Undeniable Rush

by Stephens, S. C.

  Hayden sighed in my ear. “Are you okay, Kenzie? We never really talked about this happening. I never really expected it to happen…”

  I wanted to be cool with it, wanted to brush it off like it was nothing, but my chest still felt like the life was being squeezed from me. “It’s fine,” I whispered.

  Now Hayden sounded angry. “I can hear it in your voice that it’s not fine, Kenzie. If this bothers you, tell me…don’t lie to me.”

  His words made a sudden surge of anger wash through me, easing the constriction around my chest. “Okay, then yes, it does bother me. I hate the fact that you were chumming around with your ex last night. But I know in my head that’s not what happened. You were chumming around with Rodney, not her. I’m adjusting to this, but it’s not…easy.”

  Hayden was quiet for a moment, then he said, “Thank you. I just wanted a truthful answer, even if you felt bad giving it to me. And I’m sorry, I wish they weren’t a packaged deal, but…they’re kind of inseparable.”

  That made me smile, and thoughts of them—Rodney and Felicia, together, as a couple—flooded my mind. “Yeah, they are. It’s a little sickening.”

  Hayden chuckled. “Not as sickening as the two of us.”

  A quiet laugh escaped me, and Hayden sighed. “What do you want me to do, Kenzie? In the future, when I want to hang out with Rodney and he brings her…what should I do?”

  Wasn’t that the million-dollar question? Or maybe it wasn’t such a big deal. We’d hung out together so often now, it didn’t feel like it did before. So long as clear lines were drawn, so long as it was Hayden and me, and Rodney and Felicia. If it ever became Hayden and Felicia, and Rodney and I dropped by the wayside, well, that was when we’d have a real problem.

  With a sigh, I told him, “You have fun hanging out with your friend, and you tolerate his girlfriend’s presence.”

  “Are you sure, Kenzie? Is that something you can be okay with? Truly?”

  I took a few seconds to consider that before I answered—I wanted to be sure. “Yeah, I understand that it might happen—Rodney is your friend, Felicia is his girlfriend. The two of you are going to see each other. But Hayden…out of respect to me, could you please not make it a habit? Maybe tell Rodney you want to hang out with just him. You know, a guys’ night? I’m sure he’d understand if you told him I’m not completely comfortable with you guys double-dating when I’m not there.”

  I could practically hear Hayden smiling into the phone. “Of course, Kenzie. That’s a perfectly reasonable request. The next time we hang out… I’ll talk to him.”

  A long, relieved exhale left me. “Thank you.” Biting my lip, I added, “And Hayden…if he doesn’t understand, and he invites her anyway… I need you to tell me right away. I don’t want to be blindsided by this.”

  “Of course, Kenzie. I love you.”

  “I love you too,” I said with a smile. “I’ll see you soon.”

  * * *

  The next couple of days were very productive. We finished the racing scenes, then focused on my scenes. Those were the most nerve-wracking for me, but after the first few takes, I relaxed and started having more fun. It was pretty easy too. All I had to do was tear off my helmet, start walking away from the camera, stop, then look back over my shoulder and say, “Strength comes from within, support comes from Ashley’s.”

  Surprisingly, everything went so smoothly, we wrapped a little early. I was eager to get home, get back to the track, get back to Hayden and my friends, so I returned to Oceanside that night, instead of waiting for the morning. The entire time I was riding back, I waffled between going to my house, going to Hayden’s place, or going to the track.

  While I really wanted to check on the track, make sure Dex hadn’t burned the place down, I ended up driving to Hayden’s instead. Being apart from him had been harder than I’d expected it to be, and I missed him. Anticipation coursed through me as I raced to his apartment, but it turned to ice the second I pulled into the parking lot…and realized his bike wasn’t there. He wasn’t home. Why wasn’t he home?

  Dread pounded through my veins as I tried to imagine where he was. He wasn’t expecting me until tomorrow, so he could be anywhere, with anyone, secure in the knowledge that I was miles away, and I’d never find out what he was doing. Tears stung my eyes as I stared at Nikki’s door. I could ask her if she knew anything. But she had a newborn. Sleep was a sacred thing to her right now, and I didn’t want to be the reason she didn’t get enough tonight.

