Joe held the flower up to his nose and inhaled deeply. Lois squeezed the stem, and a stream of water shot out and hit Joe in the face. He yelped, then jumped up and began chasing Lois around the room. “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to catch a nurse!” he cried.
By the time Joe caught Lois, they were both laughing so hard tears were running down their cheeks. Lois had planned a few other things for her routine, but she knew she couldn’t go on with the rest of the show. She didn’t think she needed to anyway, since she had shown Joe what she’d learned about clowning and helped to make his birthday one to remember.
❧
Joe couldn’t believe how much he was enjoying the party. Lois was very funny when she decided to let her hair down.
“I didn’t realize you’d learned so much about clowning during my short class,” Joe said to Lois. They were all sitting around the table eating chocolate cake and strawberry ice cream.
She gave him a sheepish grin. “I took another class last Saturday in Portland.”
“Ah-ha! I wondered where you were when I tried to call that afternoon.” Joe needled her in the ribs. “Now the two of us can team up and do all sorts of routines at church functions.”
“Speaking of church—have you found a church home in Seattle yet, Brian?” Seth asked, turning to Joe’s brother.
Brian scrunched up his nose. “I’m religious enough. I don’t need an hour of boring church every Sunday to make me a better person.”
“Since when did you get religious?” Joe asked his brother.
“It’s like this—when I drive my cab around the city, people pray a lot!”
“Yeah, I’m sure your passengers do pray,” Joe said, forcing a smile. “As I recall, you always had a lead foot.”
Brian frowned. “To be a cabby, you have to know how to move in and out of traffic.”
“If you want my opinion—”
“I respect your opinion,” Brian interrupted, “but I’d respect it even more if you kept it to yourself.”
Joe opened his mouth to offer a comeback, but he felt Lois’s hand touch his under the table. He wondered if she was trying to signal him to change the subject, so he squeezed her fingers in response. “This cake is delicious. Did you make it, Lois?”
She shook her head. “Tabby did the honors. I was too busy trying to come up with some kind of goofy clown skit.”
“That nurse routine you did was pretty impressive,” Seth interjected. “You and Joe work well together.”
Joe draped his arm across Lois’s shoulder and whispered in her ear, “We do, don’t we?”
Nineteen
Over the next few weeks Joe and Lois saw each other often. They visited Snoqualmie Falls and had a picnic in Joe’s truck, drove up to Mount Rainier for a day of skiing, and got together at Lois’s place to practice some joint clowning routines. On the night of Joe’s birthday, he’d convinced Lois she had talent and suggested she use it to help him evangelize. Lois thought that after more practice she might be able to do some kind of routine with him.
She was still concerned about his inability to be serious, as well as his refusal to talk about his brother or other family members. She had noticed the way Joe and Brian related at the party and knew a problem existed between them. She kept hoping and praying he would open up to her as they drew closer to one another, but so far he’d remained the jokester. Her own clowning around didn’t deter him either. If anything, Joe seemed to be even goofier. She worried that he might have something to hide, some family skeletons buried beneath his lighthearted exterior. She was concerned that those things, whatever they were, might put a wedge between them, either now or in the future.
Today was Thanksgiving, and Lois had invited Joe, Brian, Seth, and Tabby for dinner. Her sister had volunteered to bring the pies, but Lois insisted on doing the rest. She was eager for Joe to sample her cooking, and she hoped Brian’s presence would help him relax and talk about his family.
By one o’clock, the turkey was almost cooked. Lois boiled the potatoes, then finished setting the table in her small dining room with her best china. The guests would be here any minute, and she was looking forward to the day ahead.
Seth and Tabby arrived first, bringing two pumpkin pies and one apple, along with a carton of whipping cream. “It looks like you’ve outdone yourself,” Tabby said as she studied the table.
Lois smiled and took one of the pies from her sister. “It’s my first attempt at holiday entertaining, and I wanted everything to be perfect.”
