The Strawberry Heart

by Finella Vane

  “I let you have sweet potato, give me some cream and strawberries.”

  “Say please.”

  Anselle smirked at her lover, “You didn’t say please when you were sneaking potato from me.”

  “That’s because I was sneaking it. If I had said please you would’ve known. There’s no fun in that.”

  “Gina, do something,” Anselle pleaded.

  “You want me to wrestle it away from her?” Gina made a half-hearted lunge for the dish.

  Anselle’s face brightened at the thought, “Could you?”

  “Um…..no. If you want it you’re going to have to say please.”

  “And if I refuse?”

  “Then I guess you won’t get any.”

  “Can you get more from the kitchen?”

  “Seriously? Just say please and she’ll give the dish to you.”

  “It’s the principal of the thing.”

  “How old are you? It’s like your devolving before my very eyes.”

  Niav, who had been giggling at the exchange, held the dish out to the chef, “Would you like some whipped cream Gina?”

  “Yes, please, Niav,” Gina took a spoonful of the cream and plopped it onto a honey cake, “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome Gina,” the woman beamed, “Strawberries?”

  “Yes, thank you, Niav.”

  “See, Anselle? See how Gina has such good manners? Lisa, would you like some whipped cream and strawberries?”

  “No, thank you Niav. These remind me of the ones my mom makes and she’d never forgive me if I made a change to her precious honey cakes.”

  “See, Anselle? Even Lisa has good manners.”

  Anselle was glaring at her partner but Niav could see the happy glimmer in the bright, blue eyes, “Niav?”

  “Yes, Anselle?”

  “May I have some whipped cream and strawberries……..please?”

  If Niav were a less classy girl she’d take a spoonful of whipped cream and flick it at her partner but since they were in a fine restaurant that belonged to their good friend she cupped the dish in her hands and held it out to her lover, “Yes, Anselle.”

  “Thank you.” After she spread the cream on her cake and sprinkled over the strawberries she caught her partner’s attention, “I’ll get you for this later.”

  Niav winked, “I know.”

  ***

  Anselle and Niav decided to walk home after saying their ‘good-byes’ to Lisa and ‘see ya later’ to Gina. Lisa didn’t promise to call or send postcards because she was going to get away not keep in touch. The couple was half way home before they realized they didn’t look at the photo collages again because they were distracted by the noise, each other and the good food. Anselle told Niav how proud she was of her reactions that day and complimented her on her progress. Outwardly the brunette smiled and squeezed her partner’s hand; inwardly she was worried that once she came off the medication, even though she wanted to more than anything, her reactions wouldn’t be as composed.

  Hand in hand they walked leisurely through the nearly empty park. Streetlights illuminated the path around the pond where the swans swam in lazy loops. The children’s playground was empty and Niav convinced Anselle to go on the swings. The couple laughed as they tried to fly higher than the other. Once Niav declared Anselle the winner of the friendly competition she decided to try something she hadn’t done since she was a child playing on the swings in her own backyard. The woman slowed her swing down, released her grip on the chains and as the swing started its backward arch she jumped. The artist barely managed to keep her feet as she landed a few feet away. She hopped up and down and clapped her hands in absolute joy; spinning around she gave her lover the biggest smile Anselle thought she’d ever seen. Niav continued to hop on the balls of her feet, “Come on Anselle. You try. I’ll catch you.” She stood in front of Anselle across from the spot where she landed with her arms out.

  “I don’t know about this Matt,” but Anselle slowed her swing anyway.

  “You can do it. Just let go and lift yourself off the seat when you feel it starting to go back. I’ll make sure you don’t fall.”

  “You won’t let me go?”

  Niav did the best she could to look her partner in the eye while she was still swinging, “Never! I swear. Slow down a little bit more. That’s it. Jump when you’re ready. I’ll catch you.”

