Listen to the Marriage

by John Jay Osborn

  “What do you think is bothering Gretchen about you taking care of Liz when she has a bad afternoon?” Sandy asked him.

  “She’s feeling torn,” Steve said. “She—”

  Sandy interrupted him.

  “Steve, tell it to us as if you were Gretchen,” Sandy said. “Not she, use I.”

  Steve looked over at Gretchen, as if he were looking for permission to hijack her feelings.

  “Okay,” Steve said. “I feel torn between wanting to help my daughter and needing to teach my class.”

  “So what’s wrong with Steve stepping in to help out,” Sandy said.

  “I don’t trust him,” Steve said. “I’m not sure why he’s being so helpful.”

  “A hidden agenda?” Sandy said.

  “Yes, he always has one,” Steve said. “I feel as if he’s going to use his kindness against me somehow. But on the other hand, teaching this huge survey course is a big deal. It takes a huge amount of preparation. I have to teach stuff I don’t know that well. For example, I’m teaching Huckleberry Finn. My expertise is Dickens and Victorian England. The survey course covers five hundred years of literature. It’s really hard.”

  Sandy thought: He knows a lot about Gretchen.

  “If it goes well, I might become head of the department,” Steve said. “But do I even want that? Do I want more stress that will take me away from the kids? A lot of stuff is up in the air.”

  “Okay, very nice, Steve. You know all about my career. But the personal stuff is what drives me crazy,” Gretchen said, looking at Sandy. “It’s like the kids are a line that ties Steve to me and he’s pulling me in with them, pulling me closer.”

  And you resist every inch of the way, Sandy thought.

  “I get that is how you feel,” Sandy said. “You feel as if Steve is using the kids to get closer to you. But I’m not sure why that is a bad thing?”

  “I’m not going to go back to a terrible marriage with a serial adulterer because of the fact that Steve has supposedly changed and now loves his kids,” Gretchen said. “I just won’t do it. It isn’t worth it. And believe me, I’ve thought about it.”

  So the fact that you need help two afternoons a week, at the most eight times a month, and then only if everything goes wrong in day care, that equates to going back to a terrible marriage? Sandy wondered.

  “Why have you thought about getting back together?” Sandy asked.

  “I’ve thought about getting back together with Steve because of the kids,” Gretchen said. “Obviously. Everyone in this situation thinks that.”

  Actually, they don’t, Sandy thought. Some think about murder. Or running away with the kids to a foreign country.

  “And going back with Steve just because of the kids would be a bad thing?” Sandy said.

  “You can’t be serious,” Gretchen said. “Are you trying to provoke me? Is that a tool of modern marriage counseling?”

  “Oh, I’m completely serious,” Sandy said. “Why would that be a bad thing?”

  She saw Steve looking hard at Gretchen.

  “It isn’t even worth discussing,” Gretchen said.

  “Gretchen, I’m curious about something,” Sandy said. She leaned forward, in a friendly sort of way, as if she wanted to talk to Gretchen like they were girlfriends. “Do you and Steve talk on the telephone?”

  “Of course we talk on the telephone,” Gretchen said, sounding to Sandy a bit as if she were talking to a friend who was a little slow, Sandy expecting Gretchen to add something like What do you expect?

  “So how often?” Sandy said.

  “These days, a couple of times a week,” Gretchen said.

  “I think you talk more than a couple of times a week,” Sandy said. “I think you talk almost every day.”

  “I don’t get the point of this,” Gretchen said.

  “The point of it is, you are enmeshed with Steve,” Sandy said.

  “I talk to Steve to see how the kids are, to make sure we haven’t forgotten stuff,” Gretchen said.

  “I’m not trying to be a bad guy here, Gretchen,” Sandy said. “I’m not trying to beat you over the head with this—”

  “It sort of feels that way,” Gretchen said, interrupting. “Did Steve tell you that we talked on the phone every day?”

  “No, actually, I came to that conclusion myself,” Sandy said, bemused. Like this was hard to figure out?

  “Okay, so what?” Gretchen said. “I admit that I’ve been enmeshed with Steve in the past. It was a huge problem. But I’m trying to cut the ties.”

