Outback Ghost

by Rachael Johns

  ‘What did you and Heidi get up to today?’ he asked and she once again blinked, wondering if he had a direct line to her thoughts.

  ‘Um,’ she took a moment to recover that thought. ‘Well, we saw a snake.’

  ‘What?’ He pushed her up slightly so he could see her face. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

  She laughed. ‘You kinda didn’t let me get a word in until now.’

  He pulled her head back to rest on his chest, absentmindedly playing with her hair. ‘Okay, but where’d you see it? You know you could have called me. You should have called me. Was it near the cottage? What did you do with it?’

  ‘Out in a paddock near some trees. I know but I didn’t want to bother you. I let it be, grabbed Heidi and ran away faster than I’ve ever run in my life.’

  ‘Thank God you’re both okay.’ He kissed her forehead.

  ‘We were looking for a tree,’ she said, trying to distract herself from the way what he said made her feel. She couldn’t allow herself to get lost in a fantasy of this – them together – being more than it was.

  ‘What?’

  She explained her need to keep Heidi occupied today, that keeping her busy kept her mind off Lily-Blue, and that they’d decided to find and decorate a Christmas tree. ‘You may have seen all the paper chains and origami things we made when you walked through the house?’

  That got her a raised-eyebrow. ‘Stella, you could have repainted the walls psychedelic yellow and fluoro pink and I wouldn’t have noticed. I only had eyes for you.’

  She blushed, glowing at his words but felt the need to deflect his attention. While they were messing up the sheets, she adored the way he looked at her, but when they were just talking she didn’t know what to say in the face of his compliments.

  ‘How’d your chat with Constable Noble go?’ she blurted out.

  His arms tensed around her. ‘As predicted, I guess.’

  ‘He didn’t believe you?’

  ‘Whether you, me or Drew believes what Heidi says is irrelevant,’ he said sadly. ‘He’s right that Missing Persons or Major Crime or whatever department deals with stuff like this isn’t gonna come and investigate without solid evidence.’

  Stella sighed. What exactly had she been expecting? Truthfully, she wasn’t surprised but she couldn’t help being disappointed and sad. Heidi had been better since Stella had promised to help Lily-Blue but she worried about what would happen now. She realised Adam had said something more and she hadn’t heard a word of it.

  ‘I’m sorry, can you say that again?’

  He chuckled. ‘Crazy, hey? I can’t believe I spent all day actually contemplating it. But it’s a bit like the whole ghost thing. When you first told me about Heidi talking to someone here, maybe my sister, I thought you needed to see a shrink. It had to be the most insane thing anyone had ever said to me. I was so angry that you could play with my family’s pain so glibly, but once I calmed down, I knew that wasn’t your intention at all. Even if logically I don’t believe in ghosts, I couldn’t stop thinking what if. But that was all hypothetical. What Drew suggested is real. What if I dig up the tree and find nothing? Or what if I do find something and the discovery pushes Mum over the edge?’

  Stella listened to him weighing up the pros and cons and realised Drew had told Adam to take matters into his own hands. ‘What are you going to do?’ she asked eventually.

  He shrugged. ‘Part of me wants to grab a shovel and go out there now but I don’t think this is the kind of thing I should do without serious thought. There’s a day until Christmas and for the first time ever Mum is looking forward to it. Really looking forward to it. She’s got her first counselling session via Skype next week and is seeming more like the woman I vaguely remember from my childhood than ever before. Maybe it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie.’

  But what about Lily-Blue? And Heidi? Stella bit her lower lip to prevent herself from voicing her thoughts. Instead she said, ‘I need a drink of water. Can I get you one?’

  She was halfway out of bed, when he said, ‘No, thanks. But I suppose I’d better be going.’