  Anselle loosened her grip and as she felt the swing start its backward motion she closed her eyes and hopped off. The next thing she knew she was landing in her lover’s arms but the force of her motion carried her forward. The brunette didn’t have the strength to stop the momentum as they toppled over onto the mulch covering the playground. At first Anselle thought her lover was crying out in pain but as Anselle scrambled back she realized that Niav was crying and laughing in utter happiness.

  “I told you I’d catch you,” the woman managed to laugh out.

  Anselle couldn’t help but join in with her partner’s laughter, collapsing on top of her as Niav pulled her back down, “I love you, Niav.”

  “I love you, Anselle.”

  The blonde propped herself up with her hands to look down on her laughing lover, “Marry me.”

  Niav cut her laughter off with a gasp, “What?”

  “Marry me. I love you so much. I want to spend the rest of my life with you if you’ll have me,” Anselle sat up on her knees to take a small box out of her pocket. She opened the box and showed the contents to the girl beneath her, “Niav Wallace, will you do me the great honor of becoming my husband?”

  Niav looked at the ring in the small box, tears welling up in her eyes but she made no move to take it. Anselle removed the ring, “It’s tungsten; the single diamond is surrounded by a black, carbon fiber inlay in a basket weave pattern. I hope I got the right size.” Anselle held the ring out to her partner, “Will you marry me?”

  Niav was frozen as she stared wide-eyed at the ring in front of her. She knew she had to give an answer before Anselle freaked out but she couldn’t put all her thoughts into words. Tears fell from her eyes as she was finally able to lift her head to look into the crystal-blue eyes of the girl over her. Instead of tripping over her words she held out her left hand. Anselle inhaled sharply and the unsaid ‘yes’. She took Niav’s hand gently in her and slipped the ring over Niav’s left, ring finger. It fit perfectly.

  Anselle thumbed away Niav’s tears as the woman sat up to embrace her love, “Yes,” she whispered, “Yes.”

  ***

  It was only when Gina called the morning after the proposal that Niav voiced her concern over the engagement. The old doubts crept into Niav’s mind, nagging at her consciousness. The ‘what ifs’ were so close to the surface. What if she relapsed once of the medication? What if she couldn’t go out anymore? What if Anselle got tired of her? What if? She was still so afraid that Anselle could be making a mistake staying with her while she was not ‘normal’. Gina did her best to assure her that Anselle would never do anything so important without being one hundred percent sure in her mind that she was the one Anselle wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The restaurateur reminded the artist that there was also no need to rush into anything or have the ceremony right away. They could have a long engagement if they so chose but it was important that Niav tell Anselle how she was feeling and if Niav didn’t feel the same way then it was only right to let Anselle know. Niav told Gina that she would talk to Anselle as soon as she got home from work.

  Niav couldn’t picture her life without Anselle in it. The woman had never met anyone like the blonde before and she was certain she would never be where she was without Anselle’s strength, compassion, dedication, support and (most importantly) love. Just the thought of them not being together anymore made Niav’s heart and head hurt. She needed Anselle. There was no doubt about that. She just wasn't sure Anselle needed her.

  That night Anselle was barely in the door before Niav was on her, tears falling from her eyes as she let all
her insecurities spill out. The blonde guided the sobbing woman to the sofa where they curled up together. Anselle had figured that this would happen sooner or later and she reminded herself to stay calm. Niav wasn’t saying ‘no’ or ‘good-bye’ she was just anxious. Anselle let Niav get it all out of her system; all the fears and worries about the future before explaining, almost word for word what Gina had said earlier. “Love, I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life as I am of us. If I thought for one moment that we couldn’t or wouldn’t be able to stay together I never would have asked you to marry me. I understand that it’s a giant step and we don’t have to rush into anything. We can have a long engagement if you want but even if you relapse and can never go out again I’m not going to go anywhere. I won’t be looking for somebody else. I love you. You’re it for me. Forever.”

