The Disappearing Girl

by Heather Topham Wood

  Cameron pulled me to my feet. Tears blurred my vision and I felt the room tilt. “Kayla, look at me,” he commanded. When I didn’t comply, he used his hand to turn me toward him. His tone was kind. “Why don’t you get your and Lila’s jackets? We’ll take her out for ice cream.”

  “Lila is not going out for ice cream.”

  My mother sounded livid. I couldn’t bear to look at her. I was humiliated Cameron had come to my home and felt forced to stick up for my sister and me. Lila and I were brainwashed into believing every word my mother said. Most days, it never even occurred to me I should disagree with her.

  “Let’s go, Lila,” I said and held out a hand for her. Her fork clanged against her plate loudly when she dropped it abruptly. After shooting my mother an uncertain look, she nodded and grasped my hand. Hand-in-hand we walked away from my mother’s outraged cries.

  “I’m sorry,” Cameron said when Lila went to refill her ice cream cup.

  “For what?”

  I swirled the vanilla frozen yogurt in my cup with the spoon before giving him a confused look. The car ride had been silent. Once we arrived at the ice cream shop, Lila had tried to snap us out of our funk by sharing a few funny stories about her fellow classmates. I laughed because it stopped me from sobbing.

  “I didn’t have any right to come to your house and talk to your mom like that.” His expression was tortured. “I understand if you’re pissed at me—”

  I didn’t let him finish. “I’m not mad, I’m embarrassed. I should’ve warned you more about how my mom was before I had you come over. It was foolish to hope we could be a normal family for the night.”

  “Kayla, the stuff your mom said …” He paused. “You have to realize none of it’s true. You’re amazing and the reason I’m with you has nothing to do with your weight.”

  “I know,” I said automatically, understanding it was what he needed to hear. He needed to be reassured of his decency, his ability to see beyond how I looked on the outside. He wouldn’t want to admit his own vanity and concede his unwillingness to date someone overweight.

  “Kayla, I’ve noticed how much thinner you are since we first met and how little you eat.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, hinting at his unease at broaching this topic. “It’s not healthy. And now that I’ve met your mom, a lot of stuff I’ve been trying to figure out about you is starting to become clearer.”

  “Please don’t psychoanalyze me after one meeting with my mother,” I begged in a small voice.

  “Kayla, I care about you and I’m only trying to look out for you. I really feel like you’re starving yourself because of the warped things your mother says about you—”

  I pressed my palm over his mouth to silence him. “I’m fine. I’ve probably taken the dieting thing too far, so I see where your concern is coming from. But things are good now. I have you and…” I trailed off and shifted uncomfortably under his scrutiny. “I’m happy. It felt amazing to see someone stand up to my mother.” I pulled my hand away and gave him a hesitant smile. The torn expression remained fixed on his face and his lips turned down into a deep frown.

  “Come back with me tonight. You can stay with me at the apartment until classes start up again next week.” He looked over at Lila, who was requesting ice cream samples from the cute guy behind the counter. “Your sister can stay with us, too.”

  He was sweet, earnest, and deserved so much more than I could give him. “Lila has school and I promised to spend the week with her. Her spring break isn’t until the end of the month. Why don’t I stay at your place after dinner at your parents’ house on Friday?”

  Cameron gave a reluctant nod. “I hope I didn’t make things worse for you with your mom. She seems too demanding about what she expects from you and your sister.”

  I laughed humorlessly. “It seems funny now when I think about how you asked if your car was a deal breaker. You had no idea what you were getting into by asking me out.”

  He didn’t join in with my laughter. “Kayla, I’m not perfect. I’ve gone through rough patches and allowed the wrong kind of people to control my life.”

  “Why? What have you been through?”

  “Not now. We’ll save those depressing stories for a rainy day,” he answered.

  I was desperate to pull back the curtain and reveal what was beneath Cameron’s cheerful façade. Yet it didn’t feel like the right time. He was like me in that way: We loathed burdening others with our problems, and I could tell turning the conversation toward him was unnerving him.

