by Zoë Lane
My tongue had dropped like a rock to the bottom of my mouth, which was all dry. I didn’t think I had breathed during his entire speech. Had he personally been involved in a case like that, or had he just invented it to make a point?
I sucked in air through my mouth, making a choking sound. I swallowed and winced at the pain as what little saliva I had dripped down my cracked throat.
Zane’s cell phone vibrated across his desk. “Meyers,” he answered sharply.
His eyes vaulted to mine. “Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Right.” He hung up the phone.
“Well, that was Coach Hicks.”
Coach Hicks. “I was going to call him tonight to tell him—”
“What are you, an idiot? Are you really living up to the jock stereotype right now? Thank God I didn’t listen to my older brother and play hockey in college. I did something smart and got a law degree.”
“That I’m paying you for,” I said weakly in an attempt to win back some of my dignity.
Zane leaned back and grinned knowingly. “Yes, you did. So not a complete idiot.”
“Thanks,” I muttered.
“You’ve tested positive for a banned substance.” He dropped the news like a hammer. “You have a meeting with him and the management tomorrow morning at nine o’clock.”
My eyes went to my hands, which clutched the chair’s armrests. My knuckles had gone white. I’d known it, but hearing it out loud made it more real somehow.
“You’re not going to say anything unless I tell you to, understand?” he continued. “I don’t care what they ask you—you turn to me first and I’ll tell you what to say. Leave your empathy, sympathy, all your feelings here in this office—in the circular receptacle. I promise they’ll be safe.”
Sure.
Zane leaned forward, his voice low, but steady. “Casper, listen to me. Tomorrow morning, you’ll either walk out of that meeting fired or with a job. Decide now which one you want it to be and I’ll make it happen.”
“I pay you the big bucks to keep me out of trouble,” I said grimly.
“Exactly. Let me do my job so you can keep yours.”
Interesting pitch. Almost like he cared, but it was all business to him, I knew that. I walked out of his office numb and unsure of what to do next. I answered the ring of my phone to hear my agent telling me he’d just heard the news and would be attending the meeting tomorrow. He said he’d get on the phone with Zane and talk strategy; go over all the legalese I was currently in no mental condition to understand.
I did have the capacity to send Landyn a text to tell him I was on my way over. Last week might be the last time I’d played on the pitch with him.
It was like my dad had told me after the accident. Cherish every day—every moment you’re living your dream—because you don’t know when it will be over.
And it usually dies in an instant.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CASPER
Landyn greeted me at the door and immediately went into how Lacey was going to be staying for a while. “Like, she’ll have to drop the rest of the semester.”
“Her treatment is going well, though, right? I thought you’d said she was getting better.” I declined soda for a bottle of water and followed Landyn into the den.
“Oh, yeah, it’s... I think it’s going okay.” He shrugged and then shook his head, a look of confusion on his face. “I mean, it’s not like I have a right to know with doctor-patient confidentiality. I’ve asked her to talk to me about her sessions, and she’s vague, evasive, and entirely apathetic about the whole thing.”
“Huh,” I said.
My legs bounced.
I’d probably unscrewed the water bottle cap and replaced it about a dozen times since I’d sat down.
“Yeah, it’s kind of annoying, but now I’ll be going to family sessions with her. I don’t know how often, but it’ll at least give me an idea about what they’re talking about, and how she’s dealing with everything.”
“Good for you, bro. I’m glad you decided to go with her. It’ll probably help her a lot—you know, to have her brother there.”
He scoffed. “I’m always here! She can talk to me whenever. She doesn’t. Ever since she turned, I don’t know, thirteen or fourteen, she shut down. Used to tell me everything before then. I thought maybe because she hit puberty and it wasn’t cool to talk to your other brother about boys and makeup and—”
“You would’ve discussed makeup with her?” I gave him a look of disbelief.
He grinned sheepishly. “Well, I would’ve tried. I was both her parents then. It would’ve been the least I could do.”
“And you’d do anything for Lacey, I know.”
“Well, it’s court-ordered. Going with her, I mean.”
I raised my brows. “When did this happen?”
“Today. She had her appearance with the judge for carrying a fake ID and getting wasted while underage. Sucks that her brother is a recognizable public figure and the paps got her puking on video. Cops showed up while I was at the hospital.”
“Is she here?” I looked over my shoulder toward the hallway that led to the guest bedroom.
“Nah. She’s back at the facility. She’s going to be there for at least another two or three weeks. Then she’ll come back here.”
“That’s a long stay, don’t you think? She’s been there for, what? Over a month?”
“Doctor’s orders.”
“Yeah.” Speaking of doctors.
Landyn stared at me and I dropped my gaze. “You gonna drink that water or you just like screwing stuff? Speaking of screwing—”
“I tested positive,” I said quietly while continuing to screw and unscrew the cap.
“I...I don’t think I heard you.”
I looked up, meeting his eyes. “I tested positive for a banned substance. I have a meeting with everybody tomorrow.”
