How Many Chances

by Beverley Hollowed

  She was just rounding the corner and glancing back briefly to see where Sid was, when she walked straight into Cole and was nearly knocked off her feet. Cole reached out and grabbed her to steady her.

  “There you are,” he said with a relieved smile. “I was just coming to see were you okay.

  “I’m fine,” Ally smiled brightly but her heart was thumping hard in her chest. Another thirty seconds and he would have caught her and Sid arguing.

  “Good,” he said as he kissed her on the lips softly. “Everybody has been wondering where you had gone.” He took her by the hand and led her back to the table.

  Ally picked at her dinner, pushing the food around her plate. Her stomach wasn’t feeling great, but she was also very aware Sid was watching her every move. Every time she looked up his eyes were on her pleading with her.

  But Sid wasn’t the only one who was watching her. Cole was very aware she had barely touched her food and that she suddenly seem much quieter than usual.

  On more than one occasion he thought he saw Ally and Sid exchange a look that unsettled him. There was definitely an atmosphere between them and he had no idea why. He looked over at Hannah and she seemed happy enough so he knew what ever was going on between them was something else, entirely.

  By the time they were ready to head home for the night Cole was feeling on edge and he knew he needed answers.

  “You were very quiet tonight,” he said nervously as they sat side by side in the back of the Rover on the way home.

  “I guess I am still not feeling myself,” Ally replied without looking at Cole.

  “Is everything okay with you and Sid?” he asked watching her. His stomach knotted when he saw the expression on her face change to one of panic but she quickly pulled it back.

  “Yes,” she replied and smiled at Cole. He knew she was lying. Something was very wrong and he could see it written all over her face.

  “Ally,” Cole said reaching for her hand. “Please, don’t shut me out. I know something is wrong. Talk to me.”

  Ally stared at Cole for a minute. Could she tell him the truth about the baby? She wanted to. She wanted to more than anything in this world. She wish she could tell him and he would hold her and promise her that everything would be okay.

  But she was scared. She looked at his handsome face and she could barely breathe, she loved him so much.

  She just couldn’t risk losing him.

  She leaned in kissed him.

  “I’m okay,” she reassured him. “It’s just been a hard few days. I am fine. I promise you.”

  “Good,” he replied and kissed her. But in his gut he wasn’t convinced. He wanted answers and if Ally wasn’t going to talk to him. Then he would have to get the answers from Sid.

  Chapter 28

  Ally woke early the next morning. She slipped out of bed and reluctantly left Cole fast asleep in the bed alone. She made her way to the bathroom and switched on the shower.

  She felt sick. Only this time she knew it wasn’t just morning sickness, it was nerves and all-consuming fear, fear of what was going to happen today, fear of the unknown.

  She climbed into the shower and washed quickly. She looked up into the cascading water, pinching her eyes tight and allowed the water to flow over her in the hope it would wash away some of her fears. She was just stepping out of the shower when Cole walked into the bathroom still looking half asleep.

  “Don’t tell me I missed your shower,” he said with a cheeky grin and pouted, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, making Ally laugh. He stretched before he reached over and pulled a towel from the rail then wrapped it around Ally as she stepped out from the shower.

  He snuggled into her, kissing her neck and working his way up to her ear lobe. He sucked her lobe into his mouth and gentle bit down, sending a shiver down through Ally’s entire body.

  He turned her in his arms drew her closer to him and kissed her hard on the mouth.

  “Do you really have to go to London today?” he asked as he broke his mouth from hers breathlessly. He pressed his head against hers and stared into her eyes. “Come back to bed with me instead.”

  Ally just laughed to mask her nervousness. She wished she didn’t have to go to London also.

  “What am I going to do without you for two days?” He asked looking like a sad little boy.

  “I think you will survive just fine,” she replied as she laughed once again before she kissed him back on the lips.

  “I wish you would have allowed me to arrange the private jet for you,” Cole said looking down at Ally. When he had suggested it Ally instantly shot him down. How could she let him do that when she was only going because she was getting rid of their baby?

  She was really struggling hard with her decision now, but she kept reminding herself again and again that she was doing it for all the right reasons. She was doing it for them.

  “I am fine on a normal flight,” Ally insisted not wanting go over the same argument again. “It’s only a short flight anyways.”

  “Well I have arranged for Nick to collect you at the airport,” Cole replied still not releasing her from his embrace. Ally’s heart almost stopped. How was she going to get rid of Nick when it was time for her visit to the clinic?

  “Why did you do that?” Ally asked without thinking.

  “Why wouldn’t I?” Cole replied, surprised by her response. “Ally, this is your life too now. This is how it’s always going to be. I will always look out for you.”

  She wanted to protest and throw a tantrum. But she decided against it. She knew he meant well. She would just have to figure out how to give Nick the slip once she got to London. And that in itself wouldn’t be an easy task knowing Nick the way she did.

  Cole climbed into the shower as Ally went to the wardrobe to get ready. She packed her small suitcase with some clothes for the next couple of days before she dressed in her favourite black jeans and a cream cotton top.

  She was sitting on the edge of bed and was slipping on her boots when Cole emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.

