I stared at him in horror. “Why would you tell her that?”
“Because I knew she couldn’t handle it. I knew she couldn’t deal with the truth.”
The tears continued rolling down my cheeks. “When did you tell her this?”
“When I found you a week ago.” He let out a strained sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a groan. “After I did, I wished I would have told her sooner.”
“Why?” I bit down on my lip.
“Because for the first time since you left she actually seemed at peace. She had stopped blaming herself.”
“Blaming herself?” I choked on the words.
“She blamed herself for you leaving,” he sneered at me. “She always said it was her fault, especially when I went to see her at the end.”
I stared at him in disbelief. “She didn’t say that.” She couldn’t have. Not my mother. Not the woman I knew.
“She did.” He took a deep breath. “She loved you, Faye.”
I didn’t have the heart to tell him again. To tell him the truth that she didn’t love me. She didn’t love him either. She didn’t love anyone but herself. But I guess she did feel regret for the things she had done, for all the years she turned a blind eye to Taylor’s relationship with me, for the things she let him do to me at the end. The things she watched him do.
There were times when I suspected that she hated me because Taylor paid more attention to me than he did to her. And in the end she let him do those horrible things to me because she was jealous. She thought I was getting what I deserved. She never said it, but it’s what I suspected.
I pulled my feet back in and closed the door. Swallowing hard I asked a question I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer to. “Did she say anything about me, specifically at the end?”
Rhett smiled the light of it actually reaching his eyes, illuminating him like the guy I used to know just for a moment. “She was happy for you. She said she was happy you got away.” He studied me. “Whatever that means.”
And in that moment my heart was full, brimming, spilling over just like the tears on my cheeks. Nothing else mattered but those words, those sweet words. And I was happy, thankful and so much more. Happy that she felt that way, happy that some small part of her was sorry for all of it. And then I was happy with Rhett for telling her the lie. For letting her go without me storming in to ruin her last moments with fire and filth like I was so good at doing.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“For what?”
I tugged at the end of my braid. “For lying. For not letting me ruin it.” I sniffled and rubbed my sore nose. “It was the right decision.”
He put the car back into drive and took my hand. The gesture was so unexpected, so kind, it made my heart twinge. “I’m sorry for attacking you today, for choking you.” He made his way back onto the highway.
I snorted. “I’m not sorry I punched you.”
“No, I deserved it.”
We were quiet for some time as we got closer to his apartment where Sarah waited, his hand still holding mine.
“You can still have that,” he said when we were just blocks away. “That life I told your mom about. You can get a job, go to school. The sky is the limit, Faye. You’re only nineteen.”
I let myself pretend for a moment, let myself get swept away in the maybes and the what ifs. Let my whole life flash before my eyes of how it would be if I didn’t go back to my life. To my day-to-day existence at the Truck Stop, to the faceless men and the drugs. It was a pretty life where I wore nice shoes and met a guy who would never know about my startling past. A man who could accept me, the new me. The one that pinned her hair in a bun and smiled coyly, like he was the first man to look at me with lust in his eyes.
But my fantasy was skewed because Rhett was that guy, that man who loved me. Who wanted me. Who pined for me. And he couldn’t be that person. He would never be that person. And then there was the drugs. I had to have them. I needed them to survive. The ache was already starting to come back, fluttering under my skin, making me crave another hit. Taylor hadn’t left me with any. After he’d put his cock away, he’d kissed my cheek and told me to stay. If I stayed with him, he would give me all the coke I wanted. He told me I would never have to work again, that I would be his girl, his Faye baby. It would be that simple. We could be happy, he was certain of it. But I didn’t stay. I couldn’t stay with him.
And I saw it. The anger, the jealousy when I got in Rhett’s car. He didn’t make a scene—he wouldn’t. Wouldn’t give away our secret. But he was pissed—fucking livid. And I knew the next time I came in contact with him wouldn’t be pretty. It was why there wouldn’t be a next time.
I could never be normal and pretend like I wasn’t a fucked up human being. Because I was. I was broken, a destroyed hunk of flesh with a heart that kept beating. I wasn’t meant to be here with Rhett.
I was meant to be bent over those truck seats, to be fucked and used by strangers. That was my destiny. It didn’t have to be pretty to be true.
“You can stay with me and Sarah until you get on your feet. I bet I could even get you a secretary position and then…” I let him rattle on. I didn’t tell him I wasn’t staying. He would find out in the morning when I was gone.
I glanced over at Rhett, taking him in. The man I thought I could love. My brother. I wanted to know what it was like to be pinned beneath him while he fucked me. While he pushed his big cock inside me over and over. But I wasn’t going to find out. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe it wouldn’t be as great as I thought it would be. And maybe that’s what scared me more. That Rhett would just blend in with all those faceless men. That he would just be another man who put his dick inside me for a few minutes and then disappeared into the smoke like the rest of them. Like everyone except Taylor, who had branded me. Ruined me forever.
I was going back to my life. I was going to forget about all of this. About Rhett, about my mom, about Taylor. I was going to leave it all behind…and hopefully this time the past would stay where it belonged—in the past.
