Nyssa (Goddess of War Series Book 1)

by Kate Keir

  I almost fell through the front door of the forge and skidded to a stop in front of Symes and my brother. “Haydyn, you have to come with me right now,” I rasped as I struggled to catch my breath and control the tears that threatened to spill on to my cheeks.

  “Nys? What’s up? I can’t leave right now. I’m just about to finish a sword. It’s too delicate to just stop.” Haydyn was holding a glowing sword in his hand. He must have been about to plunge it back into the fire when I burst through the doors. As he stood, bewildered, holding the sword in front of him, I couldn’t help but imagine him clad in red and black armour and dying on a field lit by fire and blood as he desperately held on to that sword.

  I almost screamed in frustration and fear for him. Shaking myself, I took the chance to make the most of my emotions. “It’s mother, she’s sick, Haydyn. She needs you.” The lie felt bitter on my tongue, and when I saw his face fall in fear and the kind look on Symes face as he said, “You must go Haydyn, I will finish up here.” I hated myself a little. Symes carefully took the sword and Haydyn grabbed my hand as we rushed from the smithy toward home. “Thank you, sir,” Haydyn called out to the blacksmith as we dashed through the front door and back into the bright sunlight.

  “Nys, what’s wrong with her? Will she…” he trailed off, and I hated myself even more for making him worry like this. We had lost father, and here I was making him think he was about to lose our mother too. “No, no she’s not going to die,” I whispered as we barrelled through the streets until we reached the front door to our bakery. We burst through the door and came to a swift stop at the wooden counter. My mother had been icing breakfast pastries on the huge wooden block that almost filled the floor of our tiny, shop. But she stopped and glanced up in worry and surprise. Myself and Haydyn were both panting hard.

  Luckily, there were no customers in the shop, so I turned and slammed the door shut, flipping the window sign from “open” to “closed” and then leaned my back against it as I fought off the dizziness brought about by my headlong run.

  “Mother, you’re not sick?” Haydyn looked confused and then angry as he whirled on me and shouted, “Nyssa, what in hell was that? I thought she was going to die.”

  “Will one of you tell me what is going on here?” My mother was just about as angry as she ever got as she whirled on me and took a step forward.

  I blinked back at them both, not wanting to tell them the truth of it. Knowing what it would do to my mother made me feel like my heart was breaking. I looked down at the floor, took a deep breath, and then I looked back at them both and began in a flood of fear and tears, “Astarin Roeseer and his scouts are at the market place right this minute. They are looking for men again, and they’ll come for you Haydyn, I know it. I needed to tell you, to hide you from them. I had to lie to make sure you would come with me. I’m so sorry, Haydyn.” I stopped abruptly, worn out completely by everything that had happened in the last half hour.

  Haydyn stepped across the floor and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in to him tightly and kissing the top of my head. “Oh, Nyssa, shhhh. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

  My mother had paled, and now she recovered enough to whisper. “Haydyn, you have to leave. I can’t lose you as I did your father. They can’t find you here.” She choked on the final words and sat down suddenly and heavily in the counter chair.

  Haydyn stepped back and released me, his face a mixture of emotions: fear, confusion, and bravery. He looked so strong in that moment, I couldn’t bear it as I knew what he was going to say next. “If I hide or leave, they will know, the neighbours or Symes. Someone will tell them about me when they are questioned. The villagers will be too scared to lie, and I wouldn’t ask it of them. I can’t run away from this, mother. It was always going to happen. It was just when rather than if.”

  I ground my teeth and clenched my fists as I listened to Haydyn. He would do anything to protect us and the other villagers. “I hate him. I hate Astarin Roeseer, and I hate Lord Odyn. I won’t let you go, Haydyn. If you do this, you’ll kill her for real.” At this I gestured toward our mother. The tears began again, and my mother dipped her head and joined me silently, tears rolling down her grief-lined face.

  “What else would you have me do, Nys? I can’t risk you and mother for me. I might come back. I might not die there. But if I leave and they find out about me, they will probably hurt you or worse kill you to punish me. I can’t live with that. I can’t let my sister and mother suffer for my cowardice.”

