by D. D. Larsen
“Jamie, you know that you are the most important thing in the world to both of us, and we would give you the world, if we could.”
All I could think was, Am I in trouble? I had never had my parents talk to me like this before.
“We know you have been asking around about The Academy. Yesterday, your dad went to see if it was a possibility. I’m sorry, sweetheart, but there is no way we will be able to afford the tuition. They don’t offer scholarships, and the base tuition is $250,000 per year. I really am sorry.” The look in her eyes didn’t quite match her words, but I couldn’t place it.
I knew going to The Academy was a long shot, but that sealed the deal. I shut my mind to the possibility. Something still didn’t sit well with me. There were too many unanswered questions.
As I pull up to the coffee shop, a blonde woman is walking down the path toward me. She’s holding the hand of a young girl who can’t be more than two. Before I see her face, I know it’s Tollen, my best friend growing up. I’d know that walk anywhere.
I haven’t talked to Tollen in seven years. We used to know everything about each other, but now we are strangers.
I debate if I should just drive away, but at that moment, she looks straight into my eyes. I’m caught. Stepping out of my car, I take a deep breath in preparation.
As I walk towards her, she sends me a smile that’s undoubtedly forced. She hasn’t changed much since high school. She was always the short, curvy, petite girl all the boys went crazy over. With her round face and chocolate eyes she’s still as stunning as she was all those years ago.
Even though I hadn’t seen her in seven years, when everything went down with Liam, she is who I wanted to talk to. But I couldn’t just reach out to her out of the blue, especially after sealing her out of my life so long ago.
She pulls me into an awkward hug and says, “I heard that you were back in town.” The way she says it shows me just how much I hurt her. She’s mad and she is not trying to hide it. I would be mad at me, too.
“Hey Tollen. You’re looking good. And who might this be?” I squat down so that I’m her daughter’s height, but she shies away behind her mom’s legs.
In a clipped voice she says, “This is my daughter, Toby.”
If there is any hope for us to rekindle our friendship, I know it is going to have to come from me.
“Are you free any night this week? I’d love to take you to dinner and catch up.”
I can tell the instincts within her are warring with one another by the way she hesitates, but she says, “I’ll see if I can make it work. Do you still have the same number?”
I nod. If she had any suspicion that I ignored her all these years, this confirms it. My number never changed; I got every one of her messages.
She walks to her car and gets her daughter situated into her car seat. She doesn’t say another word as she climbs behind the driver’s seat and pulls out.
Now needing coffee desperately, I grab Moon’s leash and we walk up the trail to the coffee shop. I hope once I explain myself, all my friends will stop hating me. If they don’t, I’ll deserve it.
Chapter 5:
With my headphones in and my feet pounding against the ground, I set a blistering pace up the trail. I’ve covered three miles and I’ve only been hiking for forty minutes. Moon is trotting happily in front of me, occasionally chasing a squirrel or stopping to smell since I took her off the leash after we couldn’t see the road any longer.
Mountains rise sharply on both sides of me, but I am too caught up in my head to be able to enjoy the beauty.
Yes, my job was bad, but I could have just applied for a new one. Yes, there was the whole Liam thing, but I could have found a new guy. Why was my instinct to run? And why was home where I wanted to come back to when I had felt so trapped here before I left? Why do I feel like I need to be here, in Accalia, when it was the last place I’d wanted to be the last seven years?
I’m so lost in thought that I trip and face-plant in the dirt. Shit. My hands sting from sliding in the dirt and my knee throbs from impact with a rock. Embarrassed and wallowing in self-pity, I stay in the dirt for a moment, until Moon comes up and licks my face, asking if I am all right.
I’m not, but it has nothing to do with falling on my face and everything to do with the shitshow that is my life. I have nobody to blame but myself.
Since I still have my headphones in, I don’t hear someone walking up behind me. I jump when a hand lands firmly on my shoulder, flipping over and sitting up as one of my earbuds falls out.