Seth whistled. “If the smell of that bird is any indication of what dinner’s going to taste like, then I’d say everything will be more than perfect.”
Lois winked at her brother-in-law and motioned toward the couch. “Have a seat, and when Joe and his brother arrive you can keep them entertained.” She nodded at Tabby. “The two of us have some work to do in the other room.”
Tabby set her pies on the countertop and grabbed one of Lois’s aprons from a drawer. “What would you like me to do first?”
“How about mashing the potatoes while I make some gravy?”
“I think I can manage that.”
Lois noticed that Tabby’s stomach was protruding slightly, and a pang of jealousy stabbed her heart. What if she never married or had any children? Could she learn to be content with being an aunt? I don’t need to think about this now, she chided herself. There’s too much to do. She focused her thoughts on stirring the gravy.
By the time Lois and Tabby were ready to serve dinner, Joe and Brian arrived. They hadn’t come together, but Lois figured that was because Joe had been driving from Olympia and his brother from Seattle, which was in the opposite direction.
Joe greeted Lois with a kiss on the cheek, and soon everyone was seated at the table. Lois asked Seth to say the blessing then excused herself to bring in the turkey. Moments later she placed the platter in front of Joe amidst everyone’s oohs and ahhs and asked if he would carve the bird.
“You picked the right guy for the job,” he said with a grin. “When Brian and I were growing up, carving the bird was always my responsibility.”
“Did your dad teach you how?” Tabby inquired.
“He was killed in an accident involving the tour bus Dad drove. Joe and I were both kids,” Brian answered before his brother could open his mouth. “I hardly remember our father.”
“My folks died when I was pretty young too,” Seth said. “Grandma and Grandpa Beyers raised me after Mom and Dad were killed. Then later, when they decided to move to a retirement center, they gave me their home.”
“After Dad’s death, our mother raised us.” Brian frowned. “At least that’s what she thought she was doing.”
Lois’s interest was piqued. What did Brian mean by saying his mother thought she was raising them? She turned to him. “It must have been hard for your mother to raise two boys without a father. I’m sure she did the best she could.”
Brian snorted and reached for a biscuit from the basket in the center of the table. “If Mom had done the best she could, she would have admitted she was sick and taken the medicine the doctor prescribed. Now she’s dead, and we’re left with only each other and a lot of bad memories.”
Lois glanced at Joe, sitting on the other side of her, and hoped he would add something to Brian’s comment.
Joe was silent. With a silly grin plastered on his face, he reached for the tray of fresh vegetables, grabbed a cherry tomato, poked a hole in one end, then stuck the whole thing on the tip of his nose. “How’s this for a new clown face?” he asked with a chuckle. He reached into the tray again and withdrew two cucumber slices. He cut a hole in each one then placed them over his ears. Next he grabbed a carrot and stuck that in his mouth. “What’d ya think ub this?” he mumbled.
Everyone but Brian laughed at Joe’s silly antics. “If you don’t want to discuss our mother’s problems, that’s fine—but let’s not make these folks think you’re ready for the loony bin as well,” Brian said.
&nb
sp; The carrot dropped to his plate as Joe opened his mouth. “I don’t think we should be having this discussion right now. Today’s Thanksgiving, and we ought to be concentrating on having a good time and being thankful for all we have, instead of talking about someone who made her peace with God and isn’t here to defend herself.”
Joe’s face was as red as the tomato still dangling from his nose, and Lois wondered what she could do to help ease the tension. She offered up a quick prayer then reached over and took his hand. “Maybe after dinner you can do one of your juggling routines. In the meantime, how about slicing that turkey before we all starve?”
Joe snatched both cucumbers off his ears and the tomato from his nose and placed them on the edge of his plate. Without another word, he grabbed the knife and stuck it into the bird.
