SNAP (The SNAP Trilogy Book 1)

by Dawn, Tara

I turn wondering what his deal is and see Phil next to me. He chews on the straw of his drink with his perfectly white teeth like he's hot shit. Memories from that night flicker through my mind putting me on edge. I take in a deep breath to calm myself. Anger is all I've felt toward him since that night. And his sudden appearance at places he never goes is happening more and more making me more uneasy every time I run into him. I don't need to lose my shit in the middle of the gas station. Shaking my head, I turn back around to face an annoyed gas station cashier.

  Yeah, I'm annoyed too.

  "$11.17, please," he says, bored.

  I take my debit card out of my change purse and swipe it in the card reader. When the keypad pops up, I punch in my pin and slip my card back into my purse. Grabbing my cigarettes, I look back over at Phil while I wait for my receipt. He's leaning against the counter staring at me like he's waiting for an answer.

  "What?"

  "I asked how you've been doing, Hazel."

  The audacity of him to ask that question after what happened between us. I'm not giving him the satisfaction. I definitely didn't have any. Barely able to walk, and when I did, it was steps filled with pain. What kind of person hurts people they have sex with? I push it out of my mind and pretend nothing ever happened between us. Pretending is what gets me through the day. It's easier that way since I don't really know what happened between us anyway.

  "Great, peachy keen. How have you been, Phil?"

  He lets out a chuckle and points. I turn to find the annoyed cashier holding my receipt up in the air by my face. Boy he's having a bad fucking day. I take it, shoving it into my back pocket while saying thanks and turn to leave as fast as my legs will take me without looking back.

  As I walk out the door not waiting for his answer, I hear him say, "Keep the change."

  FUUUUUUUUUUCK!

  I hear his footsteps behind me as I walk up to my SUV. Heart pounding, I trigger the unlock button on my key ring hoping to get inside it as fast as possible. The doors unlocking is music to my ears. I'm almost there.

  "Fuck. Wait up, Hazel."

  "Sorry, I'm kinda in a hurry," I say to him, not looking in his direction. I open the driver's side door and climb in. I can see Phil out of the corner of my eye hanging on the edge of my door waiting for me to look up at him.

  "What's your rush? You can't say hi to me? Come on now."

  I look over at him leaning against my car door with a smirk on his face. Almost identical to the smirk I awoke to that night. A cold sweat beads on my flesh causing it to be clammy. Each time I see him out and about, he gets a little bit closer to me. I can't stand it.

  "Hi. How are you?" Dear God, this day better not get worse than this.

  "See, that wasn't so bad, now was it? Peachy keen, thanks for asking."

  Great he's throwing my words right back at me. Do we really have to play this game right now?

  "Awesome, great to hear it. Look, I really have to go. I'm supposed to be meeting Cady," I spit as quickly as I can. I reach for my door handle, but he pulls the door further out of my reach. I stop and raise my eyes to his.

  "It was good to see you," he says lowly, all playfulness leaving his voice.

  Creepy.

  I force a smile and grab my door handle slamming the door shut. Starting the car, I quickly reverse out of my spot and get the fuck out of dodge as fast as I can. I sneak a peek in my rear view mirror to see him standing there with an eerie grin. The hairs on the back of my neck rise making me quiver.

  "Fucker," I utter under my breath. How can he not see that I want nothing to do with him?

  Needing to get as far out of town, and away from Phil as I can, I skip the store and head to Cady's house. I turn on the radio to my fave station that plays a smorgasbord of great music trying to breathe through the impending panic attack. AFI's Crush Love blares from the speakers and I nod my head to the beat as I turn it up. Reaching for my ciggs, the chance encounter with Phil plays over again in my head. He creeps me out so I don't want to do anything to push him or let him know how much he gets to me. I try to be nice, but it's hard.

  I can't blame him for anything other than being rough with me. I got wasted on our date. Something I still can't believe I did knowing I didn't want to be out with him to begin with. Hopefully I didn't throw myself at him, but chances are I did. I don't remember. Doesn't mean I'm alright with the outcome. And nothing will ever change between us. He needs to give up.

  I snort. "That doesn't seem to be happening," I say to myself.

