‘It won’t happen.’ He spun her round, too impatient to convince her that he meant what he said to waste any more time. ‘It’s you I love. You and only you! My feelings won’t change this year, next year or ten years down the line from now. Understand?’
‘Yes.’
Tears brimmed from her eyes and Dylan gathered her into his arms and hugged her. ‘Sh, sweetheart, there’s no need to cry. There’s nothing to be scared of. I won’t let anything hurt you or our baby.’
He tried to draw her closer but she pushed him away. His heart seemed to stall when he saw the shuttered expression on her face because it was the last thing he’d hoped to see. He didn’t want her shutting him out like this when he needed to convince her he was telling the truth.
‘I know you believe what you’re saying but nobody can keep a promise like that, Dylan. You just don’t know how you’ll feel in a few years’ time. You could come to resent me and this child and I couldn’t bear that.’
‘So what exactly are you saying?’ he asked hoarsely.
‘That I don’t know what I’m going to do but I do know that any decision I make has to be mine.’ She drew herself up and there was a dignity about her that almost broke his heart.
‘And it makes no difference what I say?’
‘No.’ Her eyes swam with tears again but she didn’t flinch. ‘I have to know in my own heart that I’m doing the right thing. If I allow you to persuade me we could both regret it.’
‘I think you’re wrong to try and solve this problem all by yourself, Joanna. I know you’re wrong.’ Frustration laced his voice and turned it harsh but he couldn’t help that. ‘I love you and my feelings won’t change even when we’re old and grey. Just because your parents made you feel unwanted it doesn’t mean that I will ever stop wanting you.’
He touched her mouth with his fingertips, felt it tremble and let his hand fall to his side because it was too painful to witness her distress. ‘I love you, my darling. And I shall love our child as well if you decide to have it.’
He quickly left the office because he couldn’t bear to stay there a moment longer. She’d said that she hadn’t made up her mind about what she was going to do, but he was terrified that, deep down, she already knew what the outcome was going to be.
Tears clouded his vision as he made his way to the lift. The thought that Joanna might decide not to keep their child was so painful yet it was the fact that she was still intent on shutting him out of her life that hurt even more. In that moment he knew that he couldn’t stay at St Leonard’s because it would be far too difficult for them to work together from now on. He would leave and find another job, try to put his life back together again, only it wasn’t going to be easy when his heart wouldn’t be in it.
His heart would remain here with Joanna…for ever.
‘I was really surprised when Dylan told me he was leaving at the end of the month. It was rather a bolt from the blue, wasn’t it?’
‘I suppose so.’
Joanna elbowed the taps shut then took the towel Lucy offered her with a murmur of thanks. Dylan had left a note on her desk, tersely informing her than he had handed in his notice that morning, and she was still reeling from the shock of discovering that he’d be leaving. It was an effort to concentrate when Lucy continued the conversation.
‘I wonder why he’s decided to leave so suddenly. D’you think it could be woman trouble?’
‘I’ve no idea,’ she replied shortly, hoping Lucy would let the matter drop.
‘It seems the most likely explanation, doesn’t it, although I’ve not heard any rumours about him being involved with anyone from the hospital.’ Lucy moved behind her to fasten the ties on her Theatre gown. ‘Dylan’s such a babe that most of the nurses here would give their right arms to go out with him but, to my knowledge, he’s never asked anyone out since he started working here.’
‘Really.’ Joanna heard the bite in her voice and knew that Lucy must have heard it, too. She summoned a smile, not wanting to arouse the other woman’s suspicions. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so grouchy.’
‘That’s OK. I expect it’s a bit of bind, having to think about finding someone to replace him, especially when you must have a lot of other things on your mind…’
Lucy broke off as she realised that she might have said too much. Joanna sighed as she headed into Theatre. Everyone was speculating about whether or not she was pregnant and it just seemed to increase the pressure on her to reach a decision about what she was going to do. She couldn’t keep putting it off much longer or she wouldn’t have a choice at all.
