Papina (Bearville County)

by Katie Hamstead

  I took a deep breath and slipped Jackson's onesie on. "I can't believe it's been six months."

  "It's coming back into summer," she said. "It was beautiful here when you first arrived. All this snow has been terribly depressing. I wish I could stay and see spring."

  I smiled, grateful for her not mentioning Forrest, but focusing on something beautiful. I had to admit, the winter did drag, especially because I wasn't used to snow… and with Forrest gone.

  I finished dressing Jackson and lifted him up. "Hi, handsome."

  He grinned.

  I snuggled him against my shoulder, wishing so much that Forrest could see how much he'd grown. I sat in the rocking chair and set up to nurse. Mom hurried downstairs and brought me some breakfast to eat. "Thanks, Mom. I'm going to miss you."

  She kissed my head. "Don't get me started, Bray."

  Finally we headed outside to get in the car. Mom went out to put her suitcase in the back, while I started the heater and buckled in Jackson. "Nova, hurry up," I called.

  The sheriff waved to us and climbed down. "Off to Bearville again?"

  I nodded. "It's a weekly appointment."

  "But this time you're leaving us." He smiled at Mom and offered her his hand. "It's been a pleasure."

  Beaming, she shook his hand. "You too, Paul. It makes it easier for me to leave knowing the town is looking out for my daughter."

  "We're a tight knit community." He turned to me. "Do you need someone to move back in with you?"

  I shook my head. "I've had someone with me for three months. I think it's time I start doing this on my own."

  "But with Jackson and Nova…"

  "I'll be fine, really. Nova has been great the past few weeks."

  "I could just—"

  "Sheriff, please—"

  "I'm off duty, Bray."

  "I'm a grown woman. I can take care of myself and Nova and Jackson. We'll be fine."

  He raised his eyebrow. "I guess I'll keep coming to fix things so I can check on you regularly."

  "There you go." I shut Jackson's door, and noticed Nova scowled when she saw the sheriff beside me. "We need to get going."

  He walked around the car, checking the chains on the tires. "I really wish you'd trade this in for a four wheel drive."

  "Sheriff—"

  "It's Paul, Bray."

  "I don't need a four wheel drive. I drive on the roads and barely have enough money to cover the cost of gas as it is."

  "I'm sure one of the ranchers—"

  I pressed my fist against my hip. "I'm fine. Would you stop worrying? You're worse than Forrest."

  His brow twitched. "Okay. Just be careful. The snow is melting which makes for slick roads."

  "Thank you, and I will." I walked around and opened the driver's door.

  He caught my elbow. "I should finish on the shingles today, and I've noticed your insulation needs to be redone. Would you like me to—?"

  "Go ahead." I didn't want to talk to him anymore, the clock was ticking. "I left the house unlocked, so help yourself if you're hungry."

  He stepped back and tipped his hat. "Much obliged."

  I rolled my eyes. "You're so backward." I slipped into the car and started the engine. As we drove off, he gave us a wave.

  We sat silently for the first few minutes, just listening to Jackson babble away. In the rear view mirror, I caught Nova holding a toy out for him. I smiled.

  Mom cleared her throat. "So, Paul seems rather preoccupied with your safety."

  I snorted. "Yes, he's taking his promise to Forrest to keep me safe much too seriously."

  "I think it's more than that." She leaned closer with a sly smile. "I think he likes you."

  I glanced in the mirror again and saw Nova staring at me. "No he doesn't. I'm married, and he took Sarah out last night."

  "Because you told him to."

  "Mom!"

  She sighed. "I'm just saying."

  I looked back at Nova. Her eyes fixed on Jackson as he clasped her hand. She had her lips pursed and I knew she wasn't impressed with our topic of conversation, so I said, "It doesn't matter. Forrest is it for me. I don't think I could love anyone else."

  Nova's eyes flashed to me as a slight smile curled her lips.

  Mom shrugged, patting my arm. "I don't expect you to date him. I'm just making an observation."

  In Bearville, we dropped off Nova with the psychiatrist and she went straight in. I wondered what they did since she didn't talk, but her tension had decreased, so she was definitely making progress.

