by D. D. Larsen
As I open the front door the smell of espresso and old books greets me. I smile as the familiarity of the shop eases more of my tension. I walk across the living room area which has been turned into a library, with bookshelves lining the walls and a giant sofa in front of the fire. The couch is currently occupied by a young couple, drinking iced lattes and chatting.
I head towards the kitchen area, which is where they brew the coffee, and see Roberta manning the coffee machine. She has run the bookshop and coffee shop independently for as long as I can remember. She must be getting close to eighty, but she still looks as enthusiastic as ever.
She hands a man I don’t recognize a coffee as I step into line behind him. As he turns around to leave, his eyes find my face and linger. He is attractive and I find my body reacting to him instantly. After a few seconds, I start to feel uncomfortable. What does he want?
When he doesn’t stop staring, I ask, “What’s your problem?” He may be attractive but he is acting like a creep. Plus, I don’t like the way my body feels. He is a stranger; it is putting me on edge.
This seems to knock him back into reality. He shakes his head slightly and, without saying anything, leaves.
That was weird. I didn’t get a good look at him, other than his eyes, which were a super light brown, almost yellowish color. I’ve never seen anyone with eyes like that before.
Roberta’s voice brings me back. “Oh, if it isn’t my little Jamie, all grown up. Come give me a hug!”
She rounds the counter and pulls me into a firm hug. She may have aged a few years, but her spunk hasn’t gone anywhere.
Keeping her hands on my shoulders, she moves me back so she can get a better look at me. “Well, haven’t you just turned into such a beautiful woman? To what do I owe the pleasure for having you back in my store after so many years? We knew you would be coming back soon.”
I used to come here almost every day when I was in high school. Roberta had become like a grandmother to me; being here made me feel safe. I feel guilty for not stopping in before now.
“The store looks great. I’m sorry I never stopped by. I was busy,” I attempt vaguely.
“I’ve heard. The word was you got a bigshot job in the city. We all knew you were going places.”
I nod, cringing inwardly. Swiftly switching the subject, I ask, “So what have I missed around here?”
Her expression darkens. “Oh honey, you have been gone a long time. A lot is the same, but there has also been a lot of change. Let me fix you a cappuccino and we can go find a quiet corner to talk.”
Drink in hand, I listen as Roberta summarizes the town drama over the last seven years.
“Everyone kept questioning why you left so abruptly for years.” I shrink as I think back to those last few weeks before I left. I felt chained. Caged. Part of me kept yelling to run and I listened.
Roberta continues, “The Academy has been taking in more students each year. They asked me to come back and help out.”
Sipping my coffee, I’m grateful for the caffeine hitting my bloodstream. “I didn’t know you used to work there.” I had always had a fascination with the private school that sat on the top of the mountain towering over the town. All my questions seemed to be met with curious looks, as if nobody else noticed the same mysterious private school the town housed.
Roberta gives me a sad smile. “Oh honey, there are a lot of things you don’t know.”
Why is she being so cryptic with me? Am I an outsider now that I have been gone for so many years?
Brushing past her words like she didn’t mention them. “A few of the tourists have been saying that they have seen wolves around. That has been the hot topic recently. Most people think they are just mistaking dogs or coyotes. Three summers ago, we had a big shot bull rider from Texas try to ride a moose, it obviously didn’t end well. He is lucky to be alive”
It feels good to be home, where gossip revolves around animals more than people.
After an hour chatting with Roberta, I decide to walk around Main Street to see which shops are still here and venture into the new ones. As I begin to walk, a moment of déjà vu hits me in a comforting way. My world may have changed a lot recently, but my town is still the same as I remember. It was the right decision to come home.
I’ve only been here a day, but in my heart, I know I’ll never want to leave the mountains again. I feel a connection to this town; I need to stay here.
I stop into one of my favorite stores, a rock shop. The store is filled with geodes and fossils of all shapes and sizes. I’d always found the store fascinating as a kid, seeing the incredible things that had survived after so many years.
As I’m leaving, a necklace catches my eye. I’m not typically a person who likes to wear a lot of jewelry, but something about the soft pink oval jewel on a silver chain calls to me.
After asking the person behind the counter if I could see it, there’s no going back. The saleswoman tells me about the hecatolite stone, also known as a moonstone, as I place it around my neck and I know I must get it. As the cashier rings up the price, I cringe a little. Since I’m not currently working, I need to watch how much money I’m spending, but I have to have it. Besides, I can always get a part-time job in town to make a little extra money and fill my time.
Next, I stop at the ice cream shop I remember from my childhood. With my double scoop waffle cone in hand, I step out of the shop, shading my eyes from the sun.
“Jamie? Is that you?”
My eyes are still adjusting to the brightness outside, so it takes me a moment to identify where the voice is coming from.
A man about my age, wearing a police uniform, is walking towards me. As he gets closer, I recognize him and feel stupid for not realizing who it was sooner.
