the price told her she wasn’t far-off. “I’d still feel terrible if I wrecked it. I’m sure it means a lot to you. Besides, it’s very...”

  His eyes narrowed. “What?”

  “Distinctive,” she replied. “I knew people around her
e would recognize it and assume we were together.”

  “Isn’t that what we want them to assume? Isn’t that what we decided to tell everyone?”

  “For a month or so, yes. But we’re going to be an item for such a short time, I didn’t see any reason to start showing off.”

  His jaw dropped. “You think I bought that car to flaunt my wealth?”

  “No. People know how rich you are. They’d expect you to be driving something like that. But I don’t have that kind of money, and I’d rather not be driving around in a fancy Porsche one month, only to be tooling around in something I can afford the next—with our baby in the back seat—while some other woman replaces me in your little sports car.”

  “Seriously?” he said. “That’s your answer?”

  She rubbed her forehead. The issue was more complicated than she was making it sound. She didn’t want to get too comfortable in his privileged world, didn’t want to feel disappointed when she returned to her ordinary one. But she refused to admit that to him. “I guess I have more pride than I thought. I don’t want the people I have to circulate among on a daily basis to think I’m enough of an idiot to believe that our relationship could be permanent, especially since you warned me from the start that you weren’t interested in anything serious.”

  “Because I don’t want to hurt you, or any other woman I might date!”

  She spread out her hands in a conciliatory gesture. “Look, this is leading to an argument we don’t need to have. Heading to town on my own seemed preferable at the time. That’s all.”

  “You’d rather walk for miles and then risk your life by getting in with a stranger than be seen driving my car.”

  She opened the door. “Forget it, okay? Nothing happened. If these boots had turned out to be as comfortable as I thought, I would’ve made it home on my own without a problem. Three and a half miles isn’t a big deal.”

  “It’s a little more than that. And you’re pregnant!”

  “It’s okay to walk when you’re pregnant, Hudson.”

  “That far? And in the dark? Even if you didn’t catch the attention of a psychopath, a drunk driver could’ve hit you. Hell, someone looking down at a phone could’ve hit you.”

  She didn’t answer, but he didn’t seem capable of letting it go.

  “Don’t you care that I was going out of my mind?” he went on. “That I couldn’t imagine what’d happened to you? You tell me I’m about to be a father—that I’m finally going to have some semblance of a family for the first time in my life—and then you go missing!”

  Ellie blinked as the real reason for his anger registered—she’d scared him, pure and simple. At first, he’d been so unhappy about her pregnancy, she’d never realized she had the power to do that. But the ultrasound had changed things, made the baby real for him. He hadn’t seemed nearly as unhappy about having a child since then. He’d actually become quite committed. And Bruiser had told her he feared abandonment, that his childhood had made it impossible for him to trust in love. She should’ve thought more carefully before refusing to drive his car and just taking off. “I’m sorry. I never dreamed you’d care.”

  “If something happened to you?”

  “The baby’s fine, Hudson. Everything’s fine.”

  “The night could’ve ended very differently. That’s my point.”

  He got out and stomped into the house, leaving Ellie a little stunned. Hudson did everything he could to remain aloof and detached, to keep himself from caring too much about anyone or anything. But he did care. He’d let the curtain slip last night—and then again today.

  Bruiser was right. Hudson had a scarred but tender heart. And she found that to be the most attractive thing about him.

  20

  After Ellie put away her new clothes, pulled on some sweats and doctored the giant blister on her foot, she went in search of Hudson.

  She found him sitting in the theater room watching MMA with his leg propped up and ice on his knee.

  “I’m sorry about earlier,” she said as she stood in the doorway.

  His gaze slid over to her before returning to the screen.

  She moved a bit closer. “You’re not going to accept my apology?”

  “I’m going to buy a damn Toyota or Honda or whatever the hell you’ll drive so you won’t do that again.”

  “You don’t have to buy another car, Hudson. I’ll drive the Porsche if that’s what you want, but if something happens to it, don’t get mad at me.”

  “I was willing to take the risk! I told you that from the beginning.”

  “Fine. You win.” She sat at the end of the couch and eyed his knee. “You’re hurt?”

  “It’s nothing.”

  “What happened?”

  “Same old injury flaring up.”

  “What causes it to do that?”

  “I tweaked it today, playing with the boys.”

