"But it's freezing out there."
"Bray," Mom turned on me, giving me a fierce glare.
"I brought a jacket," he said. He pulled his hat back on and walked outside.
I rushed down the stairs. "Mom, please don't encourage him."
"I don't see why you don't like him. He just wants to help."
I huffed. "He thinks Forrest ran off with Nova and now he's hiding out."
She scowled. "Oh."
"Yeah."
Nova jumped down the stairs landing beside me, her eyes wide as she shook her head.
"Nova, what is it?"
She pointed at a picture of Forrest on the wall then at herself, shaking her head.
"You're saying he didn't run off with you?"
She nodded.
"I know." I touched her hair. "What happened?"
She pursed her lips as tears burst from her eyes and she sprinted back up the stairs.
"She knows," Mom muttered. "Why doesn't someone force it out of her?"
I rested my hands on my hips. "She's fourteen years old and already she's so scarred she refuses to talk. Forrest was working with her and I'm not going to let his work be in vain by making her regress."
"Does she have a psychiatrist? You know if you can get her to talk, all this will end."
I drummed my hip with my fingertips. "Maybe a psychiatrist might help where I can't. I just don't have the means to cover that, and I'm not sure my insurance would cover her."
"Won't the tribe—"
"They don't want anything to do with her. They think she did something to Forrest as well."
"Oh Bray." Mom took my hand. "I know you don't want to think she did it because you know everything that happened to Forrest and you believe in his cause, but maybe this one time—"
"She didn't do anything to him," I snarled in a low voice.
Mom flinched back.
"I'll find a way to get a psychiatrist." I turned to walk away.
"We'll help you pay."
I paused and turned to her. "I'm sorry?"
"We'll help you cover the costs. I'll do anything to end your suffering, to end all of this." She came forward and caressed my face. "You're my daughter and I'd do anything for you, and this just kills me. I want it to be over so you can grieve, let it go, and live your life. I want to see you happy again."
A tear escaped my eye. "How can I ever be happy again?"
"You will. One day you'll know in your heart that Forrest would want you to be, and you'll be happy again."
I smiled at her and threw my arms around her.
"Herm, I'm sorry."
I jumped and looked at the door. "Sheriff?"
"I'm off duty, Braydon," he said. "I assessed the situation on the roof and I'll need to replace some shingles. But right now, it's getting slick so I'm going to leave it for the weekend. Is there anything I can do in here?"
"Yes, the dishwasher." Mom grabbed his arm and rushed him into the kitchen.
I followed them in, knowing I needed to make dinner. Mom told him what was wrong—pretty much it didn't turn on—while I pulled out the ingredients. He yanked out the dishwasher to look it over, while Mom dashed upstairs to get Jackson.
I felt awkward alone with him. I tried to feign indifference, but when I glanced over, I caught him glance away. I cleared my throat and tried to focus on cooking.
"What are you making?" he asked.
"It's just chicken alfredo," I answered. "I'm not even doing it from scratch." I lifted the jar of sauce.
"You know, I was wrong about you taking in Nova."
I turned to him surprised, and tucked my hair behind my ear. "What?"
"She's responding to you. At first I was sure you'd give up, but when I saw a change in her…" He stood and slipped a piece of paper from his jacket. "This is your certificate for proof that you're her legal guardian."
I snatched it from him, looking it over. "Really?"
"If anyone can do it, it's you."
I clutched it to my chest. "You sound just like Forrest."
"How's that?"
"Thinking I can save the world. But he was always the one who…" I trailed off and looked at the certificate. "What do you think happened to him really? Do you think he's dead?"
He frowned and dropped his eyes. "We're going to keep looking."
"But for a body now, right?"
"It's been more than two months." He looked up and met my eyes. "Yes, we're looking for a body now."
My chin quivered, but I nodded. "Thank you for being honest with me."
"Braydon." He shifted closer and caught my elbow. "I know you think I don't like you, but that's not true. Forrest had become my friend, and I think at times my own feelings about his disappearance passed onto you. In a way, I think I blamed you."
