by Nicky Shanks
Tears form in her eyes but she doesn’t let them fall. “I’m so sorry…if Julie finds out—”
I nearly jump up and shake her. “You don’t know her, either. Would you believe us if you were in her shoes?”
Now she’s starting to sob louder. It’s really hard for me to handle since I know this isn’t Lucy’s fault. It’s my fault; Julie is going to hate me because of my screw-up. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I shouldn’t have pulled you into my insecurities.”
I hold my hand up for her to stop. “Does anyone else know you’re here?”
“Just your friend from last night.”
Oh, shit. Harley.
“I’ll take care of him,” I say. “Julie hardly knows Harley, and he’s loyal to me. If he even says anything, we can act like we don’t know each other, right?”
Lucy blinks a few times, processing what I’m saying. “Sure—”
I blow out hard. “Okay, so this could work. I’m not lying…we don’t know each other.” I feel bad because I know that if I have to make up a story, it’s lying. “She doesn’t need to know anything else. It would crush her, and I don’t want that.”
“It sounds like you do really love her.” She sniffles. “It must be nice to have something like that in your life.”
I clear the lump from my throat. “She’s everything to me…everything good in my life.”
She makes a swoony face and pouts. “That’s so sweet.”
Oh, fuck. That word. Sweet.
I growl. “Don’t say that. I’m here with you…that’s not so sweet.”
“I can help you get her back, if you want.”
I scoff. “No thank you.”
Lucy laughs and it’s kind of nice: light and airy like Julie’s laugh. “I mean, give you some pointers to get her back. I watch a lot of rom-coms.”
“What the hell are rom-coms?” I blurt, and we both laugh. “Like chick flicks?”
She nods. “Exactly. You can actually learn a lot from them.”
This girl lives in a dream world. Out here in the adult world, we have rules. We have several, fucked-up rules that we put in place to protect ourselves even though we don’t follow them. Life is messy—it’s not dozens of roses and chasing the girl of your dreams and actually getting her…without obstacles getting in your way, anyway. Life knocks you down; life takes away the one person who kept you alive inside and gave you a new life. Life takes away your hope that someday you can change and be a better person.
Life hates you sometimes.
“Hey, you sure you don’t want me to stay and talk?” Her phone beeps in her hands and I know she’s distracted and wants to leave. “I’m supposed to meet up with someone, but if you want me to stay—”
I choke. “I’ll be fine. You should go.”
She doesn’t press it further and stands up to leave. I make sure not to make eye contact with her so she lingers, and after a few minutes she takes the hint and heads for the front door. When she opens it, I hear her gasp and someone say, “Who the hell are you?”
I jump up so fast that my head spins. The voice is familiar, but it’s not Julie. Lucy backs up into the apartment again and the girl steps toward her.
Tall and thin.
Long, sandy blonde hair.
Red lipstick on her wide lips, which contort in a snarl.
Staci.
She is pissed.
Her hands are on her hips and her heels click on the floor as she starts to approach me. Lucy looks pale, and I can tell she thinks it’s Julie. I shake my head at her and she relaxes, but she’s still on alert for a possible cat fight. Staci is steaming as she looks from Lucy to me. “Are you kidding me with this, Oliver?” She steps a few feet farther inside. “I consoled Julie all damn day today and defended you, and this is what you’re doing? This is why you’re too busy to talk to her? You’re cheating on her?” Her gaze snaps to Lucy. “Did you know he has a girlfriend?”
Lucy nods. “I know.”
“Oh, so you think it’s okay to sleep with someone who’s taken, then?”
I hold up my hand to stop her. “What are you doing here? How do you even know where I live? Where’s Julie?”
Staci snorts. “Like you even care.”
She rummages through a huge bag and walks past Lucy to slam a yellow envelope against my bare chest. It stings a little, but I match her glare like it doesn’t affect me at all. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say.
“Julie tried to get you to come over so you could open this together.” Her voice is like thick ice against my skin. “But you were too busy fucking someone else, probably getting her pregnant too.”
I feel the blood rush to my face. “So, she is pregnant?”
Staci flips her long, sandy blonde hair over her shoulders. “Open it and see for yourself. Maybe you can pretend to love her enough to do what’s right.”
My jaw clenches. “Again, you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
She rolls her eyes. After she glares at Lucy one more time, she turns and leaves without saying another word. I’m in shock for so long that I don’t even notice Lucy leave too. I stand in the middle of the apartment with the envelope in my hands, alone—again.
I picture Julie dancing in the kitchen, making breakfast and swaying her curvy hips to music that isn’t there. I want to cry when I think about opening the envelope because regardless of what it says…I won’t ever stop loving her. No matter what this envelope says, she’s always going to be the one for me. I can’t explain it—she’s asked me to many, many times—but there’s just something so cosmic that happens inside of me when she smiles that makes me too weak to deny the magic.
Right now, I can’t move.
I’m so frozen that it hurts.
Staci is going to tell her.
I have to get to Julie first.
I put the envelope down and rush to the bedroom, throwing on whatever clothes I can reach first. I find my phone and call Julie—it rings several times before going to her voicemail.
Staci already told her.
