Northern Spirit

by Lindsey J Carden

  But David didn’t reply and Tony knew this meant a refusal.

  The track to the tarn steepened and the men found it harder to talk and walk at the same time. As they approached the tarn the mist started to draw in on them, the path became firm with the altitude and the cold. A silent breeze swirled around them, cocooning their young bodies in an eerie fog. They weren’t afraid; they knew exactly where they were. Then suddenly the mist cleared as quickly as it had arrived and the fell top became visible. The higher ridges swept up before them and beckoned them to continue. But they resisted. They could now see clearly, as the dead bracken lay as a carpet, bronzed and golden in the muted light. The grass, bright green, sustained and watered by the Lakeland rain. They heard a splash and they knew they must be near the tarn. The dog had arrived first. Then the two men were enveloped in a peculiar orange glow as the morning’s sunshine tried to break through and push the mist further up to the higher fells once again. As they stood and contemplated, their hair dampened and curled in the mist.

  ‘There’s not much to see here today.’ Tony was anxious to keep moving as he watched David, almost in a trance, staring at the tarn. But as they were about to leave, the mist cleared completely and revealed a silken sheet of water, rippling gently as the dog swam towards them.

  By ten-thirty, they had reached a gully and were running and jumping, sliding on the icy ground like two children, tugging each other’s jackets and then stumbling on the hard cold earth. They ran down the steep hill, their legs aching, taking the strain off their tired lungs until they reached the flat green pasture below. Both men were gasping, silenced by the exertion. The deep tones of their heavy breathing and laughing swept off up the valley and carried away.

  They stopped to rest, bending over, tired now and resting their hands on their hips. Tony started to tease David, throwing stones at him, splashing water in his face from the beck. When this failed to make a reaction, he resorted to name-calling. David smiled at his friend’s childish behaviour, happy that nothing really had changed. And David foolishly thought because he’d restored his friendship with Tony that would be the end of the matter. He never said another word about Joanne.

  *

  David’s mother was sitting at the kitchen table with Alan Marsh. They were both drinking tea. Alan was leaning back in the chair, straining the buttons on his shirt after finishing breakfast, when Tony and David barged in. Kathy, lazily, slid up from her seat and offered them a cooked breakfast.

  Kathy was pleased to see David with Tony. Tony’s fun-loving nature had brought her son into much better spirits than he had been in for days. Yes, this could be a normal Saturday morning. David happy again; the two youngest children playing upstairs; Linzi due back from college, even having the stability of Alan with them gave her a feeling of security. No one to harm them or abuse them anymore. Yes, this will do, she thought. Things can stay like this. She broke the eggs into a frying pan, and the noise of the gentle spitting and cracking gave her a satisfied feeling.

  ‘Come on Alan, get off your jacksie!’ Tony said. No one was surprised at the insinuation that Alan was lazy. But Alan spoke up for himself, looking for some commendation. ‘The cattle milked a bit better today, Davey.’

  ‘Oh, good. I think they’re getting used to you.’ David didn’t look up, but started to eat the breakfast set in front of him. ‘Did Silver come in alright?’

  ‘Aye, she was unsteady on her feet, though. She’s well enough now. She’s got a grand calf.’

  ‘How’s business been this week, Alan? Have all those chemicals you’ve sold, brought us any closer to doomsday?’ Tony asked as he got his breakfast and again his comments were ignored.

  ‘It’s slack at the moment. These farmers do plenty of talking and not much spending.’

  Tony interrupted with another sarcastic comment implying that David did neither.

  Alan laughed loudly and grabbed the arms of the chair like he was master of the house. He had been a regular visitor to Keld Head and, along with the vet, was one of the few men that George Keldas tolerated. He supplied minerals and detergents and like most sales representatives, knew where he was welcome for a warm drink, a hot meal and a good rest. People in small communities stick together, they know each other’s backgrounds intimately and respect that. Alan understood that to be good at his job he had to be loyal and not gossip to anyone, but he couldn’t always live up to that. He knew all about the problems of this family, having been an eyewitness to many of them. He had respect for David, for the hard work he put in, and admiration for Kathy, knowing her since they were teenagers. Alan was Best Man at their wedding, and had seen David born, then the others, one by one, and as one of George Keldas’s only true friends, was the obvious one to help when the crisis arose.

