The New England: ROMANCE Collection

by Susan Page Davis, Darlene Franklin, Pamela Griffin, Lisa Harris

  He tightened his hand around her arm to stop her from walking farther. “You’re upset. Why? Is the prospect of telling me your full name so earthshaking? Are you a fugitive hiding from the law?”

  “No, of course not. I just … Who’s Sheridan?”

  “Sheridan?” His mouth parted in surprise that she would ask such a question. “A woman I took out a few times. Why?”

  “I just wondered.”

  This entire conversation perplexed him. This woman perplexed him.

  He remembered a conversation he and Herbert once had. His friend had just had an argument with his wife, and he and Joel discussed women and their bizarre mood swings that made little sense—they were so hard to figure out!

  But with each day that passed, Joel found himself wanting to figure out this woman and very badly. To focus on another person after a year of thinking only of himself was oddly … freeing. He’d been selfish; he knew that. At the time he hadn’t cared, had been able to concentrate only on his bitterness and anger. But today he’d stepped not only out of the safe box of his home into the big, bad, wide world, but also out of the cage that had enclosed his heart from feeling. To feel had been too painful. It was still painful. But now he had reason to try.

  She was that reason.

  It was foolish, it was crazy, perhaps even impossible, as he’d told her before. But she hadn’t pulled away from him every time he told her she should, instead always reaching out to him. And as unbelievable as it seemed, she sounded jealous when speaking of Sheridan. He resolved to test his theory at the next available moment when they were alone.

  Soon, but not soon enough for Joel, the children complained of being tired. As the sun dipped low—the coolness of the air a testimony to evening’s arrival—they decided to call it a day.

  The drive back was quiet. Marielle’s body relaxed against his, and he wondered if she had dozed off. His assumption proved correct when her silky hair brushed his jaw as her head slowly nodded off until it dropped to his shoulder. An unexpected surge of protection shot through him along with the sudden desire to hold her, but he resisted the temptation. She jerked awake, her warmth immediately absent as she quickly lifted her head. He heard her hands rapidly smooth her skirts, as if flustered, but neither of them spoke until they reached Herbert’s home.

  “Come talk to me?” he asked.

  He sensed her sudden tension. “Can it wait? I’m really very tired and don’t feel much like talking.”

  “It won’t take long.”

  “Joel …”

  “I’m not asking for personal disclosures. Not tonight anyway. Please?” He hadn’t used that word in ages, not without sarcasm, and recognized her surprise in the shaky breath she inhaled.

  “All right.”

  Marielle asked the chauffeur to wait and walked with Joel toward his shed. Though she didn’t take his arm and he didn’t take hers now that he was on familiar territory, he could sense her mounting anxiety.

  “Relax,” he murmured when they reached his porch. “I just have a favor to ask.”

  “I can’t guarantee anything. It depends on the favor.”

  He turned to face her. “I want to see you, Marielle. Will you let me do that?”

  “See me?” she asked, clearly puzzled. “How?”

  “Like this.”

  And he lifted his hands, gently pressing his fingertips to her smooth jaw.

  Clemmie trembled at his unexpected touch. Any lethargy she felt disappeared in an instant as her blood pounded like a living thing, making her head swim.

  “Do you mind?” he whispered, not taking his hands away.

  She couldn’t speak, only shook her head the barest fraction in consent.

  His fingertips continued along her jawline, warm and gentle. He moved his hands higher, his fingers flush against her cheeks, their tips learning her cheekbones. Higher still, against her nose, and she closed her eyes as his touch ghosted along her lashes and eyelids, gently swept her brows and temples, and trailed upward to brush her forehead. He moved them into her thick hair, weaving through the strands, and then his large hands cupped her scalp and swept down over her ears, to the ends of her wavy hair, down to her shoulders … sweeping above her collar to brush slowly upward again … along her neck … beneath her chin.

  Clemmie shivered strongly but not from chill. Warmth rushed through her when his fingertips slowly drifted feather light across her lips.