“Fuck this.” I grab the envelope and my keys, taking the stairs to the garage where the Jeep is. I don’t waste time waiting for the elevator—I have to get to Julie. At this point, I don’t care about anything but her. I don’t give a shit about rules or how to fight to keep myself from breaking them. Julie is all I have left that’s keeping me tethered to a normal feeling in my life. I can’t lose her to my own stupidity; I have to stop acting like every day is our last day and just open myself up to whatever comes our way.
Rain is pouring down as I pull the Jeep onto the streets and race through the sea of other drivers on the road. I don’t pay attention to what I’m doing. All I can think about is how much I’ve fucked up and how I can fix it.
I won’t be able to stand it if she hates me.
The rain makes the roads slippery, but I press on like nothing is in my way. The Jeep is having trouble staying straight, but I don’t bother slowing down until I reach an intersection and I’m forced to. I breathe deeply to try and calm my nerves so I can make sure I get to her safely…but it’s too late.
I don’t see what pushes me from behind into the intersection.
I do see the man’s face across the road as I slam into him—the look of pure fear, of thinking that his life is going to end and there’s nothing he can do about it. As our cars collide, everything quakes around me.
I hear screams.
Then…nothing.
But I sure as hell feel everything before it all goes dark.
Chapter Six
Heather
I rip the note off the door of my hotel room when I get back from “visiting” Nora in the hospital. I scoff as my fingernails scrape against the paste-white surface. The money I managed to scrape together selling my things is running out; the wonderful people of this lavish hotel are kind enough to give me a few more days to get my remaining things and leave.
I
let the heavy door slam behind me. I shove the air back down into my lungs, but it aches to be free. I won’t give in; I won’t let the frustration get the best of me. I honestly thought Ollie would let me back in the apartment by now.
My once shiny black hair is dull and lifeless, making me frown at my reflection. I need better hair product than this hotel provides. I need new clothes and necessities too. I need something more than I ever thought I would.
I need Ollie.
I also need to let that go.
I crumple up the notice and throw it in the trash. I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to get out of this for days—I know I can’t ask Ollie for any more money. He’s made it pretty clear that’s over for me. I’ll just have to take more extreme measures to keep living the way I was born to live: worry-free and with Oliver Jackson.
I already decided that karma is a bitch. No, she’s a heinous bitch. Therefore, I’m cleansing myself of who I am and digging deep to find who I want to be. I want friends who don’t follow me out of fear, and I want someone I love enough not to hurt. That’s the only way I’m ever going to be truly happy.
I’m going to be an entirely new person.
I fluff up my chest and smile into the mirror. The white, sleeveless blouse washes out my tanned skin, but it doesn’t matter. I’ll always be the fairest one of all. I rummage through the rest of my clothing and find a pair of skinny jeans and flats.
Now I look like I did before I met Ollie…the real me.
Heather Michaels, small-town girl with small-town worries.
I was a naïve sophomore at NYU when I met him; his boyish charm and handsome face drew me in the instant he introduced himself. I’d scraped together money and took out loans for the rest just to get to New York in the first place, but he whisked me into a life of diamonds and pearls and even paid off my loans for me as a birthday gift the year we met. I felt wanted, and Ollie gave me something I never knew I needed more of.
Love.
My phone rings and I struggle to find it under the takeout containers littering the table. They were once full of fattening, carb-loaded food—not that I kept any of it down long. The nerve-wracking drama I’ve been through has turned my stomach against me. I wipe off the screen and Nora’s name shows up.
“Thank you so much for forgiving me, Nora,” I say when I answer the phone. I don’t bother saying hello. People are drawn to me…they want to be my friend. I didn’t make it that way—that sort of just happens on its own. “I shouldn’t have lied to you; I just wanted Ollie back so bad.”
Nora sighs. “Save it. I’m calling to tell you to stop calling me.”
I want to laugh. I don’t think that would make her believe me, though. I place my index finger—that’s in horrible need of a manicure—to my lips. “No matter why you called—I’m glad you did,” I say, forcing my voice into the unknown territory of remorse. “I really wanted to apologize—”
“Just leave me alone, okay?” Her voice is strained. “Julie and Oliver are my friends, something you know nothing about. Not to mention you slept with Casey.”
Okay, I let a little laugh slip out. “There’s nothing I can say about that, other than I’m sorry…again. I don’t want to be that person anymore.”
She hangs up on me.
I turn the phone over in my hands a few times. Where did I go wrong here? I didn’t ask for Oliver to captivate me and bring me to Rockford—I was doing just fine where I was. Of course, staying at school would’ve meant I wouldn’t have him or the money anyway, but right now…that actually seems nice and relaxing.
I dial Casey’s number next.
“What?” he roars.
I frown. “Hey, you. Can we talk?”
“No,” he spits.
“Look, Casey…” I’m lonely, and I think he knows it. “I just want someone to talk to.”
I shouldn’t have messed things up with Casey the way I did…he’s always been fairly nice to me throughout my relationship with Oliver.
He growls. “Someone like me?”
Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. “Exactly.”
He laughs hysterically. “I’m good, thanks.”
