by Michelle Lee
“Look at me, babe.” Kevin’s fingers gently lifted my chin and my eyes immediately found his.
“There’s my beautiful girlfriend.” He smiled wide, his eyes twinkled.
I couldn’t help the smile that overtook my lips. Hearing him call me his beautiful girlfriend did something to me.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be, Kassidy. I know this is a big step, but I know I’m ready, you’re ready, we’re ready for this…I promise.”
My heart believed him. My head was slow to catch up.
“I love you, Kassidy Lillian Marshall. From the first time I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the one. The only one. My forever.”
I looked deep into his eyes, practically seeing his soul and felt his words wrap around me. My head caught up with my heart.
I nodded.
Kevin slowly began to kiss me and one by one our clothes were removed. Part of me was still scared to be losing my virginity, but a bigger part of me was more than ready and knew I was making the right decision. Kevin loved me and I loved him. He’s been a wonderfully patient boyfriend. Most guys his age weren’t. Donovan Clark was proof of that. He pushed and pushed until Rebecca Donaldson said yes just after two weeks of dating. He dumped the next day and moved on to Tiffany Mills. But I knew Kevin wasn’t like that. I knew what Kevin and I had was the real deal.
The next day at school Kevin wasn’t at his locker as usual. I didn’t see him at lunch either. He hadn’t called or left a note in my locker or anything. It was pretty much the same thing the next couple of days as well. I was beginning to panic and I was getting pretty pissed off too. So, I decided to cut last period a little early and wait for him at his car in the parking lot.
I waited and waited and when I finally saw him, my heart stopped and then shattered into a million pieces. Kevin, my boyfriend, the one that said he loved me, the one I just gave my virginity to, was walking with his arm around Heather Roberts, nuzzling her neck. He didn’t even see me waiting for him; he was too busy sucking on her ear. When they finally got to his car and saw me, he stopped dead in his tracks, but never took his arm from around Heather.
“What’s up, Kas?” he asked.
My heart cracked into a million pieces before I spoke, “Kevin, what’s going on?”
Heather giggled and answered for him, “I’m dating Kevin now. He’s through with you.”
I looked to Kevin for confirmation and he gave me what I never thought I would hear. “Sorry, babe. It was fun and all, but seriously monogamy is so not my thing. I can’t be tied down to one chick. If you still wanna be a side fuck, I could go for that.”
I didn’t respond, I couldn’t. I just pushed past him and Heather and ran home as fast as I could slowly building a wall around myself and my heart. No guy was going to hurt me like that again.
The tears come faster as I remember why I had put up my walls in the first place and with the new found knowledge of what Macy saw in Davis’s face. Something I didn’t see. I’ve had my walls in place for so long and for so many reasons, I have become skeptical when I hear the truth I guess.
You okay?
Yeah, it's just that when Macy said past experiences all those old memories came rushing back. I really hadn't thought about that in ages.
I know, you keep it locked and under tight security and I understand why.
I know you do, thanks.
But shit, Davis I feel…
You feel what?
Stupid, stupid, stupid. For someone so bright and with a law degree, I sure was stupid.
Not stupid, just confused.
Well, that’s good way of sugar coating it don't ya think?
No and since when have you known me to sugar coat anything?
You've got a point.
I always do.
"Kas, you okay, I didn't mean?" Macy softly asks.
I clear my throat, "I'm fine Macy, thanks."
"Are ya sure?" she questions as she wipes the tears from my cheeks.
"I'm sure, it's just that…" I start.
"It's just that you're confused, shit who wouldn't be. But Jesus, Kas, you gotta stop doing this to yourself, not every guy you meet and has feelings for you is going to be Patrick Moore or Kevin Conners," she interrupts.
"I'm starting to realize that," I confess because I truly am starting to realize that. Davis is not Patrick Moore. He is not Kevin Conners. No one is Patrick Moore, except the prick himself.
"Listen, I'm not used to all this mushy gushy shit, so let me just say this, Davis is a decent guy Kassidy and he truly does love you, I saw that tonight. You just need to love yourself enough to let him in. You deserve to be happy and I believe that happiness can be found with Davis," Macy says as she tucks a loose hair behind my ear.
