Fading Memories

by A. M. Willard

  “Research?”

  “I already knew your father had passed away before I showed up. He would have known who I was, and for that matter, Mrs. Jacobs knows, if that means anything.”

  “How?”

  “Mrs. Jacobs used to give us ice cream, and she recognized my last name. Trust me, she’s not happy, but promised to let me handle this.”

  “She does have a way with things, doesn’t she?”

  “This is true. You might want to visit her; she says she has a few things to tell you now that you know.”

  “I will when I’m ready.” I back away from the wall and place my glass down on the table. Looking back up at Dakota, I motion to the artwork and ask, “Do you remember that day?”

  “Like it was yesterday,” he says, and I smile at his expression. It shows me that he does remember, just as I do now. The three of us kids had been playing in the waves most of the day and chasing each other around as we tossed seaweed at each other. Dakota’s mom had come down to read and keep an eye on us. My mother decided to haul her easel, paints, and a blank canvas down to join us. We all figured she was painting the horizon or something, but never suspected that it was us. She’d captured the background with a blue so vibrant it would mesmerize you; the water was almost flat with little ripples running throughout. The sun cast a vibrant glare down onto the three children running around screaming. David had a handful of seaweed roaring back as he tossed it at his brother, and then I was in the lead with my hair blowing around my face looking back at them.

  “You remember, don’t you?”

  I nod my head as confirmation to his question and pull out a chair to sit.

  “I still need answers, Dakota. It’s not that easy for me to let you back in. Do you get that?”

  “I only have a few answers, but I know who can help us when you’re ready. And I understand, but I need for you to give me another shot. I lost you when we were little, and now that I have you here in front of me, I can’t let you go again. You’ll have to trust me, trust enough to let me back in.”

  “I’ll try, but I do not promise anything.”

  “I’ll have to live with that.” He leans over, grabbing my face between his hands. When he pulls me closer, I allow my eyes to close and I breathe him in. The gentle kiss he places on my forehead makes my heart grow more for him, and I pray that I let him back in. Only time will tell, as our memories fade into a past that isn’t meant to be a part of the future. Eventually, we have to find a way to let them go, to move forward and accept what’s to come.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  IT’S BEEN TWO WEEKS since Dakota and I talked that night I was burned to a crisp. He’s been the caring, affectionate person that I’ve grown to care about even more than before, but something is still missing. Kelsey and Leah keep reminding me that I need to give in and let him worship me the way he wants. I just don’t know. I’m starting to trust the man who’s invading my space every day, but I still need answers.

  Those answers are only going to come from Mrs. Jacobs, and that’s where I’m headed today. Shifting the apple pie in my hand, I knock on the front screen door and wait for her to answer.

  “Took you long enough. Is that your special pie I smell?”

  “Yes, and I know, but I’m here now.”

  “Come on, let’s slice this pie and have some sweet tea.”

  “How are you today?”

  “Old, grumpy … the usual, but you aren’t here to hear me complain.”

  “I always have time for you, just so you know.”

  “I know this, Isabel, but you need closure and I am the only one to give it. Hope you don’t have anywhere to be today, and make sure that man of yours is around tonight. I know you will need him.” She grabs a pitcher of tea from the kitchen, setting it down on the table. She goes back to grab two plates, forks, and a spatula. Her statement has me a little perplexed, but I know in time she’ll explain it all. As she’s been a surrogate mother, grandmother, and friend all these years, I trust her with my life. Mrs. Jacobs gives me just enough to push, and enough space to live my life as she watches over me. We had to hold her back from beating Peter to a pulp with her cane after he left. I’m still not sure how he avoided her wrath over the Fourth of July holiday, but he did.

  “Slice the pie, dear, and let me get a few bites before I start.”

  “Here you go. Do you need me to go to the store or anything for you this week?”

  “No dear, I have that handsome guy from the senior group coming. Now he’s a looker, have you seen him?”

  “I have a few times, but I don’t know him.”

  “Leave that to me, dear.”

  “I think one guy in my life is enough headache for the time being.”

  “Not referring to you, just trust me,” she says with a wink and that terrifies me. You never know what she has up her sleeve. She reaches into her pocket and takes out a white envelope. It’s a little crinkled on the corners but overall in good condition. Mrs. Jacobs sets it down in front of her, turning her head to look me in the eye.

  “When you leave today, you need to take this with you. I have strict instructions for this letter: you have to read it in your spot, and listen to what he says.”

  “What, who says? I’m confused?”

  “This is from your father. He asked me about a week before he passed to give this to you, but only when you found love again. See, Isabel, he knew you wouldn’t marry Peter, we all did. It was only a matter of time before the little shit broke your heart.”

  I interrupt her. “What do you mean my father wrote me a letter? Can I have it?”

  “He did, and no, not until we finish our little talk, young lady. It’s about time you hear this and move on with your future.”