The man in front of me has light brown, almost yellow eyes, and is squatting so that he’s at my height with a concerned look on his face. It’s the man from the coffee shop. He’d been staring at me before, but now, I’m the one who is so lost staring into his eyes. I don’t hear his words.
A second, or maybe a lifetime, passes before he waves his hand in front of my face. “Are you all right?”
No, the current state of my life is a shitshow, but he isn’t asking me about that. I’m lying in the dirt, in the middle of the path, bruised and scraped.
I nod and start to stand up. He offers his hand, so I take it. As our hands connect, I feel a jolt, as if electricity was flowing from one of us to the other. His hand is warm, and he pulls me to my feet with ease.
As he does, I get a better look at him. He has slightly messy brown hair and a serious look on his face that doesn’t reach his eyes, which are warm and welcoming. And I have to look way up to see his face, because he’s at least a few inches above six feet. His frame is muscular and built without being bulky. I have time to get a full look, not just the quick peek I had at the coffee shop.
And he’s extremely attractive. I’m at a loss for words.
I hear Moon growl from next to me as she moves between this mystery guy and me. He looks down at her and she instantly stops. Weird.
He reaches out to brush some hair away from my face. “Did you hit your head?”
I lean into his touch, wanting to feel that jolt again. Jamie get your act together. What’s wrong with you?
I take a step back and a small flicker of hurt crosses his face. Why? I just met him, after all. Maybe it’s because something about him seems so familiar.
Finding my voice, I say, “Yeah I am fine, thanks for the help. I guess I got a little distracted and didn’t see that rock. It’s mostly just my ego that’s bruised.” I laugh at myself but the guy doesn’t join.
“You’re lucky you didn’t slam your head into a rock,” he says, oddly concerned over someone he’s just met. I can’t seem to get a read on this guy.
“Well, thanks for your concern. I’m Jamie.”
“Wren. You need to be more careful.” He sounds almost pissed, as if I bruised him instead of myself.
This guy may be attractive, and he helped me out, but what gives him the right to treat me like a misbehaving child?
“Well Wren, thank you for the assistance, but I’ve got it from here. I hope you enjoy the rest of your walk.” Brushing my dirty hands on my thighs, I continue down the trail.
It takes all my willpower not to turn around and look back at Wren. Such an unusual name for an unusual man.
For the rest of the walk, my mind is clouded with thoughts of him. There is something about him that I just can’t put my finger on.
Chapter 6:
As I walk in the front door of my parents’ house, I’m hit with the aroma of food coming from the kitchen. It’s so much better than walking into a dark, empty apartment. Even when I was with Liam, he never stayed at my apartment and rarely asked me to stay the night at his. Yet another sign I should’ve recognized.
Shaking away those thoughts, I stop in my tracks when I walk into the kitchen.
Wren is sitting at the kitchen island, smiling at me. My stomach flips as his eyes connect with mine.
What is he doing here?
My mom can see I’m confused. “Jamie, you know Wren, don’t you? He went to The Academy whe
n you were in high school. I believe you guys are around the same age. He just moved back to town and is starting up as a ranger with the park.”
Maybe that’s why he seems so familiar. There is something about his eyes that I just don’t think I could forget. He stands and offers his hand with the same seriousness as when he was helping me in the forest. Something about his look makes me feel as if he is a predator assessing his prey.
“Jamie, it’s nice to officially meet you again. Your dad talks about you a lot. He is very proud of you.” Nervousness bubbles inside me the longer I am near him.
I’m surprised by his words. I never get that feeling from my dad. He always seems to be pushing me towards doing more, making me think what I am isn’t enough. He has always wanted me to leave this small town and build a successful life elsewhere. When I left abruptly, he was the only one who seemed happy for me.
