She screwed up all of her courage and dropped a gentle kiss on the damage that lingered.
That was dumb. Why the hell did you do that. She’s going to freak.
But Asha didn’t pull away.
Okay, keep going, keep talking.
“Rhian told me you punched your wall last week. Why are you doing this, babe?”
You shouldn’t have called her babe.
“Sorry, not babe. I didn’t mean...it slipped.”
“It’s fine,” Asha whispered.
“You’re scaring a lot of people.”
Asha stared at the floor, shame burning through her veins. “I know. I can’t explain it, I cracked.”
“You did it ‘cause of me, didn’t you. I made you...I did this.”
Asha started to nod, but quickly stopped. “This isn’t on you. I fucked up. This was all me.”
“Rhian told me you thought I was ashamed of you. That you weren’t good enough,” Lara continued quietly.
Asha stilled, then let out a slow breath. “I...”
“You’re wrong. Don’t you ever think that. You’re my best friend, the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I could never be ashamed to call you my girlfriend, my love. I’m the one that fucked up, I’m the one that let you down. Give me another chance. Please.”
After a long minute of hesitation, Asha spoke. “I can’t go through this again. This absolutely broke me. Destroyed me. But I think I’m finally to the point where I can start moving on. I can’t...I just. I can’t. I don’t want pity.”
“This isn’t out of pity, Asha!”
“Well, it fucking feels like it!” Asha cringed at how Lara visibly shrunk. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.”
Lara just nodded again.
“How do I know,” Asha looked at her hands and her eyes filled with tears. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Not now. She powered through. “How do I know that we won’t start fighting again, we won’t try to hurt each other? That’s what we do, we keep hurting each other. And then how do I know you won’t leave when it gets hard again, when it starts to hurt? I don’t know that. I’m sorry. I can’t.”
Asha chanced a glance upwards.
Lara looked devastated. She slowly stood.
“Okay.” Lara walked out to the living room, completely numb.
Rhian leapt off the couch when she saw Lara.
“What happened? Why are you...oh.”
“She said no, Rhian.”
Vianne and Alexa exchanged glances and discretely left the room.
“No to Germany? Well, okay. We can work with that.”
“Rhian. She said no.” Lara’s voice cracked.
Rhian’s heart dropped. Dammit, Asha. So goddamn stubborn.
Rhian grabbed Lara’s arm and pulled her out the front door. “She did not. Why?”
“She said...I don’t know, Rhian. That she can’t do it again, that she doesn’t want pity.”
“After your speech? After everything you told her? I don’t understand.”
“...”
“You chickened out on the speech?”
“She didn’t let me get that far.”
Rhian narrowed her eyes, grabbed Lara’s shoulders, and pushed her back inside. “Get in there and try again.”
“What? No. She’s just going to say no.”
“Richter. I swear to god. Go.”
***
ASHA tensed when Lara tentatively walked back into the room and clicked the door shut.
She hadn’t moved yet, as still as a statue, letting the tears fall freely, not even caring to wipe them away.
“Asha.”
Asha refused to meet her eye. She shook her head.
“Please look at me.”
Nothing.
“Asha, please. Do you want me to beg? I will. If that’s what it takes. I will get on my damn knees and beg.”
Lara could see Asha was crying harder than before.
“Don’t do this to me, Lara. Why are you doing this?” Asha finally pleaded.
Lara tried to choke back a sob, but the tears came in a rush. Lara sat in front of her, resting her forehead against Asha’s knees, and let herself cry.
After a few minutes, Lara felt a light touch in her hair. For only a second, but it gave her the courage she needed.
She pressed her lips to the scar on her knee. “Come to Germany with me,” Lara spoke into her skin.
She could feel Asha’s shock reverberate through her body.
“I know it’s asking a lot, if I could break my contract right now I would. You could sign with a German club. Your agent could work something out, I know it. Or any European club, whatever, at least we’d be closer. And then when we get a new league, I swear I’ll do whatever it takes to come home. Hell, I’ll go to any country you want. We can go to Australia, there’s nice beaches there. If that’s what you want.”
Lara paused and looked up, trying to read Asha’s expression.
She couldn’t.
Asha was blank, unreadable.
“Or, you know, we can do the distance thing, I don’t care, until I can get out of my contract. It’d be hard, but we can do it. It’d all be worth it, just to be with you again. Just please give me another chance. Of course we’ll fight, and we got our problems, but we can work on that.”
Still unreadable. Lara pushed down the panic, she just needed to get this last bit out. And then she could honestly say that she did everything she could. It would be out of her hands. One last ditch effort.
She just hoped Asha could understand her enough to even consider her words – by this point, she was crying hard, practically sobbing.
“Maybe I don’t deserve you, but I want to spend every day for the rest of my life trying to fix that. I want to spend every moment making up for the time we lost. I want to grow old with you. I love you, we belong together, it is that simple. I can't promise that we'll never fight again, or that it'll be easy. Because we will fight...it's going to be hard. I may not be able to promise much, but I can promise this. I won’t run. I will never run again, unless it’s after you.”
Lara wiped her face on her sleeve, hiding her face for a few seconds until she had regained control, until only silent tears fell.