  Twisting my bike, I headed out of the lot. I’d find Hayden on my own.

  But as I drove deeper into the city, guilt stabbed at me. Hayden and I were working on trust, honesty, and respect. Riding around aimlessly, trying to find my boyfriend, wasn’t exactly the epitome of those ideals. I had to believe that no matter where he was and what he was doing, it wasn’t something nefarious, something that would hurt me. Maybe he was just out with Rodney. And…maybe Felicia was there, because he hadn’t had a chance to talk to Rodney about putting limits on their friendship. If that were the case…then it was…fine. I’d told him I would understand if it happened—on occasion—and while it didn’t thrill me, I did understand. I just hoped he lived up to his word and told me about it himself. As soon as possible.

  Knowing there was nothing else for me to do, I went home. I guess I should have stayed in L.A. and gotten a good night’s sleep. There was no reason for me to rush home. Pulling up to my dark, little house, I began to fill with melancholy and loneliness. While I’d always enjoyed the peace of living alone, now it seemed…too quiet at my house. It was better when Hayden was there. Somehow, he made it a home, and not just a place to sleep at night.

  Hoping I was able to shut off my mind, so I could get some tiny amount of sleep tonight, I opened my garage door and walked my bike inside. And that was when I noticed something, something that made my heart thud inside my chest. Was I hallucinating, or was that really Hayden’s bike tucked beside my truck? He was here? Hayden didn’t have a key to my house, but that really wasn’t a problem for him—breaking and entering was as easy to him as breathing. My smile was a mile wide as I closed my garage door. He really was here.

  Wanting to surprise him, I quietly entered the house. Everything was dark, silent, still. If I hadn’t seen his motorcycle, I never would have guessed that anyone was home. I tiptoed down the hallway to my bedroom, then toed open the door. My heart leapt into my throat when I saw the shape of him, under the covers, inside my bed. God…coming home to him waiting for me, was better than anything I could have imagined. He wasn’t out doing something mischievous. He was sleeping in my bed, missing me. It stirred something deep inside me, and my heart surged with love.

  Careful and quiet, so I didn’t wake him, I removed my boots, then my jacket. Eyes locked on his sleeping form, I removed every piece of clothing I was wearing, then gently climbed into bed beside him. He stirred when I kissed his shoulder, his head turning my way in the dark. “Kenzie?” he asked, his voice groggy with sleep.

  “Hey,” I said, giving him a kiss. “You’re here? In my bed?”

  He turned to face me. “I hope you don’t mind that I broke in. I missed you.”

  “I’ll forgive you, this once.”

  I leaned forward to kiss him, and I felt his arms slide up my body. He pulled away from my mouth to say, “You’re naked.”

  A low laugh left me, as I found his lips. “I know. You should probably do something about that…”

  His chest rumbled with an erotic, amused noise, then he twisted me to my back, and his mouth began trailing down my body. Yes, this was definitely how I wanted to come home every day. I made a mental note to give him one of my spare keys in the morning.

  CHAPTER 15

  The commercial started playing just a few days before we left for Barber. Nikki was the first one of us to see it, since she was staying pretty close to home with Maria right now. I was a little worried how she was doing financially, but Myles told me he had everythi
ng under control. I wasn’t sure how that was possible, since Myles was renting a freaking palace with Eli and Kevin and didn’t have much to spare. And that was when I overheard Ralph talking to Eli about moving into Myles’s room.

  “You took his place? Where is Myles living?” God, had he officially moved in with Nikki, and neither one of them had mentioned it?

  Eli immediately scuttled off, clearly not wanting to be a part of this. Ralph looked uncomfortable under my gaze, so I tried to relax my expression. Finally, he said, “He’s still living there…he’s using the couch.”

  “The couch? He’s sleeping on the…” Closing my eyes, I shook my head and went in search of my self-sacrificing rider. I found him in the gym, looking exhausted for more than one reason. Climbing on an elliptical next to him, I said, “Hey, Myles. How’s it going?”

  He gave me an odd look. “Fine…” Changing his expression, he said, “Have you seen your commercial yet? Nikki recorded it if you haven’t. It’s good, Kenzie. You did a great job.”