  “What … what are you doing to me?” he whispered, his breath suddenly warm against her mouth. “Don’t you know this isn’t possible?”

  “No, no I don’t—”

  And suddenly his lips covered her own, cutting off her adamant whisper.

  Being kissed once by Joel had been an unattainable dream come true, a momentary wish fulfilled that just as soon ended.

  Being kissed twice brought the dream into startling reality, no longer unattainable, this kiss no fleeting reminder.

  Just as his hands learned her face, his mouth took time making its own discoveries. Barely able to stand, she wound her arms around his neck, soon returning his kiss with eagerness.

  After a long moment of bliss, he drew back and pressed his forehead to hers. She felt so lightheaded she continued to cling to him for support. Gradually her eyes fluttered open, looking into his beautiful, unseeing ones, taking in his perfect features and stunned expression as they both caught their breath.

  “I … I should go,” she whispered at last.

  “Yes.” His agreement came quiet.

  “I’ll come back tomorrow,” she said needlessly, pulling her arms away from him and stepping back, contrary to what she truly wanted: to wrap her arms tightly around him again, melt in his warm embrace, and share in another heart-escalating kiss.

  If things were complicated before, they’d just reached a point of total insanity.

  She hugged herself, feeling suddenly chilled as she hurried from his porch and toward the house. Before she entered Thea’s kitchen, she glanced over her shoulder and noticed Joel hadn’t changed position or moved from his spot.

  She burst inside, finding Thea at the stove, and fell into the closest chair.

  “Dear God in heaven, help me,” she whispered in a plea, her elbows on the table, her face in her hands. “I love him. I’ve never stopped—”

  “I know.”

  “You know?” Clemmie peeked up through her fingers.

  “Everyone who has eyes does. It’s been as clear as a summer’s day.”

  Clemmie realized she’d only fooled herself into believing otherwise. “This isn’t some girlhood crush anymore, Thea. It’s escalated into something much stronger, much dearer. He means everything to me! I can’t imagine a day without him. I think my heart would drain empty because he has everything inside…. Oh, what am I going to do? I have to tell him the truth; I have no choice anymore. He’s starting to question me. At the fair I evaded him, but I think he might suspect something’s amiss with my crazy answers and the way I avoided giving him the answer he wanted. When he finds out who I am, what if he’s not angry? What if he’s disappointed—to learn it’s me? The clumsy little carrottop he once knew? That’s what he called me, you know. I can’t hold a candle to the beauties he’s been involved with. And I can’t bear his rejection, which is sure to come.”

  “You don’t give yourself enough credit. You have many fine qualities.”

  “You mean besides deception and fraud?” she wryly asked. “Oh, I should have never done this. You were right. I’ve made such a mess of things.”

  Thea came to her side and put a hand on her shoulder to calm her. “It’s impossible to second-guess what’ll happen once Joel knows. But whatever does happen, please remember I’m here if you need me. And, Clemmie? You must tell him soon. Tomorrow. Better yet, go back there and tell him now.”

  “Now? No! I can’t. N–not after …” She trailed off, thinking of his kiss, that wondrous moment she wasn’t willing to share. “Tomorrow?” The prospect made her
heart race. “It’s too soon. I—I need more time.”

  “You’ve had more than enough time. I watched you two together today. You’ve gained his trust, and things are finally on an even keel between you. There’s no longer any reason to hold back in telling him who you are.”

  There were plenty of reasons! Had Thea not heard anything Clemmie told her?

  Feeling as if she were suffocating and in need of air, she shot up from the chair. “I—I have to go now. I’m sorry.”

  “Wait!” Thea called after her.

  But she was already out the door and hurrying to the waiting chauffeur.

  “Henley, please take me home.”

  He nodded, shutting the car door behind her, and hurried to resume his place at the wheel. All through the drive back to the mansion, the knowledge of what she must do haunted Clemmie. Upon arriving, she found no one home, and, relieved, she hurried to her room. But simply closing the door couldn’t block out what must be done.

  She had to tell him the next time she saw him….

