by Jordan Marie
“I killed her… I killed her…” I just keep repeating it. When I wake up, I’m screaming it every fucking time, as if saying it will somehow make it untrue.
Torch leans down to pull on my collar and look at me. His face is blurry from the tears, but even I can see the pain and disappointment in his eyes. I turn away, jerking myself free. He doesn’t understand. How could he? How could anyone?
“Skull, Colin wants our help to kill Redmond. If we can get rid of that fucker, then we can at least get revenge for Beth. Don’t you want to have that, at least?”
My churning stomach, which hasn’t had anything in it for days but alcohol, revolts. I cramp hard in my gut, so hard that I yell out with the pain. “I killed her,” I whisper before I heave up bitter liquid that can’t consist of anything other than alcohol and stomach acid.
“Jesus Christ, ese, you need to wake the fuck up here. Beth is gone, but you still have a purpose. You need to make those motherfuckers hurt. Honor your woman’s memory. She sure as hell would be sorry she gave herself to a sorry fuck who can do nothing but wallow in his own vomit,” Diesel says, kicking me.
I roll onto my back and stare at him. I wipe the tears out of my eyes, which doesn’t do much good because more just take their place.
“Load him up, boys,” I hear Torch say. “We’re dragging his ass home and sobering him up whether he wants it or not.” The blackness closes in. I try to fight it because therein lies the dreams and I’m not drunk enough yet to handle them, but I lose the battle.
Beth stands in front of me. She fucking stands in front of me, taking my breath away.
“Beth, sweetheart? You’re here? How… How is that possible? How are you here?” I want to approach her, but I cannot. I’m frozen in place, afraid to scare her off. She’s wearing a white dress, much like the one she was wearing when I first met her. Her blonde hair is brushed until it shines and those gray eyes are beaming at me.
“I’m here, Skull. I had to see you.”
“How is this possible?” I ask again. She doesn’t answer, but that’s okay. She walks over to me and wraps her arms around my body. I can’t believe how good she feels, how right she feels in my arms.
“Mi cielo. I love you. Oh, God, baby, I never thought I’d see you again.” I kiss the side of her face, wrapping my hands in her beautiful hair. For the first time in days, my heart feels as if it’s beating again.
“I loved you, Skull. I did. Why did you do this?”
“What? No, querida. I didn’t mean it. I tried to stop it. I did. I would never hurt you. How did you survive? Did the blast throw you into the water? I searched all day trying to find you. I could only find pieces of your clothes. What happened?”
“But you did hurt me,” she says, pulling away from me suddenly. “You murdered me, Skull. Why? I loved you so much.”
The white of her dress slowly has deep crimson red leaking from it.
“What? No, I didn’t. What’s happening? Beth? Sweetheart!” I look up into her eyes, only to find her face covered in blood.
“Why did you kill me, Skull? Why? I loved you!” she cries, backing away from me.
“No! Beth! Don’t leave me! I can fix this! Don’t go!”
“I loved you, Skull.”
“Beth!” I scream.
“Boss? Wake up man! Wake up!”
My body jerks. When I open my eyes and sit up in the bed, I’m still screaming her name. Torch stands over me appearing worried, but for a minute it’s not his face I see at all. It’s Beth’s.
I reach over, grab the opened bottle of scotch on my bedside table, then take a large gulp and hope the alcohol burns out my insides.
“What are you doing here?” I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “Fuck, what am I doing here?” I ask when I realize where I’m at.
“Little early for alcohol, boss.”
“Fuck you. I asked why I’m here.” I try to get my legs to cooperate. I want to go back to the dock, back to the last place my Beth was. That’s where I need to be. I can’t leave there. “She might show up,” I whisper without realizing I’m saying that out loud.
“She’s not going to show up, boss. No one could survive that blast.”
I ignore him, he doesn’t understand. He couldn’t.
“Ese, Matthew wants to meet today. You need to get your ass out of this bed, shower, and get your ass in gear.”
