Magic and Mayhem: Witch With An Axe To Grind (Kindle Worlds Novella) (Magick & Chaos Book 4)

by Isabel Micheals

  Today was Valentine’s Day and he was determined to break through the walls she had built around herself. He’d bought all of the fixings for a romantic meal and had convinced Cole and Sarah to join them, so Sophie wouldn’t feel threatened. If things went as planned, he’d at least get his foot in the door. While it wasn’t where he wanted to be, he knew that given the current situation, he had to start somewhere.

  “Are you listening to me, Alec Stone?” Serena groused.

  The more she yelled at him, the more her voice grated on his nerves. How he had ever thought this woman was beautiful was beyond him. She was manipulative, vindictive, and a threat to his mate every time she threw a tantrum.

  “I heard you the first forty times you yelled at me, Serena. Now it’s time for you to stop talking and listen. We are done. I don’t love you and I never will. I have a mate and her name is Sophie O’Malley. She’s the one the Fates have chosen for me and you know as well as I do, there is no changing that. If you can’t accept the situation, then we can no longer be friends. I’m sorry, but it’s the way it has to be.”

  “You’ll be sorry alright, you lying, rat bastard of a man whore,” Serena said as she stomped away.

  “Looks like that went well,” Jasper said with a smirk as he walked up behind Alec.

  “Yeah. About as well as a cat on a hot tin roof. The woman is relentless, crude, and self-absorbed. How did I not see this before?”

  “Do you really want me to answer that question?” Jasper asked with a wink.

  “Hell no. I get it. I was thinking with the wrong head when I invited Serena into my bed. She just never struck me as the clingy, needy type. Know what I mean?”

  “When it comes to mating an alpha, they all eventually will show their true colors if you wait long enough,” Jasper said in a disgusted voice.

  “What are your plans for tonight?” Alec countered in an effort to change the subject.

  “I’m meeting some of the guys for a few rounds of beer and some pool at Don Juan’s. Who knows? I might get lucky and pick up a hot filly who’s up for a night of smoking hot, dirty sex with no strings attached.”

  “Don’t you ever want to settle down?”

  “Been there, done that, own the tee-shirt. Besides, relationships are overrated in my book.”

  Jasper knew from first-hand experience how vindictive and manipulative women could be. It’s also the reason he hated Valentine’s Day. Of course, walking in on your fiancée screwing your best friend on what’s supposed to be the Day of Love has a tendency to do that to a man.

  “What are your plans for the night?” Jasper finally asked after shaking off the morbid thoughts running through his head.

  “Cole and Sarah have agreed to bring Sophie to my house for a romantic Valentine’s dinner. I’m making my famous baked spaghetti with garlic bread and a Caesar salad. Cole insisted on bringing the wine, so if all goes well, I might finally get my foot through the front door with my mate,” Alec replied.

  “I wish you the best of luck with that old buddy. If anyone deserves happiness, it’s you,” Jasper said, clapping him on the back before he said his good-byes.

  Several hours later, Alec’s heart sped up when he heard his doorbell ring. “Right on time,” he murmured as he made his way to the front door. Only when he opened it, he was shocked to find Serena standing there instead of Cole, Sarah and Sophie.

  “What in the hell are you doing here, Serena?” he asked in a voice full of anger and frustration.

  “Hello, Alec. Since tonight is all about love, I thought it only fair that Sophie sees you for the rat bastard that you truly are. I mean, it’s only fair,” Serena insisted, as she began chanting.

  An underdog, I am not, but let them be damned,

  For you will shift from a wolf into a rat bastard of a man,

  During the night you will no longer be alone,

  For on the next full moon, you’ll find your true home,

  The dark will hear your horrifying roar,

  But no one will come to aid when they hear you groan,

  This is my wish for the lying, thieving bastard who stole my heart,

  Since yours now belong to another,

  So mote it be!

  Before Alec knew what was happening, he had shifted from a human into his wolf form and ultimately into a mouse. Stunned by Serena’s streak of vindictiveness, he was surprised to realize that he was no longer in his home, but instead in Sophie’s closet.

  “What the hell, Serena? I demand you reverse your spell now,” Alec shouted, but his plea fell on deaf ears. The witch who had stalked him day and night was no longer in sight.