  I felt my cheeks heat as I accepted his praise. Hayden had made me watch it last night, and while I had to agree, it had turned out great, I wasn’t a big fan of watching myself on screen. “Thanks…” Feeling uncomfortable now, I blurted out what I knew. “You’re living on a couch now? Really?”

  Myles stumbled a bit on his machine. “Who told you? Kevin?” His eyes narrowed. “They weren’t supposed to say anything.”

  With a sigh, I shook my head. “What are you doing, Myles?”

  His gaze focused straight ahead. “I’m helping Nikki and Maria. She can’t work right now. Well, she doesn’t want to work right now. She wants to be with Maria for a little while longer, and I support that.” He looked over at me, a warm smile on his face. “I want to be with her too, but…you know, one of us needs to make money.”

  His expression turned sad, remorseful. “Why the couch, though?” I asked. “Why don’t you just move in with Nikki? It sounds like Ralph took your spot on the lease. It sounds like you’re free?”

  He cringed, then shook his head. “Nikki’s not…that’s Hayden’s room. I don’t want to step on his toes.”

  “It doesn’t have to be Hayden’s room,” I flatly told him. I’d given him a key, and we were ready for that next, final step—he spent most nights with me anyway and moving his few possessions out of his room would be easy.

  Myles snapped his gaze to mine. “Don’t, Kenzie. Things are fine the way they are. Don’t interfere, please?”

  I ground my teeth together but nodded. I could butt out. For now.

  Hopping off the machine, I headed to my office. Dex was there, smiling as he looked over the papers on my desk. “Hey, Kenzie. Good morning.”

  “Morning,” I murmured, Myles and Nikki still on my mind.

  Dex stopped what he was doing and walked over to me. “Are you okay? Are you worried about the commercial? Because I just saw it, and you…” He exhaled a slow breath. “You looked amazing.”

  The look on his face combined with how close he was standing to me made me feel guilty. I wished I could turn off his attraction. I had a feeling that commercial had only made it worse. Giving him a half-smile, I sidestepped away from him. “Thank you. No, I was thinking about something else.”

  He followed me. “Oh? What?”

  Safely putting my desk between us, I gave him as patient a look as I could. “It’s personal.”

  Putting his hand on my desk, as close to me as he could get away with, he said, “You can tell me personal things. It’s okay.”

  With a sigh, I collapsed into my seat. “Dex, remember that line we’re always talking about? You’re starting to cross it.”

  He immediately pulled his hand back. “Sorry…it’s not intentional.”

  Closing my eyes, I nodded. “How about you help John start packing everything up? We’re leaving for Barber in the morning.”

  I opened my eyes to see him nodding. “Yeah, okay, Kenzie.”

  He left my office, and I laid my head back on the chair. Much to my relief, he’d done a good job holding down the fort while I’d been away. His help was so nice, but his unending adoration was…grating. I rested there for a minute, letting the stress dissolve.

  I was just about to get moving when my cell phone rang. Grabbing it from my bag, I glanced at the screen, then answered it. “Hello, Richard. How are you?”

  “I’m excellent, Kenzie. I’m just calling to tell you that Ashley’s Intimates couldn’t be happier with the commercial. You’ve made them very happy, so happy in fact, that they’d like to do more with you.”

  There was something in his voice that instantly put me on edge. “More? Like what?”

  “Like another commercial. Something a little more…enticing.”

  Closing my eyes, I felt the weight of my decisions bearing down on me. Somehow, I’d known that opening the door, giving them an inch, would lead to them wanting something I couldn’t give. “Enticing kind of sounds like what I didn’t want to do. I’m not pimping my body for them, or anyone.”

  “Rumor around the league has it that you didn’t always feel that way. Didn’t you model for your rival, Benneti Motorsports, last year?

  My eyes shot open. “How do you know about that? Did you talk to Keith?”

  “I talk to a lot of people, Kenzie. It’s a vital part of my job. So is research. I’ve seen photos from your Benneti days, and his outfit for you was anything but tasteful. What’s being offered now is quite a step up, and if I were you, I wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss it.” There was something in his tone that was almost…threatening. It raised the hairs on the back of my neck.

