by Aubrey Cara
Panting, still kneeling over Connar, Jake looked up at her. The pained, sad look on his face, with his beautiful lip swollen and bleeding, almost had her running down the stairs to throw her arms around him, wanting to check him for further injury. Almost.
If anything, Connar's presence reminded her that she needed to distance herself from her bad decisions. Standing up, Jake dusted himself off before hauling up a much worse off Connar, who was sputtering and cursing a blue streak. She turned and unlocked her door, ready to be done with this day when she heard Jake call up, “Where are you going?”
“To crawl into bed, it’s only..” Glancing down at her wrist and realizing her watch was missing. She groaned and rolled her eyes to the sky. That just seemed to be how this day was going to be. “Well, it’s early, and I’ve already had a really rough day.”
Jake looked up expectantly. “That’s it? I'm going to need you to file a report. Are you at least going to tell me who this asshole is that hit you?”
“Oh well, where are my manners? Jake, may I introduce you to my soon to be ex-husband Connar.” At Jake's raised eyebrow she said, “He felt the need to call and stop the divorce from getting processed. A mistake he will be correcting.” Connar had the intelligence to look contrite, whether for hitting her or for stopping the divorce she wasn’t sure.
Turning to look at the beat up soon to be ex-husband in question, she couldn’t hold back a sneer as she said, “Connar, may I introduce you to Jake. He’s the captain of the police force here in Hope Springs, and as of this morning, he’s my new ex-boyfriend.”
Connar’s head turned to study Jake, whose face had become even more of a storm cloud. Connar snickered. “What happened, he dump you when you wouldn’t put out?”
Jake growled, but she answered, “No, not at all. I’d put out for Jake anytime. Actually I’ve had the best sex of my life with him.” That truth hurt, knowing she was so susceptible to be blinded by good sex. She knew her voice was taking on a hysterical edge but she just couldn’t stop herself from continuing. “I discovered you, Connar, were quite lacking in the sex department, as well as every other department. Tssk tsk. Nope that wasn’t it at all. I guess I played the wanton whore for him too well. You’ll find this funny.” She addressed this to Connar but was looking at Jake the whole time, so there was no mistaking who she was talking to. “Jake here thought I was trying to get pregnant and trap him into marriage with a baby! Isn’t that a hoot?”
Tears she had held at bay started falling one by one. A look of anguish slashed across Jake's face. It was gone in an instant replaced by a unreadable grim expression that was all business. Feeling numb and broken she tried wrapping herself with anger and resentment so she didn’t have to feel so hurt. “Well I’ll let you finish getting arrested. Don’t forget to file our divorce papers, dick wad. You two enjoy your time together. You deserve each other.”
“Wait! Del, I still need you to file an official report down at the station,” Jake said.
“I'll be sure to put it on my list of things I'm going to avoid doing today.” That said she made her way into her apartment, yet again slamming the door between her and Jake.
*** ***
Jake felt lower than low and would have loved nothing more than to take out all that frustration on the man that had messed up Del so bad. If only to deny the fact that he had messed up with her himself. For one split second that morning, he had wondered if she would try to get pregnant on purpose. What on Earth had made him think she would do something like that, and snap out at her like he did?
He knew why. The thought that she could have gotten pregnant paralyzed him with fear and blind irrational joy and possessiveness he had never felt before. That was a lot to take in first thing in the morning, and somehow he made it her fault for not protecting him from himself. It also hurt to know he was never going to have any more children because he’d be damned if he was ever going to want another woman as much as he wanted Delia Myers.
Securing Connar in the back after ‘accidentally’ banging Connar's head on the side of the car, Jake hopped in the driver’s seat, only to have the dumb ass start talking. Seemed he hadn’t learned his lesson and didn’t realize how close he was to having Jake take him up to be buried in the mountains instead of booked down at the station.
“You know I would never hit Delia. She’s never had a smart mouth like that before. I can’t understand what’s gotten into her. Then when she wouldn’t come home…after everything I’ve been through.” Jake heard a bit of a sniffle and knew that bastard was blubbering like an idiot.
Jake almost stopped the car and killed him right there. “After everything you’ve been through? You really are a dumb ass aren’t you?”
“Oh, please! It’s not like you even want her now that you know she’s a lame duck. She should feel lucky I still wanted her back. You can’t jail a man too long for trying to get his wife to come home.”
“What century you living in? 'Cause the one I’m in frowns upon hitting women, whether they're your wife or not. And she'd better be your ex-wife by the end of the day!”
Just thinking about how Del’s head snapped when Connar’s open hand hit her face brought Jake's blood back up to a boil. And then to find out his Del was still married to the ass hat in his backseat...he had to pull in a deep calming breath before a red haze of rage washed over him. Luckily he was pulling into the station and would have enough witnesses to keep from killing the turd.
*** ***
Leaning against the door of her apartment, Delia was greeted with a crazy-haired Kat sitting up in bed with one eye cracked open. “What the heck was all that noise?” Grabbing the clock on the nightstand Kat took in time before sitting back against the pillow. “Isn’t it kind of early to be starting a commotion Del? Did you at least bring coffee?”