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I retort. “Shouldn’t you be back in Tennessee?”
“I’m here to kick your ass in gear. We’re going to meet with Matthew and see what the fucker has to say, and you’re going if I have to kick your ass all the way.”
“What the fuck for?”
“He and Colin want to bring Redmond down, and you’re going to help the motherfuckers.”
“Why the hell would I meet with them? Fuck them, and fuck you too. Get out and leave me alone.”
Diesel pulls me off the bed, letting me fall to the floor.
“I never pictured you as a chump, ese. I thought you were made with more metal than that.”
“Fuck you! You don’t know shit.”
“I know your Beth deserves vengeance, not a sad-ass fucker who smells like shit.”
“How the fuck do I get vengeance? I’m the bastard who killed her!”
“You start by dragging your ass into the shower. Then, you gather up your sorry balls and go to the fucking meeting and work on ending that son of a bitch Redmond.”
I stare from the floor up at Diesel. I’m about to tell him to go fuck himself yet again when he says something that stops me. He kneels down to get a closer look at me.
“Your woman died,” he says. “I get that, motherfucker. But you have a chance to kill the man who kidnapped your woman, who is responsible for Beast losing his daughter… You have a chance to take his fucking blood. Your woman deserves that. Beast fucking deserves that.”
I close my eyes. Diesel doesn’t understand. The one person who needs to die for Beth… is me.
“Where’s Colin?” I ask Matthew. I’m at the fucking meeting just like Diesel wanted. This is the most sober I’ve been in days, and it’s not a fucking joyride.
“He’s not your concern,” answers Matthew. “Let us just say, I had to make sure he understood some things. I go out of town for a month and come back to chaos and my sister dead, and that is just the beginning of the fucking shit storm that welcomed me back. It’s time I get my house in order, and you can either be a part of that, or I’ll look elsewhere.”
“Why come to me?” I ask the question that’s been bothering me since I sobered up.
“Because I figure the only person hating Redmond more than my brother or me right now… is you. If I’m wrong, then—”
“No,” I say at once. “I want in. I’m just wondering what you could possibly want us for, since you obviously have your own resources.”
“True, but word has it, Redmond’s in France. While I’m chasing him down, I can’t be worried about everything going to hell here.”
“I’m not a damn babysitter for your brother Colin, and it isn’t why I agreed to this meeting.” I push away from the table. “I’m out of here.”
“Redmond will be back in two weeks for a family meeting that Colin and I called. He thinks it’s to welcome him back as ruler of the family.”
“And it’s not?”
“It is, but it will also be Redmond’s death.”
“What do you want from me?”
“Extra firepower.”
“What do I get in return?”
“When the time comes, I’ll let you put a bullet in him.”
“Why would I wait for you? Now that I know where he’ll be, I’ll just do it myself.”
“Because I think, if anything, Beth’s death has shown us that we will achieve more working together.”
“You’ll forgive me if I don’t want to work with you. Let’s get out of here, boys.”
“You’re making a mistake,” Matthew
says.
“It’s mine to make. Load up, boys,” I tell my crew, turning to leave.
“Okay, fine.” Matthew sighs, giving in. “Redmond has complete power and family support. The only shot we have of taking control back is if we kill him. I need your help to accomplish that because, without my grandfather’s approval, I have very limited resources.”
“It must suck having to get approval for taking a shit,” I prod him. Matthew’s eyes flash and I know I’ve scored a direct hit.
“I’ll do this without you,” Matthew growls.
I go back to the table and lean down in front of him. I want eye contact. I want to see his reactions to what I’m about to say.