  Ally giggle that even though this man knew every part of her body intimately, and she knew his, she still got butterflies every time she saw him without clothes on.

  “Enjoying the view?” Cole grinned, when he spotted Ally watching him in the mirror of the opened wardrobe door. He dropped his towel and laughed, giving his bum a little shake. Ally laughed too.

  “Much better,” she giggled then went back to putting on her boots.

  Once she had them on, she returned to the wardrobe. She pulled opened the draw she kept her jewellery in. She took out her favourite earrings. They were little diamond hearts her grandparents had bought her for her twenty firsts birthday. She needed to have a little bit of them with her today to help her have the strength to go through what she had to do.

  She knew her grandparents would be so upset and bitterly disappointed in her if they knew what she was doing. She knew they would never agree and would probably never forgive her. She wondered if she could ever forgive herself.

  “Are you okay?” Cole, who was now dressed in a shirt and suit trousers asked, as he slipped his arms around her from behind.

  “I’m fine,” Ally forced a smile as she placed her hands on his arms. “What makes you think I’m not?”

  “You looked kind of sad just then,” Cole replied honestly. “And like you were away in a world of your own.”

  “I’m okay,” she turned and kissed him tenderly. “I promise.”

  “What’s your plans for today?” Cole asked, not releasing her from his embrace.

  “I am going to have a look around a few wedding boutiques,” she ran off the lie she had practised so many times in her head. She hated lying to him. She was no liar. I am doing this for us! She chanted to herself again and again. But it really wasn’t helping her.

  “And tomorrow you are going with Mom to go to try some on?” Cole asked.

  “Yes,” Ally nodded and s
miled. “I still can’t believe I am trying on wedding dresses.”

  “I still can’t believe I am going to marry the most amazing, breathtakingly stunning, woman I have ever met,” Cole replied and kissed her. “I just wish she would smile more and let me in.”

  Ally stared up into Cole’s eyes and she could barely breathe. She wanted so much to blurt out the truth to him there and then but she was scared.

  “I promise I am ok,” it was the only thing she could bring herself to say. She could feel and huge bubble of grief rise up inside her and she struggled hard to push it down.

  “Okay,” Cole replied but couldn’t help but feel disappointed. For a moment he saw something in her face and he thought she was going to open up to him.

  What is so bad that she can’t tell me he thought to himself? He needed to find out and he needed to do it fast.

  He released her from his embrace and continued to get dressed.

  “Cole,” Ally suddenly said nervously. “What are you going to do about Ben?”

  He turned and looked at her, surprised by the question. He wasn’t sure where this had come from.

  He thought for a moment before he answered her.

  His heart was truly broken about Ben. It took him everything inside him to not jump at Steph’s offer to adopt him. He still loved the little boy even though he knew he had no right to.

  He also knew he had no right to ask Ally to take on a child that wasn’t even his much less hers. He loved her and he wasn’t prepared to do anything that would cause him to lose her.

  She deserved better after everything he had put her through. No for now it needed to be just him and her. He needed to let Ben go.

  For a moment he thought about what it would be like if they had their own baby. He could picture Ally pregnant with his child and his heart pounded faster. He wanted her to have his children. Lots of them. But he was so afraid to open his heart up to a child again. So he shot that thought straight down and quickly pushed it out of his head.

  “Ben is not my problem Ally,” he replied finally giving her the reassurance he thought she was searching for. Maybe this was what she was worried about. She was worried he still wanted Ben. “That part of my life is done. From now on it’s just you and I. No one else.”

  His words didn’t give her the reassurance he thought it would. Instead it just broke her heart more. She was hoping he might have said something that might mean he had changed his mind. But he clearly hadn’t. He didn’t want kids. It was as simple as that.

  “Okay,” was all she could manage to say without bursting into tears. “I am going go down to breakfast.”

  She turned and walked out of the wardrobe, her feet almost as heavy as her heart.

  By the time she reached the kitchen, she was struggling hard to keep her emotions in check.

  “Good Morning, Ally,” Rosie chirped bright when she saw Ally walk into the kitchen but stopped immediately when she saw the expression on Ally’s face. “What is it Ally, what’s happened?”

  “Rosie I am in so much trouble,” Ally whispered as the tears trickled down her face. Rosie stopped what she was doing and hurried to Ally’s side to comfort her.

  “Tell me.” Rosie said taking her by the hand.

  “I can’t,” Ally said, her voice barely a whisper. “You don’t know how much I wish I could, but I just can’t.”

  “Have you spoken to Cole,” Rosie asked. Ally just shook her head in response.

  “Ally, you have to,” Rosie said as she rubbed Ally arms soothingly. “You need to talk to someone about whatever is upsetting you so much my dear.”

  “I can’t,” she whispered. She could hear Cole coming down the stairs and she quickly wiped her eyes and looked pleadingly at Rosie. “Please don’t say anything.”

  “I promise,” Rosie smiled at her and her eyes quickly dart up to Cole as he walked into the room. “Good Morning Mr Thomas, what could you like this morning for breakfast?”

  “Just some coffee for me, thanks Rosie,” Cole said sitting down next to Ally and picking up the morning paper. He stole a sideways glance at Ally and sighed.