  Mom and I found a small café nearby and sat to chat. We both kept it light, talking about anything other than Forrest and Nova. It felt nice to pretend to forget, even for just a moment, and act as if nothing ever happened and Forrest was safe at work.

  The time came for me to drop off Mom at the tiny rural airport. I didn't want her to go, as all of a sudden, my fear took hold of me. I clung to her, knowing that soon, I'd be alone to deal with Nova and take care of Jackson. How could I do it without Forrest?

  I waved to her as she walked away, a lump forming in my throat. Grief and loneliness swept over me, so I hurried back to the car to weep in private. What was I going to do? The reality that Forrest was gone came crashing down on me and my heart broke. I cried and cried, while Jackson entertained himself, unfazed by my grief.

  Finally, I managed to regain my composure and glanced at the clock. "Crap!" I started the engine and sped to pick up Nova.

  She stood kicking the muddy snow at the edge of a garden. I pulled into a space in front of her and leapt out. "Nova, I'm so sorry!"

  She shrugged and climbed into the backseat.

  I jumped back in and said, "Let me make it up to you. Would you like an ice cream or something?"

  She shook her head.

  "Surely there's something you'd like. A new CD maybe?"

  She rolled her eyes and waved her hand for us to leave.

  "I'm really sorry." I reached for her, but she shoved me away, turning her attention to Jackson as he cooed beside her. I sighed and buckled.

  We returned to town, and I parked on the street outside the grocery store. I dashed around to pull out Jackson, as Nova stared out the window, pouting. "Do you want to come in? You can pick dinner?"

  She shook her head, but didn't look at me.

  "Okay." I lifted out Jackson and set him on my hip.

  I hurried to grab what I needed, and stood discussing what I should make for dinner with Patrick, when Nova burst in. She ran straight for me and clutched my arm, her eyes wide and frightened as she stared back at the door.

  "Nova, what's wrong?"

  She kept staring at the door.

  "What is it?" I moved toward it, but she pulled me back, shaking her head.

  I looked back, and a moment later, the sheriff walked in. He made a beeline for us and tipped his hat. "Those boarding school kids are back in town."

  I groaned. "Wonderful."

  "I'll keep them away."

  The bell tinkled and loud laughter filled the store.

  Nova whimpered and clutched tighter to my arm.

  I looked at her. "Nova, are you all right?"

  She shook her head and tugged my arm.

  "Some of the boarding school kids give the tribe kids a hard time," the sheriff said. "But don't worry, Nova, they won't come near you with me here."

  She glared up at him and pointed to the door.

  "Still don't like me, huh?"

  She shook her head and turned her nose up at him.

  "Let's just get this food," I said.

  We made our way to the checkout, when a wolf whistle cut across the store. "Hey blondie, looking fine."

  I ignored the boy, but the sheriff turned, bringing their jeering to an abrupt end.

  But Nova trembled, and with a whimper, she dashed back outside.

  "Nova!" I called.

  "She's probably just gone to the car," the sheriff said. "I would too if I were her."

  Soon
, the boys cleared out of the store. I watched them leave, a pit forming in my stomach. "Go check on Nova for me? I have a bad feeling about those boys."

  The sheriff nodded and stepped to the door. As he opened it, an ear piercing screech filled the air.

  "Hey!" the sheriff bellowed and ran out.

  I handed Jackson to Reba and rushed after him.

  The boys had my car surrounded, and one door open. Several boys held the other doors shut, trapping Nova inside as one boy, the Richard's boy, had her pinned against the car seat. "Scream again, injun!" he yelled.

  The sheriff rushed toward them, his gun raised. "Get away from the car!"

  The boys surrounding it backed off, but the Richard's boy held Nova down. I rushed forward as he snarled, "I said scream!"

  With one fierce heave, the sheriff pulled him out and tossed him on the ground. I rushed in and grabbed Nova's hands.

  She screamed at my touch, but when her eye locked on me, she threw her arms around my neck and sobbed. But then, she shoved me away. She scrambled over the car seat and burst out the door, sprinting hard up the street.

