Blink and You Die

by Lauren Child

  ‘Good to see you back where you belong,’ said the housekeeper.

  ‘Good to see you too, Mrs Digby,’ said Brant Redfort, giving the old lady a hearty hug.

  ‘Darling Mrs Digby,’ said Sabina Redfort, kissing her on each cheek (a new habit she’d picked up), ‘it’s so très bien to be back, I can’t tell you the ways we’ve missed you.’

  ‘I can believe it,’ said Mrs Digby. ‘Starting with the need for a decent home-cooked meal, no doubt.’

  Brant Redfort smiled, remembering the many more than decent home-cooked meals he and his wife had devoured during their stay with the Minister for Culture, whose kitchen was under the command of celebrated chef Antoine Moreau. However, not wanting to disappoint, he nodded and said, ‘You can say that again, Mrs D.’

  ‘Boy, am I tuckered out,’ said Sabina Redfort.

  ‘I’ll get you a nice cup of English tea,’ said Mrs Digby, reaching for the kettle. ‘You put your feet up.’

  ‘Oh, make mine a large café au lait, s’il vous plait.’

  ‘Coffee? At this time of day? I thought that bad habit belonged to Hitch alone.’

  ‘It’s morning in Paris,’ said Sabina, yawning.

  ‘Well, I never did,’ said Mrs Digby, turning to Mr Redfort. ‘So will you be wanting coffee too?’

  ‘Sure, why not,’ said Brant. ‘When in Paris.’

  ‘We’re not in Paris,’ said Mrs Digby.

  ‘I’ll take mine in a bowl,’ said Sabina.

  The housekeeper looked at her like she hadn’t heard right.

  ‘Why ever would you drink coffee from a bowl?’

  ‘It’s à la mode,’ said Sabina.

  ‘Pardon me?’ said Mrs Digby.

  ‘It’s what the French do,’ said Brant.

  ‘I’m sure there are plenty of bizarre things the French do, but it doesn’t mean we should get in on the act.’

  ‘You should try it Mrs D. There’s nothing like drinking coffee from a bowl.’

  Mrs Digby sniffed. ‘I’ll stick with my cup, if you don’t mind. I’ve always felt handles were there for a reason.’

  ‘I’ll take my coffee any way it’s going,’ said Hitch, walking into the room.

  Sabina clapped her hands. ‘How merveilleux to see you! We’ve missed you to distraction.’

  There followed a whole lot more kissing on two cheeks and general fussing and then cocktails. Beautifully wrapped gifts were distributed to all and everyone was very pleased.

  ‘Eiffel Tower cufflinks!’ said Hitch. ‘Just what I need, I mislaid a cufflink a few weeks back and there’s not a chance I’ll find it.’

  ‘Ironically I lost one of mine at the top of the Eiffel Tower,’ said Brant. ‘They’re such fiddly things, a total liability.’

  ‘Well, I’ll do my best to hang on to these ones,’ said Hitch.

  ‘You must join us for supper,’ said Brant.

  ‘I’m afraid I’m expected elsewhere,’ said Hitch, glancing anxiously at his watch.

  ‘Oh no, really?’ exclaimed Sabina.

  She looked so forlorn that Hitch found himself saying, ‘You know what, how about I stay for the starter – it really looks too good to miss.’

  But unfortunately, just as he raised his fork to his mouth an urgent message flashed up on his watch. No one saw it, no one noticed him read it – no one but Ruby. Hitch made his excuses – an elegant lie – and he promised to make it up to them, and left.

  It was a shame, because it was a sumptuous meal Mrs Digby served that night, and although there was some disappointment on the old lady’s part that she had not been able to rustle up the hen of the woods stew, no one else minded a bit.

  Ruby was relieved to have her parents back, relieved to discover her boss was not a ruthless killer, and happy to have everyone together again under this one safe roof. So merry was the mood that the four of them all stayed up late into the evening playing cards and chatting, and Ruby only went upstairs when she saw that both her mother and her father had fallen asleep right there on the couch in front of her – Mrs Digby having already crept away to her bed an hour earlier.

  The first voice Ruby heard the next morning was down the telephone line. The call came through as she was about to leave the house.

  ‘Twinford complaints and moans, what’s your grumble?’

  ‘Kid?’

  ‘Go ahead, caller.’