Landyn’s lower jaw dropped.
“I didn’t...it wasn’t banned at the time. I know that’s not an excuse.”
“Cas...”
I held up a hand to stop the flow of disappointment coming from Landyn. “I know.”
“Your shoulder?”
I nodded. “You know that.”
Landyn let out a heavy sigh. “You talk to a lawyer? My agent said don’t ever say anything unless your lawyer tells you to.”
“That’s what my lawyer said,” I chuckled. “He had an...interesting way of putting things. Basically, ‘shut up and be the dumb jock you are and I can get you out of this mess.’”
“Geez.”
“So I’m going to do it.”
“Where did you get the drugs? Shit, man, I didn’t even know you were like—”
“I’m not a drug addict,” I snapped. I shut my eyes and sighed. “Sorry. I...I’m having a hard time with this.”
“No, man, it’s my bad. I shouldn’t have insinuated.” His brows apologetically angled up. “Casper, how bad is it?”
“Let’s just say I was on so many painkillers last night, I almost missed the meeting with Coach this morning.”
“What did he say?” Landyn eagerly asked.
I groaned and doubled over. “I didn’t tell him.”
“He knows.”
“I know. He was giving me an opportunity to tell him.”
“Why didn’t you?”
I sat up and didn’t answer because I wasn’t exactly sure myself. “Maybe I knew it was only a matter of time. Maybe I thought he knew already, so what was the point? Whatever, I screwed it up. They’re probably gonna let me go tomorrow.”
“Your agent thinks so?”
“He’s not sure, and he doesn’t even want to prepare.”
“Yeah, you don’t want to shop around for another team before knowing anything.” Landyn pulled out his phone.
“Who are you calling?”
“Rose. We can get ahead of this.”
“I’m sure the GM has already called her.”
“Just in case. Hey, babe, you busy?�
�
My gaze strayed around the room, scanning over Heisman trophies and other awards. A picture on the fireplace mantel drew me from my seat. It was a picture of the team, our final year at Southwestern. Landyn and I stood together, arms draped over each other’s shoulders.
I looked over my shoulder to catch his nod. Rose was already on it. Question was, after tomorrow’s meeting, how long would she have to work?
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
SIOBHAN
Fuck you, bitch. I’m getting all the ass I want now.
This was the twentieth text I’d received from Phillip this morning. I had thought, after he’d left so quietly the other night, it would be an amicable breakup. He was currently in the anger stage.
I still felt tons of guilt over how I had handled our breakup. I’d been such a coward, dragging it out. It wasn’t a trait my friends would’ve said was I possessed. I didn’t know who I was anymore. Was that because I’d been with Phillip for so long?
While I was at work, he had been moving out of the apartment—which had my name on the lease, so he wouldn’t have to deal with the rent if he ever lost his job.
He was always forecasting losing his job to try and shirk responsibility.
Clothes had been emptied out of the drawers and closet, and his toothbrush and other toiletries were gone. He still had a television and a few things from the kitchen to get.
He’d left a few things for me, too. Broken glasses and other dishes. A turd in the toilet, with my toothbrush sticking out of it.
What.
In.
The.
Hell?
Something red stained the carpet in the center of the living room. I still had six months on the lease. No way I was getting my deposit back.
Still, I said nothing.
I figured there wasn’t anything left I could say that would be taken in a rational way.
Did he really love me that much? So much that he acted like a complete lunatic now that we weren’t together? Had I just ruined something that could’ve lasted because I wasn’t sure and, maybe, didn’t try harder to be sure?
Do we always have to give 110 percent to something, even when we doubt it’s right? To feel good about ourselves? It was tough when you already felt so wrong about it all.
I stacked the towels on the shelf and looked at the clock on the wall. I had fifteen minutes until I had to be upstairs for a meeting. Veronica had called me last night and told me I had better prepare. I figured it was about the drug tests, and without coming right out and saying it, she had confirmed my suspicions. Management was going to talk to everyone. All day. I didn’t sleep at all. I wanted to talk to Casper, but I hadn’t seen him yesterday and figured he was probably preparing his own statement.
Like I should’ve done.
“Have time for a quick massage? I think I’m really going to need it today.”
I turned to see Casper standing in my doorway, shoulders slumped, bags under his eyes. “You didn’t sleep either, huh?”
He shook his head. Casper closed the door and came toward me. I wanted to run into his arms, hold him, tell him it was going to be okay. Truth was, I didn’t believe it.
“What kept you up?” he asked quietly.
I shook my phone. “Phillip. We broke up, and he’s sending me angry texts all the time.” My phone buzzed. “And there’s another one.”
Casper gently took the phone from my hand and set it on the small table between the comfort chairs. “Good. Not about the texts.”
My lips turned up slightly. “We just...we weren’t going to work. I don’t know why I stayed with him so long. We’re two different people now. And I wasn’t my best when I was with him.”
He nodded. “I’m not my best now.”
