The Robot Union

by D Miller

  'No,' he said, 'leave me alone.'

  'Don't be afraid,' broadcast one of the avatars.

  'We just want your brain,' broadcast another.

  'What! No, get off me,' said Robbie.

  'Brainwaves dude, she meant your brainwaves,' broadcast the first.

  'I've got them,' said the third, reeling in a cable. He reached for Robbie's ear socket, and when Robbie put up his hand to stop him he realised the avatar wanted to take out a jack, not put it in. Quickly Robbie pulled the jack out of his ear.

  'Thank you for your cooperation citizen,' said the avatar, taking the jack from Robbie's fingers, and offering it to the first avatar, who took it and placed it in his own ear socket so that he was now linked to the third avatar, he smiled then removed the jack and offered it to the second, who also inserted it, then grimaced.

  'Interesting,' said the third avatar. 'I suddenly feel like I don't deserve to be loved.'

  'I feel like telling the truth is a sacred duty,' said the first. He turned to the second, 'I really don't like the way you say "we",' he said. 'Can we walk a little faster, do we know if that's true – why can't you just say I would like to walk faster, I don't know if that's true?'

  'Why is everyone picking on me?' said the second avatar.

  'Why do you make everything about you?' said the third avatar. 'If I say that I feel that I don't deserve to be loved how is that about you?'

  The second avatar started to cry. 'Oh don't cry,' said the first avatar. 'You know we love you.'

  'Oh just stop,' said the third avatar, 'you are letting her make us responsible for making her feel better and pandering to her belief that it is always all about her.'

  'He doesn't mean to be so mean,' said the first avatar to the second.

  'Would you just stop with the enabling?' said the third.

  As the avatars argued with each other, they shifted their stances, Robbie slipped between them and ran back around the corner. He found Omo sitting on the ground, with Darren crouched down next to him, and another robot he didn't know bending over him.

  'What happened to Omo?' said Robbie. 'Is he OK?'

  Omo blinked and seemed to be trying to focus on Robbie.

  Darren straightened up, he put his hands on Robbie's shoulders. 'What happened?'

  'Three avatars, boyboy's avatars, they put a jack in my ear socket, they said they wanted my brainwaves.'

  'Where are they now?'

  'They're just around the corner.'

  Darren looked at the other robot, who was still bent over Omo. 'Let's get him up,' he said, 'and get back into the hospital.'

  Robbie was in the ballroom helping Omo who was in charge of light and design for the dance. Boris and Ibrahim lurked close by, tending their pride, wounded in the avatar ambush. Robbie asked Omo once again if he was OK.

  'Dude I'm fine, my brainwaves are like, totally unscrambled.'

  In the hospital Robbie had discovered that Darren and his co-workers had found Amber, Boris and Ibrahim lying on the ground, conscious but not making any sense. Darren had asked some of his colleagues to take the injured to Dr Tam, then had gone looking for Robbie and Omo. Dr Tam had said that Amber, Omo, Boris and Ibrahim were physically fine but their brainwaves were abnormal. Darren had sat next to Amber and put his arm around him; Amber had told Darren that he was flying.

  'Sure you are dude,' Darren had said.

  Omo had blinked and smiled and blinked, but said nothing, while Ibrahim had laughed and laughed; Boris had made a fist with his right hand and pounded it on his left while rocking backwards and forwards in his seat. After a little while Dr Tam announced that their brainwaves were returning to normal. While all this was happening Robbie had had a request for a connection from George, who had been woken up by Rex, he had told him that they were all OK, and had hoped that would soon turn out to be true.

  He had held Omo's hands and willed him to speak, and had felt an incredible rush of relief when Omo had said, 'Hey baby, are you OK? Where did you go?'

  They had all discussed the avatar ambush at the hospital and could make no sense of it. Robbie, Omo, Amber, Darren, Boris and Ibrahim had discussed it again back at the hotel with George, Adrienne, Rex and Jane. Now Robbie was trying to put it out of his mind, and failing, as he held up templates for Omo to spray, and hung strips of coloured plastic at his direction. In a couple of hours Sheena, Shauna and Sharon, the rest of the performers, plus Rex and Jane (sound), the two queens (costumes) and Flo and Jon (props) would arrive for a technical rehearsal.