Asha was at a complete loss. She sat there, shedding her own tears and watching Lara cry, ashamed that she didn’t immediately comfort her, but also unsure if she should. Was it even her place anymore? Did she want it to be?
Lara finally rocked up so that she was kneeling in front of Asha. She placed both hands on her face, and carefully wiped tears away with her thumbs. Asha dropped her head a little, leaning into Lara’s hands, unable to resist her touch.
Lara took another huge chance. She rose and tilted her head. Their lips met.
Asha froze, but Lara just stayed there, their lips barely touching.
Asha’s heart leapt into her throat. A shot of adrenaline, oddly mixed with a sense of calm.
Lara pulled back after a few moments, then leaned forward again. This time Asha hesitantly kissed back.
They both drew back, looking at each other. Asha gently nudged her away and walked to the window, drumming out a rhythm on the sill. Seconds turned to minutes. She could hear Lara behind her, crying softly.
The conflicting emotions, the battle between head and heart – it was tearing her up. She had never felt this confused, every part of her was screaming to go for it, to gather her up and hold on tightly, to never let go again. But then there was the doubt and the questions and the fear.
It was true what she had told Lara – she didn’t think she could handle it if this happened again. Maybe it was better to let her go, it was the safer route. No risks, no chance of Lara ripping her heart out.
But she also wasn’t that type – she was never the person to choose the easy route.
So much had changed though, she had changed. Maybe she was that person now. Maybe she should be that person.
Asha made her decision.
S
he turned and reached for Lara’s hands. Lara looked at her with heart-wrenching hope. Asha rested their foreheads together and closed her eyes.
“Okay,” she breathed. She immediately felt at peace, truly happy, for the first time in months. This was where she belonged. This was her soul mate. Every nerve, every cell, every inch of her body would always seek out Lara.
“Seriously?” Lara asked in slight disbelief.
“Yeah, I mean we got a lot of stuff to work out. I got some stuff to work out. We need to fix things. But together, right? Let’s do this.”
She cupped Lara’s face in her hands and kissed her deeply. “But I won’t let you give up Germany for me. You love it there.”
“I love you. I can play anywhere.”
“I know, but I can’t let me be the main factor when you’re deciding where to play. I won’t dictate your career.”
Lara kissed her to shut her up. “We’ll talk about it later. Okay? Right now, I just want to kiss you.”
***
THEY stood there kissing, and holding, and crying for what seemed like hours.
Finally, a knock on the door made them jump apart.
“Yo,” Asha yelled.
Rhian poked her head in. “Hi.” She could read the happiness on both of their faces, even through their bloodshot eyes and tears. “So?”
Lara turned to Asha with a questioning smile. She still wasn’t entirely sure of her girl’s decision. They were back together, yes, but they still hadn’t discussed the details.
“So, I guess I might be moving, bro.”
All three tumbled through the door, Alexa tackling Asha, and Rhian wrapping Lara up in a crushing hug.
Vianne went to join in when she suddenly stopped dead. Her face blushed a furious red.
They turned to look at her curiously.
Alexa caught on the quickest, breaking out into giggles at both the situation and the look on Vianne’s face. “Too tired for soccer?” Alexa leered.
Asha looked at her, confused. What was she getting at?
She blushed as her eyes fell to the dresser.
Rhian’s eyebrows flew up her forehead. “Damn, you have expensive taste. That thing’s like a hundred fifty bucks.”
This drew their attention.
Rhian shrugged. “What?”
“You don’t think it’s weird you know how much her vibrator costs?”
“Hey, I have needs. You can’t just pick one, you need to research. I didn’t spend that much though. I guess Lara’s not the only princess in the relationship.”
Asha wiggled away from Alexa and huffed to the bed, pouting. “I hate you all.” Alexa, Rhian, and Lara laughed hysterically, while Vianne stood sheepishly, eyes pinned to the ceiling.
Lara leapt on top of her and pinned her down. “Nah, you love me.”
Asha leaned up for a kiss, and they melted into each other, ignoring the shouts of protest. Asha broke away for a split second to whip a pillow at them. Rhian caught it and threw it back, before herding the other two out of the room.
Asha flipped her over and smirked devilishly, trailing her hands over her shirt, then slipping them under to rest both palms on the burning skin. She paused and tilted her head.
“What?” Lara asked, curious.
“I can’t speak German.”
Lara dragged a finger down her thigh, peering up through hooded eyes. “I might know someone who can fix that.”
“Oh yeah? Is she hot?” Asha slowly hooked her fingers on the bottom of the shirt, easing it up, kissing every inch of exposed skin.
Lara groaned and lifted her hips slightly.
“I hear her girlfriend doesn’t complain.”
Asha rose and captured her lips with hers, stealing her breath. “Girlfriend. I like that.” She ground her hips down hard, burying her face into the curve of her neck. “I love you so damn much,” she mumbled into her skin.
The moment was interrupted when they heard the sound of giggling outside their room.
There was a bang on the door, followed by Rhian hollering, “Try to keep it down. Or should we leave the house?”
Alexa started to sing cheesy porno music.
