As Luc continued to talk, pain shot through Sam’s head, causing him to cringe. He moaned. “Fuck.”
“Sam!” Luc called from behind him, but Sam ignored everything else and stormed out to his car. After sliding into his sports car, he closed his eyes, taking a moment in the quiet solace of his vehicle before driving off. Leaving Luc behind, he checked the reflection in the rearview mirror. Luc was standing on his porch, talking on his cell phone, an irritated look on his face.
Why didn’t I just do this in the first place? As he drove, he dialed the hotel by the arena and reserved a room. I can’t deal with one more person telling me how I’m different and that I need to get checked out. I know I’m different. I don’t know why, and I don’t want to be a jackass; I just am. All I need is some damn quiet.
Hot tears stung his eyes. The rest was a blur. Before he knew it, he was unlocking the door to his hotel room. He had no memory of how he got from his car to there, or even of checking in. He was just there now. Anxiety nagged at his gut over the missing moments.
Am I getting worse? He couldn’t be worsening so quickly. Stress can play tricks with your mind. It has to be the stress of everything. Pain surged through his skull, and the room spun, making him forget about the missing minutes. He dropped his suitcase down beside the door and fumbled to the bed through the dark, unfamiliar room.
Curling up on the scratchy comforter, he just wanted the pain to stop. He dug in his pocket, pulled out his migraine pills, and did his best to swallow them without water.
What I wouldn’t give for one pain pill right now.
His mind raced, and the pain surged. Sleep was the only thing left for him right now, and even that didn’t come without taking a sleeping pill.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Trina
“Paige, I had no choice. He just started flipping out about Willow crying. She has an ear infection, for heaven’s sake! She’s a toddler, and she’s in pain. He had no right to act like a lunatic.” Trina sat in the armchair at her brother’s house, with her knees pulled to her chest.
Willow sat on the floor in front of the television, playing with her dolls and watching a show on a preschool channel. Luckily, she didn’t seem fazed by the stress in the room. Trina would do anything to keep her child from the pain she was feeling right now.
“I know, honey, I know. It’ll be okay.” Paige patted Trina’s hand.
“What was I supposed to do?” Trina’s heart raced, and her head was spinning. What did I just do?
“Tyler, tell her it’ll be okay.” Paige looked back and forth between the two of them.
“Tri, Sam isn’t himself; it’s his injury,” Tyler said knowingly. “Please don’t think he meant anything he said or did, Tri. He loves you and Willow.”
Trina was usually so good at handling stress. She grew up the middle child, with a brother who played ice hockey. There were plenty of injuries and bruises on the ice. She had always been the calm one, the voice of reason. She had dealt with being diagnosed with MS and the medication that went along with it. Maybe she hadn’t handled her ex’s death so well, nor the discovery that he had been cheating on her, and admittedly, the miscarriage that followed almost broke her. But she’d been in the process of healing from the hurt when she met Sam.
Suddenly she couldn’t catch her breath, and her heart thudded forcefully against her chest. Am I having a panic attack? Closing her eyes, she tried to take a full breath while Paige called her name.
“Trina? Trina?”
The room started to spin, and a burning sensation crept up to the back of her throat. She slowed her breathing enough to get a nice, deep breath. But she still couldn’t speak yet. Trina put her hand up, telling Paige to give her a minute. She didn’t know if she could take much more of this stress. She was literally sick to her stomach.
“Sweetie? Are you okay?” Paige continued to beg.
Finding her voice, Trina finally responded. “Yes. I just need to catch my breath.”
“Oh honey. Of course.” Paige hugged her.
“You know he’ll get back to normal, right?” Tyler added. “If he’s suffering from post-concussive syndrome, he will get better. It’ll just take time.”
Trina knew that although it could take months, most people who suffered from PCS did recover. Most. Why did I tell him to go? When will he be himself again? She knew hockey was dangerous, but he’d never been through anything like this before. Tyler had come close, but he hadn’t turned into this, whatever Sam was. What if all Sam needed was her, and she’d pushed him away, thrown him out?