  ‘You want me to list my grumbles?’ said Hitch. ‘Well, one of them would be that the coffee where I am stinks and the cooking is pretty despicable too. You can tell your folks that I can’t wait to make it home tonight.’

  ‘Is that why you’re calling?’ asked Ruby.

  ‘Just checking in. Is everything AOK?’ he asked.

  ‘I guess,’ said Ruby. She couldn’t exactly discuss the chalk message over the phone. She couldn’t discuss anything important. He knew that, didn’t he?

  ‘How’s the bike working out for you?’ he asked.

  ‘It’s red,’ she said.

  ‘That’s a problem?’

  ‘Would you ride a red bike?’ she asked.

  ‘Depends on the circumstances – now could you pass me on to that wonderful woman who attends to your every need?’

  Ruby put Hitch through to the housekeeper’s apartment and then set off for Twinford Junior High.

  The first voice Ruby heard when she cycled through the school gates was Del Lasco’s.

  ‘Redfort, why are you riding that red bike?’ she shouted.

  ‘Cos it’s the only one I got,’ said Ruby.

  ‘I saw you on a pink one the other day,’ said Mouse.

  ‘It wasn’t jolly enough,’ said Ruby.

  ‘It doesn’t look right,’ said Del. ‘You don’t look right.’

  ‘Yeah, well too bad cos it’s either this bike or no bike.’

  ‘Yeah, but … red?’ said Del.

  ‘I’m getting it resprayed, OK?’ said Ruby. Until that moment she hadn’t considered that option, but now she thought about it, it seemed like a very good idea. Maybe she could do it herself.

  Ruby was disappointed to find no Clancy in her form room. She could really do with talking to him.

  ‘Where is he?’ she asked Elliot.

  ‘Off sick, I heard,’ said Elliot. ‘That’s what Nancy told Red.’

  ‘He’s probably gone down with Crew flu,’ said Mouse.

  ‘That or French flu,’ said Ruby, who was well aware of the upcoming French exam.

  ‘I wouldn’t mind catching it myself,’ said Mouse.

  ‘Catching what?’ asked Ruby.

  ‘Crew flu, any flu.’

  ‘Why d’ya wanna catch the flu?’ asked Ruby.

  ‘To get out of this table tennis tournament,’ said Mouse. ‘I know I’m gonna get destroyed,’ she said. ‘It’s gonna be awful.’

  ‘You’re crazy to say that Mouse, you’re the best player we have, you’re gonna win, I know it,’ said Ruby.

  ‘How? Just thinking about it makes me drop my bat.’

  AFTER SCHOOL, RUBY RODE OVER TO AMBASSADOR ROW. The door was opened by a perfectly healthy-looking Clancy.

  ‘I thought you were supposed to be sick?’ said Ruby.

  ‘I am,’ said Clancy. ‘Come on in.’

  ‘Are you contagious?’ asked Ruby.

  ‘Only if my mom gets home early, then you better make a swift exit.’

  ‘I knew you were faking it.’

  They went and sat in the lounge with some popcorn and a couple of sodas. The house was quiet; all the other Crews were out.

  ‘You know, you look a bit shaken up,’ said Clancy, ‘not quite your usual self.’

  ‘Why do you say that?’ said Ruby.

  Clancy shrugged. ‘I don’t know, something about your eyes. They seem twitchy.’

  ‘They do?’ she said.

  ‘Yeah, it’s either something to do with that new red bike, or maybe your contact lenses are bothering you or … it’s something else,’ said Clancy.

  ‘That’
s very perceptive of you, and as it happens I am a little freaked,’ said Ruby. ‘It’s because …’ She paused. ‘It’s because I ran into LB last night.’

  Clancy’s eyes immediately became wide. ‘Were you alone?’

  ‘You could say that. I was in the underground parking lot.’

  ‘No way,’ said Clancy, who was beginning to flap his arms. ‘How did you get outta there? I mean did she try to kill you?’

  ‘No,’ replied Ruby.

  ‘Well, that’s something,’ said Clancy.

  ‘Yeah, I was kinda relieved,’ said Ruby. ‘I thought my number was up for sure. I mean there I am in a deserted parking lot with the woman who killed Bradley Baker.’

  ‘So it’s true!’ said Clancy, his voice a sort of whispered shriek. ‘She really did murder him.’

  ‘It’s more complicated than that,’ said Ruby.

  ‘More complicated than her murdering her best friend?’

  Ruby nodded and then she gave him a word-for-word account of what had happened.