  A sudden knock at the door made all three of us turn. The breath caught in my throat. Haydyn took a step toward it, reaching out his hand to pull back the latch. “Don’t,” I whispered as he grasped the handle and turned it, pulling the door inward and open.

  There, in all his resplendence, General Roeseer stood tall and well-muscled, the red and black armour he wore unable to hide the size and shapely definition of his body. His dark hair and ice-blue eyes complemented his handsome face—a face that would catch the attention of any girl. He was probably about thirty years old and renowned for being unmarried despite being so very attractive. But who would want to marry a man who steals loved ones away to their death? He was flanked on either side by his soldiers, as though we were capable of putting up any resistance against him, I thought to myself bitterly.

  The General stepped inside the bakery, suddenly making it feel three times smaller, and as he spoke, the authority in his voice made it obvious to me why he was General of Lord Odyn’s army. “Haydyn Chyme?”

  So, he already knew, I thought inwardly.

  He looked at Haydyn as he spoke, and Haydyn visibly paled under his stare. But then he pulled himself together and replied with his head held high. “Yes, sir!”

  I was so very proud of my little brother in that moment.

  Roeseer continued. “You are hereby conscripted into service of the army of Lord Odyn Rygard, Valhar of Kytara and one day promised King of Ankh Shdaar. There is no capacity to deny this order or retreat from it. You belong to us now and forever, until you die!” As he finished, the soldiers behind him, outside the bakery shouted in unison and banged their closed fists to their hearts.

  Roeseer looked around the room for the first time, his eyes taking in my mother silently weeping in the chair and then falling on me. My tears had dried since the General had entered the bakery and had been replaced by a hard, cold glare. As he looked me up and down, he spoke again. “You have no other men of age living here?”

  I wasn’t sure if the question was directed at me or not but a sudden burst of anger flared up inside me and before I knew what I was about to do, I stepped forward and answered him. “No, you’ve already taken and killed my father.” I spat the words out with venom, surprising both the General and myself.

  My mother and brother stared at me in shock, and I cringed inside, wondering what the mistake I had just made was going to cost me. For a brief moment, he looked vaguely surprised, and then his lips twitched upward in what could have been a smile or could have been anger. Then giving his head the slightest nod in my direction, he turned back to my brother. “Our recruits will be gathered to leave for Castle Kytara at six tomorrow morning. You will be at the market square, on time and ready to leave. If you fail to appear, you will be hunted and found. Use tonight to say goodbye to your loved ones.” His eyes flickered back in my direction. “Your sister will miss you, I think.” With that said, he turned and left, taking his retinue with him.

  As soon as they left, my mother stood and wrapped her arms around Haydyn. I stood still, seemingly unable to move. Everything that had happened since I saw the scouts in the market square felt like a thousand years ago, and it was all for nothing. I couldn’t save him anyway. My brother was lost to us now just as my father was five years before. I felt exhausted. I just wanted to go to sleep and escape from this nightmare. I wanted to forget that today had ever happened.

  Turning away from my mother and brother, I caught sight of my tear streake
d face in the mirrored window. The face that stared back at me was mine, but yet it was also Hayden’s. My fingers took a life of their own then, and wrapped themselves through my long hair pulling it away from my face, making me look even more like him. At that moment, as I stood there in my grief and weariness, I felt a strange hardness pass through me and a fresh energy take over my body.

  Turning to my mother and brother, I spoke for the first time since the General left, breaking the heavy silence. “If this is to be your last night with us, Haydyn, then we will eat a dinner fit for a king.”

  “Yes,” agreed my mother. “We will have the greatest leaving dinner ever,” she said as she wiped her tears away with a white handkerchief and turned to caress his cheek before heading toward our living quarters at the back of the shop.

  Haydyn’s eyes caught mine, and I saw the gratitude in them. “Thank you,” he mouthed to me as our mother’s back was turned, and in that moment, I knew that it would be okay. I knew I could save my brother.