  “Did you see Aaron?”

  “Of course.”

  “How was he?”

  “Better than he’s been in a long while. I’m so glad the chemo’s done.”

  “Good.” If Aaron was doing that well, last night really had been about Hudson’s childhood. But what aspect? What had triggered those intense emotions?

  He said nothing and just continued to watch the fight.

  “You look tired,” she told him, breaking the silence between them again.

  “I am tired.”

  “Have you had something to eat?”

  “A bowl of cold cereal.”

  “That’s a healthy choice.”

  He reacted to her sarcasm by giving her a dirty look. “Someone went MIA, so I had to launch a massive search, which meant I was starving by the time I got to eat.”

  Ellie felt bad that she’d put him to so much trouble, especially because she’d had dinner at a cute little restaurant in town three hours ago. “I brought you half a sandwich from the place where I ate. Should I go get it?”

  “I’m fine. Glad to know you had a nice meal, though.”

  She drew a deep breath. “So...are you going to continue to sulk—or will you let me make it up to you?”

  He paused the TV. “By...”

  “I could rub your knee, see if that would ease the pain.”

  “My knee? No.”

  “Because...”

  He clicked the TV back on again. “Because I only want one thing—and that isn’t it.”

  Stung—and more than a little surprised—Ellie straightened. “Right. Got it,” she said and walked out.

  * * *

  Closing his eyes, Hudson dropped his head on the back of the couch. Shit. Now he felt even worse than he had before. Ever since he’d heard from Samuel Jones, he hadn’t been himself.

  He almost got up to apologize but stopped. He couldn’t allow himself to grow accustomed to having Ellie soothe away his aches and pains—as she had last night. He took care of himself, didn’t need anyone, and he was going to make sure that didn’t change. That terrible hour when he’d had no idea where she could be, whether she and the baby were safe, had reminded him what it felt like to lose someone, to be emotionally vulnerable—and he didn’t like it.

  MMA was usually cathartic for him, especially when he was upset, but he couldn’t get interested in the fights. Between what he’d said to Ellie and what the PI had told him last night, he couldn’t concentrate on anything besides his own troubled thoughts.

  He held out for another hour, tried to make himself leave things as they were. But as the minutes passed, he grew more and more afraid that she was packing her bags. And as much as he didn’t want to care about her giving up and going back to Miami, he did—and not just because of the baby.

  A few minutes later, he stopped trying to resist and went
to her room.

  “Ellie?” he called as he knocked on her door.

  “What?” she replied without opening it.

  “You’re not going to leave now, are you?”

  “I won’t walk that far again. I already told you.”

  “I mean, you’re not going back to Miami.”

  There was a slight pause. Then she said, “Do you want me to?”

  “No.”

  She said nothing.

  “Sorry I was such a dick,” he added. “It’s been a bad couple of days.”

  “Forget about it.”

  “Okay.” Still not completely reassured, he scratched his head as he tried to come up with something else to say. “Thanks for understanding.”

  When she didn’t come to the door, he went down the hall to his own room—and paced there for the next several minutes. He’d apologized, but he still felt unsettled. He’d lived alone for years—had to fend for himself since the second he’d turned eighteen. Maybe that was why, now that he had someone else living in his house, he couldn’t quit obsessing about her, couldn’t quit wondering what she was doing.

  She was probably reading, he told himself. She liked to read. But that meant she could be in her room, content on her own, for hours and hours. It was possible she wouldn’t come out for the rest of the evening.

  He hated that thought, wanted a second chance to be better company. Last night had been the lowest he’d been in a long time. He wasn’t sure what he would’ve done without her—and it wasn’t just the distraction she posed. It was the comfort she’d offered. He could use a little more of that comfort, despite what he’d told her. So, after turning on the TV and flipping through the channels without really seeing anything, he went back to her door.

  “Ellie? You’re not sleeping yet, are you?”

  “No,” came her response.

  “Any chance you’d like to watch a movie?”

  “Not tonight.”

  She hadn’t even taken a second to think about it.

  “What about getting in the pool? Pregnant women can swim, can’t they?”

  “This time of year? The water will be freezing.”

  “It’s heated. Not like a hot tub, but enough to take the edge off. I swim a lot. It isn’t as hard on my joints as some other workouts. It’d be good for you, too. You should come out with me.”