❧
Joe’s insides were churning like a blender running on full speed. How dare his brother air their family’s dirty laundry in front of Lois and her relatives! If he hadn’t been trying so hard to keep his emotions in check, he might have shouted at Brian to shut up and eat, rather than make himself look foolish by putting on a vegetable clown face. Lois probably thought he was the one with a mental problem. Keeping control of his emotions was important to Joe. If he acted on his feelings, he might flip out, the way Mom had on more than one occasion.
Joe found himself beginning to care more and more for Lois, and he didn’t want to turn her off by losing his cool—or by revealing too much about his family. Making a joke out of things was the only way he knew how to cope with the unpleasant things in life. It was better than turning to drugs or alcohol, as Brian had when he was a teenager. Joe hoped his brother had given up those bad habits, but after today it was obvious he still hadn’t learned to control his tongue.
Many times when they were growing up Brian had blurted out something to someone about their mother and her mood swings. Joe had tried then to talk to him about keeping their family affairs quiet, but his little brother seemed to take pleasure in letting everyone know their mother had a serious problem. When Brian finally graduated from high school and left home, Joe hated to admit he was relieved. At least his brother could no longer talk about their personal lives. Joe felt a sense of duty to Mom and had continued to live with her until she died. In all that time, he’d never told anyone about her problem with extreme mood swings or discussed the way it had made him feel.
“When’s your next performance, Joe?”
Seth’s question drew Joe out of his reflections, and he smiled and passed him the plate of turkey. “I’m scheduled to do one tomorrow at the Tacoma Mall. It’s part of the pre-Christmas festivities, and I’ll be making some balloon animals to give out to the children who visit Santa.”
“Sounds pretty corny if you ask me,” Brian muttered. “If I had a choice, I’d choose driving in and out of traffic all day rather than spend five minutes with a bunch of runny-nosed, rowdy kids.”
All eyes were focused on Brian. Joe knew Tabby and Seth were expecting a baby in the spring and that Lois loved kids. He could only imagine what Lois and her family must think of his self-centered brother.
“Kids and laughter are what makes the world go around,” Joe said. “I love working with the little tykes because they spread happiness, peanut butter, and chicken pox.”
Brian frowned. “Humph! And that coming from someone who’s a big kid himself! You were always Mom’s funny little boy, full of jokes and wisecracks, and never wanting to rock the boat or make any waves.”
Joe inhaled sharply. He thought about telling Brian he’d made up a new beatitude: “Blessed are they who have nothing to say and can’t be persuaded to say it.”
Just then Seth spoke up.
“The turkey is great, Lois. You really outdid yourself.”
“Yes, everything tastes wonderful,” Tabby agreed.
Lois smiled, and her face turned pink. “Thanks.”
Joe patted his stomach. “They’re right; the meal was terrific. In fact, tomorrow I’ll probably have to go on a diet.” He winked at Lois. “Whenever I have to start applying my clown makeup with a paint roller, I know it’s time to lose weight.”
Everyone, except Brian, laughed at Joe’s joke. He was eating mashed potatoes at lightning speed. That’s okay, Joe mused. Brian never did appreciate a good pun. Maybe I should try another one and see if that gets any response.
“You look kind of stressed out, Brian. Must be ready for those tasty desserts Tabby brought, huh?”
His brother’s forehead wrinkled, but he remained silent.
Joe chuckled. “Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.”
Again, everyone but Brian laughed. Instead he narrowed his eyes at Joe. “You’re really sick, you know that? I don’t see how anyone as beautiful and intelligent as Lois could put up with you clowning around all the time.”
Brian’s words pierced Joe. He wondered if Lois felt the same way about his silliness. If she did, she’d never said anything. In fact, she was learning to be a clown herself, so that must mean she liked his goofy ways and wanted to be more like him—didn’t it?
Twenty
As Lois put away the last of the clean dishes from their Thanksgiving meal, her mind wandered. Joe’s brother had revealed some important things about their past, including that their mother had suffered with a mental illness. Could that be why Joe was reluctant to talk about his family? Maybe it was also why Joe showed only his silly side. Lois had a hunch Joe had a lot of pain bottled up inside and for some reason was afraid to let it out. She wondered what it would take to break down the walls he’d built up. She wished he’d stayed around after the others left, but he was the first person to say he needed to leave.
