Sam was friends with Luc, and he agreed, the kid was good. But that was his line. He should be out there setting up Ty or Kris. He should be the one making epic moves and shots from the blue line.
A brief spike of envy ran through him. He half-hoped the team would show some signs of missing him. But they worked together like the resilient machine that they were. If he couldn’t come back, the team would keep playing. The game would remain the same. It was only him that would change.
Sam finished dinner and tried to shake off the blues that rocked him, before they had a chance to take over. Minnesota got control of the puck and skated towards Dominic. Dom moved to the left, then using his whole body, slid right, covering the open goal and stopping the puck.
“Nice move, Z!” Sam yelled at the television.
Sam never realized how much he’d missed the guys, too. Not until he’d turned on the game. Only letting the emotions hit him for a minute, he took a deep breath and got out of his own head. He wanted to be playing, wanted to get back on the ice. The docs could say whatever they wanted, but he knew he’d get there.
Determination surged through him. I’m going to fucking do this.
Sam: Hi Tri, what are you guys up to tonight?
Trina: Hey babe. I’m happy to hear from you. We’re actually at the game.
Sam: Oh?
Trina: Yeah. Willow is having a great time with Ian, and I’m hanging out with the girls. You should see Ali, she’s ready to pop.
His heart ached as he held his phone in his hand. He missed her. His jaw clenched and he could feel his neck tense. But this stress wasn’t good for him. Trina was one of the reasons he was doing this. He needed to get better, and he needed to do it for her. For them.
Sam: I just wanted to check in. I’m going to wind down and try to watch some of the game. You have fun and enjoy your night with your friends. Tell them I said hi. I’ll talk to you later. I love you.
Trina: Babe, I wish you were here.
Sam: I do too. Miss you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.
Trina: Love you.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to her. He did, very much. But she was taking a night to have some fun, and she deserved that. Sitting back, he tried to focus on the game. With every cheer of the crowd, he imagined his beautiful wife cheering too, and his adorable daughter laughing and clapping. He couldn’t wait to get home so they could watch the remaining games together. It wasn’t easy to sit on the sidelines, but with Trina at his side, he’d be just fine.
The crowd cheered and the announcers yelled. His attention was pulled back to the television when the Renegades scored again. Watching the replay, he saw that it was Kyler and Luc playing with Tyler.
Even he had to admit they made a good line. It was the combination of youth and skill. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t shake the thoughts that filled his head. This new line had replaced him.
A Minnesota player had the puck and was racing towards Dom. The guy had speed, and it didn’t seem like anyone was going to be able to catch him. Luc was too far away to catch him. Kris hurried across the ice and stuck his stick out to prevent the guy from shooting the puck. Too bad he hooked his leg. The whistle blew, and Kris was headed to the penalty box for a hooking call. The camera followed him and caught Kris throwing his stick in the box.
Sam chuckled. Kris was always good for a laugh. I wonder if Ian throws mini-tantrums like his daddy? He was starting to feel like his old self as he watched the game.
Luc stayed on the ice during the penalty kill. That’s new. He was not only fast, but he must’ve been picking up a few things from Tyler while Sam was gone. Luc was honing skills Sam never knew he had.
It was odd watching it from this point of view. Sam was so used to watching and waiting for his next play of the game, being part of it all. He was never truly able to appreciate what each player added to the game.
Sam relaxed in the chair and opened another bottle of ice water. The Renegades led by two, but Minnesota was not giving up. Their largest defenseman charged at Patrick, knocking him to the ice. Pat got up, brushed himself off, and continued to play his game. Good choice. You guys are up by two, why start taking dumb penalties now?
The Minnesota player came at Pat again. Sam could read his lips over the television; he wanted to fight. Pat just laughed and skated away.
The Minnesota player wasn’t done. During the next play, he went after Torin. Again, Torin shook him off with a grin that only enraged the Minnesota enforcer. He went after Torin as he skated towards the bench. As Torin hopped over the boards to safety, the enforcer skated by the bench, mouthing off, and suddenly was flat on his face.