Sadness filled her because she knew that she’d been procrastinating because she didn’t want to have to make the decision. She wanted this baby so much but would it be right to have it in the circumstances? Would it be fair to Dylan to bind him to her with a child they hadn’t planned?
Once again it was impossible to answer those questions so Joanna took refuge in her work. Thankfully, the ginger tea and arrowroot biscuits she’d eaten when she’d got up had managed to stave off the dreaded morning sickness so she didn’t need to go rushing out of Theatre. She worked her way through her morning list and broke for lunch then went back for the afternoon session. Dylan was taking the referrals clinic that day and it was a relief to know that she wouldn’t bump into him. She’d almost finished her final operation for the day—a prostatectomy on a middle-aged man who had a very enlarged prostate gland—when there was a commotion outside in the corridor.
‘What on earth is going on out there?’ she demanded, glancing up.
‘I’ve no idea,’ Lucy replied as the sound of raised voices issued along the corridor.
‘Go and see what’s happening, will you? I’ve just about finished in here.’
Joanna tied off the last stitch then checked that the drainage tube which would remove blood and fluid from the area was secure. She looked round when Lucy came rushing back into Theatre. ‘What’s happened?’
‘Apparently some chap just pulled out a gun in A and E. The security staff tried to grab him and it went off.’
‘Good heavens!’ Joanna exclaimed. ‘Was anyone hurt?’
‘Yes.’ Lucy swallowed and Joanna could see tears welling into her eyes. ‘Dylan had been asked to check on a patient so he was in A and E when it happened. H-he’s been shot in the chest and it doesn’t look good. Diane’s taken him straight to Theatre but no one knows if he’s going to survive.’
CHAPTER TWELVE
DYLAN had been in Theatre for almost three hours and there was still no news.
Joanna paced the corridor, wondering what she was going to do if he died. She loved him so much that she would have happily traded places with him if it had been possible. All she could do was to pray that he would make it because if he did she wasn’t going to waste another second of the time they had left to them. She was going to tell him that she loved him and beg him to forgive her…
‘Joanna.’
She swung round when she recognised Diane’s voice. ‘How is he?’ she demanded hoarsely.
‘He’s alive, so that’s something. The bullet just missed his heart. It passed above the left atrium and went straight into his left shoulder. It ended up in the glenoid cavity.’
‘What about tissue damage?’
‘Quite extensive, as is usually the case with a high-velocity gunshot wound. It’s hard to say exactly how much damage has been done at this stage but there could be a problem regaining full mobility of the arm because of the injury to the socket. I had to remove several fragments of bone.’
Diane glanced along the corridor to where the rest of the staff were gathered. Nobody had gone home after their shift had ended because they’d been too worried about Dylan. Joanna nodded towards them.
‘Go and tell the others that he’s all right. We can talk again later. Is it OK if I go in and see him?’
‘Of course. He’ll be transferred to ICU pretty soon. Fortunately, they had a bed free for once. I
’ll catch up with you later.’
Joanna went into Recovery while Diane went to speak to the rest of the staff. There was a nurse there and she smiled at Joanna.
‘Hi, Ms Martin. He’s hanging in, I’m pleased to say. Want to take a look?’
‘Please.’ Joanna stepped forward as the nurse moved aside. She felt a lump come to a throat when she saw Dylan lying on the bed. There were tubes supplying him with oxygen and other vital fluids. His left shoulder had been heavily padded with gauze but she could see blood seeping through the dressing. He was attached to a monitor and one glance was sufficient to tell her that his pulse was still very erratic. Shock was always a huge factor in this type of injury, plus blood loss and nerve damage and…
She didn’t realise she was crying until the nurse handed her a tissue. She dried her eyes, uncaring if she was making a fool of herself. She loved this man more than anything in the world and it scared her to see him lying there and know that he might die. When the porters arrived to take him to the IC unit, Joanna went with them, holding Dylan’s hand as they wheeled the trolley to the lift. Even though he was heavily sedated, it was possible that he could sense she was there and she clung to that thought.
