CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Trina
Looking down the tunnel that led to the ice, Trina stared out at the crowd. Her stomach flipped around. She’d been lucky with the morning sickness. She hadn’t experienced any bouts that were too terrible, and right now the butterflies that danced in her stomach were much worse than any morning sickness. Singing tonight was a big step for her. Her hands shook and her heart raced, even though she was returning to doing something that she loved.
I wish Sam were here.
Her grip tightened on the microphone.
It was the last home game of the regular season for the Renegades. It would’ve been really special if Sam were playing tonight. She’d sing, then stay to watch him play his last regular season game. But instead, it was just her here, singing. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Her eyes began to sting. Taking a deep breath, she refused to cry, if for no other reason than she didn’t want to be on television all puffy with messed up makeup.
When she had set this up, she didn’t know she was going to be pregnant. Her performance tonight was supposed to be her reprising this part of her life. A new career, and one that she and Sam could do together. But once this little one came along, she’d be putting off performing again, at least for a while. Being a mom was important to her, and newborns needed a lot of attention.
Looking around the tunnel full of people, she noted that some faces were familiar, but none were her husband. He was the only one she wanted by her side. She was doing her best to be strong, but she just wanted him back. Her nerves got the best of her, and she hadn’t even told him about tonight in case she chickened out.
The arena was extra loud tonight. In the tunnel, the clamor of the crowd bounced off the cement walls. Even if Sam was here, he likely wouldn’t be able to tolerate the noise. But still, she regretted not telling him. I wish I would’ve told him about this, at least so he could’ve watched it on television. It was too late now to text him, but she tried anyway.
The sound guys gave her the signal. It’s time. Taking a deep breath, she walked out onto the red carpet that lay on the ice. Looking around the arena, she felt as though the crowd was a sellout. Her nerves were replaced with a feeling of calm, of belonging. She had missed this.
Looking around before she approached the end of the carpet, a big smile filled her face, and happiness filled her heart. It was like coming home. She’d forgotten how this felt. The rush of standing before the crowd and having everyone’s attention on her.
Tonight, the Renegades were facing Winnipeg, ironically, her home team. That meant not only was she singing the American national anthem, but she was singing the one she grew up with, the Canadian anthem. It was one of her all-time favorite songs to sing. The butterflies settled, and she felt nothing but calm.
“Let’s direct our attention to our very own Trina Morris, wife of the Renegades’ Sam Morris, sister to our captain Tyler Kidd, here to sing the National Anthem.”
The crowd hushed as she began to sing. She closed her eyes and the words flowed so easily, like no time had passed since her past anthem-singing career.
Finishing up the lines to the Canadian Anthem, Trina was smiling as her voice filled the arena. There was a little clapping, as she paused before leading into the American national anthem. Her voice echoed as she sang confidently and passionately. Hitting the final note, she looked around the seats, feeling completely in her element. Basking in the applause and hoots from the crowd, she felt like she was shining in the middle of it all.
The players started to skate around, and it was time for her to leave the ice. Turning back towards the tunnel, her heart thudded into her throat when she looked right into warm and loving blue eyes. Sam.
Her handsome husband flashed his drop dead sexy smile, and his eyes sparkled. Goose bumps covered her arms, and a shiver ran through her. Sam waited for her with an anxious but loving expression on his face. His smile always could light up a room. He held his arms out to her. “Tri, that was beautiful.”
This was the man she knew, the one she missed. What was he doing here? How did he know?
Tyler swore to her that things would all work out. She had convinced herself to believe that. Falling into her husband’s welcoming arms, she was right where she wanted to be. “You’re here.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it for anything.” Sam cradled her against him.
“But, how’d you? …And your headaches…” She wasn’t sure how he was here, but somehow it didn’t even matter.
“Tyler,” Sam answered. “And they’re getting better. Much better. Tri, I needed to be here for you. I wouldn’t have been anywhere else. And it was perfect. You were perfect.”