  I climbed out of the car, and heard the sheriff speak on his radio. "Clark, Nova's on the run. Pursue."

  "Pursue?" I swung to him. "Just leave her alone. They just attacked her!" I pointed to the Richard's boy on the ground.

  The corner of the sheriff's lips curled ever so slightly. "As the legal guardian, do you wish to press charges?"

  "Yes!" I yelled.

  "Excellent." He reached over and pulled the boy onto his feet. "I've wanted to throw this one in a cell for a while, racist little punk."

  I glanced around and saw the others were gone.

  "You adopted the little savage girl, huh blondie?" the boy hissed.

  I scoffed. "Sheriff?"

  "Gladly." He shoved the boy hard and dragged him away.

  I stared up the street wondering where Nova had gone. We weren't far from home, so I hoped she went straight there. I returned into the store to collect Jackson.

  Back at the house, Nova was nowhere in sight. I sighed again and set Jackson down to let him shuffle around on the floor, working on his crawl. I paused at my wedding photos on the wall and touched Forrest's face. "Please come back to me."

  Jackson shuffled into the front room, then I hurried out to the car to bring in the bags.

  After making dinner, Nova still hadn't shown up. My stomach clenched. I couldn't bear losing her too. Plucking up Jackson from the floor, I dug my phone out of my handbag. "Sheriff?"

  "I'm off duty—"

  "Nova hasn't come home."

  Pause. "I'll be right there."

  I hung up and paced the entryway, clinging to Jackson. My stomach churned as my head spun. The door flew open, making me start. "Sheriff!"

  "Paul," he muttered. "I called Clint on the way over; he's the one on duty right now. We're putting together a group to find her."

  "What if something's happened to her?" I rubbed my eyes as tears blurred my vision. "I can't… not a second time."

  He grabbed my shoulders. "We'll find her."

  "It's getting cold and I made her wear a skirt today."

  He let out a long breath. "Stay here, I'll send someone over."

  My gaze shot up to him. "I want to help."

  He shook his head. "You need to stay with Jackson."

  "No." I glared up at him. "Send someone over to watch him because I'm going with you. I can't just sit here making myself sick with worry again."

  His gaze fell on Jackson in my arms. "All right. I'll call Sarah."

  Within five minutes Sarah burst through the door. Her brows furrowed as she lifted Jackson from my arms. "Find her."

  I nodded as the sheriff caught my elbow and dragged me out to his truck. We met the group out the front of the sheriff's office where the sheriff took over from Clint, dividing everyone into teams to sweep the town and the area surrounding it. He kept me with him and we headed down to the park by the stream.

  We started at the edge of town, and moved along either side of the banks. The knots in my stomach tightened with each step, while I struggled to hold in my tears. Beside me, chatter came from the radio attached to the sheriff's hip. The other groups cleared one area after another. Is this what happened the night Forrest disappeared? I didn't want to think about it, it only made me feel sick.

  A hand wrapped around mine. The sheriff walked right beside me. "Don't cry. We'll find her."

  I touched my cheek, feeling the wetness. "It's Forrest all over again."

  He squeezed my hand. "We'll find her."

  He dropped my hand and we continued down in formation. We passed through the park, and I found myself right on the banks of the river. There, a soft sobbing drifted to my ears. "Paul?"

  "What?"

  "Turn off your radio."

  He flicked it off and motioned for our group to halt.

  I shut my eyes, straining my ears. Up ahead. My eyes shot open and I rushed into the bushes. I pushed and shoved my way through until I reached a small alcove among the bushes. There, I froze, seeing Nova clawing at the earth. All around the soil had been churned up, and low, slender, finger lines covered the area.

  "Nova."

  She spun and screeched. She leapt to her feet and shoved me, darting toward the bushes.

  But the sheriff caught her. "Nova."

  She screeched again and punched his chest.

  He wrapped his arms tightly around her to restrain her, as our group converged on us.

  One of the men plucked the radio out of the sheriff’s pocket. "We've found her, over."