"Thanks Macy, you're doing Chloe proud," I tease.
"If you tell anyone about me being all touch feely with ya, I will kick your ass. I have my bitch rep to protect. Got it?" she jokes back as she pokes me in the chest.
"Ow, ya fucking brut, I got it. Wouldn't want anyone to think differently about you, God forbid," I say as I rub my now sore chest thanks to Pokey.
"Good. Now, continuing with the mushy gushy I could stay with ya tonight if you want me to?"
"Um, that won't be necessary, I'll be fine. I'm gonna take a nice hot bath, put on my fuzzy pj's and crawl into bed," I reassure her.
"Are ya sure?" she doubts.
"Totally."
"Well, if you need me, I'm only a ring away," she says as she holds up her cell phone.
"I know, thanks Macy." Macy reaches out for me and hugs me so tight that I think she broke one of my ribs. It truly isn't like her to be all mushy gushy, but tonight I'm glad she was, I really needed that from her.
We both get up from the couch and hug once more before we walk to the door. Macy opens the door and before she leaves she turns to me, "Kas, things are gonna be fine. Just listen to your heart and not that stubborn head of yours, okay? And don't forget I'm a ring away."
"I'll try and don't worry I'll be fine." And with that the door closes behind her.
I walk into the living room and slump back down on the couch. I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them, hugging myself tightly.
Can I really let him in?
I think, no scratch that, I know you can.
Are ya sure?
Positive. Look, things got a little weird, but not too weird where you two can’t start fresh. You love him and now you know he loves you. You deserve to see where this goes.
I do deserve it, don't I?
Hell yes you do!!
Well, then operation Fix Things With Davis is underway.
Good, but let's start tomorrow, it's been a long fucking day.
Tomorrow sounds good. I'll call him and see if we can't meet for lunch?
That sounds perfect.
Cool.
I get up from the couch with the newfound attitude that I do deserve to be happy and Davis just might be the one to bring that happiness. My heart skips a beat at the thought. I start to make my way towards the bathroom when there is a knock at the door.
"Macy, I told you I would be fine, you don't need to stay," I call out as I walk to the door.
I open the door and it isn't Macy. "Jackson?"
CHAPTER 16
"Jackson, what are you doing here? How did you…" I am stunned.
"How did I get in? Is that what your pretty, little head is wondering? Some leggy blonde was on her way out so, I made my way in." He smirks devilishly at me.
I can feel the heat radiate off of him and I feel a little light headed, probably due to the waves of alcohol that permeate from his skin. Jackson has been drinking, a lot.
"So, are you gonna invite me in, or what?" he demands.
"Um, yeah, sure, I guess, come in," I hesitate.
Are you fucking insane? Slam the fucking door in his stupid face!!
"What do you want, Jackson?" I nervously ask. For some reason I feel extr
emely uncomfortable, this isn't the Jackson I am used to. This Jackson seems like a predator and that he has an agenda, an agenda that worries and scares me, just a little. Well, maybe more than a little, I am definitely on high alert.
High alert, high alert? We're at defcon 2 here. I swear if he…
It's just Jackson, relax, because I'm trying to and you're not helping.
My inner self is a little easier to convince than I am. I’m not exactly sure why Jackson is here, but if the state he is in was any indication of things to come, let's just say my dad taught his daughter well.
Jackson moves passed me, slowly making his way to the living room. He stumbles a few times, confirming my instincts that he is very drunk.
"Nice place you got here, Kas. I can't believe you've never invited up here before. I guess there's a first for everything." He finally finds his way to the couch and plops down on it as he taps the cushion beside him, indicating he wants me to join him.
I move purposefully toward the couch, noting Jackson's position, and ease myself onto it, keeping a safe distance. I don't think Jackson will hurt me or anything. I think I am really concerned that he would puke on me. If he does puke, than I will be puking, as well and I don't need to be cleaning that shit up.
You're worried about fucking puke? Are you serious? Honey, there's more to be worried about than that, look in his eyes, because it is all right there.
Jackson's eyes are different. They are wild, as if he is a lion trapped in a cage. I take a deep breath to calm myself, before I speak. "So, Jackson, why are you here?"