She had forgotten in all the glory of this morning that Kat was living at the studio. Pushing off the door she took the two steps into the room, resisting the urge to fall face first on the bed and stay there. She walked over to her dresser, pulled out some loose clothes and clean undies, and headed to the bathroom.
Kat’s questioning gaze on her the whole time. “Well, I don’t smell coffee, what’s up Del?”
Delia shoulders drooped a little lower. The sooner she got it all out, the sooner she’d be left to shower and sleep. So turning in the bathroom doorway, she said, “No coffee. Got my period at Jake's. He accused me of trying to get pregnant on purpose because I’m not on the pill, and he’s not been wearing protection. Connar showed up on our landing. He has no kid. The Korean whore really was a whore. He stopped the divorce from going through.” She stuttered over that, cringing. “He wanted me to 'come home', because he's even more of an ass than I realized. He got into a scuffle with Jake and got arrested.” She let out an exhausted sigh at the end of her monotone diatribe. “I’m going to take a shower and crawl into bed. Don’t wake me 'til...just don’t wake me.”
Turning, Delia closed the bathroom door, but not before seeing the now very much awake Kat looking more than a little stunned. Hearing a shuffling and the door opening and slamming shut while she waited for the water to warm up, she knew Kat was two seconds from filling in Macy and Sally on the latest and greatest devastation of her life. She didn’t really mind as long as they let her sleep.
*** ***
Delia couldn’t sleep. After her shower she had put on some comfy sweats and a loose t-shirt. Then she had settled in bed to wallow in self misery. She wanted nothing more than to pass out. Only after wallowing for a good part of an hour, she grew reflective. Where had she gone so wrong and why did she have such an unwillingness to see the awfulness inside people? All her life she willingly believed lies and kept her head buried in the sand so she didn’t have to see the truth. Foster parents that might care about her if she was good enough, but she never was. And believing Connar and his parents could make her feel loved, accepted and a part of a real family, when they never could.
That's w
hat hurt the most with Jake. With him and Steven she had felt like she belonged in a way she had never experienced before in her life. Had that been a lie too? Sad truth was she couldn't tell. She'd been cast aside so often she couldn't tell when she was really wanted. A part of her was always waiting to be left behind. Left behind and lied to.
Her mother had lied about her father her whole life. Believing she didn’t know who had fathered her was much easier to swallow than the bitter truth. She had lied to Delia all these years, and for what reason? To what end? Wasn't it bad enough the woman didn't want to be a mother? She had to deprive her of her father also?
Delia was out of bed and packing a bag. Before she truly realized what she was doing she had a note taped to the door.
Kat, Macy, Sally, I needed to work a few things out for myself, be back in a couple days. If you need to fire me I understand. Please don’t worry. Del
She nodded at her door, reading the note again. She should probably let them know where she was headed, but if anything that would cause them to worry more. Part of her knew they would be upset with her for not telling them what she was doing. She just knew if she talked about it, explained any of what she was thinking, she would talk herself right out of going and torture herself over her decision. Grabbing up her bag, she headed to the bus stop on the other side of town, so as not to be seen from the bakery. The time had come to go back home. She had some questions for her mama, and this time she wasn’t leaving until she got some answers.
*** ***
Jake booked Connar and explained, at minimum, what had happened that morning. Focusing on the bastard smacking Del and stopping the divorce. Connar got one phone call, and that was to his divorce attorney. Anything besides the paperwork getting processed was cut off by one of the deputies, Jeff. He hung up the line for Connar. Everyone at the department was taking an avenging big brother stance against Connar Schmidt. There were more than a few mentions of, “nobody hurts our Delia and gets away with it.” It seemed Del had wormed her way into the good graces and hearts of more than a few of the officers in Hope Springs.
He smiled a bit to himself as he vaulted up the steps to Del’s apartment. He didn’t care what he had to do, he’d grovel, beg. Hell, he’d hang a sign that read “jackass” around his neck and walk naked through town. Anything to get her to forgive him. He raised his hand to knock politely and waited, when he usually walked right in. That’s when he saw the note. Cursing to himself, he called the station. Seemed he was going to be hunting the next few days, starting with the bus station. Hopefully someone knew where she had headed. Really he only had himself to blame. He should have known she would bolt. He had her for two damn days before she ran again. At least he could console himself with the fact that she planned to come back.
*** ***
Getting on the bus had felt liberating, but she couldn't help but feel like she was leaving a part of herself behind in Hope Springs. Delia checked into the motel outside of town and was more than a little relieved she hadn’t spotted anyone she knew, or who knew her. By the time she got some food and was settled in, she was bone weary. Not only from the bus ride, but from all the time she had to think about the coming confrontation. Jake had been subtly trying to get her to open up about her mother and childhood for weeks. Truth was, her mother was her least favorite topic. She'd rather bury her head in the sand than have to think about the fact her mother was an awful person. She definitely didn't want to talk about her. Her time with Jake and Steven was beautiful, and everything about her time with her mother wasn't. Tearing up, she pushed thoughts of Jake and Steven away. Seeing her mother was going to be hard enough without stray thoughts of them.