  Not exactly, Sandy thought. You’ve got yourself a safe distance from Steve, a safe distance, and now that you feel safe, you’re probing to see what there is between you. Sandy wanted to shake Gretchen, stare her in the eyes, ask: What do you think about Steve right now, this instant?

  “Do you think Steve is tapping your phone, reading your e-mails, that he has bugs in your apartment?” Sandy asked.

  “Of course not,” Gretchen said. “At least I don’t think so,” she added.

  “So how does he know what you’re teaching? How much time you have to spend preparing to teach? How does he know that there is a chance you might become head of the department? How does he know you’re teaching Huckleberry Finn?” Sandy said.

  Sandy leaned even more in Gretchen’s direction, and said in a soft voice: “Because you tell him, Gretchen. On those phone calls, the ones you don’t think are going on. And that’s okay.”

  “That’s crazy,” Gretchen said.

  “Is that the second time you’ve said I’m crazy?” Sandy said. “The second time today?”

  “I didn’t mean it that way,” Gretchen said. “It’s just like you’re pushing me, and I don’t like to be pushed.”

  “I know,” Sandy said. She smiled at Gretchen. “Despite that, would you play along with me?”

  “It depends on the game,” Gretchen said.

  “Six months ago, Gretchen, you were setting limits on Steve. He’d call you and you wouldn’t answer. You had Steve text you to find out when he could call you. Remember?” Sandy said.

  “I remember,” Gretchen said.

  “But you’re not doing that anymore, are you?” Sandy said.

  “No,” Gretchen said. “I’m not.”

  “So what’s happening?” Sandy said.

  “It’s easier to talk to Steve,” Gretchen said. “There’s no doubt about it. He is just easier. I admit that.”

  “Do you ever call him?” Sandy asked.

  “Yes,” Gretchen said. “I admit that.”

  “Do you ever call him just to talk?” Sandy asked.

  “Not really,” Gretchen said. “I think there’s always a reason.”

  “Like you just want to talk?” Sandy said. “That would be a reason, right?”

  Gretchen looked away, and Sandy saw that she was twirling a piece of her blond hair that had fallen forward over her shoulder.

  “Did you talk to Steve last night?” Sandy asked.

  “Yes I did,” Gretchen said. She looked at Steve, then back to Sandy.

  “So how did it happen that you talked with Steve last night?” Sandy said.

  “I called him,” Gretchen said. She shook her head. “I see where this is going. You think because I talk to Steve, something is happening between us, we’re getting closer. Right?”

  “Not quite,” Sandy said. “I think both of you are more secure. Both of you know that you can live on your own. I think it’s like you both are exploring the relationship that exists between you now. It’s a new relationship. So I’m curious about what you talk about and how you talk when you talk on the phone. So why don’t you do that now?”

  “How is this supposed to work?” Steve said.

  “Let’s just say it’s last night, and Gretchen calls you on the phone,” Sandy said. She looked at Gretchen.

  “Why is this a good idea?” Gretchen said.

  “Imagine that we’re going to spread your relationship out on the floor and
look it over, just as if it were Penelope’s weaving,” Sandy said.

  “If it’s Penelope’s weaving, then we take it apart at night and weave it back again the next day,” Gretchen said.

  “The trick is to know the pattern,” Sandy said. “Call Steve.”

  Gretchen thought it over, and then she pointed her finger at Steve.

  “You go,” she said.

  “Hello,” Steve said, imagining that Gretchen had called him.

  “Can you talk?” Gretchen said.

  “The kids are in bed, it’s quiet, I can talk,” Steve said.

  “So Gabrielle isn’t there?” Gretchen said.

  “No, Gabrielle isn’t here,” Steve said. “I’m all by myself. If the kids are here, I’m always by myself. So I’m available if you want to come over and keep me company.”

  “Unfortunately, I’m in my own bed and warm as toast, so I’m not coming over, for lots of good reasons,” Gretchen said.

  “That’s too bad,” Steve said. “So how are you doing? What’s up?”