  I hear my phone's vibration in the cup holder and turn down my radio to hear Cady's ringtone. "Chello," I sing in a cheery tone.

  "Did you get lost?"

  "No, it's only been half an hour. I'm heading your way now."

  "'Bout damn time. My body is going into withdrawal. Do you know how much it sucks to drink coffee and not have a smoke?" Cady is grouchy. Hell, I'd be grouchy, too, without my morning smoke with my coffee.

  "Chill out there, terminator. I'm on my way. Be there in ten."

  "Fine, hurry up," she growls into the phone before she hangs up.

  Wow, PMS much? I drop my phone back into my cup holder and turn the radio back up. Heading to the outskirts of Trinity, I turn onto the back road that leads to her house.

  Pulling into Cady's driveway, I see Sara trotting up to my car. I shut it off and get out, not forgetting Cady's cigarettes for fear of death.

  "Hey, Sara," I say and rub her head. She starts wagging her Labrador butt all over, slamming her big tail into my legs. "Awe, I missed you, too, girl." I bend over and give her a kiss on her nose. I'm rewarded with a lick straight up my face and laugh. I hear the door to the house open and Cady steps halfway out on the porch.

  "You comin', or are you gonna make out with my dog all day?" she yells as she straddles the doorway.

  I laugh at her. "I'm coming. Damn, untwist your panties."

  "I'm not wearing any panties," she yells before going back inside letting the screen door slam.

  I turn to Sara. "Mom's being a bitch today, huh?" She just whimpers at me and wags her tail again. "I feel ya, girl."

  I walk up the wooden steps to the side porch and open the red door leading into her kitchen. Music and the smell of incense greet me as I walk inside. Two coffee cups sit on the center island. Checking the time, I see it's past noon. Wow, I guess it did take me longer than I thought. I'd be grouchy too. Cady comes back up the hall still dressed in her pj's and I toss her a pack of ciggs as she rounds the corner. The smile that slides over her face is one of relief.

  "Thank fucking God! Let's go out on the back porch and smoke. Mom will be here soon. If she smells smoke in the house she's gonna shit," she says as she pulls open the sliding glass door to the large patio on the back of her house. I follow her out, sliding the door closed behind me, and sit down on the built-in benches that wrap around the porch.

  Cady lights her cigarette and visibly relaxes, sighing as she exhales the smoke. "Whatcha been up to today?"

  "Oh, you know. Giving away all of my money. First day off in forever and I think it's harder work trying to fit in all of these errands than it would be just going to work." She frowns at me and shakes her head. "Feel better now?" I ask, motioning to her cigg.

  "Much, thank you." She beams at me. Tilting her head back, she closes her eyes and absorbs the sun shining down on us. Her waist length red hair that's pulled up in a ponytail gently sways behind her. It looks orange in the bright sunlight.

  We sit there talking about how our week has been, the book we've been reading together, and the random bullshit we've seen from our friends on social media. It's a nice change of pace and gets my mind on other things. After a couple of cigarettes and a cup of coffee, we venture back into the house to cool down in the air conditioning.

  "So you'll never guess who I saw at the gas station." I give her a look and she knows instantly who I am referring to. As much as I don't want to talk about it, I need to. I may not speak the entire truth, but t
he little I do share with her helps ease my nerves some.

  "Ugh. Did he say anything to you?"

  She pulls out a stool and sits across from me at the island. Disgust crosses her face as I tell her what was said between Phil and I.

  "No he fucking didn't! I can't believe he would pull that shit with you after the way he's treated you. Hazel, you should have said something to him. He needs to disappear off the face of the earth. The nerve of that douchebag."

  If she only knew everything that has happened. If she thought he deserved to disappear now, what would she suggest if she knew the details of that night? The thought scares me. Cady is extremely loyal to me and does not take kindly to anyone who treats me bad. I've had to talk her down on several occasions when someone was being a dick to me.

  "Hell if I know, Cady. I changed my number and try to avoid him if I see him. He just won't quit."

  "Tell me about it. He needs to find someone else to stalk. The creep."

  "I'll give him your number." I wink at her, trying to lighten the mood.