  ‘Jeepers,’ said Clancy, ‘that’s one of the most tragic stories I ever heard.’

  ‘It’s beyond tragic,’ said Ruby. ‘I don’t know how she can handle the guilt. She basically had to kill her best friend to save a thousand strangers.’

  ‘Makes you think,’ said Clancy. ‘I mean you gotta say, she is quite an agent. She sacrificed him and her happiness, everything, because it was the lesser of two evils.’

  ‘She’s brave, that’s for sure,’ said Ruby. They sat for a while not talking, just contemplating the magnitude of what LB had done.

  After a minute or more Ruby said, ‘The thing that gets me is now I’m feeling sorry for the guy.’

  ‘Who?’ asked Clancy.

  ‘Bradley Baker,’ said Ruby. ‘He’s always been this massive pain in the butt and now I’m having a hard time hating him and I wanna hate him.’

  ‘Why?’ asked Clancy.

  ‘Because … I’m fed up with being told how great he is. You should hear that potato head Froghorn – he literally thinks Baker is the sun.’

  ‘He probably was a really nice guy,’ said Clancy. ‘I mean you don’t get that many people saying how nice you are if you’re not nice.’

  ‘Well … I mean it does happen,’ said Ruby. ‘Sometimes people feel they should speak well of the dead. It’s a kind of an unwritten law.’

  ‘You don’t want to like him because he was smarter— because some people say he was … more … you know, more experienced than you,’ said Clancy.

  ‘You were probably right the first time, he probably was smarter than me,’ said Ruby. ‘It’s just, do you know how hard it is to be continually compared to someone who happens to be a deal smarter than you?’

  Clancy looked at her like she had said something really dumb. ‘Yeah, Rube, as a matter of fact I do.’

  ‘OK, sorry, I just mean, working in Spectrum, I get it all the time. They’re crazy about this guy.’

  ‘You’re just not used to it,’ said Clancy. ‘I have a lot of practice in this area so I have learned the art of humility.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’m not so full of myself.’

  ‘Do you want me to help you with your French or not?’ said Ruby.

  Clancy gave her a panicked look and she punched him lightly on the arm. ‘You do know my homework assistance is unconditional?’

  ‘I appreciate that,’ said Clancy. ‘So,’ he said, changing the subject, ‘at least you’re done with the Prism Vault. I mean now you know the truth about LB you never have to go back there again.’

  ‘Are you kidding?’ said Ruby. ‘Now I absolutely have to go back.’

  ‘Why?’ spluttered Clancy. ‘Why do you have to go back?’ He was flapping his arms again.

  ‘Because I need to get into the file which tells me who tried to kill Baker first time around.’

  ‘What?’ said Clancy.

  ‘There was this kid who tried to kill him a long time ago, a kid who ran from the scene. I discovered this when I read a file on this Junior Spy Programme Spectrum used to run, and the thing is, if I were you, which I’m sorta trying to be – you know, go with my gut and all – then I would say I have a hunch that there’s something weird about the way a lot of the important information isn’t there any more.’

  ‘You mean you have a hunch someone’s tampered with the file?’ said Clancy.

  ‘That’s exactly what I mean,’ said Ruby. ‘Blacker told me it’s impossible to erase or remove the Ghost Files, but I guess it is possible to move something from one file to another and hide it – so I have to go back and try to find it.’

  ‘Tonight?’ said Clancy. He looked alarmed.

  ‘No,’ said Ruby. ‘First I have to figure out the final file code. Froghorn had it written up as a question mark which I guess leaves me guessing.’

  ‘Not a clue?’ asked Clancy.

  ‘Not a clue,’ said Ruby.

  Ruby was careful to ride home along the most brightly lit streets, with the most traffic and most restaurant-goers, but still she felt an uneasiness, as if someone was watching. Though she was tempted, she did not activate the hyper-speed booster – she was trying to keep a low profile, and a kid riding a bicycle along Amster at an implausible speed was likely to raise a few eyebrows.

  It was as Ruby passed the turning into Lime that she noticed a parked car pull slowly away from the curb. Rather than overtake, it began to crawl behind. She sped up and though she couldn’t be sure it seemed as if the car began to move faster. When she reached Oakwood she turned right expecting the car to drive on but it didn’t, it followed. Now she was spooked. She swept on past her turning and then suddenly squeezed hard on the brakes, causing the bike to skid around so she was pointing in the direction of Cedar Street, she pedalled hard, turned into Cedarwood Drive and ten seconds later was home. The car did not follow.