  He pleaded, “Please don’t let your mom make you feel bad about yourself while you’re home.”

  I smiled tightly at him when Lila returned to the table at the ice cream shop. He changed the subject and began discussing his favorite Xbox games with Lila. Lila was a guy’s girl and loved any kind of game involving blood and guts. I assumed it was her outlet for stress relief.

  I wished I could give Cameron what he wanted and block every ugly word out of my mom’s mouth. But twenty-one years of being told I was fat and ugly was hard to erase.

  Chapter Sixteen

  As we walked up the path to his parents’ home, Cameron shot me a reassuring smile. “You look really nervous. I told you, my parents are cool, they’ll love you.”

  “I’ve never met the parents of someone I’m dating before. My high school boyfriend’s parents went to the same church as my parents, so they already knew each other.”

  “I guessed this might be new to you. You went a little overboard on the fruit and wine basket,” he said eyeing the oversized basket I clutched in my arms. It contained a bottle of red wine with an assortment of fruits and chocolates. It cost me a hundred dollars, a major purchase for a college student on a budget.

  “Should I leave it in the car? I’m probably trying too hard, but I really want them to like me,” I said. It was my way of making up for the disastrous meeting with my mom. I doubted his father would hit on me or there would be a screaming match at the dinner table. His family would be normal and my family’s dysfunction would scare him off.

  “It’s a nice gesture. My point was you only had to show up for dinner. My family knows I like you, so they’ll like you, too.”

  Cameron had the uncanny ability to say exactly what I needed to hear. I relaxed and took a minute to study his childhood home. The neighborhood was similar to my own: blocks of suburban mid-sized homes. The Bennett house was a bi-level with a two-car garage and brick siding. When he led me inside, we walked into a large living room with a set of matching brown leather couches. The TV was on and someone I guessed to be Cameron’s sister was flipping channels mindlessly. She swung her head toward the door when we entered and grinned at us.

  “Loser!” she yelled cheerfully.

  The girl looked to be a couple of years younger than me. Her corn silk hair was cut to her chin and she shared the same eyes as her older brother. She was tall, with an athletic build. Cameron addressed me. “This is my pain-in-the-ass sister, Scarlett.”

  “Language!” a new voice admonished. A middle-aged woman with a strawberry-blond bob and green eyes strode toward us. She hugged Cameron tightly and kissed his cheek. A pink lipstick stain was left behind on his skin. I resisted the urge to wipe it away. She turned her attention to me. “Hi, I’m Maggie Bennett.”

  “Kayla,” I responded and saw who I presumed to be Cameron’s dad entering the living room.

  He stuck out his hand to me. “I’m Cameron’s father, Jack.” I smiled as I took in Jack’s appearance. I didn’t detect any resemblance between Cameron and his mom, but he was the spitting image of his father. His blue eyes twinkled with the same good humor and mischief I often found in Cameron’s, and he was tall, just like his children. The trio studied me openly and my cheeks began to burn from fixing a wide smile on my face.

  Cameron seemed to detect my awkwardness over being appraised that way. He said smoothly, “Mom, can you take the basket from Kayla? She looks ready to drop it.”

  I s
miled gratefully at him before passing the basket to his mom. “I wanted to bring a little something. Thanks for having me over for dinner.”

  “Kayla, this is such a nice gesture. Thank you so much!” Maggie trilled.

  Scarlett’s eyebrows shot up as she watched her mom gush over my offering. “I hope you used Cameron’s money to pay for that. I’m guessing he’s paying you to pretend to be his girlfriend. You seem way too nice to be dating my brother.”

  “Ha-ha,” Cameron said sarcastically. “Ignore her. She’s just jealous because she had to break up with her last boyfriend when he got caught running an illegal gambling ring on campus.”

  Cameron’s mother returned from placing the basket in the kitchen and raised her eyes heavenward. “Children, please be nice to each other.” She smiled indulgently and told me, “Sorry for our lack of manners. I think everyone has been just so excited to meet you since Cameron started talking about you.”