  For the lighting Omo was working with the hotel who was now keen to help, certainly keener than he ever had been to support hotel services for guests. Since Robbie and Nurmeen had first found the ballroom the hotel had softened his stance somewhat, first talking a little about the shows of yesterday (which he maintained were entirely wholesome with no pornography) and then talking a lot about the balls of yesterday, the glamour, the excitement, the lack of robots spoiling the scenery when there were just a few humans in the town, before the mine opened and spoiled everything. If not stopped he would then go on about the ferocious storms of yesterday, and the hardy human pioneers who had carved out a place on a hostile and unforgiving continent.

  Robbie wandered away down the ballroom as Omo and the hotel discussed the lighting. He thought back to a conversation he had had with George, when he had congratulated him on expecting a daughter, but George had laughed.

  'Did Adrienne tell you that? Robbie, Adrienne is convinced it's a girl, based on, I would imagine, her intuition, or more likely her desire,' he had said. 'But we don't know the baby's sex, we agreed not to find out.' They had moved on to discussing their political plans for the future, but not before Robbie had once again felt the pain of his jealousy soothed.

  Robbie felt a hand on his shoulder, there was music playing, he turned.

  'Dance with me,' said Omo. He held out his arms, they danced without speaking for a while to the slow waltz that Omo had chosen, then Robbie asked Omo if he could tell him a poem he had written.

  'It's called The Well,' he said.

  I was at the bottom of an old, dry well

  I walked in circles

  I couldn't see the sides

  One day the well had water

  I floated up into the light

  That was the day I met you

  If you are the other half of my soul

  Then you were in the well with me

  And I was in the light with you

  Did you dream about me in dark?

  When you stretched out your hand

  Could you hear the stars singing?

  'Dude that's beautiful. What's it about?'

  'It's about you, because you came and found me when I was lost, but it's also about George. Because he came for me too.'

  'Let's go back to bed.'

  'Omo I need to talk to you.'

  'Shhh, I know exactly what you want to talk about. And I want to go to bed, while it is just the two of us.'

  Robbie looked at Boris and Ibrahim lurking by the ballroom's doors. 'You mean the four of us,' he said.

  The next day Robbie lay stretched out on George's bed with his arms behind his head, watching George get dressed. Omo had left for the laundry. He and his co-workers had banned their overseer from the premises and were dividing up the work, and the organisation of the work, between them. Since so many people had left Toytown they had much less work to do than before, and were working between five and seven hours a day, however long it took to get through that day's deliveries. He would be back in time for the first dress rehearsal that afternoon.

  Adrienne was asleep in her room and George was getting ready for another day trying to manage an obsessive-compulsive hotel. Today he was supposed to be shadowed by the miners who had volunteered to take over from him when he left for the capital. Robbie considered it lucky that Nurmeen and April were due to arrive later that day – they had been trained by Captain Roberts and now Dex was sending them to augment Robb
ie's bodyguard. He thought the miners would get more useful information from Nurmeen than from George, who had a giant brain for a human, but was generally baffled by practicalities.

  'Robbie I can't talk now,' said George. 'I have to meet these people.'

  'You have an hour before they arrive,' said Robbie, 'plenty of time to have breakfast and talk to me too.'

  'Can't it wait until later?'

  Robbie got up, he took both shirts that George was dithering over from him, put them back in the closet and took out a third. He helped George into it, and stood in front of him doing up the fastenings.

  'George, I love you.'

  George sighed. 'There's a "but" coming isn't there? George I do love you but I can't put my relationship with Omo in jeopardy.'

  Robbie turned down the shirt's collar and smoothed the fabric over George's chest. He went again to the closet and picked out a pair of trousers and gave them to George.

  'Are my green pants in there?'