“Tri, you still with me?” Paige waved her hand in front of Trina’s face. Willow was pulling at Paige’s leg, whining. Paige picked her up to appease her. “She’s hungry. I’m going to get her a snack. Honey, it’s going to be okay.”
Trina still couldn’t shake the foggy feeling, and had no idea what Paige had just said. “What?”
“Willow. She’s hungry. I’m going to get her some fruit. It’s past lunch time; you should eat, too. I’ll make us some sandwiches.” She paused, cuddling Willow in her arms. “Tri?”
Once the words all sunk in, Trina was able to respond. “Sandwiches, yeah. Great. Thanks.” She slid her finger into Willow’s little hand. Her daughter wrapped her hand around it and smiled. “My girl. Auntie Paige will make you some lunch.”
Trina rolled her shoulders forward and hunched over her hot coffee. The coffee shop was quiet and calm, the morning rush already gone. She didn’t want to leave the house, but Kat was persuasive. Kat had decided a change of scenery would be good for her, especially with Willow dealing with the ear infection. The medicine had kicked in, and the little girl was getting back to her usual cheery self. But Trina was drained from everything that had transpired. There was only so much one person could take.
“Tri?” Kat asked, widening her eyes, nudging Trina to talk.
Trina sighed before speaking. “Do you think Willow and Ian are okay? Should we call and check on them? Maybe we should get back. I’m sure Willow wants her mummy by now. She hasn’t been feeling well.” Willow was all she had right now, and being away from her made Trina antsy and nervous.
“Tri, they’re with my nanny; they are fine. Willow is feeling better. I’m sure they’re playing Legos or something. Ian has this new thing where he likes pretending to cook. He got this huge kiddie kitchen set for Christmas. It has sounds like real working burners, and they light up, too. It’s hilarious. He adores it. Must take after his daddy, because he sure doesn’t take after me! He made me pretend steak the other day. It comes with all this plastic food, and that plastic steak still looked better than any meal I’ve ever cooked. And the fake little cupcakes—” Kat stopped and focused her attention on Trina. “Tri? Honey? Are you still with me?”
She heard what Kat had been saying: toy kitchen, plastic food, steak, cupcakes. But she wasn’t paying much attention to it. Her mind was working overtime. She couldn’t stop thinking about Sam. Her love for him was never-ending. What am I doing, sitting here in this coffee shop, making small talk? I should be out looking for him, getting him to the doctor, then getting him home to take care of him.
“I’m torn. I love Sam so much. I want to help him. I want to be there. But this side of him scares me. I just don’t know what to do.” Hot tears threatened to fall, but she did her best to push them back.
“He’s still the same guy, Tri. And he needs you.”
“I know. I should be there supporting him. But, do you know how hard he makes it? I just want to wrap him up in my arms and tell him everything will be okay. I want to take away his pain. I want my husband back. He’s my best friend.”
“Tri, honey, I know it’s difficult.”
“He yelled at me. He was so nasty about our baby girl.” She replayed the moments in her head. She swore her heart broke in half when he turned into that monster. At that moment, he wasn’t the Sam she knew. It terrified her how he could just change like that.
Kat sighed. A
sad, sympathetic look on her face. “I know. Trust me, I get it. But that wasn’t your Sam. That was concussed Sam. He was acting out because of the pain. I know I don’t have the personal experience with it, but I’ve done my research on the topic. I get so worried when any of the guys get hit out on the ice, and knowing as much as I can about it makes me feel like I have some sort of control over it all. You have to understand that the meds he was taking hid how badly he was hurting. And then going out on the ice again while he was still hurt…” Kat cringed.
Sam had made a bad choice. Trina knew how bad. She also knew how costly it could’ve been for him and them. Didn’t he think about that?
Her mind raced back. He shouldn’t have been on the ice. If he had gotten hit… his career could’ve been over. Their life as they knew it would be changed for good. He’d been training concussed and no one knew—but him. Damn hockey players are so self-centered and stubborn when it comes to hockey. Her blood boiled with the anger that she couldn’t let go of.