Lois had no idea why Joe needed to go home, since today was a holiday and he had no clowning engagements scheduled. She’d tried to talk to him for a few minutes in front of her apartment building, but he’d hurried away, mumbling something about the ocean calling to him.
She sank into a chair at the kitchen table and closed her eyes. She could still picture Joe sitting at her dining room table during dinner, leaning slightly forward. His pinched face and forced smile betrayed the tension he must have felt when Brian began talking about their mother’s condition.
“Dear Lord,” Lois prayed, “I think Joe is deeply troubled and needs Your help. Please show me if there’s something I can do.”
❧
Joe had intended to go home after he left Lois’s, but he couldn’t face his empty house tonight. Not when he had Mom on his mind. He drove past the Olympia exit and headed toward the coast. Maybe he would feel better after some time at the beach. A blast of salt sea air and the cold sand sifting into his sneakers would get him thinking straight again. So what if he only had the clothes on his back and no toothbrush? If he stayed more than a day he could buy what he needed.
“Lord, I’ve blown it with Lois,” Joe prayed. “I could see by the look on her face during dinner that she’s fed up with me. Did hearing about Mom’s problems turn her off, or was she irritated because I wouldn’t hang around and talk?”
Joe’s stomach ached from holding back his feelings. He wanted to pull his truck to the side of the road, drop his head onto the steering wheel, and let the tears that had built up through the years spill over like water released from a dam. He couldn’t, though. He had to keep driving until the Pacific Ocean came into view. He needed to drown out the past. Joe didn’t care that by leaving town he’d have to cancel the performance he was scheduled to give at the Tacoma Mall the next afternoon. So what if they never asked him to do another clowning routine? Right now he didn’t care if he ever worked again.
❧
Lois hadn’t heard anything from Joe since Thanksgiving, and now it was Friday of the following week. She’d been tempted to call several times but decided she should give him more time to make the first move.
She turned off her computer and was about to call it a day when the pastor’s wife entered her office.
&n
bsp; “How are things going, Lois?” she asked. “Do you and your clown friend have big plans for the weekend?”
“It’s going okay here at work.” Lois swallowed against the knot in her throat. “I haven’t heard from Joe all week, and frankly I wonder if he will ever call again.”
Norma Hanson slipped into the chair beside Lois’s desk. “Would you like to talk about it?”
Lois hesitated then took a deep breath. “I found out Thanksgiving that his mother had severe mood swings, and he acted strange after his brother blurted out the information.” She sighed. “I think Joe’s past might have something to do with the way he makes light of everything.”
The pastor’s wife handed Lois a tissue from the box on her desk. “Does Joe’s humor bother you?”
Lois smiled through her tears. “Actually, I think he’s been good for me, and his joking has helped me learn to relax and have a good time.” She paused. “I just wish he could show his serious side too. If he even has one, that is.”
The older woman nodded. “I’m sure he does. Maybe he needs more time. Perhaps as your friendship grows, he’ll open up to you more.”
“I hope so, Mrs. Hanson.” Lois reached for her purse. “Well, I mustn’t take up any more of your time.”
“I’m glad to listen anytime and even offer an opinion if you ask,” she said, smiling. “Before you go, though, let’s have a word of prayer.”
❧
A whole week at the beach, and Joe still felt as if his world were tilting precariously. He couldn’t afford to spend any more nights in a hotel, and it wasn’t warm enough to pitch a tent on the sand. Besides, he was expected to perform at his home church on Sunday morning. It was bad enough he’d missed the mall program right after Thanksgiving. He certainly wouldn’t feel right about leaving Pastor Cummings in the lurch. Especially when his clowning skit was supposed to be the children’s sermon for the day and coincide with the pastor’s message.
With his mood matching that of the overcast sky, Joe climbed into his pickup on Saturday morning and headed home.
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