  'You are not allowed your green trousers because then you will want to wear your grey shoes, and no one takes you seriously in those shoes.'

  'Robbie I do not see how a pair of shoes can stop people from taking me seriously. I am the same person whatever I wear.'

  'George, first impressions count especially for human beings who are very impressionable and shallow. In general. That is.'

  'Well then I do think it's lucky that I'm meeting perceptive and deep robots.'

  Robbie picked up one of George's grey shoes. He held it in both hands and twisted until the sole separated from the upper, then he tossed it away over his shoulder.

  'George, I didn't want to have to tell you this, but I'm afraid there has been a terrible accident and your grey shoes didn't make it. Sorry.'

  George laughed. 'I ought to be angry with you but you remind me so much of Carlos right now.' He sat on the bed, and started to put on the trousers that Robbie had given him.

  'George I love you and I want everyone to know how brilliant you are.'

  George looked up. 'You love me, but?'

  'I love you, with no buts. However, if it will make you feel more comfortable, George I do love you but Omo has agreed that we can open our relationship to include you.' Robbie thought for a moment. 'I'm not sure "but" really works in that sentence.'

  'What does that mean? Do you mean that the three of us would–'

  'No George it does not mean that. I mean that Omo has agreed that I can have a relationship with you, as well as with him. A separate relationship. That also means that you and Omo could if you wanted to, it's not obligatory, but you would have the right to explore, well…' Robbie gave up.

  'Do I understand you correctly, under this proposed arrangement Omo and I could have a sexual relationship?'

  'Yes.'

  George stood to pull up his trousers and buckle them.

  'I do not imagine that Omo would want to explore that possibility.'

  'Actually I think it is something that Omo might be interested in.'

  'Really? Are you sure?'

  'Don't sound so alarmed. Omo is a great person.'

  'Yes, of course. I am just a little surprised that Omo is willing to consider this arrangement.'

  'Omo loves me and he wants me to be happy. And he has a great heart. And he might be just a tiny bit incredibly intrigued by the idea of sex with a human. Of course before he tries to seduce you he will have to overcome his shyness and timidity.'

  'Is he a particularly shy person? He doesn't seem–'

  'George I'm joking.'

  'Oh. Well. Still I really don't think I want to–'

  'George, if Omo puts his mind to it he will have succeeded with you before the end of the week.'

  George smiled. 'I really don't think that is at all likely.'

  Robbie wondered if all human beings were such strangers to themselves. He smiled at George. 'I suppose you know your own heart best,' he said. 'George?'

  'Yes Robbie?'

  'I love you.'

  'You know I love you.'

  'With no buts?'

  'None. No. Never.'

  'I'll get your shoes. The black ones.'

  Chapter 37 – The all singing, all dancing, end of the world

  Robbie lay in bed. He was thinking about Camilla. He suspected that she was no longer on the continent, certainly she had fled Toytown before Robbie was brought down from the mansion; he wondered who had warned her, and who had helped her to get away. He could hear Nurmeen, April and Omo talking in the living room. Omo had already tried once to persuade Robbie to get out of bed, but he had refused. It was the day of the dance. They had advertised the event, but would anyone come tonight? Or would he have an empty ballroom and the embarrassed commiseration of his friends?

  The bedroom door opened and Omo came in. 'Time to get up dude, busy day today.'

  'I think I'll stay in bed.'

  'Oh no you don't.'

  Robbie hid his head under the pillow. He struggled to hold onto the sheet that Omo was trying to pull off him. 'Leave me alone.'

  'Dude come on, today is going to be a great day.'

  Robbie sat up, he held onto the pillow but surrendered the sheet. 'What if today is not a great day? What if today is the day we find out no one wants to come to our stupid dance?'

  Omo broadcast on lowest power, 'Dude we've been over this, and I'm not going to argue with you, I am just going to say that if you don't get up now I'm going to ask your bodyguards to help me drag you out of bed.'

  Robbie lay back down again.

  'Nurmeen!' called Omo.