I pulled away. "Blamed me?"
He dropped his eyes. "Yes, because I haven't had the best luck with women, so I thought you drove him away."
My emotions swelled in my chest. "What?"
He huffed, rubbing his neck. "I'm not really doing a good job at this. Here's the thing." He glanced toward the door before focusing on me. "I know how much he loved you, to be honest, getting him to shut up about you was difficult, but there are times when you just remind me of…" He sighed. "You remind me of my ex, especially when you get stubborn and dig your heels in. So I just thought you'd drive him away like she did to me."
I wrapped my arms around myself. "But I'm not your ex. I've always loved my husband and I'd never do anything to hurt him."
He leaned back, his eyes wide as he took a sharp breath.
"Is that why you're always kind of awkward to be around? You see me as your ex?"
He scratched the back of his head. "No, not—"
"Because I'm not. Maybe you should just remember that." I turned back to the dinner. He compared me to his ex? The one who, according to Megan, laughed in his face when he asked her to marry him? That made me angry, so I hacked at the chicken to vent it. "Why don't you just fix the dishwasher and hold back on being sympathetic or whatever it is you're trying to do?"
He groaned and leaned over the dishwasher. "We'll never get along will we?"
"Not with you comparing me to your ex, no," I snapped, slamming the knife down on the chicken. "This is a small town, don't think I haven't been told what happened."
He flinched. "Sarah or Megan?"
"Does it matter?"
"Not really, no." He clunked at the dishwasher. "I'm sure everyone thinks I'm a complete idiot for not seeing it. I'm sure Sarah saw it when I brought her here because she was horrible to her. I should have paid more attention."
"You can't give up because of one bad experience," I said, dumping the chicken into the fry pan. "I never would have met Forrest if that were the case. My boyfriend before him did not like me for me, he just thought I was pretty and wanted a trophy bride to take home and please his parents. I was lucky I got out when I did, and a few months later, I met Forrest who gave me everything he hadn't."
The noise of him working stopped. I looked across and saw him staring off.
"Maybe you could give Sarah a chance."
His eyes shot to me. "What?"
"Sarah. I know she asked you on a date but it didn't happen."
He flushed. "I… well, things came up."
"There's nothing stopping you now."
"Mmm." He returned his focus back to the dishwasher.
We worked in silence until I started serving, and I reached for the plates. I paused, debating whether to ask him to stay or not. He'd been working hard, and he didn't expect to be paid, so it was the least I could do. "Um, Sheriff?"
"Paul," he muttered.
"Do you want to have dinner with us?"
He looked up from the dishwasher. "You want me to stay for dinner?"
"Well, it's the least I can do for helping me out."
He leaned back, resting his hands on the floor and leaning against them. "If I get dinner for helping, I think
I'll come every night to fix something."
I rolled my eyes. "You could have just said no."
"Ah, no, I meant yes, I was just saying a good meal every day would be—"
"Don't expect to show up, fix something, and be fed."
He moaned. "You're so obnoxious."
"I just… ugh!" I pulled out four plates and set them down with a crash. "Fine, come every day and fix something and I'll feed you. Your ever-so-charming company would be a pleasure to host."
He chuckled. "You're welcome."
"Ugh!" I dumped a spoon of pasta on the first plate. "Sarah can have you if it will get you out from under my skin."
He chuckled again.
I spun and hurried to the stairs. "Dinner's ready!" I bellowed angrily. When I returned to the kitchen, he smirked.
"Wash your hands," I snapped.
"Yes ma'am." He jumped to his feet and rushed to the kitchen sink.
I growled and stepped up beside him to finish serving. "So are you really going to come every night?"
"Unless I'm busy. I go home by myself and eat by myself. Having a real meal with people would be nice. Plus, after that man harassed you back in August, I promised Forrest I'd look out for you, and I keep my promises."