  I gave Cameron a questioning look and he responded with a wink. “What do you want to drink?” After I requested water, he said, “Have a seat with my sister and I’ll be back in a sec.”

  I sat on the couch next to Scarlett while Cameron and his parents went into the adjoining kitchen. Scarlett sat crisscrossed on the couch with a curious expression on her face. “My mom’s right. My brother doesn’t normally talk about girls with us, so I couldn’t wait to meet the girl he can’t shut up about.”

  “Really? I heard about a few of his past girlfriends and the relationships sounded serious.”

  “Who; the grad-school girl whose name I can barely remember? Stacey, I think. Or Taylor, the leech who is constantly calling my brother for some sort of ridiculous favor? Do you know a few months back she asked him to go change her flat tire in the pouring rain? I told him to tell her to get lost and call Triple A, but Cameron is the nicer one out of the two of us,” Scarlett said.

  Checking behind me to make sure Cameron hadn’t returned, I leaned forward conspiratorially. “I thought I was the only one who noticed it. She’s always calling him when we’re out on a date and he has to stay on the phone to calm her down because she’s crying over the latest drama in her life.”

  “My brother tries to be the hero too often. He suffers from an acute case of white knight syndrome.” Scarlett opened her mouth to say more, but stayed silent when Cameron returned to the room.

  His sister’s words were intended to soothe me, but they had the reverse effect. Did Cameron see me as a girl in trouble that needed rescuing? Was this the source of his attraction to me?

  “Everything okay?” he asked me. He frowned at his sister. “What are you saying about me? Kayla might take you seriously and not realize you have a warped sense of humor.”

  I rallied for his benefit. His relationship with his sister was sweet, and I liked the normalcy of seeing siblings who genuinely cared for each other beneath the bickering. Lila and I loved each other, but we didn’t tease each other in the same way. Our mother humiliated us too often to even jokingly make fun of one another.

  Handing me a glass of water, Cameron sank down on the couch next to me. His arm wound behind my shoulders and he held me close.

  “She was telling me how you can’t shut up about me,” I said lightly and squeezed the top of his thigh.

  “I should’ve known my sister would try and embarrass me. But I have no problem admitting how much I brag about you. You’re awesome,” he said and planted a kiss on the side of my head.

  “Ugh, you two are disgusting. I’m getting a freaking toothache from all this sweetness.” Scarlett’s features twisted in mock distaste.

  His father announced dinner, and Cameron ushered me into the dining room and gestured to a pair of chairs at the table. I sat down to his right, and before long, the Bennetts were all talking at once and sharing stories about their day. I loved hearing the family’s laughter; it filled something inside of me that had been empty for a long time.

  As the table quieted down, Cameron’s father turned to face me. “Cameron told us you’re a student at Trenton College. What are you studying?”

  “I’m a journalism major. I became interested in writing since I started working for my high school newspaper.”

  “Do your parents work in that field?”

  I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Sometimes I wished I had a sign affixed to the front of me with a warning not to bring up my parents. “My mother is a housewife …” I stuttered over my words. With my father’s death, would that label still apply? There was no such thing as a housewidow, was there? “My father was a vet, but he died two summers ago.”

  Maggie made a sympathetic clucking noise while Jack’s eyes softened. Cameron swooped in. “You should look up some of Kayla’s articles online. She’s really talented.”

  My gloom lifted and my tone was disbelieving as I asked, “You read the articles I wrote?”

  “Yes.” He smirked at me. “I guessed you wouldn’t brag about how crazy good you are at writing, so I did an online search and found them myself. I think my favorite was the one on safety tips for online dating. You probably saved a lot of girls from becoming the target of freaks online.”

  He took another piece of my heart prisoner at that moment. He sounded sincere and was telling me what I wrote mattered, the articles were more than merely fluff. He had also steered the conversation away from my family, and his parents began to question me about my work.