  Stella paused in the doorway, listening but not turning around to look as he gathered his clothes and started to dress. Although she’d needed a breather from their conversation, her heart pulsed with pain at the thought of him leaving after all they’d shared tonight – the sex, but maybe more so the companionship. She hadn’t known how much she’d been missing out on until she’d lain in Adam’s arms and felt his warm, delicious breath against her skin. Going back to an empty bed that would soon grow cold without him didn’t appeal in the slightest. She wanted to sleep with his arm draped over her body or their limbs intimately entwined and she wanted his gorgeous, chiselled face to be the first thing she saw when she woke up in the morning.

  But that was a romantic fantasy.

  However much she wanted to ask him to spend the night with her, doing so would not be sensible. There was Heidi to think of. What would Stella say if Heidi woke up in the middle of the night and found Adam naked in her bed? Her daughter didn’t need that kind of confusion on top of everything else that was worrying her little head. And there was Adam. If she went all needy and desperate female on him, he’d no doubt run a mile and she’d never experience the delicious friction of his skin up against hers ever again. Yet, no matter how dire these possibilities, they weren’t the worst of it.

  She didn’t trust herself to spend any more time in his company tonight without trying to convince him to do what Drew had suggested. Now that he’d put it out there, she couldn’t think of anything else and she didn’t understand how he planned to go about his life, doing all the normal and mundane jobs, without investigating the possibility either. Even if her daughter talking to the ghost of his sister sounded like the craziest story anyone could ever have concocted, how could he dismiss it so easily after talking to Heidi? But what right did she have to press the issue?

  Argh, the conscience tennis in her head was giving her a headache.

  ‘Yes. I suppose it is getting late,’ she managed, forcing herself to turn around and acknowledge him. ‘Thank you for a lovely evening.’

  ‘Don’t go all distant and awkward on me, Stella.’ He stepped up to her and slipped his hands around her waist, drawing her close before she had the chance to anticipate his actions. His clever lips pressed the gentlest of kisses against her neck before he pulled back slightly to talk again. ‘I had a great night and I’m hoping we can do it all again tomorrow night. What do you say?’

  Oh Lord. What woman in her right mind could say anything but ‘sounds good to me’? Although perhaps it was questionable whether Stella was in her right mind at the moment, for when she waved Adam off into the night, she didn’t go immediately back inside. She tugged the cotton robe she’d pulled on tighter around her body and took the veranda round the back. Leaning against the railing, she looked over to the beautiful jacaranda tree, semi-lit in the moonlight.

  ‘Are you really there?’ she whispered to herself.

  She hadn’t been expecting a reply, but what happened next left her cold. The wooden door at the back of the house opened slowly. Stella turned at the sound, knowing the logical explanation was Heidi had woken up and come looking for her, but there was no one in the doorway.

  ‘Lily-Blue?’ she whispered again, her heart pounding so loud she felt like an angry teenager was beating drums in her chest.

  The lamp that sat on the hall table flickered. For a heartbeat Stella wondered if she’d blinked and imagined the action, but while entertaining this thought she felt the air shift beside her and then heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps padding down the back steps. Her hand shot to her throat and it took a long while before she managed to breathe again. Staring at the tree, leaves blowing ever so gently in the wind, a terrifying thought entered her head.

  Should she dig under the tree herself?

  She didn’t have a shovel. She’d have to buy or borrow one. In such a small town it was al
most certain someone would notice and ask her what she needed it for. And then there was the almost insurmountable problem of what to do with Heidi while she carried out the act and what any discovery might do to Adam and Esther. Despite all these obstacles, Stella knew that once the idea had lodged itself in her head, it would take a miracle to shift it.

  Chapter Twenty

  The first thing Adam thought of when he woke up on Christmas morning was his sister.

  It had been over twenty years since she bounced into his bedroom about five a.m. on the festive day and demanded he help wake their parents. He stretched his hands back behind his head and lay there a moment imagining what Christmas might be like today if she was still here. Although three years younger than him, he imagined she’d be married with a couple of kids in tow by now. Maybe he’d even have the same thing. He reckoned his parents would likely still be together. The homestead would be alive with shrieks of laughter as they sat around the Christmas tree tearing the wrapping off presents, while delicious smells wafted from the kitchen where lunch preparations would be already underway. In this fantasy, somebody would be a good cook and his tastebuds would be dancing in anticipation of the gourmet meal ahead.

