by Taryn Plendl
“Still not sharing?” she prodded.
“Come on, let’s go back to your place, and I’ll show you.”
Payton carried the bag with the frames, and I got the small bag of items out of the trunk. When we got inside, I laid the frames out on the kitchen table. After I had them all laid out, I pulled the pictures out of the bag.
“What on Earth?” Payton gasped as she looked over the photographs. I had taken several pictures over the past couple of weeks, with the help of Lucas and Shelly. There were several of Payton and me, some of her with Shelly and Rob, and a couple of her alone that I was pretty sure I would keep for myself.
“I figured you needed to dress up your walls, and what better than with photos of all your favorite people.” I leaned in and gave her a kiss.
“This is amazing, Garrett. Thank you.”
We worked at placing the pictures in the frames and arranging them around the apartment. It wasn’t much, but it added some personality and warmth.
“I know where this one is going.” She held up the eight by ten frame with a picture of us. I was kissing her on the forehead, and she was smiling. It was one of my favorites.
I followed her into the bedroom where she set it right next to her bed on the night table.
“Perfect.”
I reached and pulled her back against me. “I couldn’t agree more.”
Payton turned to face me. I pulled her against me, capturing her mouth with mine. She tasted so good. I couldn’t get enough of her kisses. I ran my hands over her back, stopping just above the waist of her pants.
To my surprise, she backed toward the bed, pulling me down with her as she laid back. Her hands were moving over my chest through my shirt, and it was driving me crazy. She swung her leg over mine, forcing me to my back as she positioned herself on top of me. Her soft little body pressed into me as she ran one of her legs over my rapidly hardening groin.
“Oh God, Payton. You’re killing me,” I groaned. I ran my fingers down her sides, causing her to giggle. Apparently my girl was ticklish.
We rolled around, making out like teenagers on Payton’s bed for what seemed to be hours. I took the lead from her, careful not to push too far. I didn’t want to scare her. It was killing me to hold back, but I was falling in love with her, and I would take things as slow as she needed.
“I’m sorry,” she gasped and pulled back. I ran my fingers over her face.
“Don’t be sorry, Payton. We don’t ever have to go further than you are comfortable with.” I kicked off my shoes and pulled her down on my chest, rubbing my hand over her back.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Garrett,” she sighed as she nuzzled closer to me.
“My sweet Payton, you deserve so much more than I could ever give you.” I was so close to telling her I loved her, but eventually her breathing evened out, and I knew she was asleep. I kissed her on the head and tried to fall asleep, but I didn’t want to miss the feel of her in my arms for one second.
***
The next few weeks were incredible. Payton and I had been spending so much time together, and every moment spent with her had me falling deeper in love with her.
It was incredible how strong she was. She had overcome a lot of crap in her life. Crap that I couldn’t imagine. I could only hope I wouldn’t add to it. I knew there were things we had yet to cover. I hadn’t mentioned much about what happened to my parents, and in turn, she never spoke of hers.
“You ready to come back, little man?” Jackson sat in the front seat of my car, nervously tapping his hands on his knees. We’d left the rehab facility about an hour ago, and neither of us had said too much.
“I’m good, Garrett. Really.” Jackson’s voice seemed confident, even though his actions didn’t. “I’m just excited. It’s been a while, and I’m anxious to get home.”
“Um, Jackson? I need to tell you something.”
“Okay?”
“I kind of have a girlfriend.” I waited for his reaction.
“And? That’s good, Garrett, right?” He looked at me with confusion.
I took a deep breath. “I think so, but she’s had a hard life, and I’m not sure I want to add to it.” I wasn’t making sense, and by the look on Jackson’s face, he didn’t think so either. I was such a chicken shit. I just wanted to get Jackson home and settled tonight. Tomorrow I would come clean about Payton, and we could figure out the best way to handle everything.
“We’ll talk about it tomorrow. Let’s just get home and order a pizza or something.”
***
Jackson settled right in. Nothing felt strained or awkward. It was a relief, to say the least. He was grateful to be home, and I was glad to have him back.
“Sorry about the lack of food. I guess I haven’t been a good shopper while you were gone.” I was almost embarrassed to only be able to offer my brother cereal or cold pizza for breakfast. “Some welcome home, huh?”
I grabbed my keys to head out to the store. “You coming?” I looked back just as Jackson sank down into the couch. I guess not. I chuckled as I closed the door behind me.
***
I loaded up the cart, thinking about what I was going to say to Jackson about Payton, and if I would even have the guts to tell Payton the truth tonight over dinner. I was making myself sick just thinking about it. As much as it hurt a few weeks ago when I’d thought I lost Payton, I think it would kill me to lose her now. There was no doubt in my mind that I was in love with the girl.