Something about this guy puts me on edge, but I take his hand anyway, feeling the sharp jolt of electricity, again. I try to pull my hand away, but he tightens his grip, making me hold his for a few more seconds. The look he is giving me is filled with familiarity. Possessiveness.
I realize what is putting me on edge with Wren. I feel drawn to him. An attraction, but on a more primal level, stronger than I’ve ever felt before.
My mind screams that he’s dangerous, that I need to get away. What is going on?
Moon scampers into the kitchen following the smell of food. When she sees Wren, she lets out a small growl. I place my hand on her head but don’t tell her to stop. Moon obviously feels some of the tension I feel.
My dad walks in the door, a large smile appearing on his face when he sees Wren. He’s obviously fond of him by the way he claps him on the shoulder. “Wren, if you aren’t busy, why don’t you join us for dinner?” Sometimes I wish my dad wasn’t such a nice guy.
“I’d really like that, Mr. Carter.”
“Wren, call me John when we aren’t at work. Want to grab a beer and I’ll give you a tour of the house?” His voice trailing off as they walk out of the kitchen.
Once they are out of hearing distance I turn to my mom. “What is he doing here?” My tone is harsher than I intended, and my mom catches onto it.
She reaches over the table and pushes something towards me. I look down to see my necklace with the pink jewel. My hand immediately goes to my neck. It’s gone.
Ignoring my hostility, she replies, “He’s returning your necklace. He said you dropped it on your hike today. That doesn’t look cheap. I would be grateful he returned it.”
How did Wren know where I lived?
I take the necklace and fasten it around my neck. I mumble something about needing a shower and then head up to my room.
As I’m walking up the stairs, I run into Wren and my father. Wren’s eyes track to the necklace around my neck.
“I’m glad I was able to return that to you. It looks very good on you.”
“Thank you. I hadn’t even realized I was missing it.” I am grateful. I know I just bought this necklace less than a week ago, but it feels like part of me already. Wren still puts me on edge, though. Maybe if I could think of where I’ve seen him before, it wouldn’t bother me so much.
My dad says something about showing him his new sailboat before dinner.
As they walk past me, I feel Wren’s arm brush against mine leaving a tingling sensation.
Marking it up to static electricity, I head up to the bathroom.
As the water flows over me, I try to rack my brain for why Wren looks so familiar. I went to one Academy party, my senior year. Maybe he was there? It’s the eyes. I know those eyes.
I know dinner’s soon, so not wanting to keep them waiting, I dry my hair quickly and throw on a summer dress.
I pause as I’m walking out the door and decide to put on a little mascara. I tell myself I am doing it for myself, but I know it’s because Wren is here. Whoever he may be.
I am walking up the path to the coffee shop the next morning when my mind drifts back to dinner. Wren seems like a nice man who obviously came from money, since he attended The Academy. All during our meal, I kept trying to find something to dislike about him. I don’t know why. Something about him makes my skin prickle, but I can’t put my finger on it.
My parents seem to love him. My father is impressed with him. He’s only been working with the rangers for a few months, but he has already become a valuable asset to the team, according to my father.
Who the fuck does this Wren guy think he is and why do I care? He was nothing but polite. He didn’t try to make any moves and he returned my necklace. Ugh, I need coffee.
My hand drifts up to my necklace and I finger the smooth pink stone. How did it manage to fall off in the woods? The clasp was undamaged. Maybe I did hit my head and just couldn’t remember.
Lost in thought, I bump straight into a large male’s chest as I open the door to the coffee shop. Before I look up, I already know who it is. I dated Mark for five years, after all.
He’s dressed in normal clothes today, holding a coffee in one hand and a book in the other. I babble awkwardly to fill the silence.
“Hey Mark, I’m sorry about that.”
“Still living with your head in the clouds, huh, Jamie?” He grins, but then turns serious. “I wanted to run into you, though. We need to talk.”
I groan inwardly. “About what?”