  ‘Hah.’ He chuckled sadly to himself knowing the reality would be very different. Instead, it’d be just him, his mum, Stella and Heidi trying their best to stomach whatever ghastly dish his mum decided to try this year. She’d given him a mammoth list and he’d gone into town yesterday morning to pick it all up. No doubt because they were having guests she’d give a go at doing something fancy, which would be worse than if she stuck to her traditional over-cooked roast.

  It wasn’t that he wasn’t looking forward to spending the day with Stella and Heidi. They’d spent most of yesterday afternoon together decorating the tree he’d found and he’d loved every minute of it. He couldn’t get enough of her. They’d shared food, drink, a lot of laughs and he hadn’t left the cottage, or rather her bed, until the early hours of this morning. Being with Stella and Heidi was easy and comfortable on almost every level, except when Heidi went off to play by herself and started talking to what looked like thin air.

  He shivered at the recollection. Those times had been damn freaky and it’d been all he could do to stop himself grilling her some more. Not that he got the chance. Whenever he went near Heidi, Stella circled like a shark ready to attack. A number of times she’d caught him staring out the window at the jacaranda tree. Pretty much all he could think about right now was grabbing a shovel and thrusting it into the dirt beneath the tree. In Heidi’s presence they’d been careful not to mention Lily-Blue or the whole digging under the jacaranda thing. But by the time she’d fallen asleep, those daytime thoughts of digging up the past were set aside as more pleasurable thoughts surfaced. The sexual tension that simmered between them hit boiling point and no matter what else was going on inside their heads, their bodies were only concerned with the present and making the most of every moment together.

  There’d been little time for deep and meaningful discussions while they were tearing at each other’s clothes, desperate to be skin-on-skin again. And afterwards she’d fallen asleep in his arms. He’d wanted to stay there all night. Holding her and listening to her soft but steady breathing. No sound had ever been quite so beautiful and the thought of being there when she woke up, to give her a very adult Christmas gift, had been almost impossible to fight. But, knowing she’d be upset if Heidi found them together, he’d summoned every ounce of willpower in his body and gone home.

  He moaned at the memory of their shenanigans – it seemed there were only two things he could think of right now. Digging and fucking. How he’d get through Christmas Day at his mum’s without being able to do either of these things he had no idea.

  Stella woke to the sun blazing in through her bedroom window and Heidi standing at the end of her bed. Her heart shot into her throat and she almost broke her neck turning to look at the spot beside her in bed.

  Thank the Lord.

  The last memory she had from the previous night was a very hot one, starring her and Adam, both of them naked and energetic. She hadn’t known her body had the flexibility to do some of the things they’d gotten up to but she didn’t want Heidi to know anything about that. When had Adam left? She couldn’t recall watching him go or getting up to say goodbye and she was still naked.

  ‘Happy Christmas, Mummy.’ Heidi climbed into bed beside Stella but she didn’t look or sound happy.

  Stella pulled her into a hug. ‘Yes, Happy Christmas, darling. Are you ready for your presents?’

  Heidi nodded glumly.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ Stella asked, hating the absence of Heidi’s wide smile.

  Heidi sighed a sigh that sounded way too wrought for someone so young. ‘Lily-Blue alone for Christmas.’

  ‘Oh.’ Stella hugged Heidi tighter. She didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t very well suggest Heidi bring Lily-Blue with them to Esther’s house. Did ghosts travel that far anyway? Not that it mattered. Either way Adam had been clear he didn’t want Esther to know about the ghost thing. And fair enough; Stella understood his reasons but Heidi was her priority and she hated the way her permanently cheerful little girl now swung between happiness and near on depression. It couldn’t be healthy the way she’d taken on Lily-Blue’s plight and Stella hated not knowing how to fix it.

  The image of a shovel came into her head again. She pushed it away.

