The touch of a warm finger on my cheek was so heartbreakingly familiar, I almost didn’t respond. But the heat of the skin grew and I reluctantly opened my eyes.
Tristan knelt beside the bed, his face only inches from mine. I was dreaming. I had to be. I ached to reach out and touch him, but I refused to risk it; seeing him was too precious. His eyes crinkled and I watched his perfect lips curve into a gentle smile.
“Rise and shine, beautiful.” He sounded so real, his voice rich and smooth. I rolled to my side so I could see his image better. Tears continued to fall. “What’s wrong? Are you in pain?”
I shook my head, too fearful to speak. I stared into his deep blue eyes. Eyes that reflected our love. I was dreaming. He was dead. No heartbeat, not breathing, his neck broken. Maybe I was dead and this was my heaven, to be with him into eternity.
“Janie...” he whispered as he leaned in. His lips pressed lightly against mine. The sweet scent of his breath as he kissed me was so real. He was real. I never thought my heart would burst with joy, but it bordered on it as I grabbed at him. My fingers pushed into his hair and I crushed my mouth to his.
He came closer, levering himself over me, before relaxing his weight on top of my body. His hands framed my face, angling me so he could deepen the kiss. I ran my hands down his back then burrowed them under his shirt. His skin was wonderfully hot. I tugged at his shirt and when he pulled back to take it off, I yanked my own off. He pressed back down and the touch of his bare chest to mine was incredible. With each breath we took, we came closer together. The pounding of his heart matched my own.
I must have made a sound, because he stopped his kisses and hovered over me.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I said softly.
“You’re still crying.”
“I can feel your heart beating. I thought I’d never feel it again.”
“Ah, Janie... how could my heart not beat while yours does?”
His words were so sweet and so close to what I had asked myself when I had seen him lying dead at my feet. I reached up for him again, but a sound stopped me. Sighs of frustration came from both of us as footsteps in the hall broke our privacy.
Tristan reluctantly stood, picking up his shirt. I arranged the sheet over me. Before the person could knock, Tristan cracked open the door. A flash of pink hair told me it was Lisa.
“Everyone is waiting downstairs,” she said expectantly.
“We’ll be down in a bit.”
She gave a small cough. “Umm, Lukas is getting a little anxious.”
Tristan groaned with a mix of frustration and embarrassment. He closed the door and turned to me. He still held his shirt at his side and I marveled at how perfect he was. He had a scar on his chest, a remnant of his first experience with his body’s healing ability, but it only added to his human perfection.
Tristan tossed my shirt at me and it landed covering my head. After I put it on, I got out of bed and walked to him. Putting my arms around him, I hugged him tightly.
“How is this possible?” I finally asked.
“I’m not sure I can explain.” He rested his head on my head. “I remember being on top of Kas, I’d almost finished him then I felt Helena’s hands on my head. Then nothing, until the pain started. What happened, Janie?”
I swallowed the bile that crept up my throat at the memory. “She broke your neck. You were dead. I know you were dead. You had no heartbeat. You turned cold so quickly. I kept trying to bring you back.”
“What do you mean?”
“In my dream, when I kissed you, you sucked the life out of me. I tried, but it didn’t work. I cut my lip trying.” I lifted a hand to my mouth. My eyes filled with tears again, I blinked rapidly to clear them.
“Something worked, Janie, because I was dead. The pain I felt was not my body healing itself. It was something more powerful.” He lifted his head and looked down at me. His fingers trailed along my lip where I’d been cut. “You brought me back to life. Somehow your blood must have brought me back.”
“If my blood healed you, if you’re still Lycan then I’m not the cure.” Disappointment rose as I realized Elin was right.
“No.” He kissed me again then said, “You’re more than a cure. If you had been the cure, Janie, then I would still be dead.”
My disappointment dissolved. As much as I wanted to be the cure, to make Tristan and the other Lycan normal, I wanted Tristan alive more.
“Elin said I wasn’t a cure. She’d infected herself with my blood a few years ago.”
“But if she knew then why didn’t she kill you before? Why wait?”
“She said she was waiting to be sure before she got rid of me.” I ignored the squeezing of my heart. I didn’t want to care. I wouldn’t. “She was so strong, Tristan. She crushed my wrist...”
I raised my hand and stared at it, incredulous. There was no pain, or bruising, only creamy skin covering normally formed bones. Tristan grasped my hand and smoothed his fingers across my wrist.
“You healed yourself,” he whispered and tugging me back into his arms. “You really are the Wolf.”
I could hear the conflict in his voice. As relieved as he was that I wasn’t about to die for some cause, his dream was gone. He’d never have a normal life.
Yet it was nothing compared to what I was feeling at the realization of what I was. Those moments in the water, I had become an animal. An acrid taste burned my throat at the memory of Elin’s blood flooding my mouth. The Wolf inside of me had bitten Elin, had tried to kill her.
But it hadn’t. I had done that with my own two hands. And that scared me. Not only had I had the strength to decapitate her, but…I killed her. With my bare hands.
I looked at my hands trembling in my lap. “Tristan, I…”
“Lukas shot her.”