  Chapter 2

  Alec was going to strangle Serena when he saw her again, but right now he had bigger problems. As he turned and took in his new surroundings, he suddenly found himself face-to-face with the largest mountain lion he had ever seen. Deadly green eyes peered at him with curiosity, but that’s not what had Alec quivering in his Fab-a-tards. Nope. It was the lion’s sharp, pointy teeth, the scraping of his paws that sounded more like fingernails on a chalkboard, and the sight of him swiping his tongue over his lips, as the foulest smell released from his mouth, almost causing Alec to faint.

  Holding onto the wall and his nose for dear life, as the mountain lion roared in victory, Alec knew if he didn’t get his ass moving he was about to become someone’s snack. Quickly looking around for possible options, he noticed a small opening to his left. He just had to let go of the wall, and let the mountain lion’s foul breath push him toward the hole. So, on the count of three, he took in a deep breath, released his tight grip on the wall, and let the momentum of Malodour’s halitosis sweep him to safety.

  Alec had barely made it inside the cavern before the wall behind him began to shake from the mountain lion smacking his paws against the entrance.

  “Dude, that was close. I love your pantalones. Their so daring and bold. They make me want to run with the bulls. Know what I mean?” the mouse walking toward him said in a thick, Spanish accent.

  Alec had to shake his head a couple of times to clear the fog because for a moment, the new stranger approaching him looked and sounded a bit like Antonio Banderas in Interview with a Vampire. His mind was so muddled from the encounter with Malodour that he suddenly started looking for Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise look-a-likes. He just knew at any moment, two pale mice would appear in 19th century frock coats, cravats and top hats.

  Of course, Louis would be murmuring about humans pretending to be vampires, pretending to be humans while longing for death. Or, was it the other way around? He always got it mixed up. While Lestat, on the other hand, would be playing the piano, mocking Louis, and ordering him around. He could just hear the cold-hearted vampire now. Taunting poor Louie by saying, “Louie, Louie. Louie. It’s been over two centuries. Why are you still whining like a little bitch? For Goddess’s sake, grow a pair.”

  Wait! Maybe this is all a bad dream. Maybe I’m really a mouse pretending to be a wolf, pretending to be a mouse. Or, am I a wolf pretending to be a mouse, pretending to be a wolf, Alec thought.

  “No my friend. You’re definitely a mouse,” the stranger finally said in a dry, sarcastic voice.

  “Wait! How did you know what I was thinking?” Alec quickly asked.

  Rolling his eyes, Armand said in an exasperated voice, “Everyone knows what you’re thinking. You’re broadcasting your thoughts throughout Chez Parée Deux.”

  Groaning Alec knew he didn’t want to know, but the shit show that had become his life just kept on giving, so he sighed deeply and asked, “What is Chez Parée Deux?”

  Affronted by his innocent question, the man gasped in horror, then simply said with a sneer, “It’s only the second most prestigious gentleman’s club in all the world.”

  Thinking about the stranger’s comment for a moment, Alec finally threw caution to the wind and said, “Okay. I’ll bite. If you’re the second most prestigious gentleman’s club, then what’s the first?”
>
  Once again, the man grabbed for his heart and gasped in horror. It was obvious, he was appalled by Alec’s lack of knowledge regarding gentleman’s clubs, but instead of calling him out on it, he replied in a haughty voice, “Chez Parée, of course.”

  “Oh-kay,” Alec mumbled under his breath, as he felt their conversation spiraling further and further downhill. So, instead of beating around the bush, he went for straight up honesty. “Look, I apologize if I have insulted you or Chez Parée Deux in anyway. I’m just a little disoriented right now, but if you’ll answer my questions, I’m sure I’ll regain my footing.”

  “Fair enough,” the stranger said as he turned up his nose. His Spanish accent was so thick that at times Alec struggled to understand what he was saying.

  Sighing once again, Alec tried a different approach, hoping that it would eventually break the ice. Holding out his hand and plastering a smile on his face, he said, “Hello. My name is Alec Stone. What’s yours?”