"Oh, do I really need an excuse? I just wanted to see what my pal, Kas was up to? Actually, I thought I would find that pretty boy here, but you're all alone. I guess you just love 'em and leave 'em, huh, Kassidy?" he seethes.
"What?" I ask perplexed.
"You fucking heard me! Don't think I didn't see or don't remember what the two of you were doing in your office not so long ago. I'm not fucking blind, Kassidy. If my father only knew that his favorite, young attorney was turning his firm into some goddamn brothel!" I feel the venom in every word he speaks. This isn't my Jackson, my friend, this is a jealous and cruel Jackson, the Jackson I don't like.
"Jackson, it's not what you think," I try to reassure him.
"Not what I think, not what I think? Are you fucking serious? A guy knows, Kassidy. And I know that you led me the fuck on, asked me to your stupid friend's wedding, you gave me looks when I brought you dinner and then dumped my ass because, what I'm not a pretty boy? I'm not perfect enough for you? I'm not sophisticated and dashing and whatever the fuck he is? Then you have the fucking nerve to parade his ass around the office and let him almost fuck you right there, too? Let me tell you something, Kassidy, you are a cold hearted bitch!" With that last spoken word, I see something strange in his eyes. It is pure hatred, hatred directed at me.
I inch my way, slowly, further to the other side of the couch, but Jackson moves his way toward me, closing the gap between us.
"Jackson, you know you mean a lot to me, but not in that way. We've been over this and I thought we were passed all this." I am trembling, but try to hide it from him.
"Well, cock tease, I guess you thought wrong." And before I can react, Jackson's lips are crashing into mine, hard.
He puts all his weight on me, pinning me to the couch. I tries to push against him, but it is useless, he won't budge. I try slapping, punching, and hitting him, but each blow is met with little resistance. It is as if Jackson is made of steel and my little, toy hammer like fists aren't making a dent. He doesn't even acknowledge them; he just keeps pushing into me. His hands grip my wrists and hold them down over my head. The tears begin to well up in my eyes, not because of what is happening, but because this isn't my Jackson, this is a Jackson I don't even know. His lips finally release mine and make their way to my neck sucking and kissing.
"Kassidy, I've wanted you for so long. I know you fucking want me too," he groans into my neck.
He's fucking delusional.
"Jackson, Jackson, please, not like this," I beg, trying to distract him.
"Like how then? Like how he was going to give it to you in your office? Is that what my little cock tease wants?" he breathes into my face; the smell of alcohol burns my nose.
His lips once again find mine, bruising me. I feel his hard length against my leg. I try to bring my knee up, but his weight still has me pinned to the couch. I squeeze my eyes shut as my mind is spinning out of control, like a hamster on its wheel to nowhere.
Think, Marshall, think.
But before I have a chance to, I hear a voice call out behind Jackson, and then he is yanked off me.
"Get the fuck off of her!" Davis bellows, as he flings Jackson against the wall.
"Oh, well, if it isn't the pretty boy. Too bad you won't be pretty for long," Jackson threatens as he swings at Davis.
I sit, paralyzed, unable to move, ultimately becoming one with the sofa. I clutch a nearby pillow, nearly tearing it to shreds as I sit and watch. My heart stops, my breathing stops, time completely stops. It is as if everything is happening in slow motion. I don't blink; my eyes are fixated on the two forms that become blurry as the tears well up in my eyes once again. I try to scream, but I only hear the screams echo in my head, they never make it into the room. Davis ducks, missing Jackson's swing and plows his fist straight into Jackson's gut. Jackson doubles over, clenching his stomach, when he balls up his fist and aims for Davis’s face. Once again, Davis swerves, Jackson misses and makes contact with nothing but air, and he stumbles forward from the exertion of missing or more than likely because of his drunken state. Jackson immediately turns around, facing Davis, drawing back his fist again, and pushes forward with all his weight. As if he is "Neo" in The Matrix, Davis bends backwards, avoiding being punched, yet again. Jackson makes contact, but with the wall and then cradles his hand to his chest.
"You fucking son of bitch," Jackson yells as spit flies out of his mouth.