She hadn’t seen or heard from her mother in over seven years despite having lived only fifteen minutes across town from her, until recently. There wasn’t a specific argument that had caused their disassociation, just time and many disagreements. Distancing herself from her mother seemed like the best course of survival, and her drunken mother had made it easy. Her mama always was disappearing for days and weeks. Where she went and with whom, Delia never asked, and never wanted to know.
On top of that, her mama had hated Connar, calling him a waste of space who would end up hurting Delia. Score one for Mama. Even drunk she called that one. One year went by, then another, and another. Never would Delia have thought she’d be actively seeking out her mother. She snorted to herself as she settled between the seemingly clean sheets. She had realized as nauseous as she felt at seeing her mother again, she was looking forward to seeing her. Not much, but that little girl that always had hoped and longed for a real mama, she was still there. Only now, the new, realistic woman was there also. And she was sad knowing the reunion on the horizon was unlikely to be a happy one.
*** ***
Jake had driven through the night, sleeping in his truck when he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer. Once he figured out which direction she was headed he knew in his gut she was going to see her mother. When Kat agreed to stay at the house with Steven, Jake grabbed Delia's mother’s address and a change of clothes and headed out.
Now that he was actually driving down the dirt lane to Del’s mother's house, his blind determination to get there was receding. Filling in its place was a healthy bit of doubt. He had no idea if Del was even here or what he was going to say if she was. One thing was for certain. The detective from Dallas had quite a few questions for good old Mrs. Myers, starting with why she never told her daughter she was married? And who was this mysterious husband of hers?
Coming around the bend he checked the address again and groaned. Parking in front of the dilapidated faded mustard yellow and brown trailer, he sat there taking it all in. The gravel yard. The old rusted Trans-Am parked haphazardly in front of the broken, rotted wood porch steps. And a spot in the beat up tin roof that was actually patched up by cardboard, a garbage bag, and duct tape. This is where his sweet, beautiful, wholesome, bighearted Del had hailed from. Knowing it and seeing it were two very different things.
He felt like a jackass all over again. He realized on a subconscious level, he might have been comparing Del to Cheyenne this whole time. Wondering when the other shoe was going to drop. How wrong he was. The trailer park Cheyenne came from was like Pleasant Ville compared to the hell Del grew up in.
He knew he was wrong and sorry for everything he hadn't said to Del. Like how much he loved her. How she never could be anything like Chey. How she would be ten times the mother Chey never even wanted to try being. Steven's mother was an evil narcissist, and would have ended up that way no matter where she grew up. He was humbled by the level of shame he felt. Del was like the tulip sprouting out of manure, with snow still on the ground, and no other signs of spring. She was life’s miracle. Hope when there should be none.
Groveling wasn’t good enough for him. He was indeed going to be wearing a sign that read ‘jackass’ through town. Maybe he should let Del paddle his ass for a change. Smiling despite the situation, he carefully made his way up the wobbly stairs to the metal screen door. He knocked lightly, fearing it would drop off its hinges if he rapped too hard.
The peeling solid door behind the screen door cracked open before swinging in all the way. The woman in front of him had once been beautiful, yet nothing he had expected Del’s mom to look like. Beyond ragged, she still looked younger than her forty-nine years. Her hair was platinum blonde, but box bought judging from the darkness and graying at her roots. She probably had movie star good looks in her youth. She was on the taller side. Her features, still strong and well defined, even though lines bracketed her mouth and eyes. Everything about Del was soft and delicate, petite. How could this be her mother?
“You lost?” she asked in a gravelly voice, a brow arched over dead eyes, scanning him from head to toe.
“Mrs. Myers?” At this her eyes shuttered. The door would have closed had he not wedged his foot against it.
She looked down unhappily at the foot before looking back at him.
“What you want?”She asked.
“I’m a friend of your daughter's.” That took her aback.
“A friend, of my daughter Delia?” At his nod, she gave a cackling hoot, giving him an appraising look. “And just what does that turd of a husband of hers think about the company she’s keeping?”
“Her ex-husband can rot in hell for all I care, just as long as he stays away from her.”
“Hmm, so that’s the way the wind blows these days? She finally left that ass, huh?”
“Basically.”
With that, Tammy Myers dropped all pretense of caring he was a stranger. She turned back inside, leaving the door open. Without turning she said, “Good for her. He wasn’t worth a shit. Come on in handsome. Can I get you a drink?”
“No thank you, just a few answers.” He didn’t even want to sit down. Even with the sun brightly shining outside the trailer, inside was a black hole sucking out all light and life. The smell of cheap booze and stale cigarettes hung in the air, cloying in its presence. An old style TV console sat on an upturned bin in front of a worn down seventies couch, patched in places with duct tape. An old a/c unit hung in the window above the couch, covered in dust. It made loud sputtering sounds as it cranked out cold air. The kitchen opened to the living area, showcasing chipped linoleum counters and floors. A yellow glow from a hanging light cast a hazy glow over every surface in a six-foot radius. A shadow swallowed up the rest of the space.
This is where Del grew up, when she hadn’t been with holy rollers and group homes. He was struck again by how miraculous it really was she could come out of such a nasty place such a beautiful person. It was a testament to how wonderful she truly was.