  Gretchen raised her hand.

  “No, at this point, I believe you said something like, How come that moronic drama professor isn’t in bed with you?” Gretchen said.

  “Maybe I said, How are things going with the drama teacher?” Steve said.

  “So how are things going with the drama professor?” Sandy said.

  Gretchen looked at Sandy and then back to Steve.

  “You know, Steve, I really called to find out how it went with the kids today. How did Liz do at preschool?” Gretchen said.

  “She did better,” Steve said. “I stayed for the first half hour and then she said, It’s okay, Daddy, you can go. And it was hard to leave when she said that. It was like she was trying to be so strong. She hates that place.”

  “We have to fix this,” Gretchen said.

  “In six months, she can go to Pacific Primary,” Steve said. “It’s a better school and she’ll like that she’s there with Chris.”

  “Yes, that will help,” Gretchen said. “I better hang up. I’m tired. It’s late.”

  “You, you, I miss you,” Steve said. He was emotional. He had suddenly transitioned right into the phone call. It was real. For Steve, it was happening.

  “I know you do,” Gretchen said.

  “So you’re just sitting there?” Steve said. “Really. Why don’t you come over?”

  “It wouldn’t be a good thing. I’m not ready for that,” Gretchen said.

  “When are you going to be ready?” Steve said.

  “If you are going to mess with me, I’m hanging up,” Gretchen said. She looked over at Sandy, who read her look as if this were getting too real.

  “I’m sorry,” Steve said.

  “You said you were sorry?” Sandy said to Steve. She looked at Gretchen.

  “Yes, he did,” Gretchen said.

  “I was sorry,” Steve said.

  You guys are better, Sandy thought, much better. That didn’t mean they would necessarily get back together, but they were definitely weaving something new.

  17.

  “I’m confused about what went on last weekend,” Gretchen said. “Apparently you took the kids on a huge hike in the hills that lasted all day? And you met up with Gabrielle?”

  “No,” Steve said. “What happened is, I took the kids on a walk in Golden Gate Park, but we walked the entire way to the ocean, and then back again, more than six miles. We had lunch at the Beach Chalet. So to them it felt like a huge hike, but we never left the city. It was an urban adventure. I was proud of them. It was a long walk, but they didn’t complain, although I had to put Liz on my shoulders the last mile.

  “As for Gabrielle, she wasn’t on the hike. She was running in the park, which she does every day, and she saw us and stopped to say hello. I introduced her to the kids. They had never met her before.”

  “Gabrielle had never met the kids?” Gretchen said.

  “Nope,” Steve said.

  “Why don’t you include her?” Gretchen asked.

  “Why would I do that?” Steve said. “I don’t want them to get the wrong idea.”

  “What wrong idea?” Gretchen said.

  Steve looked uncomfortable. He shrugged.

  “You know, like I have a girlfriend,” Steve said.

  “Do you have a girlfriend?” Gretchen asked.

  “Am I going out with Gabrielle?” Steve said. “Yes, I’ve gone out with Gabrielle, but I wouldn’t call her a girlfriend. She’s a friend.”

  “It’s a little more than that, isn’t it?” Gretchen said.

  “I’m not asking you about who you’re going out with,” Steve said.

  “Ask anything you want,” Gretchen said. “I still talk to Bill, but I haven’t seen him in a while, as you know, it’s a complicated relationship. As I told you, I went out with a colleague a couple of times. He teaches in the drama department? Would you like to know anything about that? I slept with him.”

  Sandy could see several thoughts flash in Steve’s face, just below the surface. But he took a second to think it over and then let them all sink down into the fiery pit at the back of his brain where his bad thoughts screamed and twisted and tried to climb out.

  “You, on the other hand, don’t seem to want to talk about Gabrielle,” Gretchen said. “How many times have you been away for the weekend with her?”

  “I haven’t been away for the weekend with her and I don’t see what this is about,” Steve said. “Why do we have to define my relationship with Gabrielle? What does it matter?”

  Gretchen leaned forward.

  “Don’t you think it matters to Gabrielle?” Gretchen said.