“You know what I think, Mattie-boy? I don’t think you can. I think Colin got you into some hot water trying to overthrow Redmond, and now Granddaddy has frozen your assets, which means you can’t afford a bottle of beer, let alone hire someone to help you take down your Uncle. In fact, I have to think this meeting isn’t something you arranged. I think it’s something Redmond called and has more to do with punishing you and Colin for your failed attempt at taking control.” Matthew doesn’t say anything, but I see the truth in his bitter eyes. “I think that’s also the only reason Redmond would let his guard down enough to walk into your house on these terms. He thinks he’s coming back to claim his home.” Matthew avoids my eyes, which pretty much confirms what I’ve said. I was mostly guessing, but what little intel Torch had been able to gather before our meeting made the guessing easier.
“I thought you would be more reasonable, considering I was helping you to make Redmond pay. Apparently, I overestimated you,” Matthew says, moving away from the table.
“Tell you what. I’m going to agree to this plan of yours. I’ll help you take Redmond down, but I want it written in the pig’s blood that you and your fucking brother won’t bother my crew anymore. You don’t even breathe in our territory.”
“I can agree to that.”
“So, we have a deal? I kill your Uncle, and you get control of the family again. In return, you leave me and my crew alone, forever.”
“I’ll get you the details of the meeting this week.”
“Tell me, Matthew, what would your grandfather do if he knew you were plotting to kill his only remaining son?” Matthew pales, and that’s the point I want to get across. “Fuck me over, Matthew, and he’ll know everything. Everything, because this meeting… I have it on tape.”
I pull open my cut, revealing a mic taped down and leading to the recording system.
“Let’s roll boys,” I say. “I’ll give you a week to get me the info, Matthew. Don’t make me wait,” I warn him, then leave.
Diesel was right. I do owe Beast this. Not Beth, because I’m the fucker that hurt Beth. I can’t fix that, but I can avenge my brother’s daughter, and I will. It’s the only thing keeping me moving right now.
Three Weeks Later
Three weeks, and every day is darker than the last. My light is gone. Warmth is gone. Beth is gone. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I’ve held out the hope that she somehow survived. It happens in the movies, right? She was thrown from the blast, hit her head and can’t remember who she is, right? I’ll have to convince her I’m her husband, make her remember and fall in love with me again. I can handle that.
This isn’t the movies, though. All I have are memories, loneliness, and pain… so much pain, it hurts to breathe. I think I’m starting to understand what Beast is going through. Since Beth’s attack, he’s said very little, but at least he’s acknowledging us. He and I are alike. He’s blaming himself for the death of his daughter. If he hadn’t left his keys there, hadn’t fallen asleep, hadn’t gotten drunk… Oh yeah, I fucking understand him because I play that fucking what-if game a million times a day with myself. I always lose, too.
“Everything’s ready, boss,” Torch says into the earpiece I wear.
I’m sitting at the conference table at Colin Donahue’s mansion. To my right sits Matthew. Beside him, Colin, who has obviously been beat all to hell. His eye is black, his face swollen, and his nose has obviously been broken. He wears a cast on his arm as well as a back brace. I’m not sure Matthew’s the one who delivered the punches, but I’m fairly certain he had it done. Surprisingly, I find myself respecting him a little, at least as much as I can possibly respect a Donahue. There are four others in the room. Sabre and Latch are standing behind me as my protection, and Matthew has two men with him.
“Redmond just pulled up. He has six men with him. Two stayed with the car, and that sends four up your way. Briar’s showing them in, now.”
“Showtime,” I tell everyone out loud, mostly to notify my men. I could give less than a fuck about the others. I had Briar dress as the Donahue butler. Of all of us, he’s the one with the least noticeable tattoos and piercings. I knew they would never buy me, but then again, I figured Redmond has had me investigated pretty damn thoroughly.
Sabre goes to stand behind the door and waits. It takes a few minutes, but Briar opens the door for them. I got a file on Redmond a couple of weeks ago. The bastard’s picture was imprinted on my brain, but even so, when he walks through the door and looks at me, I’m still shocked. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s just too fucking easy, too anticlimactic. Or maybe I thought it would feel better to end him. I don’t know.
His men start to back out of the door, but Briar’s there to stop them, and this time, he has an AR-15 to do his talking for him.
