The Year of Kai & Isa

by Jessica Sorensen

  The painful, ugly truth.

  I just hope to God it doesn't break her.

  Three

  Isa

  They're keeping something from me, and it's driving me crazy. I'm going to get the truth out of them, but I'll wait until we get home, because I can tell Grandma Stephy isn't going to tell me anything until then. And while I can sometimes sucker Kai into telling me things, he's all about the respecting-my-grandma thing. Truthfully, I think he's just trying to impress her, the little ass kisser. I tell him that after we leave the hospital and are sitting in the back seat of my grandma Stephy's car.

  "Since when are you such a little ass kisser?" I whisper to him.

  He gives me an innocent look. "I have no idea what you're talking about." He drapes his arm around my shoulders and draws me closer to his side. "Relax, baby, everything's going to be okay."

  I roll my eyes. "Stop calling me baby." While I try to be annoyed, the butterflies constantly living in my stomach whenever I'm around Kai flutter like a bunch of crazy, little weirdoes.

  Yeah, apparently, butterflies are suckers for silly, little nicknames.

  Smirking, Kai lowers his head and puts his lips beside my ear. "Don't pretend like you don't like it."

  "I don't," I lie, shivering as he runs his finger along my kneecap.

  "I think you do." He brushes his lips across my earlobe.

  I smash my lips together and breathe through my nose to avoid gasping, which will draw Grandma Stephy's attention, and that'll probably lead to a lecture about how to put a condom on.

  "Relax," Kai whispers, threading his fingers through mine.

  "I am relaxed," I say. And it's the truth.

  Well, it is until my gaze drifts to the rearview mirror and I spot the police car following us, a reminder of everything that has happened and is still happening.

  I let out a sigh and rest my head on Kai's shoulder. "How long do you think they're going to have to follow us around like this?"

  Kai runs his fingertips through the strands of my hair. "The cops?" he asks, and I bob my head up and down, exhaustion tugging at my eyelids. "I'm not sure … I think we're supposed to go down to the police station sometime this week, so maybe we'll find out then."

  My brows pull together. "Why do I have to go to the police station?"

  He continues to comb his fingers through my hair. "I think the detective working the case of … Lynn and your dad wants to talk to you."

  "About what?" I squeak, panic rushing through me.

  I'm not even sure why I'm panicking, other than the idea of talking about what happened … and with someone I don't know … a detective …

  I swallow hard as images of flames and smoke flash through my mind.

  It was so hot.

  And I couldn't breathe.

  I thought I was going to die.

  Kai immediately cups my face between his hands. "Take a deep breath," he instructs, and I obey, inhaling and exhaling, clutching the bottom of his shirt. "Good. Now take another one."

  Again, I do what he says, repeating the movement until my heart settles down again.

  "You always know how to handle me when I get like that," I say quietly. "When I have … panic attacks."

  I used to have them all the time when I was younger and had to deal with them by myself. A couple of times, Hannah and Lynn actually made fun of me while I was having one. And my dad just pretended like nothing was happening, always looking the other way.

  Just like he did with the murder Lynn committed.

  The murder Lynn committed and blamed on my mom.

  No one has given me an update on what's going on with my mom, so I'm assuming there isn't any information just yet. Hopefully when I talk to this detective, they'll be able to tell me something.

  Hopefully, they'll tell me that my mom is getting released from prison.

  "Thank you," I say as I look up at Kai.

  He skims his thumb along my cheekbone. "You don't need to thank me for that. I didn't do anything except tell you to breathe."

  "Yeah, but …" I press my lips together, taking another breath. "It makes me feel better, not having to deal with it alone, so thank you."

  "You don't have to deal with any of this alone," he assures me, looking me straight in the eye. "Ever again."

  My heart quivers in my chest. Luckily, I'm not still hooked up to the heart monitor or he totally would've noticed.

  "Oh, good Lord, you two are stupidly cute," my grandma Stephy interrupts the moment in a way only she can. "It's going to make it a pain in the ass to give you lectures."