  She ran up the front steps, fumbled for her key, dropped it, picked it up, found the keyhole, opened the door and was in. She made sure to slam it behind her, listening for the reassuring clunk of the lock.

  ‘Ruby, is that you?’ called her mother.

  ‘Uh huh,’ replied Ruby, panting as she climbed the stairs. She walked into the living room, where she found her mother at her desk.

  ‘Are you all right, honey?’ Sabina asked. ‘You look a bit flushed.’

  ‘I’ve been cycling,’ said Ruby.

  Her mother looked at her sternly. ‘You be careful out there in the dark, Ruby, always remember to keep your lights on and your wits about you.’

  ‘I’ll remember that,’ said Ruby; it actually sounded like good advice.

  ‘Your father won’t be home until late as Mr Cleethorp is having a company dinner. I managed to wriggle out of it; it sounded rather tedious,’ said her mother. She held something up, a square of card. ‘Good news, though! We received our invitation to the Eye Ball.’

  ‘The Eye Ball?’ repeated Ruby.

  ‘You haven’t heard about it?’ asked Sabina. ‘We heard about it and we were in Paris. The New Year’s Eve party at the old Eye Hospital. It’s been renovated up to the eyeball – literally.’

  What Ruby’s mother meant was that every floor of the old thirty-four-storey building had been renovated apart from the top storey, where the giant neon blinking eye was fixed to the outside of the building.

  ‘They’ve even got that big old eye sign blinking again,’ said Sabina. ‘Actually, they still have work to do on the east wing of the thirty-third floor, so unless the construction team pull their fingers out the grand dining room won’t be ready.’

  ‘That’s very disappointing,’ yawned Ruby, who was keen to cut this conversation short.

  ‘I know,’ sighed Sabina, ‘it means no second buffet area.’

  ‘Tragic,’ said Ruby.

  ‘And there was going to be a catering lift too, you know, like a dumbwaiter, carrying food up and down from the kitchen – goodness knows what Consuela will do without it. She’s cate
ring the event of course.’

  ‘Cool,’ said Ruby, who was by now on autopilot.

  Even Sabina could sense her daughter’s lack of interest in the behind-the-scenes details of the Eye Ball, and changed tack.

  ‘The party is space themed, you know,’ she announced. ‘Space is so hot at the moment, with the new observatory and the launch of the space station.’

  ‘Sounds out of this world,’ said Ruby.

  Her mother did not pick up on her tone.

  ‘It’s the must-have ticket this season. It’s going to be nothing but glamour,’ said Sabina, enthusiasm bubbling out of her. ‘And you’re coming too, so get excited.’

  ‘I feared as much,’ muttered Ruby.

  ‘Pardon?’ said her mother.

  ‘I can hardly wait,’ said Ruby.

  ‘That’s the spirit, honey, talking like a Redfort!’ said her mother proudly. ‘So what will you wear?’

  ‘I need to decide now?’ said Ruby, who was hoping to concentrate on more important matters, like how to get a hold of her lost pencil.

  ‘Well, you can’t wear just anything,’ said Sabina. ‘No jeans and no T-shirts.’

  Ruby looked down at her T-shirt. ‘Actually, this one is space themed.’

  It read: space cadet

  ‘I hope you’re kidding,’ said her mother.

  ‘I think it would be perfect,’ said Ruby.

  ‘So long as you don’t wear that black jumpsuit,’ said Sabina.

  ‘It’s very fashionable,’ said Ruby.

  ‘But it’s not right for a party like this,’ said her mother. ‘I mean I doubt if you would team it with heels, am I right or am I right?’

  ‘Sneakers,’ said Ruby.

  ‘Give me strength,’ said Sabina. ‘Or better still, a martini. Hitch!’

  ‘He’s out for the night,’ called Mrs Digby.

  ‘Why?’ called Sabina.

  ‘How should I know?’ came Mrs Digby’s reply. ‘Perhaps he’s meeting up with an old friend.’

  ‘I didn’t know he had any,’ said Ruby.

  ‘Of course he has friends,’ said her mother. ‘Look at him, he’s everything a friend could want.’

  ‘Well, he’s out,’ said Mrs Digby, ‘and that’s a fact.’

  ‘He called this morning,’ said Ruby. ‘Said he was coming home.’