Dancing Hours

by Jennifer Browning

  “I like you Andy. You’re my favorite person.” Jessica said one day.

  “Aw, thank you.”

  “David’s my favorite person too.”

  I never asked why Jessica called all the adults by their name instead of dad, grandma or whatever. They had a complicated family life, I knew that. Noah and David’s mother left soon after I first met her. She moved back to California.

  I invited David, Jessica and Mrs. Merchant over for a 4th of July Barbecue at our house one day while I was there. The day of the party got even more exciting when I got a text from Noah inviting himself to the festivities. I was planning to show off my new cooking skills with potato salad, deviled eggs and homemade cutting board salsa - which I tried on my own without Mrs. Merchant’s help.

  Unfortunately, I didn’t know enough about peppers and spent the entire morning in glasses after rubbing my eye with the hand that held the jalapeno. Nan insisted it was cute, but I felt like a dork. I put my contacts back in even though they burned. I didn’t want anyone to see me in my glasses.

  Mrs. Merchant and Nan sat on rocking chairs sipping special iced tea for a couple of hours. It didn’t make sense to me that two people who didn’t care for each other could sit and discuss mundane topics like the weather and local events and act like everything was just fine. But I saw it happen all the time and supposed that was how you acted in civilized society. Several of the neighborhood kids showed Jessica the many wonders and shapes a sparkler can make on the front lawn.

  David and I stood watching the occasional people headed for the park to watch fireworks as it began to get dark.

  “Do you usually go to the park?” he asked.

  “No, as you can see we have a pretty good view from here. I loved the park when I was little. They have a band play and the firemen bring their truck, let the kids play on it. It’s a lot of fun.”

  “Why don’t you go then?”

  “I guess I grew out of it.” I thought, for a moment, of Jessica

  “Well, you don’t have many 4th of Julys left here if you’re going to travel the world. Maybe we should go.”

  Out of nowhere, Noah was there. “Where are we going?” he asked cheerfully.

  My heart stopped for a moment. I sensed some tension between them as David said dryly “I didn’t hear you coming.”

  “I walked. It’s a nice night.”

  “It IS a nice night.” I said a little too brightly. “Should we go to the park and take Jessica?” Noah was up for it, but David agreed only reluctantly even though it had been his idea. On the walk there, I joked with Noah about missing my spectacular food. Jessica joined in about how she’s been learning to cook, to which Noah replied “Oh yeah, squirt?” and lifted her onto his shoulders. It was the first time I’d seen them together and it warmed my heart that he was a caring uncle. They trotted ahead together leaving David and me behind walking at a leisurely pace. I was anxious to catch up and spend more time with Noah, but didn’t want to appear so.

  We chatted about the humidity for a while, how David had to take several showers each day because he felt like he stepped out of the shower and started sweating again. I agreed that air conditioning was a very important advancement in southern living. It was nice to laugh with him. He had a good sense of humor. When the small talk ran its course, I started asking David questions about his brother. He answered politely and, it seemed, a little diplomatically, but a few minutes later David stopped walking so I stopped too. The park was just ahead and I looked to see if I could see Noah and Jessica in the crowd. David turned to face me and searched my eyes for a minute.

  “Andy?” he started, then hesitated.

  “What?” I prodded, growing concerned.

  “You are a really… sweet girl.”

  Oh no. Here it was. He was about to tell me that I was making a fool of myself, that I was obvious, that Noah hated me.

  “I don’t want to see you get hurt by my brother. I can tell that you like him and I think that if your family knew…”

  Wow. He was bringing my family into this. That felt a little low.

  “What I’m trying to say is that he is bad news. He’s not the kind of guy for a girl like you.”

  A girl like me?

  “Right now, I’m a little concerned that he’s left Jessica somewhere scared and alone because he saw a snowcone stand. He thinks about himself first and other people only when they are directly impacting his ability to have fun second. I think I’ve gotten to know you recently. You just…” He heaved a heavy sigh. “You deserve better. Don’t sell yourself so cheap.”

  I was embarrassed and a little angry and more than a little upset. I saw David differently in that moment. He wasn’t a grownup – or at least he didn’t think of me as a kid. He was talking to me like a peer. Not a big brotherish feeling really, but could he really think that poorly of his own brother or was it me he disapproved of? Because I was planning to run away to college and be irresponsible? Who was he to talk being a single father at the ripe old age of 21 or 22? Clearly he’d done his goofing off. But I kept these thoughts to myself. Somewhere deep down inside, I knew David’s character… and that his warning came from a good place.