  "Good," I tell her. "I'm not a fan of your lectures."

  She busts up laughing as she flips on the blinker to turn into the parking lot of her apartment complex. "Oh, I didn't say it'll stop me from giving them. I just said it's going to make it a pain in the ass to give them."

  I let out a dramatic groan that causes both her and Kai to chuckle.

  "I don't know what you're laughing about, boy," Grandma Stephy says to Kai with a smirk. "You're going to get a lot of lectures from me, too."

  Kai simply shrugs, slipping his arm farther around me and pulling me closer to him. "Totally worth it," he whispers in my ear then kisses my earlobe.

  It's the perfect moment. I wish it could last forever. Wish we could remain in this little bubble of stillness forever. But deep down, I know it can't last, not until Lynn and my dad are behind bars and my mom isn't, something I'm reminded of the moment I step out of the car and my gaze strays to the police vehicles.

  "Are those cops going to stay here to keep an eye on me?" I ask as Kai moves to climb out of the car. When he nods, I sigh. "Jeez, how much protection do I need?"

  He pulls a wary face as he extends his hand in my direction. "Come on; let's go inside, get you a plate of cookies, and then we need to sit down and tell you about something that happened."

  Pressure builds in my chest as panic floods me, but I shove it back, reminding myself to breathe, and place my hand in Kai's, clutching on for dear life.

  Because it's literally the only thing keeping me together right now.

  Four

  Isa

  No one is in my grandma Stephy's apartment when we walk in, something I find odd. It also smells like cookies, something I don't find odd. And awesome.

  "Where's Indigo?" I ask as I slip off my jacket and yawn. "And where are the cookies? Because my sugar addiction is going crazy right now."

  Grandma Stephy lifts a brow at me as she closes the front door and locks it. "Really? Because I was under the impression that your gentleman lover snuck in a bag of candy to you while you were in the hospital."

  Kia winks at me and mutters, "I'm your gentleman lover."

  I crinkle my nose as I set my jacket down on the barstool. "Um, no, you're not, dude."

  His brow meticulously arches. "Then what am I?"

  I shrug. "I don't know. My boyfriend."

  He smiles at that, like it's exactly what he wanted me to say. "And don't ever forget that."

  Um, yeah, how could I forget when he's smiling at me like that?

  "All right, you two." My grandma Stephy claps her hands, interrupting the moment. "Let's get straight down to business, so I can get this over with and jump into a safe sex talk."

  I glare daggers at her, but she just grins.

  I sigh, sinking down onto the sofa. "You never answered me about where Indigo is."

  Grandma Stephy exchanges a worried look with Kai.

  I suspiciously glance between the two of them. "All right, enough with the cryptic looks. I've been through a lot over the last week, so whatever it is you two are trying to keep from me, just spit it out because I can handle it." At least, I hope I can.

  Blowing out a loud exhale, Kai sinks down on the sofa beside me and takes my hand. "Indigo is staying at a hotel for a couple of days."

  Puzzlement spins through me like cotton candy. Only, it's definitely not as sweet. "Why?"

  Kai laces his fing
ers through mine. "This morning, when I walked out to the mailboxes to check the mail for your grandma, I found something in there that …" His throat muscles work as he swallows hard. "It was unsettling."

  Goosebumps sprout across my flesh. "What was it?"

  He trades another look with my grandma Stephy, who frowns then takes a seat on the other side of me.

  "It was a photo of you …" She bites on her lip hard. "Or, well, that's what it's supposed to be, but it wasn't really you."

  My brows pull together. "If it wasn't me, then who was it?"

  "Someone who freakishly looks like you," Kai explains, skimming his finger along the inside of my wrist.

  While what they're saying is strange, I'm not positive what has them both acting extremely uneasy.

  "Why is that making everyone so nervous?" I ask. "And why the heck is Indigo staying at a hotel?" Because I feel like that has to do with this. I just don't know why.