  “Well, you’re not me, and I’m not going to do it. I was desperate when I agreed to work for Keith. I’m not anymore, so I’m saying no. Please tell Ashley’s that I’m flattered, but that’s not the kind of partnership I’m looking for.”

  The pause on his end was so long, my heart started thundering in my chest. “I’ll let them know, Mackenzie, but I feel I need to tell you…they want this to happen, and it’s either going to happen with you, or with someone else.”

  Surprise made my blood go cold. “Are you telling me they’ll leave if I don’t say yes? Because we have a contract.”

  “A one season contract. They’re free to go their way at the end of the year, as are you, if you feel it’s not working out.”

  My head dropped back to my chair. Was I going to have to do this all over again next year? And again? And again? I really didn’t think I could do it over and over. It was too hard, too stressful. “Tell them… I’ll think about it.”

  “Excellent. They’ll be thrilled to hear that.”

  He disconnected the line while I began to speak, and he never heard the words, “I’m only thinking about it. I haven’t agreed to…anything.”

  * * *

  As the team headed out to Barber, I found it impossible to tell Hayden about what I’d partially agreed to do for Ashley’s. The words just wouldn’t form when I was around him, and not being able to talk to him about it filled me with guilt. We’d sworn to be honest, brutally, painfully honest. I should tell him. But I wasn’t even sure if I was actually going to do it. I might back out, let the sponsor go and try my best to replace them next year. I mean, I still had Burger Barn. Would it really be all that bad if I lost Ashley’s?

  Yes. It would hurt to lose them. We’d adapted to the higher cash flow, and we relied on them now. I didn’t want to say goodbye, but I didn’t want the image of me in their underwear plastered everywhere. That was for Hayden’s eyes only. Eyes that I suddenly realized had been staring at me for several minutes.

  Refocusing my gaze, I locked eyes with him. “There’s my girl,” he said with a smile. “Where were you? Visualizing the track?”

  I loved the fact that he knew my routine and hated the fact that I wasn’t doing that. “No, I…” Knowing I had to tell him now, I inhaled a deep breath, taking in the exhaust and excitement from one of my favorite venues. A venue I
wasn’t even currently enjoying. God, how I wished I could let go of this worry and just race. That was my passion, not…management.

  “We might lose Ashley’s Intimates at the end of the year,” I told him, my breath and my heart heavy.

  Green eyes widening in surprise, he said, “What? After how great that commercial turned out? How they could possibly be upset with everything you’ve done for them?”

  “That’s just it, the commercial was good…too good. Now they want more, and I…don’t really want to give it to them.”

  His brows bunched in confusion. “More? Like…what more?”

  I sighed when his eyes flicked down my body, then I nodded. “Yeah, more skin, more sex appeal, more…everything I didn’t want to do in the first place. And because I won’t do it, they’re going to go find someone who will. And we’re…screwed.”

  Grabbing my face, Hayden shook his head. “No, we’re not. We have other sponsors, we don’t need them.” Another weary sigh escaped me. Raising his eyebrows, he repeated, “We don’t need them, Kenzie.”

  Gently removing his fingers from my cheek, I said, “I told them I’d think about it.”

  His expression instantly turned stony. “No, you’re not going to think about it. You don’t want to do it, you said so yourself.” I opened my mouth and he instantly steamrolled over my objection. “No. You’re not doing something you don’t want to do. Not again. I’d rather go back to street-racing than watch that happen again.”

  I pursed my lips, silently telling him that he’d be street-racing over my dead body, then I nodded. “Okay. I’ll tell them no. Then they’ll leave…and we’ll make do.”

  Tossing an arm over my shoulder, he smiled wide. “Just like we always do. And we’ll be fine. I promise.”

  I wanted to tell him he couldn’t promise me something like that, but there was no need. He understood, the same as I did, that the future was fluid, and it was quite possible that we could lose everything. But I knew what he really meant by his promise—that even if we did hit rock bottom, even if we had to live out of my truck…the two of us, we would be okay. And knowing that gave me strength, made me feel like I could call Richard right now, and tell him there was no way in hell I was going to do a racy underwear ad. And then, once I hung up with him, I wouldn’t spend one second worrying about what that meant for Cox Racing.