“Casey, please?” I turn on the waterworks and throw a little whine into my voice. “I have no one anymore. Nora won’t talk to me and Ollie is gone. You’re all I have left.”
“You’ve never had me, Heather. You’re nothing to me.”
My stomach sinks. No one has ever said that to me before. Ollie didn’t even talk to me like that when he found out about everything and kicked me out. He was stoic and sad; it probably didn’t help that I never apologized. I just assumed he would come to his senses and call me, begging me to come back.
Then Julie happened.
“That’s not true,” I say. “You wouldn’t have slept with me if I meant nothing to you.”
His laughter fills the entire room and he’s not even in it. “Trust me, me fucking you had nothing to do with me actually wanting you. That’s something I’ll never do again—you can count on that. You better fucking leave Julie and Oliver alone.”
He hangs up and it sounds like a prison cell door slamming in my ear.
Okay. Now I’m getting worried. That’s two people who want nothing to do with me. I’m not used to this; people don’t just drop me like that. I mean, sure, I piss people off sometimes. Lately, though…they haven’t been coming back.
I call Staci and she doesn’t even answer the phone.
I run through the now short-list of people who might still be loyal to me. I have to talk to someone before my insides explode. If I’m going to try and let Oliver go, I’m going to have to start by finding myself again. I search through my online social media profile, looking at my friends list to find someone—anyone—to talk to.
I come across Lucy Peterson’s name and freeze. This girl was basically my shadow in high school, and she’s someone I could always count on. I wonder if she’s still in Atlanta; I heard she moved there after high school. There’s only one way to find out.
I look through her pictures and frown. She’s almost as hot as me now. Her wavy, fire-engine red hair has been amplified, and the acne on her heart-shaped face has cleared up.
I write to her anyway.
Heather: Hey, Lucy. I don’t know if you remember me. I found you online and wanted to see how you’ve been since high school…what have you been up to?
I send the message and wait. I’m thinking about searching through the takeout containers to see if I can scrounge up something to fill my growling stomach when I hear the phone ding from Lucy’s reply.
Lucy: It’s so good to hear from you! I would love to catch up…I’m in Rockford right now. I’m getting ready to escape a one-night stand, actually.
I smirk at her aloofness. Being proud of a one-night stand is something the old me would have tackled her down for. I wonder what’s brought her to Rockford?
Heather: Wow! That’s awesome! Can you meet up?
Lucy: Of course! The coffee shop on Eleventh? I could use a macchiato. I work just around the corner at Rita’s Boutique, but my shift isn’t for a few hours.
I agree to meet her at the coffee shop in an hour. Lucy is the ticket to helping me get back in touch with my former self. I’m sure that even if we can’t pick right back up where we left off, there’s enough friendship left there to satisfy me.
I don’t bother changing my clothes; I’m not going there to impress her. I snatch the hotel keycard from the desk and move swiftly through the hallways, hoping no one notices me and tries to collect their money. I open my wallet and see a twenty-dollar bill. I hope that maybe Lucy will be so tickled to see me again that she’ll treat me to whatever I want.
Alejandro, the concierge, is busy with some new guests, so I’m able to slink out of the lobby unseen. I escape onto the streets of Rockford unscathed by his demeaning looks. I feel the last of my jewelry flutter around in my pocket and frown. The pawn shop that I’ve been using for my things is on my w
ay to the coffee shop; I decide to stop inside and pawn what’s left of my life with Ollie just in case Lucy doesn’t offer to pay for lunch.
I look at my flats and smile. I love these shoes. They’re so…simple.
When I turn around a corner, I look up and see someone staring at me. He looks familiar, but I don’t keep his gaze; he’s probably just some random guy checking me out. I walk a little faster but he moves with me, his dark shadow bouncing behind him on the sidewalk. He tries his best to blend in, but his bad boy vibe oozes from him and saturates the ground he walks on. Suddenly I realize that I do know him.
“I thought you were leaving town?” I say as I draw closer. I snicker when he jumps and faces me—I half-expect him to frown, but instead, he flashes a toothy smile and his happiness at seeing me glows through his skin. “Nice to see you again…” I act like I’d forgotten his name.
“Brandon,” he says, his voice ragged. “I turned myself in, but Nora didn’t press charges. She doesn’t remember if I pushed her or if she fell on accident.” He winks at me and it excites me a little inside. I look behind him at the large clock on the side of Rockford Bank and Trust.
He turns to catch a glimpse of what I’m staring at, so I can get a better look of him without being caught. His six-foot-tall body is slender enough to wear tight navy-blue dress pants; the pale sky-blue dress shirt clings to his small chest as he turns back around. Even though it looks like he hasn’t shaved in a few days, the dark, scratchy-looking patches of his facial hair are stomach-tingling.
Brandon’s hazel eyes follow mine. “Looking for someone besides me?”
“Yeah, I thought I saw someone better. See ya.” I glare at him with heavy suspicion that I’m not getting rid of him that easily.
I start to walk away but feel his strong grip tug at my arm, spinning me back around to face him. In that moment, I feel like Bambi, and he’s the hunter trying so desperately to track me down and consume me.
Okay, it’s not like me to panic, but this is—