  “I’m trying to, it’s just …”

  “It’s nothing. Look, I’m old, but I’m not dead. What you need are answers, just as Dakota needed them. I provided that for him, just as I will you.”

  “Fine, then can I have my letter?”

  “Yes. Now eat and listen so I can take my nap after you leave.”

  “By all means don’t let me interfere with your rest.” I chuckle at her because it reminds me of all the times she would come outside to yell at us kids for being too loud.

  “I’ve always had a liking for you ever since your parents brought you home from the hospital. As you know, I don’t have any children of my own, and you have always been like a daughter to me. This is why your parents trusted me to look after you when you were little. If anything ever had happened to them, they made sure that I would gain custody of you. I know this is the first time you’re hearing this. It was something we never thought we needed to mention. You never envision the worst; you just prepare yourself for it. Because of this, I have been involved in your life more since your mother passed away.

  “Your father was a great man, Isabel, but he didn’t know how to handle the loss of the one true love he had. He did what he thought was right that night. You and Dakota were thick as thieves, we would find you playing from the time the sun came up until the moon was lighting the pathway for you two. It wasn’t until after they left, and I watched how upset you were, that I knew your two souls would find a way back to each other one day.

  “You not only cried for your mother, but for the one person that would make all your fears go away. Before you met the Jacksons, you were this shy girl that never ventured to the beach alone. After the guidance from that little boy, we couldn’t keep you in the house. He’s your light, no matter how dark the world is, he’s the one to guide you.”

  Mrs. Jacobs stops to take a bite of her pie and a sip of tea before continuing. “You can’t blame your father for pushing them off the island. He knew it was an accident, but he was broken and needed to blame someone. Your mother was walking back from the jetties. The sun was going down and it was shining right in Mr. Jackson’s eyes. He didn’t even see her walking along the side. It wasn’t until he hit something and looked back in
the rearview mirror that he saw her and went to get help. By the time the paramedics arrived, it was too late. It was an accident, an unfortunate one that changed a lot of people’s lives here. Your father was so angry that he told them if he ever saw them again, he’d press charges. There was no foul play, but the Jacksons were so upset that they did what they thought was best. The next day they packed up the boys and left, never been back since.”

  “Why would he make them move if it wasn’t his fault?”

  “Anger, dear. He needed someone to blame. It wouldn’t have mattered who it was, he would have acted out the same way against whoever it was. That’s what you need to understand, and in the end, he didn’t want you to know the truth. He was protecting you; he thought that if you knew what happened, you would be crushed even more because of who it was. I tried to make him listen, but he wasn’t having any of it.”

  “Why didn’t he ever tell me? I would have understood.”

  “When you got older, it was as if you forgot about them. That summer you cried every day as you waited not just for them to return, but your mother. When the next season rolled around, you’d look for them each day, only to be sad again. He didn’t know how to explain it to you. As time went on it was easier to let you forget.”

  “I guess I understand.”

  “You will in time. When you have a child you will know the depths of a parent’s love and protection.”

  “So what do I do about Dakota?”

  “That, dear, is easy, follow your heart. I believe that people are placed on this earth with a soul mate who was made for them. All these years later, he found you. Not a day went by that he didn’t remember you. You might have forgotten about him, but you can’t tell me your heart did. I’ve been in the same room as the two of you, nothing measures up to that. You’ll figure it out.”

  “You make it sound so simple.”

  “It is, for the most part. Love is complicated, it can be downright ugly, but with the two of you it can be nothing but beautiful in the end.”

  “What will it be like meeting his parents? I mean, will they forgive me?”

  “That’s a question for Dakota, not I, dear.”

  “Guess that has to go on the never-ending list of questions.”

  “Life will always have questions; you just have to have the right person answer them.”

  “Guess you’re right, I’ll see what I can do.”

  “See a little harder, young lady. I’m not getting any younger. Also, I need to know if you plan to host the Labor Day barbecue this year.”

  “I’ll do my best, and yes that is the plan. Why?”

  “I need to RSVP, so mark me down as a plus one,” she says, which causes me to raise my eyebrows in question. “Lips are sealed, just trust the old lady for once.”

  “I trust you, but I’m not sure about the others.”

  “It will be worth it in the end, Isabel, I promise.”

  “I’ll take your word for it, and have made a mental note of a plus one.”

  “Noted, and make sure our young Kelsey is alone.”

  “Oh this is going to be great. Do I get to warn her or anything?”

  “Have I ever warned you?”

  “Good point …” I say, and finish with a motion of sealing my lips.

  We continue for a little while longer until she kicks me out for her afternoon nap. When I step out and the sun hits me dead in the face, I hug the white envelope to my chest and look up at the sky. I have no idea what is in here, if it answers anything that I have questions about. I do know that I can’t wait to see his handwriting, to see if any words of wisdom are left for me. As I walk back in the direction of my cottage, I wonder if she has any more that I don’t know about. I make a mental note to ask her the next time I see her.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  BACK AT THE COTTAGE, I notice that Dakota isn’t here. He told me this morning that he had work to do for a client. I take this time to head down to the shore with my letter. Mrs. Jacobs told me to wait and have Dakota with me, but this is something I need to do alone. I need this time with just the words on the pages. Later I will allow him to comfort me the way only he can.