  “I’m sorry,” Niav sobbed, “I love you. I’m so afraid.”

  “I know, Baby, I know. I’ll be here every step of the way. I’m not going to leave you.”

  Niav calmed significantly after that. Her doubts crept up every now and then but Anselle was there to reassure her with tender words and gentle touches. The next few days passed in a blur as the couple moved house. Since they couldn’t agree on which flat to stay in Anselle made the executive decision for both of them so while she was at work Niav began moving Anselle’s belongings into her flat. The excess furniture was sold off; Niav surprisingly got quite a good price for her vintage bedroom set while Anselle had to settle for less than she wanted for her leather sofa and loveseat. Duplicate kitchen items are sent off for donation along with extra towels and bedding they no longer wanted. All in all they were happy with the outcome of the move.

  ***

  Niav was alone for her next session with Elise; Anselle having to work late to cover for a coworker on holiday. She positively radiated happiness as she showed Elise her engagement ring. She congratulated her and wished her the best of luck. During the session Niav told her about Lisa’s coming to see her, the apology and the understanding. She explained how she handled the awkwardness during the silence at lunch with Lisa and her feelings in the crowded restaurant, with Anselle’s help. She told her that she hadn’t been out much because of the moving. Overall she was very pleased with Niav’s progress and she scheduled her next appointment for two weeks but she reminded her that it was very important that she try and get out in public more. Before she let her leave she had to tell her that she has some news of her own. She was going to be cutting back her office hours for personal reasons but she promised her that she would remain with her until she was off the medication and for a little while after that to make sure she was alright.

  Niav was taken off guard by the news but she held herself together while she said good night to Elise. The woman wished that Anselle had been able to come with her to the session so they could discuss Elise’s little bombshell. She was so grateful for her understanding and help. She knew she never would’ve come as far as she had without her. The more she thought about not having Elise as her doctor the more she wished Anselle was at her side. She tried to calm herself by taking deep breaths and looking at the scenery flying by the windows of the taxi. First Lisa and her ‘understanding’ then the engagement then officially moving in together and now Elise was abandoning her to her fate. Okay, she knew she was being a little overdramatic but she couldn’t help it. Things were moving very quickly lately. For two years she was alone; left by a semi-abusive girlfriend, deserted by her friends, forsaken by her parents. Now she had a loving fiancé, a good friend in Gina, a caring doctor; the beginnings of a new life. It was all she ever wanted but she was so afraid it would all come crashing down around her.

  Anselle had dinner waiting for her when she got home but she wasn't hungry. She kissed Anselle ‘hello’ before excusing herself to go lie down. The artist stripped quickly and curled into bed. Anselle stood in the doorway of the darkened room watching her partner’s unmoving figure, “What’s wrong?”

  “Elise’s giving up her practice,” Niav’s voice was flat but Anselle could sense the restrained emotions behind the words.

  Anselle stripped down to her underwear before slipping into the bed behind her love, patiently waiting for Niav to continue.

  It wasn't long before Niav relayed the rest of Elise’s news, “She’s cutting back her office hours but she says she’ll keep me on until I’m off the medication and then for a time after that to make sure I’m alright.”

  “Did she say why she’s giving up her practice? What about the rest of her patients?”

  “She said it was for personal reasons. She didn’t say what was happening with her other patients. I assume she’ll keep some on and recommend other doctors to the rest.”

  There was such sadness in Niav’s voice Anselle wanted to cry herself, “It’ll be alright. You’ve come such a long way. Don’t be afraid.” Anselle enveloped the younger girl in her arms, “I love you.”

  “Everything is happening so fast. I’m scared that things are going too well. Something is going to happen to ruin things.”

  Anselle wished she could make all of Niav’s doubts go away but she could only hold her tighter and say, “I love you. Everything will be alright.” Anselle suddenly got an idea, “Niav?”

  “Yes, Anselle.”