  ‘What time’s Linzi home?’ David asked as he pushed away his empty plate.

  Tony’s eyes flashed at the question and inwardly moaned and wondered why David hadn’t told him this on the walk. But he guessed it wouldn’t have even entered his head, and neither would David have been playing games with him; the one that says: I can’t have your sister, so you can’t have mine. Tony only sighed at David’s lack of thought.

  ‘I’ve to meet her in Keswick at twelve.’ Kathy replied.

  ‘I’ll go if you like. I’m not doing much today.’ David answered, showing more enthusiasm in his voice and demeanour than he had done in weeks.

  Tony sat devising in his mind a scheme in which he could travel along with David. And with one hand to his chin and his elbow resting on the table, and using only his fork, he began to play with the last sausage on his plate and remaining unusually quiet. Tony wondered if David would invite him along anyway. But no, because he had just told him he was going to see Darren Watson’s new Mini Cooper. What does a young man do to get his way? Women, Tony gathered, find it easier to talk about men. But Tony couldn’t talk to David, not about Linzi, and certainly not after last night. And David would never have guessed that Tony liked Linzi. The two friends could talk about most things together, but they seldom discussed women. And that would explain why David had soon dismissed in his mind the problem with Joanne.

  Tony knew that only Joanne held his secret, but he didn’t know if she would keep it; in some ways, he wished she wouldn’t. He felt frustrated and couldn’t comprehend why he was confident about everything else in his life except for Linzi. He wished he didn’t always have to play the fool, but maybe it was she that made him this way. Why couldn’t he be more calm and quiet like David? He couldn’t do anything about the colour of his hair or his pale complexion to make her like him more.

  When they were still at school, other children used to tease him about his red hair. And Tony had reasoned that when you have a so-called defect it was best to laugh about it, so he became a joker. And he believed Linzi hated him for that, so how could he expect her to like him when he really didn’t like himself? Tony knew David would never ask him along unless he put the thought there himself. He doubted Linzi would want him there anyway. She would be tired from travelling and in one of her moods perhaps. He decided he’d better wait until later to see her and let David take all the sulking. He could handle it. He was used to it. Maybe, he wouldn’t even notice.

  In complete resignation, Tony slouched down in his chair, grabbed his knife and ate the last sausage.

  And so it was to be: David left Keld Head alone to meet his sister.

  *

  David was glad to be away from the farm, as he sped up the familiar Raise to Keswick. He looked across to Helvellyn and could see the summit wrapped in a blanket of snow, which hadn’t yet caused any lasting effects to the lower fells. He felt pleased with himself now. He had solved his problem with Tony. His mother seemed to be happy. Linzi would be home for the weekend. Yes, things looked much brighter. David put his foot down hard on the accelerator, and the car responded as he enjoyed the feel of the Rover’s powerful engine surging on up the open road.

  As he approached Keswic
k, it started to rain.

  *

  Linzi Keldas sat upstairs on the bus and was glad to be away. But for her it was the tedium of college life. She was anxious at the thought of seeing her family again, wondering what the atmosphere would be like at home without her father’s dominant presence. She looked out through the dirty windows on the bus, as the landscape became familiar. The rain started to fall as she approached Keswick. That was hardly a surprise.

  The bus pulled into the station and Linzi saw David sitting in the car waiting for her and she was pleased he was alone.

  The rain fell heavier as she ran from the bus to the waiting car, clumsily hauling some carrier bags and luggage with her. She jumped into the car and flung her arms around David’s neck, wetting his face with hers. They started to drive away, when David hesitated. He saw a young woman watching them from the confines of a bus shelter. The car lunged forward again as he put his foot down on the accelerator and drove on.

  ‘Who was that?’ Linzi asked.

  David wanted to stay quiet but she persisted. ‘Who is it Davey?’