The staff on the IC unit were expecting them but Joanna saw the curious glances being shot at her as she hung onto Dylan’s hand as they got him settled. Fortunately, nobody suggested that she should leave because there was no question of that happening. She intended to stay with him until he woke up…
If he woke up, a small voice whispered insidiously, but she closed her mind to that terrible thought. Dylan had to get better. He just had to for her sake and for the sake of their child!
She leant over the bed and kissed him gently on the lips, oblivious to the people who were watching. ‘I love you, Dylan, and you have to get better for my sake and for our baby. We need you too much to lose you now.’
His head was thumping!
Dylan groaned as he tried to blot out the pain but it wouldn’t go away. He knew he was in bed but couldn’t understand why he felt so dreadful. His mind whirled as he struggled to remember what he’d been doing but everything was blank…everything apart from the voice that had kept whispering ‘I love you’ all through his dreams. He sighed because it was wishful thinking to hope that Joanna would tell him that when he woke up.
‘Dylan, can you hear me, darling? I hope you can. I want you to know how much I love you and need you. I’m sorry that I’ve been so stupid but I was scared, you see, afraid that you might stop loving me and come to resent our baby.’
The voice came again, seeping into his consciousness once more, and he sighed because it was so wonderful to imagine Joanna saying those things to him. He loved her so much and all he wanted to do was tell her that.
So what was stopping him?
‘I love you, too.’
His voice sounded like rusty nails being rattled around inside a tin bucket and he blinked in surprise then blinked again because he’d got the distinct impression the first time that there was someone bending over him.
‘Dylan? Can you say that again?’
The excitement in Joanna’s voice made him smile. If this was a dream it was a particularly good one so he may as well make the most of it while he could.
‘I love you,’ he repeated obligingly, rusty nails notwithstanding.
Pandemonium seemed to break out after that. Dylan was aware of several different voices all talking at once and groaned in dismay. There was only one voice he wanted to hear and that was Joanna’s. Where was she? Had she gone away and left him?
His eyes slowly opened and he stared in bemusement at the crowd of people clustered around him. ‘What’s going on?’ he croaked, desperately searching for that one special face. ‘Where’s Joanna?’
‘I’m right here, darling.’
Suddenly she was there beside him, bending down to kiss him on the mouth so that he could taste the salty flavour of her tears on his lips. He tried to lift up his hand to touch her but he seemed to be tethered into place and couldn’t move.
‘Keep still, darling, or you’ll dislodge the drip.’
‘Drip?’ he repeated, turning so he could look at his left arm. A flurry of shock skittered through him when he saw the plastic tubing that snaked up from his arm into a bag of fluid. He was about to ask what it was for when Joanna spoke to him again and he turned to her once more, thinking to himself that he could happily spend the rest of his life just lying here and looking at her beautiful face.
‘You have no idea how wonderful it is to see you awake at last.’ She smiled at him and his heart suddenly kicked up such a storm when he saw the expression in her eyes that the monitor alarm sounded.
Joanna laughed as she quickly reset the button. ‘I hope that means what I think it does! But just so there is no misunderstanding I want you to know that I love you, Dylan. I’ve been waiting for you to wake up so I could tell you that.’
‘I love you, too,’ he murmured, struggling to take it all in. Joanna loved him and even though that was the most important thing of all he realised that he needed to know what was going on.
‘I’m sorry, but I’ve no idea what’s happened. Why have I got this drip in my arm and what did you mean about you waiting for me to wake up?’
‘You’re in the IC unit,’ she explained gently. ‘You’ve been here for three days.’
‘The IC unit,’ he repeated uncertainly. ‘Have I been ill?’
‘In a way, yes.’