“I got to say, I didn’t see this one coming,” says Redmond, staring straight at me. I don’t bother answering. He looks at Matthew and Colin. “Well played, nephews. You apparently had more brains than I gave you credit for.”
“We learned from our father,” responds Matthew. “You know the man who defeated you before?”
“This family reunion is sweet and all, but I have better shit to do,” I interrupt them. I put myself in front of Redmond. The cocky bastard doesn’t even flinch. He stares right back at me. Matthew’s men subdue the two men flanking Redmond, and still the bastard seems unruffled.
“You’re the last person I expected to work with my nephews,” Redmond says, and he’s smiling. I don’t know what the fucker thinks he has to smile about. Shit, maybe he’s fucking nuts. “Politics makes strange bedfellows, I suppose.”
“Under no circumstances am I or would I ever get in bed with you sad fucks. This is about vengeance, plain and simple.”
“I can almost see what my daughter saw in you.”
My heart trips and it takes all I have not to react.
“Your daughter?”
“Didn’t know that small tidbit, did you? Oh, the things I know that you don’t. Your head would spin.”
He’s baiting me, I know it, but I can’t resist asking again. “Beth… was your daughter?”
“Yes. I was trying to get her to come home. She, of course, didn’t want to leave. It took some convincing. I told her you would hurt her, but I never knew just how much. Tell me, how does it feel to know you’re responsible for killing the one person in this world who didn’t realize what a waste of air you really are?”
My hand trembles, but I ignore it. He scored his point, but I’m fucking tired of it.
“Now, Sabre.”
Sabre fires the rounds into Redmond’s men after they are turned loose. Redmond does jump then, but the fucker still faces me head-on.
“This isn’t about Beth,” I say, my voice deadly cold. “I’ve already lost her, though if I’m to blame for that, you are too, aren’t you, Redmond?”
He shrugs. “You’d be surprised the lengths a father would go to.”
“I’m sure. Trouble is, I don’t give a fuck to listen to your voice anymore. Latch? You got your phone?”
“Yeah, boss. Right here.”
“Tape it.”
He aims his phone at Redmond. The man looks confused for a minute.
“You see, Redmond, all this time I thought Colin had ordered one of my men’s vehicle
s rigged. Imagine my surprise when Matthew told me the orders hadn’t come from either of them.”
Redmond glances at his nephews. I expect him to deny it. Honestly, I’m hoping he will. I’d like to kill all of them and be done with it. I really thought Matthew lied to me and Colin was the one that gave that order.
“All’s fair in war,” mutters Redmond, shrugging again.
“Your actions caused my brother to lose his daughter.”
“Your actions caused the same for me. I’d say that makes us even.”
Bastard. “There’s only one problem with that. I’m not interested in being ‘even’. I have something else I’d like more.”
“What’s that?”
“I want to be completely rid of all of you. Matthew and Colin here assure me that, with you dead, this is done and I will get just that.”
“I could assure you the same. Besides, what’s to stop them from going back on their word? Obviously they can’t be trusted, or I would not be in the position I am.”
“Nothing… except this tape, and a recording I have of them making the deal. They really want to be rid of you. Right, boys?”
“Absolutely,” says Colin while Matthew just nods. That’s enough confirmation for me; Sabre getting them on video is just one more thing I have for security.
“Ah, I get it. It wouldn’t do for my father to see what his nephews did to his only remaining son, right? I’m impressed, boys. I did the same thing when I killed your father.”
“You son of a bitch!” Matthew growls.
“Oh relax, you would have eventually done the same thing.”
“Fuck this,” I say. “I got better shit to do and I’m tired of breathing the same air as you.”
“What would Beth think about you ending her father’s life?” asks Redmond. “I could tell you something that’d make you think twice about your deal…”
I don’t let him finish. I’ve had enough of games. I shoot Redmond’s gut three times in quick succession. He drops to the floor.