  ‘Oh … she’s Barry’s new student,’ he said at last, his voice husky.

  ‘Shouldn’t we pick her up then? She’ll be waiting for the 555.’ Linzi looked back over her shoulder to get a better look at the girl.

  ‘It’s too late now. I’m not going back.’ But it wasn’t too late at all.

  *

  Hannah Robson had been watching David and hoped he hadn’t seen her. She leant back behind the bus shelter and peered out. She had watched him rest back in his seat and read the paper, and wondered who he was waiting for. She was surprised to see this dark and attractive young woman rush off the bus and be so enamoured with him. She felt embarrassed when she realised he had spotted her, and now David’s manner had done nothing to change her opinion of him, leaving her standing in the cold and damp. She was pleased he didn’t stop.

  *

  ‘Davey, your hair’s a mess. You look like a thug,’ Linzi teased, half looking at him, and half arranging some carrier bags at her feet.

  ‘Now when do I ever get time to go and get it cut?’

  ‘Then I’ll do it for you this weekend.’

  ‘No you won’t … ! I’ll get it cut next week sometime.’

  ‘Well, see you do.’

  ‘You’re beginning to sound like Mum,’ David said as he tried to concentrate on the volume of traffic.

  ‘Huh… . She doesn’t say enough to you. She’s always quick to find fault and criticise me. She never questions you!’

  ‘Don’t you believe it,’ David replied knowing well that his mother was always interfering with his life; pushing him into things he didn’t particularly want to do.

  ‘Anyway, how is she?’

  ‘Bearing up well I suppose.’ David had to shout a little now as the noise of the wiper blades and the speed of the roaring engine muffled their voices. ‘In fact, too well, if that’s possible. I think she’s switched off. It’s as if nothing’s ever happened. I can’t understand her.’ David felt himself becoming agitated again at his mother’s indifference.

  ‘Maybe it’s just self-preservation.’

  ‘Aye, maybe,’ David softly replied then said, ‘You should have come to the funeral, Linzi.’ He had to say it; he hoped Linzi hadn’t heard him, but she had.

  ‘Don’t start preaching to me, David! You know I couldn’t face it.’

  ‘Who am I to preach?’ he sighed. ‘I had enough preaching from the vicar. His eyes never left mine during the whole of the service. It was like he was only talking to me, and to no one else.’ David gripped the steering wheel a little harder.

  ‘Oh, you’re just beginning to sound paranoid like Dad. Or maybe it’s a guilty conscience!’

  ‘What do you mean? What happened wasn’t my fault, Linzi!’

  ‘Calm down … I was only teasing.’ She now wanted to cry.

  ‘Well, that’s not a bit funny, and you know it.’

  They didn’t speak for some time and, as curtains of rain fell steadily, sweeping across them in drifts, they continued their journey south. The mountaintops became invisible and again shrouded in mist. Linzi leant back, shut her eyes, and attempted to restore her breathing so she didn’t burst into tears. She tried to picture where exactly she was on the route, wondering if they had passed the Castle Rock yet, or were they anywhere near Thirlmere.

  It was David who broke the silence with a gesture of peace. ‘Shall we all go out tonight?’

  ‘Who do you mean by all?’ Linzi was reticent.

  ‘Well, us two … Darren Watson, Tony and maybe Joanne.’

  ‘Only if Jo’s coming. I was hoping to see her this weekend. Is she still working at the nursery?’

  David found it hard to talk about Joanne, and now a guilty conscience did begin to creep in, but not the one that Linzi had intended. This one he guessed she knew nothing of, and so he pretended not to hear.

  Linzi also stayed quiet. She’d guessed for some time that Joanne loved David, but had kept this idea to herself. She knew David would never understand women’s intuition. It was a strange thing but she believed it to be true. She thought that she was certainly more intuitive than David, and that wouldn’t be difficult. David appeared to her to go through life with his head in the clouds. He would never assume anything. Maybe she was just more observant than him and she had seen the signs many times. Like she also knew that Tony Milton liked her, but he had never dared to tell her.