No one knew what happened. Play continued after he got himself up, even though he was livid and flipping out on the ref to do something, and he kept pointing at the Renegades’ bench. The television guys showed a replay, trying to figure out what had transpired. Jaxon had exited the bench, and when he did, the door stayed open for a second. The TV announcers commented on this thing you could see sticking out of the open door, right before it slammed shut and the Minnesota player went down.
“No fucking way! Kaden’s stick!” Sam said with a laugh.
Nobody else picked up on it, but it was, in fact, Kaden’s stick that tripped the Minnesota player. And he got away with it. Nice, O’Conner.
“Hockey code, we protect our own,” Sam mumbled.
Well aware that he was talking to no one, he didn’t care. He was feeling more like himself than he had since he took the hit.
Sam watched the rest of the game, cheering on his team. After the game was over, and the Renegades had won, he realized his body was giving him all kinds of signs that it was bedtime. Most of all, he ached. A full day of therapy was in store for him tomorrow, and he expected to go even harder than he did today. Pushing himself was the only way he knew.
Once he lay down in bed, he gave the photo of his girls on his phone one more look. The room was dark and silent, and Sam stared at the shadowy ceiling. The only things that filled his mind were Trina and Willow. They were his whole life. He drifted off, thinking of only them and not what was missing, the pain that he felt nightly.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Sam
Sam pushed hard all morning, well exceeding his new therapist’s expectations on all the machines. He was glad to have no limits on what he could and couldn’t do. He was proceeding well and pushing his workout. Even when he was tired and his muscles ached, he pushed on.
These were all things he could be doing in the team gym with the trainer. I’ll show these guys that I’m ready to get back to it.
“Let’s try something new. It’s called Tabata. Get back on the bike and go as hard and fast as you can for twenty seconds, then slow and steady for ten seconds. We’ll repeat this for a total of four minutes, and then you get to rest for one minute.” Alex, his new therapist, smirked. “So, two reps every minute, eight reps total. Sounds easy, right?”
Sam knew exactly why he was smirking. “Yeah, I’ve heard of it.” People who didn’t know any better thought it seemed easy, but it was harder than it sounded. Even guys who were in shape ended up puking when they pushed hard enough. But Sam was confident he had this. Nodding with his own smirk, he said, “Let’s do it.”
He hopped on the stationary bike and waited for Alex to get the stopwatch set.
“Ready?” Alex warned. “Go!”
Sam peddled as fast and as hard as he could. His legs welcomed the stress, his muscles screamed with excitement as raced in place.
“Ten more seconds.” Alex coached.
This was easy. He hadn’t even broken a sweat yet. His body craved this. Alex motioned for him to slow down. Sam peddled slow and steady for ten seconds. The first minute was fun and easy. The second minute started to get a little harder. By the third minute, his legs began to ache and his muscles twitched. I have this, no problem. By now sweat was pouring down his face, and his head started to throb. Tightening his grip on the
handlebars, he was determined.
Alex chuckled. “You got this, Morris! One more minute.”
One more minute until his minute rest. Sam had no delusions; he knew Alex would push him as much as he could. That was the point of this kind of therapy, to get him back in shape. Taking it easy wouldn’t do anything to help him.
Sam made it halfway through the second set of four minutes. His head throbbed so much it was hard to see. His leg muscles screamed in pain. They were rubbery, and he wanted to give up. But he refused to do that. I’ll make it through this set of four minutes. Then tomorrow I’ll do three sets, maybe four.
With one minute left, a sour taste crept up his throat, he had difficulty catching his breath, and his legs were like jelly. But he pushed on. He pushed as hard as he could until Alex blew the whistle.
“Time! Way to go, Sam. That was impressive.”