Asha gave her an apologetic smile. “Sorry. They’re a little weird. We’re still working on boundaries.”
“It’s fine,” Lara laughed.
“I can kick them out of the house if you want,” Asha mumbled through her kisses.
“No, it’s okay. I can be quiet.”
Asha looked at her skeptically.
“What? I can!”
“Baby, you’re really not quiet ever.”
Lara scoffed. “Whatever. I can be quiet if I absolutely had to be.”
“Maybe I don’t want you to be quiet, maybe I want to hear you scream.”
Lara’s eyes widened and she audibly gulped.
Again, they heard giggles outside the room. Lara suddenly rolled off, marched towards the door, and flung it open. Rhian and Alexa froze, startled. She didn’t even have to say anything, her look said it all.
“Sorry. We’re just going to...go.”
“Yeah, you do that.” She paused after shutting the door, turning back to lock it.
Asha smirked.
“What?”
“I’ve never seen that look before. I’m surprised they didn’t just head straight to time-out.”
“Shut it, Lorenz.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Asha said with a raised eyebrow, throwing her arms in the air in surrender.
Lara just smiled and rolled her eyes.
“Where were we?”
“Hmmm, I was just telling my incredibly hot girlfriend how good I was going make her feel.”
“I bet she was excited to hear that.”
Asha popped the button on Lara’s jeans. “I know a great way to find out.”
***
“ASH. Wait.”
Asha continued to bite at her hip.
“Can you...with your hand like that? It looks terrible.”
Asha stopped and looked up. “Well, no. I shouldn’t. That’s why I was using the...” She trailed off with a smirk when Lara blushed.
“Don’t worry. I have other ways to make you come. You know what I missed? How you feel on my tongue. How you taste.” Asha hummed into her skin. “I’m going to make you forget how to breathe.”
Lara sucked in a sharp breath and shivered. Asha always knew what to say to make her come undone.
She squeaked when Asha nipped her hip again.
***
“SO, I have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow.”
Lara rolled over on her side and studied Asha. She was staring straight up at the ceiling.
“Therapy? Your shoulder?”
“No, like...a therapist. Talking and shit.”
“Oh.” Lara bit her lip. “Well, that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with...”
“Would you come with me?” Asha blurted.
“Of course I’ll take you.”
“I mean,” Asha hesitated and pulled the pillow over her face. “Would you be okay if we both talked to her? Together?”
Lara let out a slow breath.
“Her card said she does couples therapy too, if I call before, maybe she’d work something out.” Asha let the silence settle between them for a few moments. “Or not. That was a dumb idea. Just forget it.”
Lara lifted the pillow a few inches off her face, just enough to see Asha. Asha immediately turned her face, avoiding her eyes.
Lara scooted closer until she was parallel with Asha, their sides pressed together, letting the pillow fall back over both of them.
This was new – a different, more vulnerable Asha. Lara realized then how high the stakes were. They couldn’t afford to fall back into old habits. For this to work, something had to change. And if that meant turning to someone else for help? The idea made her nervous, but she was willing to do whatever it took.
“It’s not dumb. I’d do anything for you. If that’s what you think we ne
ed, call her.”
“You sure?” Asha turned her head so her nose rubbed against Lara’s cheek.
“Anything for you.”
“You don’t think it’s...hokey?”
“Maybe it’ll be good for us. We’ll try it, okay?”
“Thanks.” Asha kissed her cheek gently. “I love you.”
“Love you more.”
“I don’t know if that’s possible.”
Lara sat up suddenly, knocking the pillow aside.
“You okay?”
Lara rolled on top of her and kissed her hard.
It was all the answer Asha needed.
***
THEY walked out to the living room to find Vianne and Rhian embroiled in an intense game of FIFA.
Asha collapsed onto the couch next to a napping Alexa, bringing Lara down with her.
“About time,” Vianne muttered. “We’re hungry.”
“You could have eaten without us.”
“Yeah. ‘Cause they did!” Rhian burst into laughter at her own joke.
Vianne took the opportunity to score a goal. “That’s what you get for having a dirty mind,” she said over Rhian’s protests, shielding herself. “Hey! Ow! Stop that!”
Alexa stirred awake. “Oh, good. Now we can eat.” She stumbled off the couch and, not thinking, leaned down to kiss Vianne.
She froze, still halfway bent over, and Vianne immediately glanced at Lara, realizing what they had just done.
Lara had to hold back a laugh at her expression. Classic deer in headlights.
“Oh my god. You guys are dating. I never would have guessed in a million years,” Lara deadpanned.
Vianne blushed.
“Seriously, everyone knows.”
Rhian sighed. “That’s what I’ve been telling them, but they think they’re like ninjas, sneaking around and shit.”
Lara giggled. “It’s pretty obvious, guys. I mean you two are living together, sharing a room.”
“Because Asha moved in,” Vianne weakly protested.
Alexa slapped her shoulder. “Vianne!”
“Ow!”
“We’re sharing a room ‘cause Asha moved in?” Alexa demanded.
“No! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean that, I wasn’t thinking. I’m used to denying!” Vianne stuttered in apology.
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