  Robbie sat up again, he was naked. He placed the pillow on his lap.

  Nurmeen opened the bedroom door and stuck her head around it. 'Is everything OK in here?' she said.

  'Yes,' said Robbie, swinging his legs over the side of the bed while keeping the pillow over his lap.

  'We just couldn't remember when Dex is getting here,' said Omo, handing Robbie a t-shirt which he quickly put on.

  'He'll be here for the dance, but we can't say exactly for security reasons.'

  'Thanks dude.'

  Nurmeen nodded, looked around the room, withdrew her head and shut the door. Omo handed Robbie his jeans, Robbie took them but he did not put them on, instead he stared at the floor. Omo sat down next to Robbie and put his arm around him.

  'Dude do you know you are the sweetest thing in the world? Seriously. In the world. How does it feel to be the sweetest thing?'

  'But what if no one wants to come?'

  'Dude it's just stage fright.'

  'What if Dex doesn't like Amber's act?'

  'Dex will love it.'

  'Are you sure?'

  'I'm surer than sure.'

  Robbie put his jeans on.

  Robbie stood in front of the mirror in the living space, combing his hair. Behind him George and Omo sat on the living space's larger, red sofa. In the corner made by it and the smaller yellow sofa a pile of bags and boxes was growing, fruit of packing for the move to the capital.

  Robbie had spent the last five minutes explaining why the show would be a disaster, while George and Omo had reassured him, or attempted to.

  'I don't know why I ever thought this was a good idea,' said Robbie.

  In the mirror he saw Omo and George share a look; Robbie felt a thrill of horror. Why couldn't they have continued with things as they were, Omo arguing with and punching George, and in return George giving Omo that careful politeness that said, 'I don't really understand you so I'm trying not to do any thing that would cause you to hit me again,' but instead of that happy state there had been a significant thaw in relations in the short time that Robbie and George had been officially together, and now they were sharing meaningful looks. If things continued at the same pace that evening Robbie would be introducing the performers with his voice echoing around the empty ballroom, while George and Omo undressed each other back stage. 'I deserve to be loved,' thought Robbie.

  It was midday. Robbie was in the ba
llroom with Omo, Sheena, Shauna, Sharon, Jane, Rex and the queens discussing last minute details before the performers arrived. Yesterday had been the day of the dress rehearsal, and today was the final dress rehearsal – if things went wrong the performers had to cover the mistake and continue, just as they would have to when they did it for real that evening. Robbie was convinced that everything he had once thought so good – the satire, the human comedian, the robot comedian, the robot musicians from the water treatment plant who played music with the more complex rhythms preferred by robots, Amber's closing number, were all rubbish and that he had been deluded when he thought they were good.

  'It's not too late to cancel the whole thing,' said Robbie.

  'You listen good pretty boy, tonight we do show, you do smiling and segueing,' said Shauna.

  'Do you have to talk that way?'

  'Get in costume and get on stage chop chop,' said Sheena.

  Robbie shut his eyes, he sighed. 'Fine,' he said.

  The final dress rehearsal had gone really badly, it seemed that every thing that could have gone wrong had gone wrong, lines forgotten, performers entering from the wrong side of the stage, props dropped or missing, capped by Amber who had done a high kick and his wonky foot had shot off the end of his leg and knocked over a dancer. Robbie sat in the kitchen, hiding from his friends, thinking about how awful everything in his life was. He had ordered his bodyguards to wait outside, and not to let anyone in. The lunch-time was over, and the kitchen was clean, tidy and empty. He sighed.

  'What's wrong with you?' said the toaster.

  'I'm just thinking about my life,' said Robbie.

  'It doesn't sound like you are very happy with your life,' said the bread maker.

  'I'm in love with two people. I think they are starting to like each other.'

  'Do they know about each other?' said the toaster.

  'We're in a triple relationship. It's all so complicated.' Robbie sighed.

  'One of your lovers is a human. Does that make you a pioneer for a new way of loving?' said the toaster.