But all Sam could hear, as he slid off the bike, was the beating of his own heart. Sweat poured from his head. He couldn’t catch his breath, but he wasn’t hyperventilating. He didn’t think so, anyway.
“Sam, you okay, man?”
He couldn’t answer, but he knew he needed the bucket, fast. Lunging for the pail in the corner, he couldn’t control what happened next. Then, taking a moment to regain his composure, he gave Alex a thumbs-up, even though he felt like shit.
“That’s nasty, dude. Go take a break, get cleaned up. You’re done for the day.”
Sam dragged himself towards the changing room, while Alex was still talking from behind him.
“Sam, you did great today. Before you leave, stop in and see the doc. See you tomorrow!”
After a shower and some mouthwash, Sam felt much better. He hadn’t experienced headache pain like that during his workouts yet. I hope that headache doesn’t mean I had a set-back.
After looking at the bottle of muscle relaxants and the bottle of over-the-counter anti-inflammatories, he chose the heating pad. He took a few minutes to put heat on his head and neck, and drank a bottle of ice water.
Once his head wasn’t throbbing, he grabbed his bag and went to find Dr. Dash. He’d been working fiercely in PT, but a pit sat in his stomach. Maybe I’m not working hard enough? Pausing in the doorway of Dr. Dash’s office, he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what the doc had to say.
“Sam, come in. Have a seat. How was physical therapy today? Alex didn’t work you too hard, did he?” the doctor joked.
“No, not at all. I enjoy therapy. And I’ve been feeling great during it.” Except for ten minutes ago.
“Sam, I’ve been reviewing all the notes in your chart, and things look good. I’m pleased with your progress. You’re healing and working above expectations. All your hard effort is paying off.”
“That means I’m better? I can go home with no worry of being that monster again?” Excitement and relief bubbled up inside his chest. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders. I can finally feel good about going home to my wife and daughter.
“Sort of. Yes, I feel confident you can go home to your family. The monster you speak of was created due to the extreme pain you were in, possibly the endorphins mixed with high-running emotions. I believe you’ll be fine now.”
“Um, okay.” Sam rubbed the back of his neck. Something wasn’t right. His gut didn’t like the way the doctor’s answer started. Going back to Trina and Willow was his top priority. “What did you mean when you said, ‘sort of’? Am I good or not?”
“You are cleared to go back to normal activity, and that includes going home. You have no constraints… except one.” The doctor lowered his eyes to the manila folder and paperwork in his hands, avoiding Sam’s stare.
“Doc?” His jaw tightened and his teeth gritted. Annoyance ran through him like hot lava. Sam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Cut the theatrics.”
Meeting Sam’s glare, the doc nodded. “Okay. You’re still getting some headaches, not like you were, but they are still present, especially after your all-in workouts. Correct?”
There was no use in lying. His health directly impacted his family’s lives. If it wasn’t for Trina and Willow, he would lie in a minute. If it was just him, playing was the only thing that mattered. And he knew where this was going. “Yes. Nothing like they were. Not even close. But, yes.”
“That tells me you are not ready to be playing yet. I’m keeping you on long-term injured reserve until the headaches are non-existent. At that point, we’ll re-evaluate you and go from there.”
Sam had known what the doctor was going to say before the words came out of his mouth. He wasn’t shocked, he wasn’t mad, he was just numb.
“Sam? Are you okay? Did you hear what I said?”
Sam heard every word. But it took longer than he thought to digest the news, now that it was a reality.
Dr. Dash shook his head. “Sam, you know that there’s no timetable for these things. I can’t predict the future.”
Sam nodded. He knew this, but it didn’t mean he liked the answer.
“As soon as the headaches are gone altogether, then you can start skating with the team. Until then, I’ll suggest you continue your off-ice workouts, and I’ll recommend you start skating on your own and see how you do. Baby steps.”
Skating by myself is better than no skating at all. I’ll take it. “Got it, doc.”