I sighed. "Forrest always did worry about me too much."
"Bray…"
Nova shoved between us and grabbed her plate. I lifted one for Mom and myself and walked to the table. Mom set Jackson in the highchair and gave him a couple of toys. "He needs to be fed after you eat," she said to me.
"Thanks, Mom."
Mom dominated the conversation at the table, which I appreciated. I didn't want to talk to the Sheriff anymore, and I could tell by the filthy looks Nova kept giving him, she didn't even want him in the house. So once we finished dinner, I handed Nova the plates so she could start her chore washing the dishes.
"One moment." The Sheriff leapt up and jiggled with the dishwasher for a moment, before he reattached the hose. "Load her up and see if she works."
Nova glared at him before looking to me. I nodded. She snorted and started loading it. He tried to help her but she shoved him away. She filled it, and hit the buttons to start it up. It whirred to life and Mom let out a cheer.
"I'm glad I earned my keep," he said, before scanning the kitchen. "I'll fix the shingles on the weekend, but what can I do tomorrow?"
"You can replace all the broken light bulbs," Mom said before I had a chance to open my mouth. "And some wood needs to be chopped for the fireplace."
"Mom," I moaned, seeing Nova's wide startled eyes.
He shrugged. "I can do those no problem."
I frowned at him. "Fine. Is there anything in particular you like to eat?"
He grinned as his eyes locked with mine. "I believe you have a slab of elk in your freezer."
I scowled. "You talk to too many people." I stood and plucked up Jackson. "Elk it is. I just hope I don't ruin it."
"Cut it into stakes."
I paused, gritting my teeth. "Fine."
"Okay, what else can I do before I go?"
Nova growled and hurried up the stairs.
"I agree," I muttered as I followed her up and Mom showed him something to do, I didn't actually care what. I nursed Jackson as I stared at the picture of Forrest I'd hung on his wall so he wouldn't forget his Dad. Everyone believed he was dead now, and I began to believe it too. My heart ached, and I silently let the tears fall. How could I move on? How could I let go of the hope that he was still out there?
I needed to get Nova to talk. She had to know what happened, and I needed her to tell me. So I decided right then I'd look into counseling for her first thing in the morning. I also needed to get serious about home schooling. The problem was, I had no idea how to teach most subjects. As an editor I could do English, but history, science, math, and any extracurricular she might choose, would be beyond me. I needed to get in contact with some of the teachers around town.
Looking down at Jackson, I found him asleep. So I rested him in his crib and tip toed out. As I turned, I jumped, finding Nova stood behind me. She pointed downstairs and pursed her lips.
"What's wrong?"
She pointed again and stomped her foot.
"Nova, I don't understand."
She huffed and drew a star on her chest.
"The sheriff?"
She nodded and pointed to the door.
"Why can't you just tell me?"
She shook her head.
"Nova, why won't you speak?"
She pursed her lips and pointed at the door again.
"Why don't you like the sheriff?"
She rolled her eyes.
"Really? You expect me to know what that means?"
"Urgh!" She threw her hands in the air then pretended to point a gun at me.
"He pointed a gun at you?"
She nodded, resting her hands on her hips.
"When?"
She twitched her nose, and by the pain in her eyes it had to be one of the times she'd done something wrong.
"Was it the armed robbery incident?"
Several emotions flashed in her eyes at once; anger, sadness, fear.
"Did anyone get shot?"
She patted her chest and pulled her jeans down enough to show me a scar on her hip.
"Oh."
She grabbed my hand and gestured at the door again.
"Okay, I'll send him away, but I will warn you he'll be coming back frequently to fix things." I sighed and rubbed my eyes. "To be completely honest, it's a relief because I can't afford a handyman. Without Forrest's income…"
She grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at her. She touched her chest, then mine.
"Ah… are you saying you'll take care of me?"
She nodded and smiled.
"Oh Nova." I stroked her cheek. "Honey, you're fourteen. You should be thinking about boys and school assignments, not taking care of me. I'll work something out, don't you worry."