“Stupid. How completely and utterly stupid of him! Stubborn and self-centered ass—” She stopped short of calling him anything else. So many more names fit his actions. But she wasn’t as mad at him as she was hurt that his focus had been on playing and not them. Even if she should’ve expected that, it still hurt.
“Tri—look at me.” Kat pulled her attention back. “It’s no longer about that. You know how these guys are, I know that you do. It’s not an excuse, but more an explanation for his actions. Maybe he was dumb, maybe he was selfish. But he didn’t get hurt that night. That’s all that should matter now. It was a blessing that they caught what was going on. Before…”
That outcome didn’t change what Trina was feeling now, though. Closing her eyes in despair, she took slow breaths in and out, as the same moments kept replaying in her mind. Yes, they’d pulled him from the starting lineup before he got hurt. She’d forever be grateful for that. But Sam had really hurt her feelings, and she couldn’t get that out of her mind.
“He’s never spoken to me like that before. Ever. I don’t even know how to come back from that.”
“Tri, help him get through this. Be his shoulder, his rock. Be what he needs. We’ll all be there for you. We’ll be your support, while you’re his. I know you’d never give up on him.”
“Never. We’re soul mates. I’m meant to be with him and only him.”
Kat stayed silent and just looked at her. All she needed to hear was exchanged in that one look.
Understanding settled in as the words escaped Trina’s lips. “Which is why I need to be there for him.”
“In sickness and in health,” Kat reminded her.
Kat was absolutely right. Trina was never really mad at Sam so much as scared. She couldn’t lose him. That same burning sensation crept up the back of her throat again. Maybe it’s just reflux from the stress.
“And because our men are so hard-headed, that can take a little more effort on our part. That’s why we wives stick together. We got your back, girl. We’ll be there as a shoulder to cry on, someone to vent to, and even with a bottle of wine, if that’s what you need.” Kat pulled Trina into a light hug.
“Yeah, I’m sure I’ll be hearing from my sister soon. She’s the eldest, and she’s like a mother hen, so I expect she’ll be swooping in to hover.” Trina loved Talia, and they were pretty close, but company was the last thing she wanted.
“See, you have a great support group, and you’ll always have people around you who love you.”
Everything Kat said was right. And Sam did need her. Even if he didn’t know it right now. And she needed him.
Willow was finally asleep after another long day. Yesterday she spent the morning and some of the afternoon with little Ian, and today she ran Trina and the dogs around outside all morning. But she missed her daddy, and truth be told, Trina did too. The house was quiet. So unbelievably quiet.
Sadness crept through Trina at an alarming rate. I am stronger than this. I am the one who asked him to leave. We didn’t need his irritability and bad-tempered attitude around here. She made the right choice for her and their daughter. But her heart ached anyway.
Her cell phone rang, making her jump. Without looking at the caller ID screen, she grabbed the phone and quickly answered, full of hope that it was Sam. “Hello?”
“Hey there, little sis. How’re you doing?” Talia, her sister, was on the other end of the phone.
“Oh. Talia, hi.” She knew her voice sounded less than enthused, and it’d been a while since they’d talked. She should’ve been more excited to hear from her sister.
“Apparently, you were hoping it was someone else?”
“No. Nu-huh.” Sam. I wanted it to be Sam. I should’ve known better that it wouldn’t be him calling to apologize and begging to come home. But I still had hope. She cleared her throat and tried to sound upbeat. “Hi, Talia. What’s up, sis?”
“No, you can’t fool me that easily. I was calling to check on you and tell you that I’m coming to Pittsburgh.”
“Oh, Tal, you don’t have to do that. You have the restaurant to worry about.”
“You’re right, and Michael can run it just fine without me. That’s why we have a full staff. Duh. No argument. You need me, and I’m going to be there.”
“Wait, I didn’t tell you what was going on.” Trina thought she must’ve have heard about the hit Sam took, since she followed the Renegades. “What do you know, and who told you?”