“I know this isn’t easy. But it’s what you need to do until you’re one hundred percent,” the doctor said with a wince. Both of them knew this was a wait and see situation.
“What’s important is that I can go home.” It shouldn’t matter to him whether he’d be back in the game soon or never, but it did. It ate away at his insides. He knew what was important, his wife and daughter, but that didn’t make the pain and worry about his future lessen any.
Sam tossed his gym bag into the corner and grabbed an ice water. The hotel room was bright with the sunlight that streamed in the window. It was a testament to how far he’d come in just a few weeks, that he hadn’t needed to close the curtains. When he got here he couldn’t have a single light on, because it hurt his head too much. Now he was able to use his phone, open the blinds, and even turn on the television.
A knock on the door startled him; he didn’t get many visitors here in the hotel. Briefly, a euphoric feeling filled his chest, because he was hopeful it was Trina. But Tyler’s voice cut off that hope.
“Morris, it’s me.”
Opening the door, he met Tyler with a fist bump. “C’mon in. Have a seat, bro.”
“Well, you seem like your old self today.” Tyler nodded.
“I feel much better. I’m controlling the headaches more, and I’m killing the PT.” Sam fell into a chair and chugged some water.
“That’s great. Ironically, I’m here because Trina is singing the anthems tomorrow night.”
“Oh.” His heart dropped. Why didn’t she tell me? He was excited for her, but hurt that she didn’t feel that she could share it with him.
“She didn’t tell you?”
Sam shook his head, and his gaze dropped to the floor. He ran his hand through his hair. Grabbing the back of his neck, he winced. It was still sore from the Tabata hell.
“Suck it up, buttercup. She’s been struggling with this as much as you have. I’m pretty certain she doesn’t know what’ll set you off and what won’t.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you’re right. I just wish she would’ve said something.”
“Look, I didn’t come here to watch you pout. I wanted to see if you’d feel up to going to support her. You don’t have to stay for the game if you can’t take the noise. But maybe you two can talk once she’s done? I think she’d appreciate your being there. And since she didn’t tell you about it, it’d be an awesome surprise for you to show up.”
Sam nodded in agreement. Taking charge of his emotions, he looked back up at Ty. “I don’t know how the noise will affect me yet, but I’d love to be there for her. I got some good news from the doc today, and I’d love to share it with he
r.”
“She hasn’t sung the anthem in a while, and now that Willow is getting older, she’s excited about getting back into it.” Tyler grabbed a water from the kitchenette and returned to the living area.
The doc said Sam was improving, that only time would tell. He had to trust that he’d eventually heal completely. He was already starting to feel like himself again. The headaches weren’t so often, and the light sensitivity was gone. He wasn’t perfect, but he was getting there. And in the meantime, he had to fix things with his wife. They’d talked on the phone, but being able to wrap his arms around her was another thing all together. Something he couldn’t wait to do. “Yeah, I’ll see what I can do.”
“Sam, as your brother-in-law, not as your captain, I need to know something. You do want to fix things, right?” Tyler’s face was serious.
Obviously, Trina hadn’t told her brother that they had been talking again, and that things were good. There was no way he was going to hurt Trina and have to deal with her brother’s wrath. There was no doubt in his mind that Ty would kick his ass, but Sam would never hurt Tri, not intentionally.
“Absolutely. I love her and Willow. I know how much of a jerk I’ve been to her, and it’s killing me. I haven’t been able to help what’s been coming out of my mouth lately. I know it’s wrong and awful. I’ve already apologized to her.”
“You’ve talked? Good. That’s the first step. Sam, you know wrong from right, but you couldn’t react fast enough to stop it from happening… You see your error; that means you’re healing. It’ll just take time. Tri has been around this for a long time, and she understands.”
Sam hoped that Tyler was right. He was confident that if he went to the game, she’d be happy to see him. It didn’t matter if she was ready to talk to him or not, he had to take that chance.
Blindsided: Renegades 7 (The Renegades Series) Page 20