  Grandma Stephy places her free hand over mine. "It wasn't really the photo that has everyone concerned. Well, it does if Lynn is the one who sent the photo like the police suspect. Because if it's here, then that means she somehow took a photo of a girl who looks similar to you. And with how the photo is set up …" She breathes unsteadily. "I really wanted to protect from all of this, but I know I can't. Not with this. You need to know—I understand that. This is just … difficult." She's not really talking to me anymore as she stares off into empty space and starts rambling to herself. Then she shakes her head and looks back at me. "The girl in the photo … the one who looks like you, she was tied up in some dark room. And on the back of the photo … well, there was a very not-so-nice message. It pretty much stated that Lynn is going to try to come after you again."

  I gulp but don't feel that surprised. In fact, when I heard Lynn had escaped, in the back of my mind I worried she'd try to torment me again.

  And eventually come after me.

  Flames.

  Everywhere.

  I can't breathe.

  I blink, shoving the images out of my mind.

  "What about my dad?" I ask quietly. "Is he …? Is he a part of this?"

  Grandma Stephy offers me a sympathetic look. "We don't know yet, hon. The police are looking into it. And they're looking for both Lynn and your father. While they do, you're going to have an officer keeping an eye on you at all times. And because of the extra chaos, we all thought it'd be better if Indigo stayed at a hotel for a few days, just until everyone gets settled."

  What she doesn't say is that she made Indigo stay at a hotel so she'll be safe from this—from me. I know my grandma Stephy well enough that I understand she'll do anything to protect the people she loves. It's probably driving her crazy that she can't send me to a hotel to get me away from this mess, since wherever I go, the mess is going to follow.

  Reality crashes over me.

  Until Lynn and my dad are captured, this is my life now.

  Fear is my life now.

  And Lynn is getting exactly what she wanted.

  Her revenge.

  But, what exactly does she have planned for me if she gets ahold of me?

  "What did the message on the photo say?" I ask, fearing the answer but needing to know.

  Grandma Stephy and Kai exchange another look. Then Kai squeezes my hand.

  "That doesn't really matter," he tries to assure me. "All that does matter is that you're safe. And you will be safe as long as you stay with someone at all times."

  I frown. "So, I'm never supposed to go anywhere alone? Like ever? What about my job? And school? I need to go back soon, or I'm going to be so far behind that I won't be able to get caught up."

  "Kai will keep an eye on you at school and an officer will be parked outside during that time. I don't think you should start back up until Monday, though. You need some time to recover. We can contact your teachers and see if they can email you your work," my grandma Stephy says.

  I nod. "Okay, that sounds good. But what about my job? 'Cause Kai can't go with me to that."

  She hesitates. "Maybe it's best that you take some time off."

  "I just started working there. If I do that, I might get fired. And I just …" I feel awful for complaining, but at the same time, I just want to have a normal life. Want to have a life that Lynn doesn't control.

  She gives me a remorseful look. "Isa, I know you don't want to hear this, but it might be for the better right now if you didn't work … The more time you stay in the house, the safer you'll be."

  I smash my lips together, trying to stay calm, but this is so freakin' annoying! Lynn goes batshit crazy, frames my mom, torments me for most of my life, then tries to kill me, and yet I'm the one who still has to give up my life, which was finally starting to get good. Well, minus the issues with Lynn, Hannah, and my dad, but still …

  "I need to go to the bathroom," I mutter then jump to my feet, slipping my hands from their holds.

  "Isa," Kai starts at the same time my grandma Stephy says, "Hon, I know this is hard …"

  I don't hear the rest of what they say as I rush down the hallway and lock myself in the bathroom. Then I sink to the floor with my back pressed against the door and yank my fingers through my hair.

  "This is such bull crap." Tears burn my eyes, so I squeeze them shut while taking a deep breath. "After everything … this is where I end up … with these stupid bandages on my wrists … And now I can't be alone …" The tears spring free as images of flames sear through my mind.