She sounded concerned now and Dylan knew that it was because he couldn’t remember what had happened. He struggled to force back the layers of fog in his mind and gasped when everything came rushing back.
‘I was shot! I was in A and E, checking on a patient, when this guy came racing in, waving a gun.’
‘That’s right. The security staff tried to stop him and the gun went off. You were hit in the chest by a bullet and Diane had to operate on you.’
He heard the wobble in her voice and longed to hold her in his arms and reassure her that he was fine, only he wasn’t sure how he felt. ‘And I’ve been here ever since?’ he asked instead, not wanting to run before he could walk, so to speak.
‘Yes.’
Dylan frowned because he sensed there was a lot more to the tale than she was admitting. However, before he had a chance to ask her anything else Martin Henshall, the IC consultant, appeared.
‘So our star patient has decided to rejoin us, has he?’ Martin observed cheerfully, taking the chart off one of the nurses who were crowded around the bed. ‘Nice to have you back with us, Dylan. It might mean that the staff will pay attention to some of our other patients instead of spending all their time lavishing you with TLC.’
Martin chuckled when the staff groaned. ‘Anyhow, I’ll give you the once over just to check that everything is as it should be. Why don’t you take a break now, Joanna, and come back in half an hour or so?’
‘Don’t be silly, Martin,’ Joanna protested. ‘I know exactly what needs doing so there’s no reason for me to leave.’
‘Even so, I’m sure Dylan would prefer it if you gave us a few minutes on our own.’ Martin winked at him. ‘There’s nothing very romantic about having a catheter removed and I don’t want him suing me because I’ve ruined his image.’
‘Oh!’ Joanna flushed as she quickly stood up. ‘I’ll be in my office so could you phone me when you’ve finished?’
‘It would be far better if you went and had a cup of coffee instead of worrying about work,’ Martin said firmly. He turned to Dylan and sighed. ‘She’s not left your side since you were admitted, so can you try and make her see sense?’
‘You’ve been here all that time?’ Dylan asked in amazement.
‘Of course,’ she responded tartly, but he could see the way she quickly averted her eyes. Even though she had told him quite openly and in front of everyone that she loved him, she was still rather shy about what had happened. His heart overflowed with tenderness as he capture
d her hand and gave her a gentle tug so that she had to bend over the bed.
‘Go and take a break, Joanna,’ he said softly so that only she could hear. ‘If not for your sake then for the sake of our baby.’
Her eyes darkened with surprise. ‘You could hear me when you were unconscious?’
‘Yes. It’s what made me fight to get better.’ He let go of her hand and touched her cheek. ‘I love you too much to ever leave you, my darling.’
Tears welled to her eyes but she blinked them away as she smiled at him—the most glorious smile he had ever seen on anyone’s face. She kissed him full on the mouth then laughed when the staff broke out into a spontaneous round of applause.
‘And now I think I’d better make a speedy exit before we cause any more chaos,’ she declared, stepping back from the bed. She waggled her fingers at him then hurried away.
Dylan smiled as Martin set about making sure he was on the mend, unprotesting as he suffered the usual indignities of the sick. What did it matter if he was being prodded and poked and checked in parts of his anatomy that he would normally keep well covered? Joanna loved him and he would walk naked through the streets of London if she asked him to!
Finally all the checks were done and Martin left with instructions that he should rest, not that he’d needed to tell him that. Dylan sighed as his eyes began to close of their own accord. He desperately wanted to stay awake until Joanna came back but he was exhausted. Still, she would be here when he woke up.
His heart lifted with joy. She would always be here for him from now on, just as he would always be there for her. On that happy thought he drifted off to sleep and dreamed of Joanna and their baby and the wonderful times they would have together. And the best thing of all was that the dream would continue when he woke up.
‘Are you sure I look all right? I mean, my bump is really starting to show now…’
‘You look wonderful! You look exactly like a woman who is almost four months pregnant should look.’
The Pregnant Surgeon Page 15