Our eyes met and in the silence that followed, I understood what those words meant. He and I may know the truth, maybe Lukas knows as well, but to everyone else Lukas killed Elin.
Relief flooded me. Maybe I should have felt bad that my mother was dead, but in all honesty, I wasn’t sad in the least. She had made her choices and she had paid for them.
“What about Kas? He was going to kill Seth,” I said.
“When he got to the clearing he saw me alive, so he ran. Seth wanted to follow him, but it was more important to get to you and get help.”
I pulled out some clothes from my bag and noticed that the clothes I’d worn the day before weren’t there.
“What happened to my clothes?”
“Umm, I’m not sure.”
“Okay.” I tugged on a pair of jean shorts and gave him a strange look at his hesitant response. “Maybe your mom put them in the laundry.”
“I doubt it.”
I turned my back to him and pulled off the white t-shirt I’d been sleeping in. “You’re being really cryptic.”
“It’s just that when I pulled you from the water, you weren’t wearing anything.”
“Oh.” There was no way he didn’t know about me shifting. “I liked those jeans.”
We made our way to the kitchen. The last time we’d all gathered here, we learned that Elin was Helena. This time they would learn I was the Wolf.
“Hey, little girl,” Justin said from his position at the stove. The smell emanating from the pan brought dread that he was making scrambled eggs a la Tim.
“Morning,” I mumbled a general greeting to everyone.
Lisa and Justin came at me from both sides, hugging me until I was sure a rib popped. Laughing at my groans, they let me go.
“Damn, girl, we thought you were dead!” Justin said as he returned to stirring the eggs.
“We’re so glad you’re okay, Janie,” Lisa said.
“Thanks.” I nervously brushed a piece of hair behind my ear.
Lukas sat next to Katrina, sipping his coffee. I cleared my throat, and waited for him to look at me, hoping that he would hear the true message within my words. �
��Thank you, for what you did at the falls.”
“How could I have done anything else? I’m not the best father in the world, but I’m not a monster.”
I shifted uncomfortably. “I did listen when you told me about your family. I listened and I tried. I fought her, but I wasn’t strong enough.”
“You’re wrong, Janie. You became the healer,” he gestured to Tristan, “and the warrior. Whatever you did in the water scared Helena, scared her enough that I was able to get the shot.”
“What did you do?” Tristan asked me. “I couldn’t even see you in the water. Everything was black and I just reached in hoping. Then suddenly there you were.”
“I…I don’t know. One second she was holding me and the next, it was like she couldn’t see me. I couldn’t focus. The water…” I closed my eyes against the remembered pain that had suffocated me and the horror of what had followed. How could I tell these people what I’d done, when I could barely admit it to myself?
Tristan wrapped his arms around me from behind. I opened my eyes. “She said I was the Wolf.”
“She was right.”
An immediate quiet settled over the room as everyone’s eyes turned to the doorway where Ericka stood holding onto the wall for support.
“Ericka, what are you saying?” Adam asked.
“Janie’s not the cure. She never was.”
“You lied to us? How could do that? We all trusted you.” Adam shifted from foot to foot. Katrina laid her coffee down and lifted a hand to rest on his arm.
“Did you know that Helena had infected herself with Janie’s blood? Did you know what kind of effects it would have on her?” Tristan voice boomed over his father’s and Ericka focused her gaze on him.
“I knew.”
“How could you let us put Janie in danger like that?” Tristan shouted. “You knew Helena would come after her. Even if we’d all been there she would have been able to overpower us.”
“Please, everyone calm down,” Katrina said, lifting a hand in a signal to stop Tristan as he was about to argue. “I’m not saying I’m okay with this, but let Ericka explain before we pass judgment.”
I was pretty certain there was little Ericka could say to convince me she’d cared whether I died or not.
“My daughter is-was my heart, but her own was twisted. She saw the Lycan as a superior race and was determined to be in control of them.”
She moved to sit on the love seat, looking years older than she had only days ago. Had her age finally caught up with her or was she simply aging under the strain of her daughter’s death?
“Helena spent hours poring over my father’s notes. In the beginning, I believe she searched for a cure, though to what end I don’t know. Then she came to me, wanting to take the notes to the northern lab. She wanted to continue with my father’s research. She had found the clues my mother had used to create the promise, but she said they were wrong. That the clues were not pointing to immunity, they were pointing to a deeper level of acceptance of the infection.”
“How could she know that? Only Amelia had been immune,” Tristan said.
Ericka turned to Lukas. “Amelia was not really immune. Was she, Lukas?”
I looked to the man who had once been my father. How many lies had he told? How many times would I discover his betrayal?
“This is ridiculous,” Marissa snapped. “If that were true, Lukas would have told us.”
“Lukas?”
He looked at Ericka, maybe to avoid the accusing eyes of everyone else in the room. Maybe to avoid facing the fact the he had hidden information, even from the one person, Marissa, that had known everything else.
“She was infected, though not like the rest of us.”
Within me, relief warred with sorrow and horror. No longer would my life be at risk from Lycan zealots seeking a cure, yet that meant there was no cure for these people I had come to care for. Worse was now I didn’t even know what I would become.