  The man finally relaxed a bit, shook his hand and said, “It’s nice to meet you, Alec Stone. I’m Armand Romero Gutierrez Serrano Martin.

  “Holy crap! Did your parents not like you?”

  “No. In fact, they adored me. Why do you ask?” Armand replied, oblivious to Alec’s inside joke.

  Once again, at a loss for words, Alec simply nodded and murmured, “Oh-kay.”

  “I see you met Tomas.”

  “I take it, Tomas is the mountain lion who tried to eat me alive a few minutes ago?”

  “Tomas is no mountain lion. He’s… how do you say? A pussay.”

  Alec couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at Armand’s response. “Did you say… pussay?”

  “Yes. Pussay. You know… Like Pussay Cat. As in, the infamous Tomas and Gerardito. Yeah? He Tomas and you Gerardito.”

  “Ah! I get it. He’s a gato, but I’m not a raton. I’m a donjuán.”

  Shaking his head emphatically in disagreement, Armand said, “No you’re a raton like the rest of us, only with nice pantalones. We’re all Gerarditos. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, as we all have our place in life. ¿Sí?”

  Well, being a rat bastard of a man did get me into this mess, Alec thought. Maybe I can buy myself some time, let Serena cool off a bit, and she’ll realize the error of her ways and reverse the spell.

  “What will you do if this Serena doesn’t cool off?” Armand asked.

  Startled out of his thoughts, Alec opened his mouth to ask Armand again how he knew what he was thinking, but closed it quickly. It was becoming abundantly clear that there were no secrets in Chez Parée Deux. He wasn’t sure if this was a good revelation or a bad one. Either way, he was in a pickle and needed help.

  Unsure of where he truly was or what to do next, Alec simply followed Armand down the long corridor. The way the light shimmered at the end of the tunnel, he couldn’t help but wonder if he had died and gone to mouse Heaven or Hell. Either way, when they reached the end of the corridor and turned left, Alec was literally stunned into silence.

  The verdict is still out, he thought.

  “Verdict about what?” Armand asked.

  “Nothing,” Alec simply replied.

  It was as though he had entered a time warp. The front of the building, or façade of a building—he wasn’t sure--boasted of bright lights, fast cars, sexy women dressed in skimpy outfits, and men who seemed more than happy to pay the cover price. The more he observed the scene laid out before him, the more Armand’s clothing made sense. He wasn’t a flashback from Interview with a Vampire. He was one of the doormen for Chez Parée Deux. The bright, neon sign hung above the entrance in bold script for all to see.

  Taking in the nice suits and ties the men were wearing, Alec started to feel a little underdressed. “Um, Armand. Do you have an extra pair of clothes I could change into before we go in?” he quickly asked.

  “Why? I love your pantalones. You will be the envy of every man in the club,” he replied, as his accent became thicker and thicker with every syllable.

  Alec looked down at the Fab-a-tards, Fabio had designed for him several months ago and cringed. He looked more like the entertainment than a paying customer. All he needed was a bow-tie and he’d be a Chippendale off the old block. When his disgust quickly turned into panic, he stopped dead in his tracks.

  “Armand, you don’t think I’m the entertainment do you?”

  “No. Of course not. Why do you ask?” Armand replied, looking a little confused.

  Letting out a deep sigh of relief, Alec finally said, “Maybe because I look like I’m trying to channel my inner Chippendale, which for the record, I don’t roll that way.”

  “No worries, neither do any of the gentleman who partake in the festivities of our club. They’re all manly men, as you would say. Now, let’s go, or we’ll be late.”

  “Late for what?” Alec asked, as he resumed following Armand into the club.

  “Not what. Who?” Armand said with a smirk.

  A few minutes later, the lights dimmed and a spotlight appeared at the front of the stage. Suddenly the music started as four beefy men with glistening muscles like rippling sacks of apples carried a veiled woman in a palanquin, often referred to as a litter chair, onto the stage. The sultry, buxom blonde with red lips and curves for days was mesmerizing. The way she swayed her hips and enticed the men, as well as some of the women in the audience with her sensual moves, was mind boggling. Alec couldn’t make himself look away and that was just the beginning.

  When she turned her gaze on him and started singing, “Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets,” the room suddenly erupted in sighs of pleasure.