  Tomorrow.

  The word crashed like a brass gong, booming out a sentence of judgment in her mind.

  Chapter 12

  Clemmie took a deep breath and knocked, equipped with her sweet peace offering that she hoped would make the bitter pill of what Joel must soon swallow easier to bear.

  “It’s open.”

  His voice sounded grim, and once she stepped inside, she noticed his expression matched his tone. Wonderful. He was in one of his dark, brooding moods. Perhaps it would be best to wait with personal declarations of guilt….

  Relieved that she had evaded her unwanted mission for one more day, she moved to stand before him where he sat in a chair.

  “I brought you a treat,” she said cheerily, hoping to dispel his gloom. “I baked it fresh this morning. That’s why I’m late.”

  “Really.”

  “Yes.” She set the pan down and removed the towel cover. “I think you’ll like it.”

  “Because you know so much about me.”

  “Well, yes. I’m learning.”

  “From all those stories Herbert had to tell.”

  Uneasy, she studied his expression. He may as well have been wearing a mask; his face gave nothing away.

  “Well, that, too. But I feel I’ve gotten to know you for myself.”

  “And that’s important, isn’t it? Getting to know me.”

  Clemmie swallowed hard, his pointed questions making her nervous.

  “It helps.”

  “Yet I know nothing about you.”

  “I told you I’ll tell you all you want to know soon.”

  “Soon. Right.” He laughed harshly then frowned. “Forget soon. Tell me now.” She cut a hunk of the bread. “Not when you’re like this. Later.”

  “It’s always later with you, isn’t it?”

  She handed him a slice. “Here. Maybe this will help sweeten that nasty disposition of yours.”

  He snatched the bread from her hand with a frown and took a bite. His scowl grew darker. To her shock, he threw the rest of the bread on the table. His eyes were blind, but they sparked with blue flames as they snapped her way.

  Wishing only to escape, she retreated a step. “I—I think I left something at Thea’s. I’ll be back shortly.”

  His hand flew to her arm, securing her. “You’re not going anywhere … Clemmie.” At his mocking twist on her name and the knowledge that he knew it, she felt faint. She pressed her other palm flat to the table to steady herself.

  “W–why did you call me that?” she whispered.

  “Do you deny it’s your name?”

  She didn’t answer, wishing for escape and knowing there wasn’t any.

  “You really must take me for a fool. There were so many pieces that didn’t add up. Your refusal to talk about yourself, some of the bizarre things you said, your vague description of your appearance. But this—” The hand not clamped around her arm found the bread he’d tossed and raised it. “This was the dead giveaway. You should have been more careful, Clemmie. Darcy’s date nut bread is one of a kind, like no one else’s.”

  “S–so it was the bread?” she nervously asked. “That recipe could belong to anyone. Maybe Darcy gave it to Thea, and she gave it to me.”

  “Still trying to deny it?” he bit out. “Don’t bother. I heard the tail end of the conversation you had with Thea last night. Through the kitchen window. I actually left my porch to find Herbert and got the unpleasant shock that you were withholding your identity from me. Adding it all together, it didn’t take long to figure out, Clementine Lyons.”

  “All right”—she gave in, almost shouting the words—”all right, Joel. You caught me. And you may not believe this, but I’m really sorry it had to be this way. You don’t know how sorry! But you gave me no choice.” Her own temper rising, Clemmie wrenched her arm from Joel’s hold. “If you hadn’t concealed your whereabouts—if you’d only called or written us one time in these past three years—I wouldn’t have felt the need to deceive you!”

  He blinked in surprise, clearly not expecting an attack. “You’re not actually turning this around on me, are you?”

  “You’re just as much to blame as I am! Yes, I was wrong to keep my identity secret—I admit it. All I wanted to do—all I ever wanted to do—was help you! But your pride is too big for your fool head. Otherwise you might have realized there are those who care about you and support you and would have helped if only you’d asked. But no, you didn’t stop to consider that we might be concerned by your sudden disappearance, with no explanations, no word, not even one lousy letter. And heaven help me, I have no idea why we care so much, but we do. My parents love you. I love you. And—”

  Clemmie broke off her spiel when she realized what she’d just admitted. Her mouth dropped open at her slip, her face flaming with humiliation. She whirled around and fled out the door.