“My, my, Mr. Cleveland, you have grown up mighty fine.”
A large smile crosses his face. “Jamie! At first, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. What are you doing here?”
People are questioning why I’m here? In my hometown? Now I really know I have been gone too long.
“The mountains were calling, and I needed to come back, at least for a little while.” I take a bite of my melting ice cream, feeling a little ridiculous.
He grins at me. “I’ve got a moment. Why don’t we sit down a minute and catch up?”
Before I can think about it, I agree and follow him to a table in front of the ice cream shop.
This is the first time in seven years I have talked to Mark Cleveland. The last time I saw him, I broke off our five-year relationship, right before leaving town. I knew I would most likely see him again, but I didn’t think it would happen this quickly.
Chapter 3:
I went on my first date with Mark when I was thirteen. It was the end of eighth grade, and I was still in my gangly, awkward phase. I had braces and I’d grown five inches that year, making me extremely uncoordinated. I was just starting to enter the world of boys.
Many of my friends had already had relationships, most of which did not last longer than a week and maybe included one awkward make-out session.
Mark lived in my neighborhood and had always been one of my friends, even though he was two years older. On the last day of middle school, our friendship started heading in a new direction. He asked me to go to the movies with him. Just him.
Our small town had a one-screen movie theater that shows a movie on Friday and Saturday nights. I don’t remember what the movie was. All I remember was that I was nervous. We’d gone to the movies a hundred times together in a group, but this time was different, we were alone.
When he walked me home that night, he kissed me. My teeth bumped against his, it was awkward and awesome at the same time. It was my first kiss and I thought about it all night. Unfortunately, he was leaving for a month-long summer camp the next day where he wouldn’t have phone service.
A week after he left, I got my braces off and it was like flipping a switch on my confidence. I’d always been quiet and s
hy, but with my braces off, and the new hair cut I begged my mom to get, I felt more mature.
When Mark returned, our friendship changed to boyfriend and girlfriend. Over that summer, we became a unit. Jamie and Mark. Everyone knew we were together, and it just worked.
He was a great guy, always the gentleman, but I still wished I had my brother around to put the fear of god in him if he ever did anything wrong.
Mark was one of those guys that had all-American good looks – tall and built, with his light blonde hair and dark blue eyes – and together we made an attractive couple.
I was a young girl in love. At fifteen, I lost my virginity to him. I thought I’d found the man I was going to marry, and we were going to be together forever. We dated all through high school. He left for college in Boulder, but he came home for the weekends, or I went down to visit him at his dorm. It was perfect and we were happy.
Towards the end of my senior year, though, I suddenly began to feel trapped. I loved my town and where I grew up, but I felt stuck. Mark was always planning on coming back and working for the town police. He hoped to become the sheriff one day.
I was going to be a nurse and work at the hospital. It was all planned out and set, and yet something was missing. At eighteen, I felt locked in a cage I would never be able to escape.
I realized I had the overwhelming desire to get out and experience more than just my small town. The feeling was escalated a month before the end of my senior year of high school. I attended a party that would haunt me for the rest of my life.
I chose to start my college classes early and left the day after I graduated high school. Mark was one of the things that was holding me here, so the day before I left, I severed the tie. He was shocked, along with my parents and practically the whole town. We had been a thing for so long, nobody knew how to handle the fact that we weren’t together.
That was seven years ago. He’d tried to contact me a few times over the first year, but I was so involved in my new life that I ignored him, all my friends, and everything to do with my old town.
Now I am sitting across from him and with melted ice cream dripping down my hand.
I see a smile on his face, but hurt in his eyes. What do I do now? I feel melted ice cream start to drip down my hand so I lick it away, grateful for the distraction.
Mark breaks the awkward silence. “How are you Jamie? Are you just in town for the weekend?”
Glad that he is sticking to small talk, I respond, “I’m doing okay. What about you, Mark? I see that you are now part of the town police department, like you always wanted.” I intentionally ignore his question, mostly because I don’t want him to get any ideas.
He leans back, totally relaxed. I, on the other hand, feel like a bundle of nerves. “Yeah, after college, I went to the police academy, then moved back up here about four years ago to join the department.”
More awkward silence. I stand up and say, “My mom is probably waiting on me for dinner, so I should get going. It was good to see you, Mark.” Was it good to see him? It just slipped out because I didn’t know what else to say.
Mark stands as well, looking at me as if he wants to hug me. I hold up my dripping ice cream cone to deter him.
“It was really good to see you, Jamie. Oh, hey …” He fumbles in his shirt pocket and pulls out a business card. “Here’s my card. If you have time, we should meet and catch up.”
I smile and walk away, but I feel his eyes on my back the whole time. Fuck. Is he still in love with me?
I throw my now-melted ice cream in the trash and head back to where I parked my car. Great. I’ve been back in town for less than twenty-four hours and I’m already getting wrapped up in my old life.