She runs from darkness
Into more of the same
She runs to darkness
She could never stay away
ONE
“Hop in.”
I rubbed my hands against the tops of my bare thighs as I eyed the open pick-up truck before me. The man holding it open was a guy I knew, Richard. All of my Johns names ran together in a messy blob in my head. But not his. Richard is different.
He was my first customer tonight. My first customer since I left Rhett’s house some three hours ago, hitching a ride back to the Truck Stop, back to the little tent across the street, my shitty coke, and my best friend Shauna. The only place I’d ever proudly called home.
It was funny how easy it was to leave. I thought it would be hard with Rhett guarding the door. But he wasn’t. No one was in the living room when I peeked my head out around eleven and no one came running when I slipped silently out the front door.
I was almost disappointed. But then I wasn’t. I wasn’t going to stay there and pretend like life was good or different.
That would’ve been a lie.
“I’ve missed you.” The words tumbled from Richard’s lips while his eyes darted up and down my form. I could already see his dick outlined in his pants.
I gave him a coy smile, flashing my teeth in my seductive way. He wasn’t bad looking, in fact he was pretty young when it came to the men I fucked. He couldn’t have been older than twenty-five with short, dark hair and a twitchy smile.
“Me too, baby.” I hopped up in his truck. When he slammed the door and started moving to the other side, I dropped my smile and rubbed an achy hand against my forehead. My body hurt all over. I needed my coke. Now. But I didn’t have any money. Not yet. This fuck would get me enough cash to get what I needed from Jorge.
Richard slid in next to me and moved his seat back as far as it would go. “You remember what I like, sweetheart?”
<
He reached out and trailed a hand down my face. I let him, though I didn’t really feel it. All I could feel was the ache just beneath my skin. The throbbing awareness of how badly I needed a bump.
“You remember, don’t you, mommy?”
I flinched. Even though I knew he would call me that, I was never prepared for the first time he said it. The word needled around in my head. I knew he wanted me to ride his cock while he sucked my tit and moaned mommy against my flesh. And I knew I would let him. I knew that something deep inside me would twist and knot until I cried out and came all over his dick.
I plastered a fake smile across my lips. “I could never forget my little boy.”
He reached into his pocket and extracted a condom. I almost laughed at the sight of it. The fact that I had an STD stood out prominently in my mind, reminding me of the last few days that had turned my life upside down and set me back further than before I left. I watched him roll it over his dick. He was uncut. Medium-sized.
“Have you been a bad boy?” I climbed on top of him and my leopard skirt rolled up, revealing my thighs and my bare pussy. “Does mommy need to punish you?”
He moaned and thrust his hips up. His cock bumped against my clit and I hated the fact that I was wet. That I liked this dynamic. Before Rhett had found me, before everything that had happened in the last week, I had looked forward to Richard coming to fuck me. He was one of the few that I actually enjoyed. But it wasn’t for obvious reasons. It wasn’t because he had particularly good moves or because he was decent looking. The truth was that he fucked like an average man and came too quickly.
I enjoyed him because when he called me mommy I felt something. Something that stirred deep inside me. Yearning. It was that broken knot. It made want something I could never have. Kids. I knew how pathetic that was. How twisted it made me. But I would take what I could get. And this was it. The chances of me being a mother began and ended with Richard. This twenty-five year old man with a fucked-up fetish.
“Have you been bad?” I grabbed his chin between my fingers. His face was baby smooth, as if he had just shaved before coming up here.
His gaze met mine. “No, mommy. I’ve been good. I’ve been really good.”
“Are you sure?” My voice was stern.
“Yes, mommy please,” he begged.
“What do you want from mommy?” I let the tip of his cock rub against my clit. My legs trembled beneath me, weak, ready to give out, but I wouldn’t let them. I wouldn’t let the ache under my skin ruin this for me. This was my moment. The best moment this life could offer.
“I want you to ride my cock, mommy.” His big hands gripped my ass cheeks. Stinging like he slapped them. The image of Taylor doing that exact same thing jumped into my head. Had it just been hours ago that I was there, back in that house, in that bathroom bent over a bloody sink with him fucking me from behind?
It was, but I wanted it to be longer. I wanted it to be a lifetime away. Forever.
“Mommy?” Richard was panting beneath me, drawing me out of my head. His chest rose and fell in quick spurts.
“You better have been good.” I slid down on his waiting cock. “Are you hungry, baby boy? Mommy has been aching to feed you.”
He groaned and leaned in, jerking my shirt down until my nipple popped out. The second he started sucking, I started grinding my hips on his dick. I was sore inside and I wanted to blame it on the drugs, but I couldn’t. I knew it was from Taylor. It was Taylor’s cock that had slammed into me repeatedly. It was Taylor’s cock that made me orgasm.
Disgust rolled through me, but I didn’t stop fucking Richard. Instead I thrust hard taking all of his dick. The faster I moved the harder he sucked. I ran my fingers through his short hair and closed my eyes. Rhett’s face popped up immediately, his chiseled bare chest as he stood in his kitchen. I tried to shove the image away but I couldn’t. I needed it. I wanted it.