  A heaviness pressed down on us all as we came together in the kitchen, but we tried to lighten the mood as much as possible. One of us would be leaving tomorrow morning, likely forever and it wouldn’t be right to spend the night in sorrow. When the meal my mother had begun was not too far from ready, I excused myself for a moment and quickly headed out of the front door.

  Knowing if I took too long I would be missed and have to explain myself, I ran as quickly as possible until I reached a very small shop, two streets from our bakery, and ducked quickly inside. The tiny shop smelled strongly of the herbs and potions which filled rickety shelves from ceiling to floor.

  The ancient, woman behind the counter was technically not a witch, but she was as close as you could get, and she had exactly what I needed. “Ahh, Nyssa, I am so sorry to hear of your brother.” She turned sad eyes toward me as she offered her sympathy.

  The fact she had heard about Haydyn being conscripted should make my request much more believable, I hoped. “Thank you, Harken. That’s why I’m here. My mother is beside herself, and I know she won’t sleep tonight without some help. I was hoping to get some Sleep Sweet to help her rest before my brother leaves us tomorrow.”

  “Of course, thoughtful girl.” Harken turned and chose a bag of fragrant herbs from the jumbled shelving behind her, handing them over to me. “There is no charge for these, Little Nyssa, I am happy to help your mother tonight.” Her use of my pet name from childhood and her kindness for my mother again raised a stab of guilt in my stomach. How many times would I have lied before today was over?

  Thanking Harken again, I ducked back out of the shop and turned to run for home. Being so fraught with worry had distracted me, and suddenly, I felt myself run into a wall of what felt like ice-cold steel, that I was sure hadn’t been there when I entered the shop. As I bounced back from the newly installed wall, I lost my footing and began to fall backward. Bracing myself for the bump of landing hard on my ass, I closed my eyes.

  But something abruptly stopped my fall, and I felt two strong hands close around my arms, catching me and pulling me upright again. As I opened my eyes, starting to thank my saviour, I found myself staring into the striking, ice-blue eyes of Astarin Roeseer. The wall of steel had, in fact, been his armoured chest. My gratitude died on my lips, and I pulled myself back away from him, stiffening and frowning at the same time. A dark look passed over his face, and for a fleeting instant, I thought he wouldn’t let go of my arms, but then he did, and I was returned to my own self again.

  “You would do well to look where you are going. Nyssa? Isn’t it?” He was entirely alone, I noticed. He must have been taking a stroll around town in the cool of the evening. I felt like a trapped animal. I wanted to get past him and home to my family. But I probably should say something, I thought desperately to myself. He’d already let me away with one punishable offence today when I lost my tongue in temper.

  Then, something dawned on me. “Wait, you know my name? Why?” My eyebrows arched in suspicion. Did he mean to punish me after all? Was he looking for me to arrest me? His lips twitched in the same way as they had earlier, and his ice-blue eyes lost their coldness for a brief instant. “I make it my business to know the name of those who I have caused sadness, and who perhaps seem like they wouldn’t mind hurting me in return. Call it self-preservation, if you will.” This time I definitely detected a hint of a smile on his lips and in his eyes.

  This was my chance to placate him, to stop him from wanting to find out more about me than just my name. I didn’t want him to come to my house, looking to arrest me tonight or tomorrow. I had too much to do, and I would be found out if he did. Lowering my eyes in what I hoped was a deferential way, I respectfully but blandly answered him. “Thank you for your consideration, General, and for stopping me from falling just now. My apologies for not looking where I was going. Good evening.” I swallowed back my anger and everything I wanted to say to him. Then I started to brush past him, desperate to get back home to my family. I felt his hand close over my wrist. He held me gently, but as I started to walk, I was pulled back toward him. There was no chance of getting away until he wanted to let me; he was too strong. I turned back to him, cringing and wondering what he would do now.