  In shock, she heard his steps pound behind her, closing in on her, right before he grabbed her waist. His other hand then found her arm, and he spun her around to face him. “Oh no, Clemmie. You’re not getting away that easy.” He grabbed both her arms, and she thought he might shake her. “I want some answers. And I won’t take ‘later’ or ‘soon’ this time!”

  He towered over her, so close that on the overcast day she could see within his sky-blue eyes the fascinating kaleidoscope of darker blue that rimmed his irises. How had he moved, even over familiar territory, so swiftly and accurately, like a wildcat pouncing on its prey? He’d lost none of his agility, none of his enthralling power that made her go weak every time he was near. If anything, those traits had become enhanced through his adversity.

  Breathless, she stared up at him, feeling as lightheaded as she’d been when he kissed her. And she wanted that, wanted desperately to feel his lips claim hers and his strong arms enfold her against him. Something painful twisted inside her heart when she realized that would never happen again.

  “You want answers, Joel? All right.” She forced her voice to calm. “I would never have felt the need to deceive you had you behaved like a civilized human being instead of some rude, unmannerly, uncouth beast when I first came here. I didn’t know you were here, not originally. I came to visit Hannah Thomas for the summer and paid Thea a visit. It was all a matter of happenstance that we met. But I knew if I told you who I was, you wouldn’t have listened to a word I had to say. You would have just been angry that I’d found you and learned your secret. Tell me that’s not true.”

  He didn’t bother denying it.

  “I thought so. Perhaps my methods were wrong, but my motive was pure. I wanted to show you that you weren’t alone in this world and try to help you find a reason to live again. I had hoped I might convince you to have the operation, to call my parents—”

  His mouth thinning, he released her and in so doing pushed her back.

  “And that’s the problem right there! You keep pushing away the people who care about you. As Clemmie, I wouldn’t hav
e had a chance, but as Marielle, a stranger working for you, you might have listened to me. You did listen to me.”

  Tears of angry frustration clouded her vision and leaked down her cheeks. “No one thinks you’re your father’s son. You’re not a con artist anymore or a thief. Sometimes a person needs help, and I know my parents would gladly pay for any operation you need. They’re proud of you and think of you as their own flesh and blood, their son. They love all the boys at the Refuge, but you’ve always had a special place in their hearts because you’re one of the originals, because you’ve come so far. Mother told me so. They would dearly love to help if you would only ask them.”

  “Leave it alone, Clemmie,” he said gruffly, taking a brisk step from her. “Just go back home and leave me alone.”

  “There. There it is. Now you have your reason. And you’ve just proven every word I said is true.” She kept her head held high, though she wanted to sink to the ground in misery. “Maybe what I did was wrong, but at least before you knew I was Clemmie and rejected me—as I knew you would, as you’ve just done—at least for a short time you emerged from this box of a home you’ve turned into a prison. At least you had one small taste of what it felt like to really live again. And it’s up to you now if you’re going to live on that little taste from this day forward or if you’re going to take another step away from your cage and decide one small taste just wasn’t enough. I really hope you make the right choice.”

  Her heart aching, she left him standing there. As Clemmie approached the back porch, Thea opened the screen door, her expression sympathetic. Inside the kitchen, Clemmie allowed her trembling bravado to splinter, and she collapsed in tears against her friend.

  “He knows,” she whispered between shaking sobs. “A–and he hates me. I’ve ruined everything. Oh God, help me. H–him. Us. Please help us.” She whispered the prayer against Thea’s shoulder. “What have I done?”

  Joel stomped back to the shed, the path so familiar he didn’t need to count steps, though even with all the noise Clemmie made when running from him, he was surprised he’d caught her so easily, as if attuned to her every movement, even if he couldn’t see them.