“Paige called me when it happened.”
“I know, but that’s not what I meant. I think you know that.”
“One of your friends messaged me through Facebook and let me know what was going on, in case you needed a shoulder or help with Willow.”
“Kat…” Trina mumbled. Kat always meant well. She just wanted to be helpful. But Trina thought she was doing as well as expected.
“She’s kind of a busybody, isn’t she?” Talia said, then lightly laughed.
“Kat? I don’t know about that. I mean, she means well. She’s a good friend. She’s been helping a lot with Willow. I guess she thought I needed family.”
“Well, do you? How are things? Are you okay?”
“I’m hanging in there. I’m hoping this won’t last long. I know that Sam didn’t mean to act how he did. He isn’t that kind of man. But I just couldn’t let him talk to us like that, especially not now.” The room spun and her stomach flopped. Queasiness rose up the back of her throat. Trina grabbed at a chair and sat down before she fell down. What is the matter with me?
“I’m sure you’re right. I’m booking my flight tomorrow; I’ll let you know.”
“Talia, you really don’t have to fly all the way to Pittsburgh. I’m serious. I can handle this.”
“Oh hush, Tri. I’ll grab a hotel room and—”
“Absolutely not. If you’re coming in for me, then you’re staying here. We have plenty of room.”
Trina wasn’t sure what a visit with her sister would bring, but maybe it was for the best. Willow needed someone who was available, physically and mentally, twenty-four-seven. Trina just couldn’t be a super-mom and put on a brave face. Talia was right, as always. She did need help.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Sam
When Sam stretched out on the scratchy hotel comforter, the sunlight coming in the window blinded him, and pain shot through his head. Why didn’t I make sure that was closed before I fell asleep? It was probably because he’d taken a sleep aid in order to fall asleep. The pills had helped him to doze off quickly, still in his clothes and with one leg hanging off the edge of the bed.
The screaming in his head refused to cease, and for some reason there were kids running up and down the hallway outside his room. He didn’t know what kind of kids sounded like a herd of cattle, but they did.
“Oh, fuck me.” He groaned. If he had the strength, he’d get up and pull the blind closed, but he didn’t. His head felt like a bowling ball, too heavy for his neck to hold up. His
mouth felt like it was filled with sawdust. How long have I been asleep? The glaring red numbers on the clock told him he’d been passed out for two days. A groan formed in his throat. Not again.
Why couldn’t he just have kept his mouth shut with Trina? The words that had flowed from his lips were so vile, so evil, so hurtful. He was in hell right now, and he was all alone.
He missed his wife. All he wanted right now was to be in Trina’s arms. She was his love, his life. Regret ate away at him for everything he had said that fateful day. He would never hurt her like that on purpose. But he had. It was all him. He wasn’t in his right frame of mind; it was like someone else had been talking. But the fact of the matter was, it was still him who had said those words to her.
He cringed when he thought about it. Asking if she’d considered taking their crying, sick, daughter out back, in the cold… Fuck. His stomach tossed and his head pounded. He was sure the pain he felt was nothing compared to the pain he had caused her.
Maybe he deserved to be lying here in agony. Any penance he could give himself would never be enough.
The clamor of horses in the hallway started again. Where were these kids’ parents? In a better state of health, maybe it wouldn’t bother him so much. He wasn’t usually a hard-ass; he was a pretty easy-going guy. That was an added reason why he’d earned the nickname of surfer-boy.
Crawling off the bed, he tumbled to the floor in a heap, and when he leaned his head against the floor, the pounding increased. It was as if he could feel his heart pounding in his temples, and the blood rushing to his ears. Curling into the fetal position, he rocked back and forth, trying to focus on any other part of his body. It helped a little; the pain dulled enough, allowing him to stand up.
As soon as he was upright, the pain returned in full force. The room spun, and he grabbed for the bed. Flopping again onto the scratchy blanket, he landed face down on the pillow.
Blindsided: Renegades 7 (The Renegades Series) Page 14