  I looked up into his eyes and all I saw there was…sadness. I didn’t understand why. He’d gotten exactly what he came there for. I had a strange and overwhelming urge to hit him; he had no right to feel sad. That feeling was all mine tonight. I sometimes wished I wasn’t such a tomboy. My temper got me into so much trouble. I managed to hold my tongue, but I couldn’t help glaring right into his eyes, my green, catlike eyes, versus those cold, depthless pools. His eyes narrowed, and for a minute, I didn’t think he was ever going to let me go. Then he tugged my wrist gently, pulling me closer to him. I could feel his breath caressing my face, and I could see every detail of his piercing, blue eyes.

  “My men could learn a thing or two about spirit and courage from you, sweetheart,” he murmured and then, more loudly, said, “I am sorry for your loss, Nyssa.”

  I was shocked into further silence, but before I could voice a reply, he dropped my wrist and started to walk down the street away from me. My breath rushed out in a gasp I hadn’t realised I had been holding in, and I felt dizzy. What on earth just happened? For a long moment, I stood watching his retreating back, cloaked in blood-red material that almost reached the floor. Then shaking my head to clear it, I turned and ran for home.

  I returned just as my mother was serving up the food.

  “Where were you, Nyssa? You were gone so long I was worried.” She smiled weakly at me as she ladled the food onto the plate.

  “Sorry, mother. I’m back now.” I smiled. It was an evasive answer, but I was still reeling from my encounter with the General and not feeling up for more lies. “I’ll get us something to drink How about some wine?”

  She nodded her head sadly, and I left the kitchen to go to the pantry and pour us some wine. I checked that Haydyn wasn’t around and quickly filled up three beakers, and then opened the sachet of herbs from Harken. Please let this work, I thought to myself as I dropped in the prescribed dose for a good night’s sleep to two of the cups. Then I went back and added the same again to each. I knew that Sleep Sweet couldn’t kill, even in high doses, but I also knew that a double dose would render the drinker comatose for at least a day. By the time my mother and brother awoke, I would already be well on my way to Castle Kytara, acting as Haydyn Chyme.

  My mother and brother fell into a deep sleep, almost straight after dinner, but I couldn’t sleep at all. Fear tied my stomach into knots, and I felt sick and scared and alone. I lay in bed for a few hours, and finally, at three in the morning, gave up and sat down at the kitchen table to write a letter to them. I know you’ll both be angry with me, I wrote. But, Haydyn, I have to protect you. I need to know that my baby brother is safe, and if I lose you, too, then I don’t think I will ever recover. You need to take care of mother for me now. She will need yo
u more than ever.

  This was the hardest thing I had ever done. The tears burned at the back of my eyes the whole time I wrote. Mother, I am sorry but please believe me when I tell you that I am so thankful for everything you have done for me and given me over the years. I love you so very, very much, and I am sorry it has to be this way. I had to finish before I completely fell apart, and so I signed off with, I love you both so much, now and always. Take care of each other and I promise I will find a way back to you one day. All of my love always, Nyssa.

  I left the letter on the kitchen table, and then I took a final moment to kiss my sleeping mother and brother on their foreheads, glad they could stay as they were for a little longer and not share my grief. Then with a last look around the only home I had ever known, I walked out and closed the door. Abandoning my family and my life.

  I allowed myself to cry for half the way and, then when I got closer to the market square, I ducked into an alleyway and knotted my hair up in the same way I did when I was baking. I covered my head with a man’s hat, which nicely complemented my doeskin trousers and jerkin, which were of course stolen from my brother. I shrugged a jacket over my jerkin as extra reassurance that no one would realise I was a bit too well-endowed on my top half to be a real man. Wiping my face and taking a deep breath, I turned to look at myself in a nearby window and check out the new me.

  I was exactly like him; it was unlikely anyone would tell us apart. I thought that even my mother would struggle. I smiled to myself a little and practised deepening my voice a few times. “Ready.” I said out loud to myself in Haydyn’s voice. I walked around the corner and crossed the square to the waiting group of men. There were the twenty soldiers originally sent from Castle Kytara to scout for new men, all dressed in matching red and black armour. And then a slightly separate group of around a hundred new recruits, ages ranging from boys through to men my father’s age stood nervously together.