  “I have no idea,” Steve said.

  Sandy saw that Gretchen was shoveling coal into the boiler of this locomotive, and it was slowly picking up steam. Once it got going, it was going to be hard to stop.

  “Don’t you think she deserves to know how you think about her? What you think about the relationship?” Gretchen said evenly.

  “Sandy has made me highly suspect about what people deserve,” Steve said. “But Gabrielle certainly expects me to be honest with her, and I’m trying to be.”

  “Steve,” Gretchen said, as if his attention was wandering and she needed to call him back, refocus him. “Steve,” she said again. “Gabrielle is the only woman you’re seeing, isn’t she? She’s aware of that, right? That must mean something to her.”

  “She’s not the only woman I’m seeing,” Steve said.

  “You’re kidding,” Gretchen said in a singed, angry voice. “You are two-timing Gabrielle?”

  Gretchen shook her finger at Steve.

  “You’re a real piece of work, aren’t you?” Gretchen said.

  “You’re the other woman I’m seeing,” Steve said. “I see you here, with Sandy once a week, and we see each other at least four or five other times during the week, and we also talk on the phone. I think it’s important that Gabrielle knows that. She needs to know that I’m still invested in you.”

  Sandy thought that might back Gretchen off, that it might throw a switch and send the train down another track, but it didn’t. The runaway train just gathered speed.

  “Very smart,” Gretchen said. “But it’s exactly the same thing as it would be if you were going out with another woman. You’re leading Gabrielle on, you’re letting her believe that you’re going to be there long-term.”

  It was all misdirection, but could Steve see it? If Gretchen was ever going to get back together with Steve, if she was ever going to be happy whether she was with Steve or not, she needed to understand what she was doing. And so did Steve.

  “Gretchen, when I met Gabby, she was just breaking up with a guy she’d been with for three years. She doesn’t want a serious new relationship. I’m safe because I’m still wrapped up with you, whether you’re wrapped up with me or not. I’m safe for Gabby,” Steve said.

  “You actually believe that?” Gretchen said. “You can’t see what’s right
in front of your face?”

  Steve turned his hands palms up—the expression saying, Are you crazy? He shook his head.

  “Is Gabrielle going out with anyone else?” Gretchen said.

  “I don’t think so,” Steve said.

  “You’d be angry if she was, wouldn’t you?” Gretchen snapped.

  Steve shut his eyes. He took several deep breaths, getting centered. Then he opened his eyes and stared at Gretchen.

  “I don’t get it,” Steve said. “And I resent it. I’ve answered the questions, I’ve told you everything, and you still keep hammering away.”

  “Why do you resent it?” Sandy said. It was the first time she’d spoken since the beginning of this session. She had been racing along with them, and now she’d jumped into the cab of the locomotive; she was going to take this runaway train down another track.

  “I mean, what am I supposed to do about Gabrielle? I’m honest with her. Gabrielle is a big girl. She can take care of herself,” Steve said.

  “You said you resent Gretchen hammering away at you over Gabrielle,” Sandy said. “Didn’t you?”

  “Yes,” Steve said.

  “Okay, well, why do you resent it?” Sandy said.

  “It’s gratuitous,” Steve said.

  “Is it? I’m not so sure,” Sandy said.

  Sandy looked at Gretchen. Let’s back this train up, Sandy thought, and she threw the train into reverse.

  “Gretchen, this all started out because your children told you they went on a mystical hike with Steve, a daylong hike where they encountered all sorts of wonderful things, including meeting a beautiful dark-haired Italian princess,” Sandy said. “Or something like that.

  “But it turns out that it was a hike right here in the city, and Gabrielle was just a jogger who happened by.”

  Sandy folded her hands in her lap. She thought, It is amazing, isn’t it, how brilliantly Gretchen uses misdirection so that she gets what she wants but never reveals her feelings.

  “Isn’t that pretty much how this all started?” Sandy said, looking at Gretchen, who said nothing.

  “Then we went down this path, which started with you accusing Steve of not caring about Gabrielle’s feelings.” Sandy said. “Right?”

  Gretchen said nothing.