“That’s why I didn’t tell anyone here about you.” Lukas said to me. “Look at what happened once they knew. You almost died yesterday. That’s why I let the others think I had no other children. I…I just wanted to make up for leaving you.”
“You left me with a woman who abused me for years, who wanted to kill me, who almost did kill me yesterday.”
His face reddened in shame. It was something he could never really justify. I shook my head and turned my back on him. He may have claimed he killed Elin to protect me, but how could I ever respect a man willing to sacrifice all of his daughters?
Nobody said anything, just stood around, uncomfortable, and waited for Lukas to defend himself. He didn’t. Instead, he walked to the kitchen door and left, pulling the door quietly behind him. Marissa followed behind him, moving slower than she would have only hours ago.
“Helena knew that once you had completely bonded with the infection, you would be strong. You would be Alpha. And anyone you infected would be just as strong as she. That it took so long for the infection to develop in you is the only reason you are alive.” Ericka said.
“What do we do now?” Tristan asked, defeat deepening his voice.
Ericka rose from her seat. “We’ll need to gather everyone in town. Adam, you can head down to the medical supply store in Durango in the morning. We’ll need a large supply of needles and syringes.”
“For what?” Katrina asked.
“We’ll need them to infect the others with Janie’s blood. Surely you’d rather we use a needle than just cutting people or ingestion.” She shuddered.
“Whoa, wait a second,” Adam said, moving behind Katrina. “You don’t even know what her blood will do to us. We could all die.”
“Her body has bonded with the infection to a level my father only dreamed of. As the Wolf, she will be stronger, faster, able to control her changes, heal herself quicker. She brought Tristan back to life. What more is there to know?”
“We don’t even want the infection we have. Why would we want a new one that could be even worse?” Adam asked.
“Helena may have infected others.” Ericka glanced at Seth and then around at the others. “Seth was attacked on his way to get help and not by Elin or Kas. She may have created herself an army. An army that would be controlled by another Alpha. They would be more powerful than any of us. If we remain weakened, they could kill us all.”
“There’s no way for us to know any of that.” Katrina moved closer to me. “Helena told Janie it took years for the symptoms to manifest. She may not have infected any others at all.”
“Yes, but how else can we explain Kas defying my commands? Especially now? The only explanation is that he knew I could no longer hurt him.”
“It’s too big of a risk. To give up everything we’ve dreamed of - a normal life for protection against something that may never happen.”
“There is no cure, Adam. It is an acceptance we must all come to. I know my daughter. She would not have waited to test the blood on others. Kas will be back and with him, he will bring the others Helena created with this new infection. What will you do when he comes, stronger and faster than any of us? You may wish to die in vain, but the rest of the town has a right to choose, a right to protect themselves. You know that I have never abused my control. I have given my people as much freedom as I could while protecting us. Now we must give them the ultimate protection.”
“This isn’t your decision, Ericka. Or any of ours,” Tristan said, backing up his dad. “This is Janie’s choice. It’s her blood, not yours.”
All eyes turned to me. I looked from Tristan to the others. All they wanted was a normal life. For me, and it was too late. But for them...they had a chance. One day there may really be a cure for them. Could I take that away from them? Could I risk that the violent animalistic instinct that had taken over me be spread to them?
“No. We’ll wait.”
Chapter 31
What came next was the hardest thing I’d ever done. I told Tim about Elin. I told h
im she tried to kill me, and that Lukas had been forced to shoot her. He didn’t understand.
“Why? Why would she try to kill you, Janie? I don’t understand. She loved you. I know she did.”
“She had problems, Tim, deeper than I ever thought possible.” I swallowed the bitterness I felt towards her. He didn’t need to hear that.
“But…” His words trailed off, his shoulders slumping. He sank onto the couch and I went behind him, wrapping my arms around him, resting my chin on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Tim.” And I was. Not sorry that Elin was dead, but that he was hurting. I wanted to take that ache from inside him and absorb it into me. He shivered and then relaxed. He breathed deeply and I knew he was getting a bit of relief.
“She was so beautiful,” he whispered into my hair. “I know she wasn’t a good mother to you, but I couldn’t stop myself from loving her.”
We buried her on my birthday. A week before, I’d never been confronted with death, now it seemed a relentless visitor. First Kyle and now Elin. Kyle’s funeral was so full of love for his spirit that despite the grief surrounding it, there’d been a beauty to the moment. Elin’s funeral reflected her - cold.
In the cemetery, I stood beside Tim, Justin on his other side and Tristan hovered behind me, his hand pressed lightly to my back, supporting me.
The pastor recited words, which were drowned out by the echo of Elin words.
I hate you… You’re weak and pathetic, just like your father… I should have killed you when I had the chance…
I slid my hand into Tim’s, squeezing lightly. He turned, giving me a grateful smile. He seemed so confused, still not comprehending why Elin had come after me, or how she had ended up dead. My eyes darted away, focusing on her coffin. Looping vines engraved along the top of the rich mahogany twisted around a simple cross. It was beautiful, befitting Elin, a beautiful shell of a human. Tim sighed and I felt the tension draining from him. My hand tingled as I tightened my grip on him.
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