Davis answers by punching Jackson in the face. His fist meets Jackson's nose, causing it to swell and spread upon contact. Blood gushes out, streaming down his face, turning his white shirt a lovely shade of deep red. Jackson cups his nose between his hands and yelps like a wild animal caught in a trap. He lunges at Davis, but Davis sidesteps out of the way and Jackson tumbles to the floor. I sit rigid, completely still; unable to comprehend what is happening in front of me. Davis grabs Jackson by the scruff of his neck, hoists him up and drags him to the door, throwing him out.
"If you ever, and I mean ever come near her or touch her again, I'll kill you! I'll fucking kill you!" Davis promises as he slams the door on a very injured Jackson.
I just sit there, still unable to move, still holding my breath, still not blinking and still unable to wrap my brain around what just happened. Like my knight in shining armor, Davis has come to my rescue, yet again.
"Kassidy, are you okay?" Davis asks, barely above a whisper as he makes his way back into the living room, back to me.
"Kassidy, it's okay, he's gone, it's just me, Davis," he again says in a hushed tone with his hands strategically raised, as if he is surrendering.
I just stare at him, still unable to do anything.
Davis cautiously crosses the living room, finally reaching his destination in front of me. I gaze up at him as the tears continue to stream down my face. My lungs ache for air and my body is cramped in pain, as I hold every muscle rigid.
"Kassidy, honey it's okay, I promise. He's gone and he won't be coming back," Davis breathes as he slowly bends down in front of me, holding out his hand.
His hand slowly settles on my knee, I flinch.
"Kassidy, baby, I'm sorry," he whispers.
I finally blink the tears from my eyes and focus on the form in front of me, focus on Davis. My heart aches and swells in my chest. I feel the bile creep up inside and coat my tongue. I cup my mouth, spring up and dart down the hall. I empty the contents of the day into the toilet along
with the pain of the situation I just witnessed. As I crouch at the bowl, I feel a cool compress on the back of my heated neck. It gently presses into my skin and then it meets the sweat that had formed on my brow. It brings with it much relief.
"It's gonna be okay, Kassidy," Davis reassures me as he brings the compress to my flushed cheek.
I simply blink at him and nod my head. I will myself to speak, but it is as if my vocal cords had been severed. He continues to wipe the compress, gently, across my face, erasing my tears. It meets my lips and it feels as though Davis is leaving behind with it, gentle kisses. I feel the tears stab in my eyes, so I close them tightly, forcing them to stay inside. My efforts are futile because they still spill forward. Davis scoops me up and cradles me to his chest. I feel his heart beat; it is soothing as is the song he hums. He leads me out the bathroom and carefully lays me on my bed, covering me with my blanket. He turns, as if to leave, and I quickly grab him by the wrist. Finally the words come. "Please stay, don't leave me," I whimper.
"Not to worry, I'm not going anywhere." Davis scoots in behind me, spooning me.
I grab his arm and drape me around me, as I nuzzle into him. I find my nook and a calm washes over me.
"Thank you," I utter.
"Shhh, no need," he breathes into my hair.
He pulls me into him, tighter. My heart and his begin to beat in sync; our breathing comes and goes together as well. For the first time tonight, I feel safe, it is as though he is my guardian angel and nothing can or will hurt me, ever. Davis’s other arm snakes around underneath me, meets the one that I have draped over me and embraces me. He holds me to him and I am grateful. I feel anchored to him as we become one. He places butterfly like kisses on my head as he continues to hum. My eyes grow heavy, but I try with every fiber of my being to keep them open. Once again I am defeated and the darkness comes; I easily against all I have, succumb to it.
The morning sun warms my face and the smell of honey swirls around me, as I inhale deeply. My eyes flutter open and my gaze falls upon the most beautiful image inches away from me, Davis, sound asleep. His arms are still wrapped around me, protecting me. A cold chill inches its way up my back as the thought of "what if he hadn't shown up?" enters my mind. I push the thought out of my mind, not wanting to answer it or have it ruin the moment. I draw my hand to his face; my fingers trace his eyebrow, his jaw line and then his lips. I want to explore every part of this man, but will have to be satisfied with only exploring the godlike features of his face. I lean in closer to him and brush my lips against his, igniting a spark between us. A wide smile spreads across his face and he pulls me closer to him.