  ‘What about we leave out a special lunch for Lily-Blue and maybe she can play with your new toys while we visit Esther.’ It sounded ridiculous, like leaving out milk and cookies for Santa, but it was all she could come up with.

  ‘What new toys?’

  ‘The ones Santa brought you of course.’

  A slow smile crept across Heidi’s face. ‘Good idea.’

  Stella let out the breath she’d been holding, happy she’d found a solution to their problem, if only a temporary one.

  ‘Why you naked?’ Heidi asked, her change of topic startling Stella.

  She felt her cheeks heating up. Why hadn’t Adam woken her when he’d left so she could put on her pyjamas? ‘I was hot,’ she answered, thinking quickly. ‘Very hot. But I’ll get dressed now so we can go open presents.’

  Thankfully Heidi bought the hot explanation and Stella dressed in shorts and a T-shirt. She’d have a shower and put on a dress before they went out to lunch but right now she couldn’t wait to see the expression on Heidi’s face when she opened her gifts. They went into the lounge room and Stella put some Christmas carols on her iPod, which blared from the docking station as she handed Heidi the first present. With intent concentration, her lower lip and tongue thrust out, Heidi began to unwrap. Stella snapped photos at the delightful expressions on her daughter’s face as she opened a Sylvanian Families dolls house and three different sets of animal families to go with it – some beagle dogs, monkeys and, Stella’s favourite, a guinea pig tribe.

  ‘Thank you, Mummy.’ The toys scattered around her, Heidi leapt up and launched herself onto Stella’s lap. Stella clung to her daughter, desperately hoping the toys would distract her from her worries.

  While Heidi began to play, Stella went into the kitchen and set about making them breakfast. While she was growing up, croissants had always been a Christmas morning tradition, and although she hadn’t been at home in over seven years, this was something she’d taken with her. Now at Christmas-time Stella usually had to work in the restaurant but she’d always been home for breakfast and endeavoured to make that part of the day as special as she could. Sharing Heidi’s joy in opening presents helped Stella to not dwell too much on her own sadness about being away from her family and eased the pain of then having to leave Heidi with friends while she went and worked penalty hours serving Christmas lunch to other people. Today, at least she didn’t have to rush off anywhere without Heidi.

  They happily munched on warm croissants slathered with butter and jam and drank freshly squeezed orange juice
while playing with the new toys. Before Stella knew it, it was midday and almost time to go over to the homestead.

  She had mixed feelings about the afternoon ahead. Part of her couldn’t wait to see Adam but it also felt a little bit weird to be spending such an important day as Christmas with him and Esther. Then there was the whole jacaranda thing. She’d have to have been blind not to have seen him looking at it every five seconds when he was with them yesterday and she wanted to ask him if he’d been having second thoughts about his decision not to dig. But was Christmas Day in his mother’s house really the right time to bring that up?

  Argh. Why did life have to get so complicated? All she’d ever wanted was a nice summer away with her daughter, yet somehow she’d gotten herself involved in ghosts and sex and someone else’s family Christmas. Granted, it was delicious sex and supposed to be complication-free but the more time she spent with Adam, the more times they had sex, the less it felt like a straightforward no-strings-attached fling. And she wasn’t sure spending such an important day as this with him was such a good idea. Still, it was too late to back out now. Esther would be gutted.

  ‘I’m just going to have a shower,’ she told Heidi, pushing herself off the floor to stand. ‘Stay here. Promise?’

  Heidi nodded. After the incident when she’d wandered off while Stella was in the shower they’d had serious words about always telling each other where they were going.

  Under the hot and relaxing shards of water, Stella decided that the only way to get through the rest of the day was to pretend she was an actress in a movie and that none of the emotions she felt were real.

  ‘Welcome, come in.’ Esther met Stella and Heidi at her front door and bustled them inside out of the heat and away from the flies before hugging them both. ‘I’m so glad you came. Adam’s in the kitchen checking the bird. We’ll eat soon but come into the lounge room first. I can’t wait to give you your presents.’