  She had been crying. He wanted to demand she spoke to him but he didn’t. He knew there was no point because she would just refuse and switch herself off once again.

  He glanced up at Rosie and gave her a questioning look but she simply shrugged. She placed the coffee in front of Cole and some grange juice in front of Ally even though she hadn’t asked for it and left them alone.

  Cole could not bite his tongue any longer.

  “Okay, Ally,” he said putting down the newspaper. “Talk to me.”

  “About?” she asked looking at him. She could feel the panic wash over her and her heart pounded harder and faster in her chest.

  “I don’t know,” he replied, holding up his hand in dismay and turning to her in his seat. “For the last few days, you have been distant, upset and completely closed off. I am struggling here. I want to help. But you won’t let me in. Tell me what I need to do to make it better.”

  Ally stared at him. She wasn’t sure what to do. The word, “I’m pregnant” was on the tip of her tongue but she couldn’t say it.

  “Is it the wedding,” Cole asked nervously. “Are you having second thoughts, because we can postpone…”

  “NO!” Ally blurted out. The one thing she was sure of was she wanted to marry Cole. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. After all that was why she was doing what she was about to do. Because she didn’t want to lose him. “I promise I am not having second thoughts. Cole I love you. Please believe that.”

  “Then talk to me,” Cole begged her. “I know something is wrong. And Sid is involved. Something was not right between you and him last night. You have to help me out here Ally, because I really don’t know what I am supposed to do.”

  “It’s Gus,” she lied. “He is taking things very badly. Sid is worried about him. He wanted me to talk to him. To give him a chance but I can’t. I don’t want to see him or speak to him. I know he is hurting. But so am I. I didn’t asked for this. This isn’t my problem to solve. I am the innocent one here yet I feel like everyone is looking at it like it’s my fault. ”

  What she said wasn’t a complete lie. In fact every word she said was the truth. It just wasn’t what had her so upset. But it was the only truth she could give him for now.

  “You want me to have a word with Sid?” Cole asked and looking angry. “He needs to be told to back the fuck off.”

  “No!” Ally exclaimed with horror. Cole confronting Sid was the last thing she wanted. She knew Sid promised to keep her secret, but in the heat of an argument who knows what he might say. “I have taken care of it. I promise, Sid knows the score now. He knows to let it drop.”

  “Ally,” Cole said wrapping her in his arms. “You know you could have talked to me about this.”

  “I know,” she replied and closed her eyes as she rested her head on his shoulders. She wished he was coming with her today. She was so scared and wished she didn’t have to do this alone. But then she realised how ridiculous that thought was. If he was coming with her, she wouldn’t be doing this in the first place. “But you have enough going on in your life. You don’t need my crap too.”

  “That what husbands do,” Cole replied. “They are there for their wives crap and well as the good stuff. Ally I am going to be your husband. You have to learn to trust me more. To let me in and stop pushing me away.”

  “I promise,” she smiled up at him. “From now on I will.”

  “When you get back from London,” Cole said looking down into her eyes. “We can start fresh. You and me against the world. I love you Ally.”

  “I love you too.” she said and leaned up and met his lips with hers. If only he knew how true his statement was. Once she was back from London, they would have a fresh start and Ally would make sure there would be no more mistakes.

  “I have a couple of things to get together before I leave for the airport
,” she said getting up from her stool.

  “I will drop you off,” he said and smiled.

  “I won’t be long,” she turned and walked out of the kitchen.

  “Is she okay,” Rosie asked, appearing back into the kitchen.

  “She will be,” Cole replied. “Think it’s time Sid and I had a little chat. He needs to know it’s time to back off for once and for all.”

  Chapter 29

  An hour later Cole kissed Ally goodbye before she climbed out of the car.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to come in with you to wait?” Cole said taking hold of her hand.

  “I’m quite sure,” she replied with a smile. “I am going to have a wander around the shops in duty free. I need some new makeup.”

  “If you are sure,” he replied with a pout. He wasn’t ready to let her go just yet.

  “I am very sure,” she giggled as she leaned in and kissed Cole. “I will call you tonight.”

  She climbed out of the car and turned back and waved as Liam closed the door. Cole then watched as she disappeared through the doors of Dublin Airport.

  “Liam, slight change of plans this morning” Cole said as Liam pulled the car away from the set down area in front of departures. “I want to go to Parson’s Garage.”

  “Yes Sir,” Liam said, his eyes meeting a very determined Coles in the rear view mirror.

  Thirty minutes later they were pulling into the car park of Parson’s Garage. He took a moment before he climbed out of the car.

  He wasn’t afraid of Sid, far from it. But he knew he was one of Ally’s closest friends. And he knew she was going to freak out when she heard he spoke to Sid, so he wanted to handle this properly. He needed to remain as calm as possible.

  He climbed out of the car and headed into the reception area. The pretty girl who had been on the desk the first time he came to the garage looking for Ally was behind the desk once again.

  He smiled as he remembered back to the day he came to find her. The girl was busy chatting on the phone when he arrived. She had smiled up at him and held up her finger indicating she would be just one minute.