Remember When...

by Scarlett Finn

  Shane pulled Cam forward to hug him, and prevent further injury. Cam fought for a minute, then changed tack and climbed up over his father’s shoulder, with a boost. “Can I ask you something that’s not meant to be judgement or anger?”

  “Oh god,” she said, tidying up their mess and pulling baby wipes from her bag. Cam got free and picked up the banana, but he whined and fussed at his mother when she caught him to wipe his face. “What?”

  “Has he ever put his hands on you… in anger?”

  “Cameron?” she asked, switching the banana from one baby hand to the other. “All the time.”

  “No… Calvin. Has he ever hit you?”

  The implication was so shocking that she gasped. “No, of course not. Why would you think that?”

  Ginger focused on her son to ignore Shane’s assessment of her. “Sometimes you seem… afraid of him,” he said.

  Shaking her head, she was trying not to be offended. “He’s been good to me, Shane. Very good to me. You might not understand it, but… he accepted me when I had no one. He was there when the doctors told me about Cam. He was there with me when I told them I wouldn’t terminate even if it meant killing me. He supported me in everything… I’m not afraid of him, I… I need his guidance.”

  “You defer to him,” Shane said and she didn’t like that he seemed angry about it.

  “Please,” she said, shifting over an inch. “Be grateful to him, don’t be angry with him.”

  “I am,” Shane said and when he smiled, she wasn’t sure she believed it. Cam popped up between them and shoved the last of the banana at his father, smudging it over his face.

  Cam thought it was hilarious and she laughed too, Shane roared and grabbed up the boy to smack a kiss to his face, sharing the mess of banana and it was up to her to pull them apart. Laughing, she wiped off Cam’s face. “You two encourage each other already,” she said.

  “Mama!” Cam wriggled free and she turned to wipe the banana from Shane’s face too.

  It was automatic, she hadn’t meant to be so forward, but as she wiped, she slowed. Her hand was on his face, she was closer, in the cocoon between his body and the straight arm he was leaning on. “Sorry,” she whispered, lowering her gaze and folding the baby wipe over and over.

  “You’re blushing again,” he murmured and his finger hooked beneath her chin to lift her eyes. “Don’t hide your eyes, baby. Don’t be afraid to look at me.”

  “You intimidate me,” she said and there was a flash of hurt apology in his eyes. “Not on purpose, I… I can’t imagine myself with a man like you… I don’t know how I handled you.”

  “You were the only one who could, Bit,” he said and she wasn’t sure how to respond. Cam chose that moment to punch Shane’s leg again and climb into his lap. “Yo, Cam, don’t you think mommy deserves a kiss too?”

  Horror and intrigue collided to make her eyes flare, but it was too much too soon. “Don’t,” she croaked and he examined her with a patient expression.

  “When you’re ready… you take from me what you want, any time, and if you want me to take action…”

  “Let’s be patient,” she said, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I may never be ready.”

  He didn’t seem to accept this, but smiled like it was an interesting idea. Then he picked up their boy and held him between them. “Cam can take care of the mommy kisses in the meantime,” he said.

  “He hates mommy kisses,” she said and pressed a hard kiss to Cam’s cheek, on cue, he grumbled and pushed her away. But she laughed, used to his attitude.

  “Oh, man, kid, you’re crazy, mommy’s kisses are the best kisses,” he said, leaning in to whisper the last part into their son’s ear.

  She was probably blushing again, but she didn’t look away. “I guess mommy is too needy,” she said. “I got all my affection from him.” Running her fingers into Cam’s hair, she brushed her lips on his ear. Cam got annoyed with her when she tried to kiss him at times he wanted to play, but when it came to sleepy time, he was like a limpet on her. So it all balanced out. “He’s been my cuddly bear every time I felt sad or lost. Sometimes he’s ok with mommy needing lots of hugs, but not when he wants to play.”

  Cam yawned then dropped to retrieve Raa from beneath the table, her eyes locked onto Shane’s again. “All your affection?” he asked, stroking her jaw with the back of one finger. “I noticed how Calvin doesn’t touch you.”

  “I don’t like to be touched,” she said on autopilot.