  She gasps. "The hell you will! I can't believe you ever dated him."

  The thought of dating Phil makes me ill. I don't even want to call what we did dating, but I don't know any other term to call it. Does she really think he's stalking me? He has been showing up more and more trying to talk to me. I haven't seen him other than that. No. If he were stalking me I'd see him all of the time.

  "That's it!" She smacks her hand down on the island as she yells at me. "You need to cleanse your palate, so-to-speak. We are going out tonight."

  "Don't get loud with me, lady. I'm too busy to start a relationship or even deal with the crap that comes with a one night stand. Remember. You said so yourself." I don't think I could stand anyone touching me right now. Then again, maybe that's exactly what I need to erase Phil. If I could replace those horrid memories with good ones, maybe I could start forgetting.

  She rolls her eyes at me and sighs before getting up to put her cup in the sink. "I'm going back to get dressed and pack a bag. Be back in a minute," she says as she walks down the hall to her bedroom.

  I know she's aggravated with me. Hell, I'm aggravated with myself for not being able to tell her the truth. Just thinking about that night with Phil makes me want to take a shower and scrub my skin off. I don't remember everything from that night, but it's enough to give any woman the fucking creeps. I always trust my gut instinct, but that night I didn't. Somehow I ended up getting far too drunk. Blackout drunk. I remember the beginning of our date, faintly remember stopping for dinner and seeing Cady there, and using the bathroom at the bar we went to. Everything after that is blackness with random blips. Nothing that I can tether to piece it all together. But I remember coming to in my bed later that night.

  We were making out. Or should I say he was making out with me. I was fucked up and didn't realize exactly what was going on, but it felt good, so I let myself enjoy it. That was until shit started to get a little too serious a little too fast. My judgment wasn't nearly as impaired at that point and my senses were flooding back to me. At some point, we became naked. I don't remember getting undressed, and I don't think I played any part in taking my clothes off. One moment, we were clothed making out. The next, we were fucking. This was no easy going sexual escapade; it was becoming rough beyond enjoyment.

  When I realized he wasn't wearing a condom, I tried to say something to him. He kissed me like he hated me and then grabbed me by my throat not letting go. He just pushed his weight onto his arm then grabbed one of my legs raising it up some and pummeled into me as fast and hard as he could. I tried to pull his hand away, but was frozen by the look in eyes. It was like he checked out, like there was no one home. And he was enjoying it. My vision started to get spotty and panic started to fill my chest because I couldn't breathe. I reached out with my hands to push him off of me, but I didn't have the strength. My hips jerked up a few times making him pound harder. I thought I was going to lose consciousness as an orgasm tore through me. My body twitched and my insides squeezed so tight it was as if my body was trying to push him out.

  The next thing I remember was waking up in bed alone trying to piece together my evening. It took days to recall the little bit I do know. Days of dwelling on that horrid night while my body still ached from the beating it took. I'm not even sure those things happened in the same moment, let alone in that order. It's all so confusing and terrifying.

  Cady leans against the doorway of the kitchen staring at me. I have no idea how long I was sitting there staring off into space clutching my coffee cup, but by the look on her face, I would say it was long enough.

  "What?" I ask nonchalantly, making it seem as though I was just daydreaming.

  "I've been talking to you for minutes and you've been in your own little world. What were you thinking about?" Her scrutinizing has me nervous.

  I shrug my shoulders and drink the last of my coffee, not answering her. She stares at me like she knows I'm hiding something from her. Cady may be a bit of an airhead, but she's not stupid. Eventually she'll figure it out or I'll crack. In the meantime, that night will stay tucked away in my head.

  "Hazel, don't worry about him anymore. That dude is fucked up. There's something not right about him. Let's go out tonight and have a good time."

  At least she trusts her gut. There is something not right about him. But not to worry? That's easier said than done. I wonder how many more times I'll bump into Phil before he leaves me alone.

  "You're right." I sigh. "I need to unwind."

  "That's what I thought. Girl, we are going out tonight. We are gonna shake our asses and have fun. And you are gonna get laid if I have to chain you up with a sign that says free pussy except for Phil! C'mon. I want out of here before the moms shows up and starts bitching."