After my run-in with Mark, I decide to keep my distance from town for the next few days. I spend it catching up with my parents and hiking around my house with Moon since the forest seems to be calling me. I know I can’t ignore Mark forever, but a few more days won’t hurt.
On the fourth day, I decide I need to stop being a chicken, so I take my mom up on her offer to go with her to the store. She wants to make steaks for dinner and needs to pick up a few things.
Since my return, she seems flustered and I want to spend time with her to see if I can figure out why. When I asked if she was okay, she brushed me off and ignored the question.
As we drive into town, she points out all the new businesses that have popped up over the years. While Accalia is still small, it has grown a lot in the years I’ve been gone. My mom points out a new medical building where she works as a part-time nurse.
My mother explains that a new chain grocery store was built on the other side of town a few years ago, but she prefers to support the family-owned store that has been here for as long as I can remember. Inside the store, there is a small grill selling burgers, fries, and other greasy food items. They also have one of the only soft-serve ice cream machines in the town. I have fond memories of eating ice cream as I walked around the store with my mom, and they all come flooding back as we go inside.
We don’t make it past the door before someone comes up to talk to us. One thing about the city is that a trip to the store can be quick, since everyone just wants to mind their own business. Not so, here.
By this point, I have my response down for how I am doing and my reason for being home. It’s a small town and people are going to speculate so I must give them something. I’ve been telling them that I missed the mountains and needed a break from the craziness of the city. A few people mention the potential wolf sightings, but nothing else seems to have changed.
I still don’t know how long I am planning on staying here, but now that I am back, surrounded by the mountains, I feel more grounded than I have in the last seven years. I had my reasons for running, but now that I am back, I don’t want to leave.
I feel like I can’t leave.
Chapter 4:
My feet pound on the ground as air rushes over my face. I feel free. Alive. No direction, no destination. I continue to run forward. Pushing my muscles, I power ahead.
Something is chasing me. My hackles rise. Fight or flight. Before I have time to think, claws dig into my back. I’m caught. Danger.
Where is he? He is always around when I need him.
A howl pierces the air, followed by a black streak, flying through the air towards my attacker.
How did I get here? What has my life become?
I shoot up in bed as the dream begins to fade. Drenched in sweat, I feel as if there are claw marks on my back. I ease out of bed for the shower. As I walk into the bathroom, I pull up my shirt to examine my still burning back.
Four red lines mar my skin. What the hell? I watch as they fade quickly, then begin questioning their very existence. Maybe I haven’t fully woken up yet.
As I step into the shower, a lingering concern stays with me – fear.
I love my parents’ property, but after walking the trail that circles it for the fifth day in a row, I’m bored. It is time I had a change of scenery. My dream from this morning pops into my head, but I squash the fear. Bad things don’t happen in this town.
I think about my brother’s mysterious death. We never found out what was responsible, but nothing has happened since.
I know by hiding away at my parents’ house, I am just putting off the inevitable. I came home to feel free, not suffocated. Let people talk; it isn’t going to change who I am or what I do. I am over others deciding my future. It is mine and I took control of it seven years ago when I left, and I still have control of it now.
I grab my keys off the counter and call for Moon. First, I’ll grab coffee and say hi to Roberta, and then we’ll go on one of my favorite hikes to Sky Pond.
I’m feeling better already as I get behind the wheel of my car. Fuck everyone else, this is my life and I am not going to live it in fear of what might happen or what people think should’ve happened.
As I round a bend, something moves in the corner of my eye and runs
into the forest. Moon growls from the back seat. I stop the car and peer between the trees, but there’s nothing. I could swear it was a wolf. We don’t have wolves in Colorado, or at least we didn’t when I lived here. The rumors I have been hearing about wolf sightings don’t seem so ridiculous now. My dad has a theory that they might be migrating down from Yellowstone, but nobody has been able to confirm it.
Probably just a large coyote. I’ll tell my dad about it later.
As I enter town, the building that sits up on the top of the hill next to the park gleams in the early morning light. The Academy, the elite private school that has been there since before I was born. None of the locals attend or can afford to. I know; I wanted to go so badly when I was growing up.
I’d always seen it up there and heard whisperings about it. When Academy kids came into town, they had a superior air to them. The school is small, with no more than ten people per class, and houses all of the students onsite. Primarily a high school, they were known to have a few younger kids if they met their standards.
Not that anyone knew what those standards were. I was a good student in high school and, curious to see what was involved in applying, I tried to research the criteria to attend. Nothing.
They didn’t even have a website. According to the internet they didn’t exist. I couldn’t find any way to contact them. I asked around to see if anyone knew anything about them. All I got was that they were very exclusive and had many high-profile students. There was a rumor that the President’s daughter was enrolled.
After a few weeks of researching and getting nowhere, my parents called me into the living room. They both looked upset. The last time they had done this was when my brother died. I could already feel the tears pricking my eyes as they started to talk.