  Tilting his head, Shane’s eyes narrowed. “Really?” he asked and grazed his finger up the back of her jaw.

  He was touching her. He’d done it several times and either she hadn’t noticed or it had felt good. That was unlike her, she’d never liked to be touched and always assumed it came from the doctors prodding at her for so long. But with Cam as a distraction, Shane had managed to break down that barrier.

  “Did I used to like it?” she asked. While Shane kept stroking, she watched her son, trying not to make the moment too intense, but at the same time trying to get used to it. Maybe Shane could help her ease in to being less uptight.

  “That sounds like a loaded question,” he said. “Did you used to like being touched? Sure. Did I like seeing other guys touching you? No.”

  Cam flopped onto his back, Raa tucked under one arm, his thumb in his mouth. “It’s naptime,” she said, moving onto all fours over Cam. “You want to sleep, Angel?”

  Cam shook his head and his thumb slurped from his mouth. “Da,” he said, looking at her, but pointing at his father. “Da. Da. Da.”

  “I don’t know, sweetheart,” she said, stroking Cam’s hair from his forehead.

  “What don’t you know?” Shane asked. “You’re amazing, you have like your own language with him.”

  “Experience,” she said. “Sometimes he’s the only one I have to talk to.” Worried she was giving him a bad impression, she glanced at Shane. “Calvin works a lot.”

  “Sure,” Shane said. “He runs that big corporation.”

  Swallowing, she wasn’t sure if she should believe his understanding was real. Sitting back on her haunches, she took a breath. “Cam wants to know if you’ll be around. If you’ll play with him again.” Comprehension made his chin rise. “I guess he had fun.”

  “So did I,” he said and she shivered, but had to stay on point.

  “Now you know my big secret… you know the truth… Do you still want to help me?”

  “More,” he said. “I never I thought I could want you more, but now I want you both.”

  She had to make sure he understood. “I don’t like introducing people into his life who I don’t think will stick around. Whatever happens between us, however my amnesia therapy turns out… if the paternity is positive, will you be a father to him?”

  “Yes.”

  And that was it. One simple word. They were sharing a smile when the door opened and in piled Calvin, Boyd, Owen, and Murphy.

  Cam sat up to examine the group. “Sorry,” Owen said. “We held them off as long as we could.”

  “It’s been too long already,” Calvin said.

  “Fuck,” Murphy said, staring at Cam. “I’m an uncle.”

  “Watch your language,” Shane chastised. This time she did hide her smile, but his deliberate hypocrisy was a joke, the humor was laced through his voice.

  “Aww, he’s adorable,” Owen said and began to come over, but as he moved, so did everyone else. Cam scrambled to his feet to run behind his parents.

  “He’s tired,” she said, glancing at her boy.

  With one hand on either parent’s shoulder, Cam was using them both as a shield, it was nice that he was showing such trust in Shane so quickly. “Do you want to meet your uncles, kid?” Shane asked him, without moving from his shielding position, which she appreciated. “You can punch them as much as you like. One of them thinks about hurting you back and I’ll knock them out.”

  “Lovely,” Calvin muttered. She covered her laugh wi
th a hand and gave Shane a push when Calvin turned his back on them to organize the stroller.

  But Cam squawked and punched her shoulder. She gasped in fake outrage and rubbed her shoulder, but Cam was really angry that she’d pushed Shane, his shocked outrage was hilarious. “Oh, someone’s protective of daddy,” she said, wriggling a fingertip into Cam’s chest.

  Shane kissed Cam’s head. “He’s got my back,” he said then whispered in Cam’s ear. “Mommy can beat on daddy any time she likes, it’s our job to protect her.”

  Cam twisted to blink at Shane who nodded. “Ma,” Cam said.

  Shane nodded. “Yeah, we protect her. See…” Stroking her shoulder in an exaggerated soothing gesture, Shane showed Cam what he meant and for effect, she stuck out her bottom lip to show she was sad. “We make mommy better. We don’t hurt mommy.”

  Cam pointed to the stuffed animal on the floor in front of them. “Ra,” he said and pushed through his parents to retrieve his lion, he took it to his mommy and pressed it against her. “Ra.”

  “Is Ra protecting mommy?” Shane asked.