Her face heated with embarrassment as she gave her husband a little shove, not sure why his compliments made her self-conscious, but she was over-aware that all eyes were on them. “Aw, thanks.”
Sam leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. She wished it was on her lips.
There was apprehension in his eyes. “I’m doing better, but I forgot how loud it would actually be in here. I was hoping we could talk. Would you like to go somewhere? I still have a room at the hotel next door, and they have a great little café in the lobby. We could go get coffee, or dinner?”
“If you feel up to it, sure, I’d love to.” She slid her hand into his and looked up at his sweet face.
His lips found hers for a soft moment before he led them from the tunnel. Not knowing which Sam to expect, she was taking a big chance with her heart. But they’d been apart too long, and it was a chance she was willing to take.
It was colder outside now than it had been when she came into the arena. That was the problem with April in Pittsburgh. The days were warm and the nights were still cold. The snow was gone, and it had been such a beautiful afternoon that she’d forgotten to bring a jacket. Her Renegades jersey wasn’t warm at all, so the wind was blowing right through it. A shiver ran over her.
Sam slid off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. Sliding his arm around her, he warmed her up as the wind blew against them while they walked.
“Oh, thanks.” Having her husband’s arms wrapped around her filled her with warmth, and it wasn’t because of the jacket. It was so nice to have him close again.
The walk to the hotel was only a few minutes. Trina wished it were longer. I’d stay in his arms all night if he let me.
Sam held the door to the hotel open while she hurried through. “C’mon. It’ll be warm in here.”
The café was cozy compared to the chilly air outside.
Sam ushered them to a table in the corner. He pushed her chair in carefully after she sat down. His eyes were so kind and his voice sweet and loving. “What kind of coffee can I get you?”
“Uh, a decaf café latte for me, please.” The crooked look on his face made her quickly add, “You know, because it’s late and I don’t want to be up all night.”
Sam nodded with a slight look of confusion, but retrieved their coffees without any further discussion and hurried back to the table. Settling in, he fidgeted and appeared nervous.
“You okay?” Trina cocked her head to the side and covered his hand with hers, quieting his tapping fingers.
“Tri, I’m so sorry for how I acted.” His eyes lowered to the table.
“It’s okay. I know you were dealing with the concussion issues. I’m not mad.”
“No, it’s not okay. None of it is. You’re my wife, and Willow is our daughter. She was sick. I’m her dad. I should’ve been there to take care of her. It was uncalled for, the way I reacted.”
“Sam—”
“Please let me finish. I was a royal jerk, a complete asshole. I knew everything I was saying was wrong, but it was like I was watching myself from afar. I couldn’t stop what was coming out of my mouth. I couldn’t stop myself from hurting you.” He paused and scrubbed his hand over his face, and his eyes glistened with pain.
She didn’t like seeing him hurting. He’d be
en through enough as it was. “Sam, I know. You don’t need to explain. You don’t—”
“No. Trina, I need to say this. It killed me that I hurt you. I would never do that on purpose. I could hear how hateful my words were, but couldn’t do anything to stop it. My brain just wasn’t working right. I’m so sorry.” His eyes flashed with unshed tears. “If I could’ve stopped it, I never would’ve said those things. I swear that to you, baby. I love you two so much.”
Reaching out to touch the overgrown scruff on his face, she ran her hand along it, feeling the roughness on her fingertips. She knew Ty had had a hand in getting him here today, but no one tells Sam what to do; he is stubborn and has to make up his own mind. “I believe you. But I’m not mad.”
“Baby, I was in a bad way. The pills were a mistake. I’ll never be able to apologize enough for putting my needs before you two. It was selfish. I know taking them and trying to play was not only dangerous to me, but it put everything we’ve worked towards together in jeopardy. But I’m healing. It’s a process, but… it’s one that I need you by my side for. Willow too. The doc said I’m doing better. I’m controlling the headaches all on my own. But I don’t want to do this alone.”