  “How would you like to get out of the city for a few days? We’ll find a nice quiet place to go by the sea or in the country. I’ll rent a car so we can go wherever we want.”

  Niav hadn’t been out of the city for years but the thought of going away with Anselle lightened her mood considerably, “I’d like that very much.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

  It took a couple of weeks for them both to arrange to have the same time off. Anselle’s office needed coverage while some co-workers had scheduled holidays. Niav had to finish the Tarot card submission and some research projects for work.

  Anselle had rented a silver Vauxhall Insignia for the four hour drive. They agreed on Woolacombe as their destination for two reasons; one being that the number of tourists decreased as the weather got colder and two being that Niav liked referring to the seaside town as ‘Wooly’. The couple was booked into a small, bed and breakfast with views of the sea from every bedroom.

  Niav’s body molded into the black, leather car seat like it was made for her. As Anselle drove the artist played; heated seats were turned on then off again when she started to sweat, she moved her take-away coffee from one cup holder to another and back again, she moved her seat up and back crossing and uncrossing her legs, she dug around in the glove box but found only the operators manual, she reached behind her head to adjust the head-rest up and down, the climate control went from cooler to warmer as she used the car’s touch-screen feature and she drove Anselle to the edge of crazy by turning the radio to different stations never letting any song play all the way through. The only thing the brunette didn’t touch was the cars navigation system.

  Anselle understood that her lover was excited so she tried desperately to be patient but she lost it just a little when Niav didn’t stay tuned to Thomas Dolby’s “She Blinded Me With Science”, “Niav pick one station and stick with it for longer than five seconds, please.”

  “Sorry, Anselle,” the woman frowned like a child who’d had her favorite toy taken away.

  Anselle felt like a cad for spoiling Niav’s fun, “I know you’re excited but the radio thing is driving me mental. Maybe you should try taking a nap.”

  “No. I’m way too happy. I want to see everything. I’ll behave I promise.” Niav’s idea of behaving was taking one of Anselle’s cameras from the bag behind the driver’s seat to see if she could take pictures out of the moving cars side window. Her first few attempts were miserable; the images too blurry. Anselle instructed her on how to increase the shutter speed, recommended attaching a different lens and advised her to concentrate on objects in the distance rather than close up. The artist did as instructed then patiently waited for something of i
nterest to come into view. She snapped a few shots of road signs but other than that nothing ‘really spoke to her’ or so she told Anselle.

  The next thing Niav realized was that the car was stopped and she was being gently shaken by Anselle, “Wake up sleeping beauty.”

  Niav blinked awake, “Huh? Are we there?”

  “No, we’re not there yet. We’re in Bristol. I thought we’d stop for lunch. We passed an interesting place along the river. I thought we’d give it a try.”

  The couple walked hand in hand earning some disparaging glances from passers-by but they didn’t take much notice; they were too lost in each other to care.

  Anselle stopped them in front of a bicycle shop, “We have to get bicycles to get lunch?” Niav asked as she eyed the shop and the sign, which read Mud Dock Cycleworks and Café, suspiciously before Anselle pulled her inside. They climbed up a set of stairs to the café on the second floor. It was later in the afternoon so there were fewer patrons being served lunch at the small, wood tables. The couple was seated by the large, round window with a view of the harbor. The waitress handed them menus and let them know that the daily specials were on the chalkboard next to the bar.

  Niav scanned the menu deciding on what she wanted quickly so she let her eyes drift around while they waited for the waitress to return. The space was bright and airy with plants hanging from hooks set into the wood-beam ceiling. Small bicycles were suspended from wire in one corner and above the menu board. Three of the walls were painted a dark, orange and the wall with the bar was painted an olive green. The dark wood floors had well-worn footpaths from the café’s many customers over the years. The waitress returned with their drink order, water for both women and they placed their lunch order; crispy chorizo and smoked cheddar Panini for Niav and a Mud Dock burger with chips for Anselle.