  Cam dropped to sit on his father and lifted his legs onto his mommy. “While Cam sleeps,” she said when he slid down and sucked his thumb again. “Mommy’s honored, Ra usually has to sleep with Cameron. He doesn’t like to sleep without him.”

  Bowing over, she kissed her son’s face and he snagged a handful of her hair to pull her down for another longer kiss. Yep, he was tired all right. And it was as she smiled at her son, rubbing her nose on his that she realized her face was right in Shane’s lap, her cheek just a couple of inches from his groin.

  Sitting up quickly, she blinked at him and dropped her eyes, but he smiled and touched her chin, obviously he’d registered what she’d done, but he didn’t say anything about it. Instead, Shane took Ra from her and the thumb came out Cam’s mouth again.

  Father gave the stuffed animal to his son. “How about Ra looks after you while you sleep and daddy will protect mommy while you have a nap?”

  She wasn’t sure if Cam understood or not, but he accepted the animal anyway, he did love his lion. “Laying it on a bit thick with the mommy, daddy stuff, aren’t we?” Calvin said, raising a brow at her when he turned back. “Come on, Cam. Let’s go home.”

  Cam stretched out and yawned, but rolled off his father to crawl over to Calvin who picked him up to put him in the stroller. Watching Shane examine the act, she hoped it wouldn’t cause more bad feeling between them that Calvin and Cameron were comfortable with each other. Granted, Calvin had never been hands on with Cam, but he’d seen Cam grow up.

  But Shane didn’t say anything, just watched wearing a half-frown and then got to his feet to straighten his jeans. She packed up the diaper bag. Shane picked up Ra to take it over when Cam called for him.

  Calvin was behind the stroller when she went over to hook the diaper bag over the back. Cam was already half-asleep, but Shane tucked the lion under his arm and kissed Cam’s head then hunkered down in front of him.

  “Daddy will see you tomorrow, ok?” Shane said, stroking his drowsy son’s face. “And we’ll play as much as you like.”

  Cam muttered something and his eyes closed, so Shane stood up. “Thank you,” she said.

  Shane didn’t respond to her gratitude, his expression was stony and she missed the open, relaxed man who’d been sitting on the floor with her a minute ago. “They need blood from me?”

  “Uh,” she said, eyeing everyone else because this was a return to awkward. “Yes. They took Cam’s blood when we arrived. The nurse out there, Stevens, she’ll show you what to do, I’m not sure what… I think it’s just a needle stick.”

  “Whatever it takes,” Shane said then turned to Calvin and offered his hand again, this was the second time he’d tried it. The first time Calvin had refused. This time her fiancé was so stunned that he accepted the handshake with a slack jaw. “Thank you… for keeping them safe.”

  She’d told Shane that he should be grateful and here he was, expressing gratitude. It could be spontaneous, or he could be doing what she’d said. Shane had said he followed her orders and here he was following through. It was her turn to be stunned.

  “You’re… you’re welcome,” Calvin said.

  Calvin clearly hadn’t been expecting Shane to act like this and she hadn’t either, but even Owen and Murphy were in shock if she was reading their expressions right. Shane turned to his brother. “You got details of the lodge?” Murphy nodded, still unable to make words. Calvin unlocked the brake on the stroller and moved forward a step.

  She was ready to just keep on going when the back of Shane’s finger touched the back curve of her jaw, forcing her to look at him. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Bit.”

  Nodding, she copied his smile before Calvin put her hand on the stroller handle and pulled her along with him. This was going to be an awkward vacation, but it would be an eventful one.

  4

  Shane arrived at the lodge in his pick-up with Murphy and Owen. They piled out, deciding it was best to check in before thinking about luggage. Opening the back door, Shane let Owen out, and released his own surprise.

  Striding toward the glass-fronted lobby of the huge stone and log lodge, he was impressed. The place was off the beaten track, there were different activities available around the large forest resort that had a river running through it and a large lake.

  As well as the rooms and facilities inside the lodge itself, there were a dozen cabins around the grounds and it was one of these that they’d be staying in. He confirmed when he called the previous day to make final arrangements.