  The coast is clear from all eyes as I move down the path I’ve ventured down so many times. It’s like a memory lane these days, and today it’ll hold a place for one more memory. One more chance to say my final goodbye, a chance to let the past go and open the doors to a future that I’m ready to start with the one who captured my heart all those years ago.

  I dig my toes into the sand, and with trembling hands, slide the lip of the envelope open. The pages are a little wrinkled, as if he opened it and closed it several times before finally handing it over. The air that I’m holding releases as my eyes strain down on the words.

  My Dearest Isabel,

  If you are reading this letter, you’ve had a pleasant chat with Mrs. Jacobs and I pray that you have someone that you love with all your heart next to you for comfort. The day your mother and I brought you home from the hospital was the happiest day of our lives. From the moment you opened your eyes and looked into mine, you owned me. The love they tell you you’ll have for your child doesn’t become real until it happens. That day I knew I would protect you to the end of the earth; nothing was going to tarnish your life, bring you harm or even sadness. That is why I did what I did and withheld the truth from you. Once you stopped asking about your mother, I knew it would be okay. It didn’t change the fact that you missed her or loved her less; it only meant that you were going to be okay in the end.

  I tried my best with raising you, to make sure you had everything you ever needed, wanted, or wished for. I’m sorry I couldn’t find you a replacement to fill the void in your heart, but the hole that was within mine was a greater pain than I could have expressed.

  You’ve grown into a woman who is stronger than she gives herself credit for, a person I am so proud to call my daughter. Don’t let the past dictate your future, be who you were raised to be. Love with all your might, trust as if no one has ever broken it.

  I also know if you are reading this, it means you didn’t marry Peter, which I am perfectly fine with. You, Isabel Marie Nichols, deserve better than what he could give you. That person was the one I pushed out of your life when you were little. Someone like him is what you need. You might not remember him, but his name was Dakota Jackson and they rented the summer home next to the cottage for years. When you became a teenager, I ran into his family when I stopped to pick up some items from the store in Savannah. The past was forgiven, but we left it at that—the past. I expected them to show up the next year, but as you can remember, life with teenagers is hectic and you no longer wanted to vacation with your parents. Lucky for you and me, every day was a vacation on the beach. I’m not sure what has become of the gentleman, but that is the kind of person my daughter deserves. One who will wipe her tears away when she’s sad, one to keep an eye out for the sunburn you are eventually going to get, one who will make you laugh at the littlest of things. That is the kind of love your mother and I shared, and I want to pass it along to you.

  Remember, we are always there, just a shout out into the ocean and we will come and answer you. Never forget where you came from, always be true to yourself, and live your life to the fullest. Write your dreams down, toss them into the sea, and make a wish, Isabel. Life is too short to live with regrets, own today as if it was your last.

  Most of all, remember you will always be my angel.

  Thank you for taking care of me. If you need me, call me. I’ll show up to guide you along the way.

  Love always,

  Dad

  I hold the last words from my father up to my chest as I allow the tears to flow freely. Not able to hold them back, I wish he were here to explain it all to me. This is something I will always cherish and keep in a safe spot for when I need to feel close to him. I still have questions, but in the significant scale of it all, I already have the answers I need. If, after all these ye
ars, two people can find their way back to each other, it’s something that I need to listen to. My parents had a love that was like no other, and that’s what I want. The man who can give this to me is only a few steps away, and it’s time that I tell him.

  As I stand and turn around, I notice Dakota is walking down the path toward me. I don’t wait to wipe the tears from my face; I scrunch the letter tighter in my hands and make a mad dash toward him. Just as I get close, he stops and opens his arms to welcome me to him. In this moment, nothing is stopping me. I leap up in his arms and wrap my legs around his waist as he holds me up and presses me into his chest. The letter, hands, and all run through his hair as I look into his eyes.

  “I love you, Dakota Dean Jackson, always have and always will. I’m done fighting us, I’m done not living.”

  “Took you long enough,” he says before his mouth lands on mine.

  “Maybe, but I had to make you work for it.”

  “You did, did you?”

  “Of course, that’s what we do.”

  “Did you have a nice chat with Mrs. Jacobs?” He places me back down to the sand and notices the letter in my hand.

  “I did, and I got this letter from my father.”

  “Ahh … she finally gave it to you, huh?”

  “You knew about this?”

  “I did, but she’s mean and threatened to hit me with her cane if I spoke a word of it.”

  “I don’t blame you, then. I’ve seen her with that cane and it’s not something you would want to witness or be on the receiving end of.”

  “I’ll take your word for it. Care to join me up at the house?”

  “Sure, yours or mine?”