  David drove up the hill and into the farmyard. Once again, and much to Linzi’s surprise, the yard gate was wide open. Tom and Sarah were playing in the old tower and ignoring the rain, ran out to meet her, asking countless questions but never giving her time to reply.

  *

  Later that afternoon as he had promised, David tried to ring Tony to arrange the evening out. He was taken aback when Joanne answered the phone. This he hadn’t considered. Too slow to think this might have happened, and not even considering this young woman’s feelings, he blindly continued on his course of destruction and invited her and her brother out for a drink.

  The intuition of a man certainly failed in David’s case. The basic instincts were there: the need for love, the hunger, the thirst, satisfaction of a hard day’s work and a good night’s sleep. David was an elementary man and in many ways lacked very little. He was a man of his time. He went along with the changes in morality that had started to spread from the 60’s, neither knowing if they were good or bad. But as for the understanding of women, well, that was not only something he hadn’t yet considered, he was to learn it would be completely beyond him; way out of his grasp.

  Joanne was elated to hear David’s voice. She didn’t note that the hesitation in his voice was any different from his usual indecisive manner.

  So what does a young woman do at four o’clock in the afternoon when the man she loves has just invited her out? She spends the next three hours daydreaming. She spends ages in the bath, then in front of the mirror, then rummaging in the wardrobe, and finally trying to get in the right mood. She listens to some of her favourite music. She listens to some of David’s favourite music. She pulls out her box of cherished photographs. She looks through all her keepsakes and reads her diary, and writes in it a further inscription. She irritates her family by becoming preoccupied and not eating. The hours in the pub with her friends will be enjoyed, but that isn’t the time she’s waiting for. Yes, she will look at David, delighted to be in his company. She will watch him laugh. She’ll listen as Tony pulls him down, and David not always understanding, or even if he does understand hardly ever retaliating. She will watch him lean back in his chair stretching his legs in front of him. Then she will watch him throw his body forward when he wants to speak, but that would be seldom. He would sit and absorb the insults, and rest his beer glass in his usual manner on his folded arm.

  She will understand nothing could be done in gesture by him to show the others how he feels about her. That would have to
remain their secret. But poor Joanne wasn’t aware of the conversation that had occurred between David and her brother. She had been misled and was an innocent victim; not realising that soon her expectations would be erased.

  *

  By eight thirty, the young friends were all installed in the pub. Linzi talked mostly of college in Newcastle and the boredom of her Business Studies and the peculiarities of the Geordie folk with their strange and incomprehensible accent.

  David remembered Hannah Robson again and thought how likeable her accent was.

  Joanne watched the clock and wished time would hurry. She could hardly bear to wait until closing time. She would walk back up the hill much as they had done the night before and then she would wait for the others to leave, and then sit on the wall once again with David. She would hold him and kiss him. She would encourage him and tell him how much she really loved him.

  But Tony had other ideas. He had no delusions of romance for himself, and understood that he must see David and his sister separated. He must preserve his friendship and protect Joanne from becoming prey to David’s needs again. And by eleven-thirty, he had succeeded. Joanne lay crying in her bedroom and Linzi and David were sitting in the farmhouse kitchen talking with their mother about old times, unaware of the gloom that shrouded the bungalow down the lane.

  *

  Joanne Milton rolled off her bed, and grunted back the liquid from the tears she’d shed. She fumbled on top of the wardrobe and pulled down a black and chrome camera. It was her father’s old one. She dragged open a drawer in her dressing table, and rummaging through it, untidying underwear, tights, and packets of tampons. She found a small box full of paperclips and clutter, and pulled out a new roll of film.

  ‘Yes … yes,’ she whispered.

  4

  THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN

  Linzi heard from her bedroom the sound of the milking machine engine stop; it was a noise she’d lived with all her life. It was reassuring for her to know David was up and working. She’d resisted getting up any sooner before he came in for breakfast, because she didn’t want to be alone with her mother and risk having a confrontation. David had always been the peacemaker when there had been any trouble between their mother and father; Linzi had depended on him then and she depended on him now.