  Murphy and Owen were nearly at the door when Ginger came around the corner of the building pushing the stroller. She was alone and he was immediately concerned about why she was out in the cold by herself. He momentarily forgot that the large Huskie he’d just let out of his truck wouldn’t understand that his mommy no longer knew who he was.

  Rocky changed course and swerved toward Ginger and the stroller. Shane whistled loud and clapped his hands. “Rocky! No!” he hollered and picked up the pace.

  Ginger froze and rushed around to put herself in front of the stroller. But when she looked up and saw him, she relaxed and smiled. Rocky came to a scrabbling halt in front of her, wagging his tail and nosing her. Shane relaxed when she laughed and crouched down to rub her fists hard behind his ears, something she’d always done that he loved, another instinct, Shane grinned.

  “Sorry,” he said when he reached them, but she was kissing Rocky’s nose and scrunching her fingers in his fur. “I didn’t think you’d be outside.” He hadn’t expected them to come face to face so quickly.

  “He’s gorgeous,” she said, her grin so wide and genuine that his jeans got tight. God, he loved to see her happy. “Oh, Shane, he’s beautiful. He’s yours?”

  “Ours,” he said, bending to stroke Rocky’s manic tail. She leaned over the dog, resting her chest on his head to run her fingers the full length of him. “He’s excited to see his mommy. I guess I should’ve mentioned him yesterday when you asked about kids.”

  Ginger wasn’t upset or offended, she laughed. “And what’s your name?” she asked, going back to rub her nose on his.

  Rocky barked, but she wasn’t afraid, she laughed again. “Rocky,” Shane said. “His name is Rocky.”

  The dog looked at him and Owen came over with Murphy. “Ginger, why are you outside?” Owen asked.

  “Someone was fussing,” she said, looking over at her shoulder at Cam who was straining his arms and legs forward.

  “Wooo! Wooo!” he mimicked the bark and then screeched, fighting against the straps holding him in his stroller.

  “You like him?” Ginger asked, going over to crouch next to the stroller, with a hand on the frame. “You like the doggy, Angel?” To his surprise, she held out an arm to Rocky. “Rocky, come and meet Cameron.”

  Cameron strained again, but Rocky trotted over and began to sniff at Cameron. “He won’t bite,” Shane sa
id, moving over behind the dog.

  “I know,” she said, without looking up at him. She stroked Rocky’s head, and that gave Cameron permission grab handfuls of Rocky’s cheeks, but he didn’t punch. The boy was rough, but not as rough as he could be. Pulling Rocky forward, Cam copied his mother and pressed his nose to Rocky’s nose. Rocky was happy to receive the acceptance and with a long tongue, he lapped Cam’s face. The boy paused, blinking for a minute, then opened his mouth in a huge shrieking laugh.

  Cameron pulled Rocky forward and licked his nose, Ginger scrunched up her face, but laughed. “I guess you’ve got a new friend, Angel.” Rocky licked him again and Cameron’s little face got red, he was laughing so hard.

  “Wooo!”

  Ginger stood up, and after checking the brake was on, she came over. “You showed up right on time,” she said, standing beside him to watch dog and boy learn each other. “He was starting to get annoyed at being stuck in the stroller.”

  “Let him out,” Owen said.

  “The cabin isn’t ready yet,” she said. “Calvin is inside with Diane trying to figure it out. Doctor Guinness is on his way.”

  Shane looked at Murphy who read his unspoken instruction. “I’m on it.”

  Murphy went inside and Shane was confident his brother would take care of business. He wasn’t going to have Ginger and Cameron out here like this. Owen came closer. “Can I go over there to see Cameron?” he asked.

  Ginger nodded. “Get to know him while it’s just the two of you,” Shane said.

  Now that Cameron was wide awake and happy, it was a great time for Uncle Owen to go over and bond with him, one on one would be easier. “I think you’ve lost your status,” she said, leaning sideways as she folded her arms.

  It was amazing to be like this, standing beside her like it was no big deal. She was close to him, so close that if this had been a couple of years ago, he’d have his arms around her. But he had to keep his distance because the last thing he wanted to do was scare her. She’d let him touch her face at the hospital yesterday, it was a start, and one he planned to build on, an inch at a time.