“Shit,” I mumbled. With all this thinking about Payton, I just wanted to hear her voice, but in my haste to fill the house with groceries, I’d left my phone at home. I tossed a few extra things in the cart and headed to the check out. The sooner I got home, the sooner I could talk to Jackson and come up with a game plan.
Chapter 15
The bar was closed on Mondays, and I was excited to have the day off. Garrett had been gone all day yesterday, and I missed him terribly. My classes were excruciatingly slow today. It was hard for me to even make it through them.
By the time my last class rolled around, I couldn’t bring myself to stay. I rarely missed class, but I wanted to see Garrett, and I couldn’t wait for dinner tonight.
I grabbed my bag and headed across the campus. The air was freezing. A cold front had moved in, and they were calling for snow. I pulled my scarf around my neck and tightened up my coat. The walk wasn’t long, but with the chill in the air it felt like it took forever.
I rounded the corner and saw Garrett’s townhome. I hadn’t heard from him today, and I wondered if he made it back safely from visiting his brother.
I climbed the front steps and knocked on the door with my gloved hand. I heard footsteps approaching, and my heart started to flutter, but when the door swung open it wasn’t Garrett.
“Hi.” I smiled.
The young man before me stared at me with familiar eyes. There was no mistaking the resemblance. Although he was slightly shorter than Garrett and had a leaner build, it was obvious that this was his brother.
“Is your brother home?” I smiled at the man before me. His face paled, almost like he was going to be sick.
“Are you okay?” I reached out and laid my hand on his arm.
He shook his head and closed his eyes. “Oh. My. God,” he whispered as he covered his face with his hands.
“Are you okay?” I asked again as I stepped forward.
“I’m sorry.”
I froze. That voice. Those words. They hit me like a sledgehammer. My eyes shot up and took in his face. The face that didn’t belong with that voice. The voice belonged on a monster—someone who was violent, who attacked young women—not on a clean cut young man.
“You?” I stumbled back.
“Please.” He reached toward me.
I felt like I was going to be sick. ”You … you attacked me,” I gasped, shaking frantically.
“Please, wait … I’m sorry.” He moved toward me again, and I fell back as my foot mi
ssed the bottom step. I scrambled backward, trying to stand up.
“Stop saying that.” Every time he said, “I’m sorry,” I felt that night engulf me. The fear I felt when he grabbed me.
“Payton?”
Turning, I saw Garrett climbing out of the car. I shook my head; sure this was all a dream—a nightmare. It wasn’t possible.
“Your brother?” I spat. It couldn’t be Garrett’s brother, and if it was, there was no way he could have known, and was there?
“Payton, what happened? What’s wrong?” Garrett helped me up, clinging to my arm. I couldn’t answer—couldn’t find the words.
“Jackson, what happened?” Garrett looked to his brother who was frozen at the bottom of the stairs.
“I’m sorry, Garrett. I didn’t realize … I didn’t know.” He was rambling.
“Your brother?” I asked again, searching Garrett’s eyes for answers.
“Payton, please, come inside so we can talk.”
I pulled my arm out of his grip. “Inside? With the guy who attacked me? You can’t be serious?”
“Please, Payton, let me explain,” he pleaded, but it was too late.
“Explain what? That your brother attacked me? That you knew?” I felt like I was going to be sick. “Oh God, Garrett. Please tell me you didn’t know,” I sobbed.
He did know. I could see it in his expression. “Your admittance isn’t necessary, your silence says it all,” I whimpered.
“Payton, please let me explain,” Garrett pleaded again.
“Stop! Just stop! What could you possibly explain? Were you there, too? Was this all just a fucking game? I trusted you! Damn it, I let you in.” The fight left me. I felt empty. I closed my eyes as the first tear fell.
“Nothing ...” I shook my head. “Nothing you can say will change this.” Tears were running down my face, and there was no stopping them. “What your brother did to me that night was nothing compared to what you’ve done to me.”
The pain I saw on his face almost crumbled my reserve—almost. I turned and walked away. Feeling more alone than ever, I barely made it into my apartment before getting sick. After retching until there was nothing left, I crumbled to the floor and cried for the loss of one more part of my life.
Chapter 16
I watched Payton walk away, knowing I couldn’t do anything to stop her. “Help me with these bags, Jackson.” I felt numb as I went to the car and grabbed a few of them and walked to the house. I wandered around the kitchen aimlessly putting things away and organizing things, trying to not feel or think.
“Garrett?” His voice trembled.
”Yes, Jackson?” I placed my hands on the counter. I knew I owed him an explanation, too. I just didn’t know how to begin.
“What happened out there?” I walked around the table and sat next to Jackson.