  Static followed, before Clint responded. "Good job guys. Everyone meet back at the station. Davis is that what you want? Over."

  The man lifted the radio for the sheriff to speak. "This is Davis. Everyone meet at the station. Out."

  The man clipped the radio back on the sheriff’s belt.

  Nova still struggled against the sheriff, screaming and wailing in vain.

  He looked at the ground, and all our flashlights dropped to the dirt. Long claw marks stretched out several feet in each direction.

  "I think we've found a new starting point for the Miller search," he said.

  I caught my breath and glanced around. Forrest! I fell to my knees and clawed at the edge of Nova's marks.

  "Braydon," the sheriff said firmly.

  "You think he's here!" I cried. "You think Forrest is nearby. I have to find him."

  "Bray." His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me to my feet. "I don't want you looking."

  I slapped his chest. "He's my husband!"

  "Exactly."

  My face fell into his chest as I cried. "I just want him back!"

  I clung to his shirt, desperate to feel human contact again. To my relief, his arms wrapped tightly around me, and his fingers wove into my hair.

  I shut my eyes, pretending he was Forrest. He was just as warm, his arms felt just as strong, but his bulk took the affect away. I didn't mind, I just needed someone to hold me.

  He swung up my legs and carried me back to the truck.

  When we arrived at the parking lot, the group congregated around his truck. Inside sat Nova, covered in dirt. With the cab light on, I saw tear stains down her face.

  I pulled myself free and stumbled over, forcing my way through and into the car. Nova tried to push me away, but I pulled her into my arms. She struggled against me, but I refused to let go.

  "Nova, you scared me," I sobbed. "If I lost you, I don't know what I'd do."

  She made a strange strangled sound, but stopped struggling. I buried my face in her hair. Her arms wrapped tightly around me.

  "Don't you ever do that to me again," I said firmly, but my voice quivered with emotion.

  Her whole body shook as she sobbed into my chest.

  I stayed in the backseat with her as we drove back to the sheriff's office. Everyone softly told me how relieved they were as I remained holding Nova on the backseat, her face pres
sed into my chest.

  When most of the crowd dissipated, the sheriff came around and opened the door. "Bray, I just need to talk to Clint and I'll take you home."

  I stroked Nova’s hair. "No, I think we'll walk. I need to talk to Nova."

  She flinched, but didn't protest as I pulled her out of the truck.

  We walked down the deserted Main Street in silence, my hand clutching hers so she didn't try to run off again. Finally, heart pounding, I spoke. "Nova, you can't run off like that."

  She huffed.

  "I was terrified I'd lose you, too. I can't…" I pulled her arm into mine. "I've been thinking about maybe adopting you, and if you―"

  She gasped and pulled up.

  I turned to her as she stared at me wide eyed. "What's wrong?"

  She rested her hand over my heart then held her other hand over her own.

  "I'm sorry?"

  She rolled her eyes and tapped my chest before weaving her fingers into mine.

  "You really need to use words."

  She huffed and wrapped her arm around mine. She pointed at herself, then my abdomen and finally my heart.

  "Ah… oh!" Of course. "Yes, you're like family to me. I want you to be my daughter."

  She pulled free, slowly looking me over.

  "If you don't want that, then—"

  She covered my mouth and stared into my eyes. More than anything, I wanted to know what she felt, and what thoughts ran through her mind at that moment.

  Her hand dropped and she rested her head on my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my waist. Startled, I stared at her, then hurried to reciprocate.

  I led her home, arms wrapped around each other.

  When we entered, Sarah's gaze lifted off the TV screen. She leapt up and rushed over. "Thank goodness she's all right."

  Nova flashed a disgusted look at her. Pulling away from me, she plodded up the stairs to her room.

  Sarah glanced at me. "Didn't she want to come home?"

  I shook my head. "She knows you went out with the sheriff last night, and she hates the sheriff."

  She turned to me. "You got all that from a look?"

  I shrugged. "Knowing her helps."

  She wrapped her arm through mine and led me into the living room. "I'm so glad she's fine, for your sake."