  Alec had to admit the longer she sang, the tighter his pantalones became until it was difficult to breathe. He had never seen a vixen with such power and control, dominate a room. It was obvious that the men in the room wanted her, and the women wanted to be her. She twirled and spun around the pole in the center of the stage as if they were one.

  When the number came to a close, she turned to Alec and sang the final lines of the chorus, “Whatever Lola Wants… Lola Gets… And Little Man…. Little Lola Wants You,” right before the stage went dark. The crowd immediately burst into applause.

  Unfortunately, when Alec turned and looked at Armand, he was frantically shaking his head in dissension. Alarmed by the man’s reaction, Alec touched him on the shoulder and said, “Armand, what’s wrong?”

  “Uh-oh! This is bad. This is really, really, bad,” he kept muttering, as he paced back and forth.

  “What’s bad? I thought it was a great performance,” Alec said.

  “It’s bad because Little Lola has set her sights on you. The last man who fell into her web of desire has never been seen again,” Armand replied, panic evident in his voice.

  “You worry too much, Armand. While Little Lola is beautiful and enticing, I’m not interested in her. I have a beautiful mate and her name is Sophie. Speaking of Sophie, I need your help getting back to my beloved.”

  Still shaking his head in denial, Armand said, “That’s what the other man thought as well and he went willingly. Little Lola will eat you up and spit you out like yesterday’s stale bread. She’s what you call… a Maneater.”

  “A what?”

  “You know. A Maneater.”

  “Huh?” Alec asked, obviously confused by Armand’s comment.

  Scratching his head, Armand finally said, “A Maneater. You know. Like Hall and Oates sing in their song: Oh-oh, he she comes. She’s a Maneater.”

  When Alec finally understood what Armand was saying, he was suddenly pale. He didn’t have time for another crazy Mouseketeer in his life. He already had a gun shy mate and a vengeful witch to deal with, but before he could do that, he needed to figure out how to get the hell out of Chez Parée Deux.

  “I need a drink, Armand. Could you loan me a couple of bucks? I promise to repay you when I figure out how to get out of this mess.” Alec asked.

  “Sure, my friend,” Armand said with a sorrowful smile. He
wasn’t sure what had caused the sudden change in his friend’s demeanor, but he had a feeling the shit was about to hit the fan.

  Alec made his way to the bar and ordered a single malt whiskey, neat. Once the bartender handed him his drink, he turned and took in the scenery. Several women walked around in Vegas showgirl style costumes that could have also doubled for something you would have seen in a Brazilian Samba Carnival in Rio. If the rhinestone, jeweled headpiece with sequins and feathers didn’t grab your attention, then the skimpy, jeweled bikinis definitely would have.

  When Alec came face to face with the buxom, strawberry blonde in a pirate’s hat, a thigh high wench’s costume, and a painted on skull’s face, he knew without a doubt that Chez Parée Deux was Hell. Her friend was wearing a tight black and gold sailor’s outfit that left little to the imagination. He had never seen a pair of cha-chas as big as hers.

  They couldn’t be real, he thought, before downing the last of his whisky in one gulp.

  “What couldn’t be real my friend?” Armand asked. It was as though the man had appeared from out of thin air.

  Clearing his throat and suddenly remembering that everyone knew what you were thinking in Chez Parée Deux, he lied and said, “Her eyes. They’re so blue that they can’t be real. They have to be contacts.”

  “I assure you my friend, everything on Shelia is real. Nothing has been manufactured by Dr. 90210,” Armand countered with a knowing smile.

  When both men began laughing, Alec knew that he had made a friend in Armand. Now, he needed to figure out a way to warn Sophie about Serena. Unfortunately, that’d be a task for another day because it looked like the patrons of Chez Parée Deux were ready to party.

  Chapter 3

  A Few Hours Earlier

  Sophie paced the length of her living room floor, wracking her brain of how to get out of tonight’s dinner. Although she thought Alec was one of the sexiest men she had ever seen and would always be grateful that he was willing to risk his life in order to save her, she was exhausted and simply wanted to go to bed. Alone. These days it seemed as though the damn mice in her closet were always having a party at the expense of her getting a good night’s sleep.