Her heart hurt seeing him worrying about her and beating himself up about it. She loved him and missed him. “So, the doctor said you’re improving?”
“He said everything looks good. No signs of concussion. The headaches are improving, and I’m dealing with them using only heat. No pills, not even muscle relaxers. I still have a way to go before I can play, but I’m myself again. I’m ready to come home… if you’ll have me.” Sam’s eyes dropped, now focused on the table. “I need you, Tri. I miss waking up next to you.”
“Of course I want you home. Did you think I wouldn’t? I miss you so much. Willow misses you. Home isn’t the same without you.” She placed her knuckle under his chin and tipped his face up so his soulful eyes met hers. Nerves niggled at her stomach, and she wasn’t sure why.
“Babe, you don’t look too sure. You’re saying you want me home, but I can see the tears in your eyes.”
Warmth flooded her eyes, but the tough girl in her refused to let them fall. “Oh, Sam. I’m sure. I want you to be just as sure. It’s no quieter than it was before, and you can’t expect it to be. Are you sure you’re going to be okay with the noise? Willow gets so excited these days, and she can’t help her playful toddler squeals…”
“Tri, I’ll be fine. I’m positive that I want to come home. I miss you. I miss my family.”
“If it’s what you want, then we’d love to have you back home.” Warmth filled her eyes as walls of tears pushed through.
“Oh babe.” Sam pulled her into his strong arms. Holding her tight, he gently rocked her and rubbed her back. “I will never be able to apologize enough for what I did.”
“I don’t want you to apologize anymore. I know it was your injury. I know you’d never talk to us like that. I just need to know that you’re prepared for all of the craziness that the Morris household has to offer…”
“I am, I really am. But first, I have something else I need to discuss with you.”
Trina didn’t like the look on his face, and for no good reason, fear rushed through her. What was left to discuss? “I thought you said you were okay?”
He covered her hand with his. The sparkle that always lit up his eyes wasn’t there. “Babe, there’s just one thing. Doc says I’m doing great. It’s just these headaches. I’m no longer getting them every day, but as long as I keep getting them, he doesn’t want me playing. I have to sit on injured-reserve until he clears me to start practicing with the team. There’s no timetable for something like this. I just have to wait.” His eyes dropped to the floor, almost in defeat.
She was confused. Why was he acting like it was the worst news ever? “But the headaches will go away, eventually. Right?”
“He can’t tell that for sure. It’s a wait and see situation.”
“And if they don’t?” She knew what he was getting at. But her love was not conditional on his being a hockey player.
“Then he can’t clear me to play. What if my career is over? What then?” He pulled his hand back and bent his head down towards the table, his hands in his hair.
“You’re not worried about me, are you?”
“I know it’s weird, but if I can’t play hockey, I don’t know who I am.” His eyes were sad, almost like a moping child.
Who does he think he is talking to? She was Tyler Kidd’s sister. She’d been around hockey all her life. She understood how hockey players thought. They weren’t rational. They lived, breathed, and slept hockey. Another person might not think he was serious, that he was overreacting, but she knew better. Even if the pained and lost look on his face didn’t give it away, she knew the truth that he was struggling with.
Not sure her words would be enough, she had to try. She lifted his fingers to her lips. “Babe, let me tell you who you are. Even without the stick and the skates, you are Sam Morris. A husband. A father. You’re my world and my best friend. You’re the person that I can’t live without. That’s who you are.”
“But…” He tried protesting, but she refused to hear it.
“But nothing. I know hockey is your life. Trust me, I understand. But you are so much more than just a hockey player. I am proof of that. You saved me. You made me love again, you gave me purpose. You gave me a life. And you gave me a daughter.”
Sam sat motionless, staring at her. His eyes were a deep blue like the sky before a thunderstorm, not the usual ocean-on-a-sunny-day color she was used to. His worries ran deep, and she loved him too much to discount that.