She shook her head and touched her chest then mine again.
"No, Nova. I'm going to get you enrolled in a home schooling program and you're going to work your butt off so you can go to college like Forrest wanted."
Her eyes flashed with frustration. She shook her head and hurried back into her room where her music turned on and blasted around the house. I knocked on the door and bellowed, "Jackson's sleeping."
The music instantly turned down.
"Thank you."
I walked down the stairs and found Mom and the sheriff in the front room getting the fire going. I collapsed on the couch and moaned. My whole body ached, while my mind just wanted to switch off.
"Did you put Jackson down?" Mom asked.
"Yeah, it's after eight so…"
"You didn't bathe him?"
"No."
"Bray."
"Mom, I'm tired."
She sighed and sat beside me. "Why don't you go to bed?"
"Maybe in a few." I rested my arm across my forehead. But I heard the sheriff shuffle and I sat up. "You didn't tell me you shot Nova."
Mom gasped.
He didn't even flinch. "She would have shot me if I didn't."
"What happened?"
He shrugged and prodded the fire. "She and her mother were holding up a gas station up on the highway, so I was called in with a few others to end it. I went in and she turned her gun on me, yelling that if I came any closer she'd shoot, so I froze, but she shot at me anyway. So, I shot to disarm her. She fell and her mother split. I hurried to remove the gun from her and stop the bleeding, but we haven't seen her mother since."
"No wonder she wants me to kick you out."
He looked at me. "She spoke?"
I shook my head. "Lots of gestures."
"Oh." He stood. "I should go anyway."
"Wait!" Mom shot to her feet. "We have some muffins I baked earlier you can take with you for breakfast." She hurried out of the room.
I stood and walked him to the door.
He paused and turned to me. "I'm going to take Sarah out, like you said."
I smiled. "She'd like that."
"I think it's time to move on." He smirked. "It's long overdue." He opened the door.
"Paul, here." Mom bustled back into the room and handed him several muffins inside a Tupperware container.
He grasped his hat off the hook and pulled it on. "Thank you, ladies, for all the food." He turned and stepped out, and I shut the door as he walked to his truck.
Chapter Nine
"Nova, get up."
Nova groaned and tried to hit me with her pillow.
I snatched it away. "Get up. I don't want to be late."
She moaned and sat up.
"Make sure you wear something nice. No jeans and no sweaters."
She scoffed.
I turned to her, pressing my hands against my hips. "I just bought you some nice clothes so don't give me that."
She stood and shoved me out the door.
"You have half an hour."
She grunted and shut the door.
Mom tugged her suitcase out the door of the office. She frowned at me as she looked me over. "I wish I could stay longer."
"Me too." I glanced at the nursery as Jackson started fussing. "But Dad needs you too."
She wrapped her arms around me. "I'm so proud of you. You're being so strong."
What else am I going to do? "Thanks, Mom."
Hammering started on the roof and both our eyes shot up. "This is the third Saturday in a row," Mom said. "Doesn't he have anything better to do?"
"I guess not."
"Didn't he have a date last night?"
I grinned. "Oh yeah. I'm going to have to find Sarah later."
Nova plodded out, her arms full of clothes. She looked up at me and huffed.
"Yes, you don't like him, I know. But he's out there and you're in here. You don't have to see him. Now go get in the shower."
She turned and slammed the door behind her.
Mom frowned and lifted her bag. "It's someone else's third Saturday in a row, but she's not progressing as well as him."
"Mom." I hurried in to Jackson to change him and she followed. "She'll need time."
"I know." She handed me a new diaper. "He just turned six months."
I paused. That meant Forrest had been missing for three months. He'd missed Christmas and New Year's several months earlier and I'd hid in my room and cried on and off. But I'd done everything I could to be happy for Jackson's first Christmas, and with Sarah living with us at the time, she'd really lifted me up.
Papina (Bearville County) Page 6