  I'm going to die.

  I'm going to burn alive.

  And Lynn is the one doing this to me.

  She hates me so badly that she wants me to die.

  Hate.

  She hates me.

  I am unlovable.

  "Stop it," I whisper as tears spill from my eyes.

  I'm talking to myself mostly. Or, well, the tears and panic pouring around inside me. I don't want to be traumatized by what happened to me. I want to be strong. I don't want to be what Lynn and Hannah always told me I was.

  Weak.

  Pathetic.

  Unwanted.

  Deep down, I know the latter isn't completely true, but the other two … with me sitting in here, crying on the floor, maybe they're right.

  Get up, Isa.

  Be strong.

  But, as the images of flames flash through my mind again, I curl up in a ball, breaking apart inside, any amount of strength I had left igniting into smoke.

  Five

  Isa

  I'm not sure how long I lie on the floor, or how long I would have stayed there if Kai didn't knock on the door.

  "Isa," he says softly from the other side of the door. "Are you okay?"

  "Yeah," I lie, my voice hoarse. I can blame that on the smoke inhalation I just suffered. Really, it's from all the crying.

  "You don't sound okay." The doorknob jiggles. "Baby, let me in please. I just want to talk."

  There he goes with that baby stuff again. And like the first couple of times he said it, my stomach goes la, la, la. But the sensation quickly fizzles as the images of flames take ahold of me again.

  "I don't want to talk," I whisper just quietly enough that I'm not sure he can hear me.

  Apparently, though, Kai has superhero hearing because he says, "Okay, well, how about you come out of the bathroom? We can go into your room and watch a movie … And I can just hold you." He utters the last part with a hint of nervousness, sounding completely unlike Kai.

  While part of me wants to remain lying on the floor so I can attempt to deal with this emotional stuff in private, the other part wants to curl up against him and focus on something else.

  "Can we watch a movie with zombies in it?" I ask, brushing strands of my hair out of my face as I stand up.

  "Well, duh." His nervousness shifts to amusement. "What else would we watch?"

  A tiny trace of a smile tugs at my lips. "Okay, fine. You talked me into it."

  Before I open the door, I hurriedly wash my face, a
ttempting to wash away the evidence that I've been crying. Unfortunately, though, when I glance at my reflection, the eyes staring back at me are bloodshot and swollen.

  "Stupid waterworks," I mutter, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands. Then I take in my reflection again.

  Something seems different about me, but I can't put my finger on what. I mean, nothing too obvious seems out of the norm. Freckles still dot my nose, my hair is a tangled mess of waves, and I have a tiny, little scar on my brow from when Hannah hit me in the face with a stick. It was when we were kids, and she said it was an accident, which Lynn believed. But that wasn't what happened. Hannah had purposefully hit me after she found me playing with one of her stuffed animals. I didn't have any of my own, so I had taken it without permission.

  Of course Lynn and my dad believed Hannah's side of the story, and I ended up getting grounded. So, yeah, I got a scar and was locked in my room for a week, all because I took a Teddy bear.

  This was when I was too young to have figured out how unfairly I was being treated. I had thought I was an awful person for taking that bear without permission. Later on, I realized my parents just hated me.

  Or, well, my parent hated me. As I now know, Lynn is not my mom.

  I don't know my real mom.

  I wonder if my real mom looks like me.

  I wonder if I'll ever get to find out.

  Will we ever meet when she gets released from prison?

  Will she want to see me?

  Or will I be a representation of something bad, like I was to Lynn?

  The reality that I very well could be churns in my gut.

  Sure, my real mom sent her lawyer's assistant to check up on me, but that doesn't mean she wants to see me.

  "Are you coming out? Or am I going to have to pick the lock?" Kai aims for a teasing tone, but it's overlapped with stress.

  Yanking my gaze off the mirror, I unlock the door and open it.

  He's standing on the other side with a frown on his face, but he instantly smiles when he sees me.