  Cameron’s mother had cooked beef stew with cornbread. I swirled the pieces of meat and cutup vegetables around on my plate. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Maggie watching me play with my food. Her seeming displeasure had me inwardly cringing. I was offending her. She had cooked a wonderful meal and I was being rude by not eating it. Earnestly, I dug into the stew. After a few enthusiastic bites, I turned to his mom. “This is delicious. You’ll have to give me the recipe.”

  Maggie beamed. “Of course.”

  I could play the part. I could pretend to be the normal person who polishes off her dinner and requests the recipe in order to go home and make it for her boyfriend. I wouldn’t let his parents see the real me, the girl who would be using their bathroom shortly to throw up the dinner his mother worked hard to prepare.

  Later, Scarlett accosted me in the hallway as I was leaving the bathroom. Cameron was helping clear the dishes with his parents. My heart momentarily stopped and I prayed she wasn’t confronting me over purging in the bathroom.

  Her hands were placed on her hips and the tightness around her eyes told me she was considering what to say. She sighed heavily before speaking. “I get that I’m the little sister and I shouldn’t worry about my brother, but I do.” As she turned, I followed her line of vision and saw Cameron chuckling with his dad, both leaning against the kitchen counter. “A lot of people think just because Cam is outgoing and funny he can’t be hurt. Like he doesn’t have feelings and won’t experience pain like the rest of us. But that’s not true and I want to make sure you’re not going to stomp on my brother’s heart.”

  My expression grew alarmed. “Why would you think I’d hurt him?”

  “Don’t take it personally,” she said. “I can tell you really like him. I’m protective of Cam, and although he doesn’t show it, he’s been hurt before.”

  “By a girlfriend?”

  I hadn’t expected the surge of jealousy toward a faceless and nameless girl who broke Cameron’s heart. Cameron’s past relationships hadn’t sounded intense enough to warrant the kind of heartbreak Scarlett was hinting at.

  Instead of answering, Scarlett stepped away, unblocking my path to the kitchen. “It’s not what you think. If Cam hasn’t talked about his past, I shouldn’t be the one to say anything.”

  Without replying, I continued past her. I appreciated how she was trying to look out for her brother and couldn’t be angry with her for it. I’d do the same for Lila. I also couldn’t fault Cameron for keeping secrets—because I had secrets of my own.

  Chapter Seventeen

/>   “Britt! Wake up!” I pounded on her door furiously.

  I stood in the foyer on our floor and tapped my foot anxiously. I’d been knocking for at least five minutes and refused to give up until she answered. Pressing my ear to the door, I heard the faint sound of the TV. Brittany needed background noise to fall asleep, but once she was out, she was practically comatose.

  Finally, she swung open the door. She scowled at me as she ran her fingers through her messy hair. “What the hell, Kayla?”

  “I’m late,” I hissed. I was too frantic to ease her into the revelation. I didn’t want to be the clichéd girl in crisis, but I had stumbled into the role regardless. As soon as I noticed the date on my wall calendar, my first instinct was to confide in my best friend. My only thought was she’d help me—wake me up from this nightmare.

  “Late for what? Isn’t it Sunday?” Brittany rubbed at her eyes.

  “No, I’m late.”

  Her expression darkened. “Oh crap, you mean that kind of late. Damn, Kayla, haven’t you seen that line fail a million times in the movies?” She chewed on a thumbnail, inheriting a portion of the anxiety I was feeling. “When were you supposed to get your period?”

  “I don’t know exactly.” I squirmed under her scrutiny. “Like ten days ago.”

  “Shit, Kayla,” she said and mumbled a few more expletives. “Has Cam been using a condom?”

  “Yes, but I’m not exactly paying attention when we’re in the middle of things. What if it broke and I didn’t notice?”

  “Have you said anything to him?”

  I shook my head. “No. He was having his friends over last night. I didn’t feel good, so I stayed here.”

  “I thought I heard you throwing up the other day. Have you been sick a lot? When my older sister was pregnant, she was puking every morning. She said it lasted until she was like three months along.”