I stared into his sad blue eyes. Empathy, not judgment, filled my heart for him. “I know,” I whispered.
“Look, Siobhan, I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next couple of hours. I just wanted you to know that I should’ve listened to you earlier. I should’ve...” His head dropped, and I heard emotion clouding his voice.
I walked forward and raised his chin with my index finger until he had no choice but to look into my eyes. Then I stood on my tiptoes and pressed my mouth to his. He wrapped his arms around my waist, leveraging some of my weight while returning my kiss with a desperate hunger. His need pulled a moan from my lips. I slipped my arms around his shoulders and then drew back.
“Your shoulder! I’m sorry—”
He had dragged me back in. Slowly, he took my lips in a rhythm that had my womb humming with a primal urge. I heard a symphony of sighs from my mouth. This time, I chose his waist to cling to.
When our lips parted, I had to swallow a groan of frustration. I stilled my hips, which begun to knead into his groin. “If I’d known you kissed like that...” I said in the huskiest voice I’d ever heard come out my mouth.
His lips moved against my cheek. “You would’ve dumped Phillip sooner?”
I snickered. “I’m sorry. That’s so wrong. Isn’t it wrong? It’s terrible...”
“My compass...”
“I haven’t been pointing true north.”
“We all make mistakes. It’s how we face them that matters.” He released me and took a few steps back. “I should know. I wasn’t paying attention, and I didn’t want to live afterwards. Football kept me sane, but it’s been a crutch these last few weeks.”
“Will you ever stop blaming yourself for your wife’s death?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. And that’s the honest truth.” His lips fluttered as he blew out air. “But I’m going to do better about how I let football influence my decisions. Starting today.”
My eyes shot to the wall. “Speaking of...I have to meet with them in five minutes, so I better get up there.”
He reached for my hand and pulled me to him, brushing his lips against mine. “I’ve got a meeting with my agent and lawyer before I go in. Can I call you later?”
“Please!”
He raised two dirty-blond brows at my insistence. While I grabbed my phone to program his number, I giggled like an obsessive psycho for two seconds and clamped my mouth shut. That sound would never come out of my mouth again.
I was, however, thinking a lot about how I’d say his name in ecstasy.
But before then, we needed to get through today.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
SIOBHAN
I wasn’t going to make it through the day. In fact, I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to last the hour.
The moment I had walked into the conference room and seen the number of drawn, disappointed faces around the table, I figured I would be handed my last paycheck and shown the door. I’d give them points for telling me to my face that the organization no longer needed me. Some places would just call you—on a Friday—and tell you not to come in. How that heck was someone supposed to relax and enjoy their weekend after that?
Which was the point.
Sadistic.
“Ms. Kelly, do you know who I am?” the woman at the head of the table said.
Hair in spiral curls that reached her shoulders, gorgeous blemish-free skin the color of a Starbucks mocha Frappuccino drink, strong nose framed by highly angled cheekbones, and a power suit that screamed leader; yes, it was GM Rochelle Hardison.
“Yes, Ms. Hardison.”
“Good. Then let’s get started.”
I clasped my hands in my lap, every muscle in my body tightening.
For a few minutes, she reviewed the franchise’s mission statement and values—asking if I acknowledged knowing them and that my contract stated I would uphold them—then she continued with their policies on prohibitive behavior.
Then drugs. Rather, their zero-tolerance policy on drug usage.
“It’s management’s understanding that you’ve been employed with us since the summer. Correct?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“And you’ve understood and read your employmen
t contract?”
Not good. “Yes, ma’am.”
“A recent drug test was conducted on the players, and it’s come to our attention that banned substances aren’t just being taken, but the sale and distribution of those substances is occurring here at headquarters.”
If I had been sweating I wasn’t any more. “Uh...I... ma’am, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She stared at me a few seconds before asking, “Then you are not aware that Casper Taylor has been in possession of said substances?”
My jaw dropped, but no words came. A gentleman to her right cleared his throat and leaned over, speaking into her ear. The GM rolled her eyes. “Ms. Kelly, I have been advised to say that this is not an interrogation, you are free to leave at any time, and if you wish to seek counsel before answering any more of our questions, then it is your right to do so.”
I looked at the man who had just spoken to her. Must be their attorney. Shit. Did I need an attorney?
“Are you willing to answer a few more questions?” Ms. Hardison’s tone softened. Probably to satisfy counsel.
I nodded, although I still didn’t know what answer to give to her previous question.
“Could you please, then, answer the question? Were you aware that Casper Taylor was in possession of and taking an EPO?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
Ms. Hardison leaned forward. “Can you repeat that for the room?”
I swallowed, took a deep breath and repeated my answer a few levels higher.
“Need I remind you of our zero-tolerance policy and your agreement to abide by the employee contract and report any known or suspected substance abuse?”
I shook my head. “I need no reminder, ma’am.”
My heart sank. Ms. Hardison didn’t strike me as the type to show any leniency, the way she resisted the attorney and continually brought up the employee contract, which I had signed.