  I never really found a good way to respond and we awkwardly continued walking. We found Noah and Jessica, both with snowcones, just as the fireworks began. It was thankfully loud and the lack of conversation seemed natural. Jessica danced and screamed at times and shrank into David at times. Each time she did, Noah prodded her to giggle and play again. When Jessica had to go to the bathroom, David took her, leaving with a cautious eye to Noah and me. Noah stood there next to me. We were alone in a crowd now, everyone looking to the sky. I felt his arm slip around my waist as he leaned to my ear and said “This is pretty cool.” And I agreed. This was pretty cool. Then as quickly as it was there, it was gone. Jessica came back looking much less energetic. The excitement and sugar had worn off and she was fading. The crowd started drifting away after the fireworks were over. Some after-parties had begun on my street in the yards. Jessica was all but asleep on David’s shoulder when Noah turned to me “Wanna do something fun?”

  Jessica perked up “I wanna do something fun!” she demanded.

  “Sorry Squirt.” He planted a kiss on her head. “This is fun for big kids.”

  “I’m a big kid.” She screamed and David mouthed the word Thanks with a pointed look at Noah.

  “Sorry” David explained “but it’s bedtime for you Jessica Sue.”

  Before he walked off, I asked if he could make it back okay and he said he could and told me to be safe. I hoped he was referring to wearing a helmet.

  It turned out Noah had walked to my house from the park, where his motorcycle sat waiting with two helmets. The air was still warm and thick with humidity like a glove folding around us. I could smell smoke and sulfur in the air. Fireworks were now over in the sky, but just beginning in my belly.

  Noah picked up one helmet and held it out.

  “Do you trust me?”

  “Of course not. I barely know you.” It was true and not at the same time. He laughed quietly.

  “Well then, this should be interesting for you.”

  He helped me secure the helmet, straddled the bike and reached for me. The back was awkward with nothing to hold onto except for him. I put my hands on his shoulders and felt the heat beneath his shirt, like a sunburn warming through.

  “It’ll be easier if you wrap your arms around my waist.”

  I did, but it felt very personal. I felt him laugh again. He gave me a few quick pointers. These things get hot, don’t cover his eyes, that sort of thing. I made a face he couldn’t see and dryly said I thought I could manage that. The vibrations of the motorcycle matched my racing pulse perfectly. We headed out. I didn’t know where and I didn’t care. I had my phone and David knew I was with Noah. I trusted David. But as I thought of him, I thought of what he’d said and got upset again. I reasoned that he was jealous of Noah for being younger, bei
ng able to do kid things when he was stuck at home with his daughter. It was his fault for knocking some girl up. And where was she anyway? Jessica’s mother… who just leaves their child? I would find out, but not tonight. Tonight I was being 18. The wind was exhilarating on my skin and the hard, rippled body I’d wrapped my arms around didn’t hurt either. Before I knew it, we were on a winding steep two-lane road I knew very well. It extended for miles into the woody foothills with occasional tight turns and cliff-like drop offs.

  Of course my mind entertained many ideas, not the least of which was that he was bringing me to a remote area to kill me or he’d found a good makeout spot that he presumed I might want to go to. The reality was much more juvenile. He wanted to drive without the lights on. At first it didn’t make me nervous. The moon was large above and very few people lived on this road, much less traveled it at night. But then I thought of the holiday and someone coming home late wouldn’t be able to see us, perhaps after having a drink or two. Then I remembered his friend had been in a fatal motorcycle accident. I held him tighter and buried my helmet in his back. He laughed again and sped up, but I wondered how he managed to even get on a motorcycle after something like that.

  Finally we were at our destination somewhere off the map. My phone chirped with a text when we arrived and I dug it from my pocket. Kate wanted to know where I was. No doubt she either already knew or had shown up at my house after the fireworks. I texted back “With Noah. Middle of nowhere.”

  “Where are we?” I asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well I hope you know how to get back.”

  “Yeah, Miss Worry, I know how to get you home, safe in your bed.”

  Mention of my bed from this gorgeous guy made me blush. Good thing it was too dark to see.

  “Come ‘ere” he said taking my hand and leading me into the trees. “Watch your step.” He added. I did. There was a tree with a low crooked branch that almost made a bench. It was slightly tilted so when we sat, it was an effort not to lean into him.

  “Do you come here a lot?” I asked.

  “All the time.” He said earnestly.

  “It’s nice.”

  “It’s peaceful. I don’t think it belongs to anyone. I thought you might like to see the beauty that’s in your own backyard before you go off to L.A., which is filled with a lot of unbeautiful things.” He gestured to the trees around him, but it was too dark to make out much even with the moonlight.

  “I don’t think that’s a word.”

  “Unbeautiful? It should be.”

  “Maybe so, but it’s hard to see anything out here… just shadows.”

  Noah turned to look at me fully. “Have you ever noticed how much you depend on the light, on your eyes to tell you what’s going on? In the dark, you have to feel it. If you fall in the daytime, you can see where you might land and figure out how to do it. In the dark, or with your eyes closed, you don’t know. You could fall and just hope you don’t hit something but you won’t know until it happens. It’s scary and fun at the same time.”