“I’m not sure how long you will be staying in town, but we’re bound to run into each other from time to time. We were friends before we ever started dating and I would hate to lose that forever.”
When he puts it that way, he makes me feel like the big bad witch who took advantage of a poor, innocent boy. Hell, I have nothing else to do and he is right. We need to talk, if only so I can set him straight about “us”.
“Fine. Want to sit at our table and I’ll meet you out there once I have my coffee?”
He raises an eyebrow and his face turns confused.
I don’t realize what I had said until after I walk inside the shop. Our table. Shit, it’s so easy to fall into old patterns.
Just so that it doesn’t feel like old times, I order something new. Taking a sip of the latte, I know this will be my new drink because every time I drink it, it will remind me of finally taking control of my life.
As I sit across from Mark, he starts talking. “Jamie. God, I’ve wanted to talk to you for so long. When you left, I was mad. I loved you and I know you loved me back. One day we were discussing the rest of our lives, and the next you were just gone. You never returned any of my phone calls or texts. Then I started hating you. I hated you so much, I thought if I ever saw you again, I might not even be able to speak to you.”
I try to speak, but he holds up a hand.
“I need to get this out. Please let me just finish before you say anything. I was confused. We were still young, and I felt lost without you. You were part of my life, not just as a lover but as a friend. You were my best friend, and I couldn’t even talk to you when I needed you. About three and a half years after you left, my dad died in a car accident. I had just moved home a week before and I was starting my job with the Accalia police department the next day.
“From his tire track they could tell he swerved to try to miss something running across the road and lost control of the car. And in a second, everything in my parents’ life was different. This put everything in perspective. I didn’t know what you were going through or why you left, but I knew I wasn’t going to be part of your life any longer and I needed to get over it.
“I built a new life and tried to just remember the good memories. We really did have a good thing going, Jamie. I could have made you happy if you would have just talked to me.”
Why did I never talk to him? I know he would have understood; he always understood. He knew me better than anyone. I take a moment to gather my thoughts. My mom had mentioned his father died, and I’d thought about calling him. In the end, I hadn’t. It had been a long time
, and I figured I was the last person he wanted to talk to.
“Mark, first I want to apologize. I need to give you an apology. I know it won’t do much now. What I did should make you hate me for the rest of your life. I could have handled it better. My only excuse is that I was young and panicked. I was starting to feel like I needed to get away, but there was one thing that really put me over the edge.
“I also need to apologize for not telling you what I am about to tell you.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I have never told anybody this, not even my mother or Tollen. I’m only telling Mark now because maybe it will help him gain closure on why I left. Or selfishly because I need to get it off my chest. It has been nagging me more since I came home.
“It was late March of my senior year; you had exams coming up, so we decided to not meet up. I was in town on a Saturday with Tollen when a few of The Academy boys asked us if we wanted to go to a party. I wasn’t sure. We had never been invited before and I had a bad feeling, but Tollen begged me until I agreed to go with her.
“They gave us the address and we showed up at eight, when they said it started. The house was up on the hill, it was huge, and we were both impressed. We were the only townies there and I felt awkward. It was obvious one of the boys was attracted to Tollen and I was only invited because they knew she wouldn’t come alone.
“I sat with them and accepted a drink. They were nice but we just didn’t have enough in common. Tollen had disappeared and I knew she was hooking up with The Academy guy. I needed to pee, so I went looking for the restroom. That is when stuff started to get weird.
“As I was looking for the bathroom, I walked into a bedroom. There was a guy standing by the window just looking out over the town below. Something about him drew me in. I closed the door and just started walking towards him. It didn’t feel like I was controlling myself, it was like something else was moving my body.
“I didn’t get a good look at the guy’s face because before either of us could say anything, we were kissing.” I look up at Mark. There is hurt in his eyes and the guilt inside is as strong now as it was then. “It was like I wasn’t consciously making my own decisions. Every cell in my body was screaming that I needed him. Needed to be with him.”