  I roll my eyes at her as we grab our stuff and follow her out the door, petting Sara goodbye.

  Cady blares the radio as we head back to town. She's singing and dancing in the passenger seat trying to lighten my mood for the evening to come. Other drivers look over at us, but we don't give a fuck. The night is only starting. We pull up to my apartment and I shut off the car. Cady grabs her enormous overnight bag that could double for a military duffle. I swear that girl packs for the apocalypse. And to be honest, I wouldn't put it past her after some of the talks we've had about The Walking Dead.

  "I'm always ready for anything," she had said.

  I agreed with her, but her bag is as big as her and weighs more than her hundred pounds. If there ever was a zombie apocalypse, she'd go down first.

  I watch her sweat under the weight of it and laugh at her.

  "You know, you could leave some of your stuff over here then you wouldn't have to lug it over all the time," I tell her as I unlock the door and let her in. She hurries forward, careful not to trip on my shoes kicked around the room, and dumps the bag on the living room floor.

  "But then I would probably want everything I left over here. Wouldn't work." She grabs the rum she brought and heads for the adjoining kitchen. Well, if you want to call it that. I call it a walk-in oven. There is no room for anything in it and it gets hot as fuck when you try to cook anything.

  We sit on the sofa and kick our feet up on the coffee table discussing what our plans are for the night. Of course, she decides she wants to start our night at Maggie Mae's. Knowing my luck, someone will call in and I'll be stuck behind the bar making everyone's drinks but my own. There have been several times I've gone in on my day off only to be suckered into working. Once I become the General Manager shit is gonna change around there. But first people need to show up for work so I can finish my training and stop pulling shifts on the floor.

  We take turns with the shower and begin getting dressed for our night out on the town. Cady, tiny little thing that she is, is complaining about her nonexistent pooch-of-a-stomach. My eyes travel down to my own stomach and grimace. I look like a beached whale with my size 12 ass next to her size 4. I would be perfect
ly content with myself if I could lose about 15 pounds and be a size 10 forever. I've been skinny before. No thank you.

  "I think you should wear this tonight." Cady stands atop the mountain of clothes on my floor and pulls something from my closet. I look up to see what she's so excited about and my jaw about hits the floor. A short, black, sleeveless dress is dangling from her fingers. Spinning the hanger around to check out the ripped back, a low whistle escapes her lips.

  "Hell no! I can't believe that is still in there." I jump up and try to snatch the dress from her hands, but she yanks it away laughing.

  "Where, oh where, have you been going in this get-up my dear? Do tell!"

  I stop trying to pull it out of her hands and lie back on the bed.

  "Five years ago I lost a bet and had to dress as Kelly Bundy for Halloween."

  Her laughter pulls my head up off the bed. I roll my eyes and drop it back down.

  "I bet you couldn't keep all the guy's hands off you! Damn girl, with your tits and booty, I bet tents were popping up all over town!" She winks at me and throws me the dress.

  "No, I'm not wearing this! Five years ago I was twenty pounds lighter. It fit me like a glove then, now it'll be like a pork-butt trying to bust out of its wrapping." I shiver imagining that sight. This dress probably won't cover my ass now. It'll be like a damn tank top.

  "Whatever. It would be hot, and you know it. You just don't like the idea of people looking at you like that. Put it on."

  No I don't like the idea of people looking at me like that. I didn't then, and especially don't now. She tosses the dress on the foot of my bed and goes back to digging in my closet. Why she looks is beyond me, my clothes never fit her tiny frame.

  "I never would have found that if half your clothes weren't tossed on the floor. It looks someone ransacked the place lately. What gives?" she says from inside the closet.

  Last night’s episode replays in my mind. Waking in a panic and wreaking havoc on my room. Nights are becoming a terror for me and my belongings are taking the brunt of my anger.

  "Been too busy to clean. What are you wearing?" I ask trying to change the subject. I'm not even going to entertain the idea if she pulls out blue jeans and a tank. To my surprise, she pulls out a short mini skirt, some knee high boots, and an off the shoulder shirt that corsets up the sides. Touché.