I pretended it was his cock beneath me. His mouth on me. It was even better than being called mommy. The only proverbial moment where I could feel like a mother, as fucked up as that was. Even Rhett trumped that.
Richard gripped my hips and moaned into my chest.
Would Rhett miss me? Would he be sad when he woke up and I wasn’t there? Would he go back to his life? Would he stick his dick in Sarah and never think of me again? Would he never think of his whore step-sister? The one who made him hard even when he fucking hated her?
The feel of Rhett’s dick in my hand came back. With my back against the green grass of the cemetery, his big body looming over mine. Something warm bubbled inside me. It was that liquid warmth that was sweeter than coke. It was that feeling that made everything else disappear for the barest of moments. It was a good feeling and I thrust my hips harder to reach it. I was almost there. Almost to it. I dug my nails into the scalp beneath my fingertips. Rhett’s scalp. His short blond hair pressing against my skin.
But then the feeling was gone, snatched away with the squeak of the driver’s side door being flung open, the whoosh of a breeze slammed against my skin. “What the—?” But my words were taken from me as big hands snatched me out of the car and off the dick I was riding. I met eyes with the owner of those hands. Eyes that swam with so much hate it made me feel an inch tall. Eyes that reminded me that I hadn’t been fucking Rhett Hale in that truck, but a stranger who liked to call me mommy.
“Rhett?”
TWO
Rhett shoved me away from him and I stumbled backward, my bare ass smacking against the rocky pavement. He yanked Richard out of the truck. “What the fuck is this?” Rhett shouted as he slammed him against the vehicle.
Richard’s dick still hung out of his pants somewhere between hard and soft, the condom dangling pathetically. “Dude—”
But Richard didn’t get to finish his sentence. Rhett’s fist slammed into the side of his face making a terrible smacking sound. Richard reeled and fell to the ground in a heap. I expected him to get up, but he didn’t. He laid completely still, unconscious from the blow. I stared at his limp body in shock, certain the last few seconds hadn’t happened.
But then he turned his eyes on me. Rhett. And I knew it was real. Even my imagination couldn’t replicate the abhorrence that swam in his gaze. He wore a t-shirt and jeans, nothing imposing or scary. But the look in his eyes was enough. The muscles bulging under his shirt, his fists clenched at his sides. He was a monster. A monster I knew. A monster that made me fucking horny. My cunt throbbed, wetness making my hips slip and slide against one another as I crawled backward to get away from him.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he growled. He took big steps eating up the distance between us.
I didn’t know. I didn’t have fucking clue. We were behind the Truck Stop by the old shed in the very back of their big parking lot where truckers could park for the night. The lot wasn’t very full tonight, so the closest truck was a good ways away. I couldn’t run to them. I would never make it in my heels. And they couldn’t see me, the storage shed blocked any chance of a view they might’ve had. But even then, I didn’t know whether I wanted to run the fuck away or throw my head back and beg for him to put his cock in me. But I knew which one I wanted more. The one I fucking needed. But that didn’t stop me from running. My heels clacked awkwardly against the pavement as I tried to get away more quickly. But he was on me before I could get more than a few feet.
He snatched me off the ground. “This is what you ran back to?” He squeezed my shoulders and shook me.
“I didn’t run,” I bit out.
“That’s exactly what you fucking did!” he shouted.
I jerked back and tried to pull out of his grasp, but he was too strong and he followed me back until I was pressed against the rickety wall of the shed.
“No, it isn’t! I fulfilled my promise, Rhett. I went to that fucking funeral and now it’s done.”
“That’s bullshit!” His eyes were all over me. On my face, my body. Only a few inches separated us.
“Why did you follow me out here?”
He ignored me. “Did you kiss him?”
I frowned. “What?”
“Did you fucking kiss him, Faye?” He hiked a thumb over his shoulder.
“Richard?”
He laughed coldly. “You know his name? You’ve fucked him before?” He squeezed my shoulders harder.
“Yes.” I pressed my hands against his chest and shoved. “Why does it matter?” My assault didn’t even move him an inch.
“You were supposed to stay. I was going to help you.”
“No one can help me, Rhett! Not you, not Sarah. Now leave me alone.” I tried to move around him but he stopped me by pressing his body against mine. I could feel every inch of him against me. My skin was hyper-aware, tingling, and desperate for more. And then I felt his cock. It was thick and hard between us, pressed against my belly.
“But you think Richard,” he sneered the name, “could help you? Is that what he was doing, Faye? Helping you get a better life?”
Anger simmered under my skin. “He was paying me to fuck him, so yes, he was helping me.”
“You’re disgusting.”
I gave him a wide smile, letting the insult roll off my skin. “And you still want me,” I hissed. “You just watched me fuck someone else and you’re hard. If anyone here is disgusting, it’s you.”
He pressed a hand into my hair, fisting the loose strands before jerking my face closer to his. Up close like this I could see his green eyes reflecting the moon above us. It was almost ethereal to look at. The orbs shiny like glass. “You didn’t answer my question.”
I blinked up at him. “What question?”
“Did you kiss him?”
I giggled and he pulled my hair harder, forcing my head farther back until all I could see was him and his ethereal eyes.
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