“You just concentrate on getting better. Willow and I need you healthy. On the ice or off, that makes no difference to us. If, and that’s a big if, you can’t return to the game, we’ll love you just the same. That hit could’ve been so much worse, and… well it wasn’t, and we still have you. For that, I’m grateful. I’m not concerned with life after hockey. All I am worried about is you. So wipe that from your mind. If you can play, great. If not, then we get nap time every day. Now is that such a terrible compromise?” Her words were sharp and clear, but ended with a playful twist.
A sly smile pulled at the corner of his mouth, easing the heavy look in his eyes. “I guess not. I do like naps.”
“I know you do.” Trina folded her fingers into his. His hand was large and strong against her petite one. She fought a smile, while excitement bubbled inside her at the news she had yet to tell him.
“Tri, I’m so lucky to have you as my wife. I really don’t know how I’d handle this without you. You are my rock. With you, I can handle anything. My life is perfect with just you and Willow. If I can get hockey back, it’ll only be a bonus.”
“So… would it be even more perfect if we added another little one to our family?” Trina hinted. She held back as much enthusiasm as she could.
“Of course. I want to keep trying for another baby, for sure. You know how I feel about kids, the more the merrier! I’m looking forward to being a hockey dad. I can’t wait to coach Willow’s girl’s ice hockey team.”
“Okay there, Coach. I think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself.” Trina snickered at him. He was so excited; the sparkle was back. How could he not realize that he didn’t need hockey to be happy? He’d make his own happiness.
Sam slid his chair to her side of the table, and curled his arm around her waist, pulling her close. “I think that no matter what the future holds for my career, if I have you, I’ll be okay. You’re my personal cheering section, and that’s all that I need.”
“I agree. And I’ll cheer you on as much as you need. I always will. But I do have something that I haven’t told you.”
Sam pulled back, his face sagged and his shoulders dropped. “Tri?”
“Don’t look at me like that. Just because I said I’m keeping a secret, doesn’t mean it has to be something bad.” She looked down at her stomach with a
smile, running her hand over it. Then keeping her hand on her middle, she looked at him again.
His eyes fell to her hand on her stomach. “What do you mean? What do you have to tell me? Wait… No… Really?” His mouth was hanging open, and his eyes grew wider than she’d ever seen them. “But… when?” He paused as if he was calculating in his head, then with a small wince he shook his head.
“Don’t think about it too much, you really might hurt yourself, babe. I found out after you were gone.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Trina shrugged. “I didn’t know what to do…” Hot tears welled up in her eyes again. She hated getting upset over this. It was done and over with, but she couldn’t help going back to it. “You were injured, and…”
“Oh, no, don’t cry. Please? That’s the past. This is our future.” Sam held her close enough that she could hear his heartbeat. “And I’ll always be here for you and Willow. I’ll be here for you as our family grows. I’m never leaving you again. I swear.”
Trina looked down at her belly. Warm feelings of love swirled in her chest. “And our family is growing. It’s just so hard to believe how far we’ve come.”
Sam nodded slowly. “We sure have. And it all started on the beach in Delaware.”
“The beach.” Trina sighed. They had met on the beach, then lived on the beach, and now they vacationed on the beach. “It really is our spot. It’s how our story began.”
“And how it continues.” A smile pulled at the corner of Sam’s mouth. “I have an idea.”
Her surfer-boy was back. All the tense features were gone. The look on his face was pure joy and excitement. It told her she’d like his idea, but she couldn’t imagine what else they would need. After all they’d just gone through, they had come out the other side unscathed. They had each other, they had Willow, and they had a new baby to look forward to. They were perfect just the way they were.
“We had a scare. I really thought that I was going to lose you, and it terrified me. I love you so much, Tri. You are my everything. You are my life. You are so good to me, still, even after all I put you through.” Sam lowered his head, the smile faded away, and his voice trailed off.
Blindsided: Renegades 7 (The Renegades Series) Page 21