  I wondered momentarily if Noah was having a deep philosophical moment. I thought about the darkness, about falling and not knowing where you were going to land. It summed up perfectly my going away to school. It would be like falling in the dark. Somehow I suspected Noah was being more literal, though.

  “Have you been to Los Angeles?” I asked.

  “Yep, that’s where I used to go looking for trouble growing up.”

  “And are you looking for trouble here now?”

  He turned and looked at me as if he was trying to decide something. He elbowed me in the ribs and laughed. “I guess I found it, eh Trouble?”

  I’d never been given a nickname before – other than Andy. Even if I had, I couldn’t think of a single person who would call me Trouble. I liked it.

  We tried talking about a variety of topics, but never managed to find any common ground. He didn’t like reading or dancing or movies that don’t include a guy with a machete. Ultimately, I settled on asking about his family.

  In the quiet of the night, Noah told me he felt guilty going out while David stayed home all the time and took care of Jessica. I stayed silent. It seemed like the right thing to do. I had no siblings and knew nothing of the relationship between brothers and their children. My eyes adjusted to the low light and I memorized this place while he was talking: the shadows, the trees, the moonlight. It was beautiful and sad here.

  I guessed that Noah had a lot of guilt. He was angry and embarrassed. He had much to atone for. I didn’t pry. Not because I wasn’t curious, but because his trust seemed delicate somehow. If I reached out to touch it, it would wither and die. I dared only one question: “Why are you here?”

  What followed was the saddest story I ever heard in real life. Jessica, Noah and David had been living with their mom while David finished up school. Noah got a GED and tried to find work. Trixie watched Jessica when she had to, but drank too much, yelled a lot and cared too little. When David graduated, he and Noah went to a party to celebrate. They came back to find Trixie passed out drunk on the couch with Jessica asleep beside her. They had nowhere else to go, no real family… except Mrs. Merchant.

  “I can’t stay here much longer” he confessed. “Small towns talk and I have a bad habit of getting in trouble and a bad temper.”

  I gasped at once, imagining the worst “You never hurt Jessica?!?” It was a question and an accusation.

  “No! I’d die before I’d ever hurt her. Everything I do is to make sure she’s got the best there is. But that’s another reason I should go.”

  “I saw you with her. She loves you and you’re an awesome uncle. I don’t think she’d be better off without you.”

  Noah looked around uncomfortably. Perhaps I had touched a nerve where Jessica was concerned.

  “I think we should go now.”

  Our departure was abrupt. He walked back to where he had parked without looking back or talking. I asked him if I’d said something wrong, but he muttered “no” unconvincingly. It was still pretty early when we got back toward town. At my house, I handed him back the helmet and told him I had a nice time.

  “What are you doing tomorrow?” he asked.

  Pitter pat, pitter pat.

  “I don’t have any solid plans.”

  “Good. My grandmother is planning to take Jessica out shopping for a new bed in the morning. Can you come over for breakfast?”

  “Yeah, sure, what time?”

  “Is seven too early?”

  “No, not at all.” Hell yes, it was too early. It was summer break; but I would be there anyway.

  8

  Breakfast at Mrs. Merchant’s house started very early and was mostly done by the time I got there. Noah hadn’t told anyone that I was coming, but I was welcome anyway. Sitting at the table, Jessica buzzed with excitement. “I’m gonna get a pink bed!” she exclaimed, bouncing up and down with her feet swinging wildly.

  “Is pink your favorite color?” I asked.

  “Yes, and purple.” She responded solemnly.

  “Ooh, pink and purple. That sounds like it would make a pretty bed.”

  Mrs. Merchant piped up from the stove where she was making fresh eggs and bacon. “Don’t go getting your hopes up, I’ve never seen a pink and purple bed before.” She chided.

  From the tone in her voice, I guessed she’d search the ends of the Earth to find one if she had to.

  “Do you know what my favorite color is?” I asked Jessica.

  “Umm, brown.” She guessed looking at my shirt.

  “Good guess, but no. My favorite color is blue.” I told her.

  “Ewww. Blue is a boy color.” Jessica made a face.

  “Not always. There are so many pretty shades of blue.” I explained.

  “What’s shades?”

  This took me a moment to answer. While I was pointing out all the different pink things on her outfit David wandered into the kitchen bleary eyed, unshaven
and wearing only sleep pants. I was embarrassed for him and blushed for us both. He was much taller than Noah, but the definition I felt beneath Noah’s shirt was there in David’s bare chest and stomach in front of me. He had those muscles on the side of his lower abdomen that met in a V somewhere below the edge of his pants. Thinking about it made my heart beat a little faster. Jessica jumped onto him.

  “David! I have one, two, three, four pink shades.” She pointed to each one. He groaned as her knees hit his stomach and then his eyes focused on me.

  “Oh, hi. I didn’t know we were having company this morning.” He shot a pointed look at his grandmother who either didn’t notice or pretended not to.