“I really screwed up, man.” I put my head in my hands. “That night, after you went home, I took her to the bar where she works. I ended up back there a few days later with the guys, and I couldn’t seem to stay away from her.” I looked at Jackson and saw the sadness in his eyes.
“This is entirely my fault, Garrett.”
“No, Jackson. What you did was wrong, but Payton was right. What I did was worse. I lied to her out of pure selfishness. I fell in love with her, and I didn’t know how to tell her the truth.”
I felt Jackson’s hand on my shoulder. “What are you going to do?”
I closed my eyes tightly to keep the tears from falling. “Nothing. I have to let her go.”
***
“Dude, it’s been three weeks, you need to talk to her.” Lucas had been on my ass to make things right with Payton, but I didn’t know how.
It was killing me to not go see her. I missed her like crazy. I felt like I lost a piece of myself when she walked away that day, and it hadn’t gotten any better as the days went by.
“I can’t Lucas. She won’t want to see me. You didn’t see her that day.”
“Yeah, well I’ve seen her since, and I can tell you she’s not doing any better than you.” Lucas had started seeing Shelly, so he had been to the bar several times. I refused to ask him about Payton. I couldn’t torture myself like that. I also couldn’t seem to muster the courage to go back to the bar.
“I can’t hurt her anymore Lucas.” I sat down on the couch and leaned my head back. “I don’t know what else to do.” Staying away from Payton was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. I love her. There was no doubt in my mind.
“I get it, Garrett, I really do, but you both are miserable. There has to be a way to work this out.”
Lucas went to the kitchen to get us some beers. When he came back, he changed the subject, and I was incredibly grateful.
“How’s Jackson?” Lucas handed me my beer.
“Good. He’s still going to counseling and will be starting classes in January.”
“That’s great, Garrett. It was a really rough time, but I’m glad he’s getting past it.” Lucas tipped his beer back and turned on the TV. College football. That was exactly what I needed to keep my mind off of her.
***
“I’m not sure this is the best idea.” We had been standing out front of Pastimes for over ten minutes. The guys were getting restless and irritated with me, but quite frankly, the idea of seeing Payton again had me freaking out a bit.
“I thought you two broke up.” Ryan was ready to bail. I glared at him, not sure how to explain it. I hadn’t shared the circumstances of our meeting with anyone but Lucas. I didn’t want to. The guys would have some sort of dumb shit comment, and then I would get pissed off. I had already hit Ryan once over Payton; I didn’t need to give myself the need to again.
“You two go in, we’ll be right there.” I watched Ryan and Ethan walk through the door before turning back to Lucas.
“Thanks.”
“Listen, Garrett, I know you love this girl, and I know she is a mess without you, too. I’ve seen her enough to be confident about that. Let’s just play this by ear. If you want to talk to her, do. If not, don’t.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“It is. You’re over-thinking it. Now let’s go.” Lucas walked to the door and shook Rob’s hand. I got a nod from him, but it wasn’t very friendly. I couldn’t blame him. He was just protecting Payton, and to be honest, I was grateful for that.
We found Ryan and Ethan by the pool tables. They were already putting the moves on a group of girls. “I’ll grab us a couple of beers.” Lucas headed for the bar, and I glanced quickly to see if I could see her, but she must have been in the back or something.
“You can stop freaking out, she’s not here.” Lucas handed me my beer and sat down.
“What do you mean she’s not here?” Payton would never miss a Friday night. “Is she sick?”
Lucas shrugged. “Not sure, Shelly can’t get a hold of her.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I stood up before Lucas even had a chance to answer and walked over to talk with Shelly.
“Shelly, where’s Payton?” My gut told me something wasn’t right.
“I don’t know, Garrett. She hasn’t answered her phone.” Shelly passed a drink to a customer and turned back. I could see the concern in her face, and it made my stomach bottom out.
“I’m going over there.” I downed the rest of my beer and set it on the bar just as Shelly’s phone rang. I waited to see if it was Payton, watching as Shelly answered the phone.
“Payton! Where are you? Jeez, girl! I have been freaking out!” I calmed myself slightly knowing she was okay and listened to the one-sided conversation.
“Do you need us to bring you something?” Her eyes got wide. “No, Payton, are you sure you are okay?” Shelly was obviously still worried. Her eyebrows were pulled together. “Okay. Call if you need anything.” Shelly pushed the end button and looked up at Lucas and me.
“Um, she says she’s sick.” Shelly frowned.
“But?” Shelly didn’t seem co
nvinced.
“Shelly! Phone.” One of the waitresses hollered.
“I’ll be right back.”
“Something’s wrong Lucas. I can feel it.” I didn’t know what it was or why I felt it, but I knew in my heart that something was wrong, and if Shelly’s face and the way she grabbed Lucas’s arm were any indication, she knew it, too.
“What’s wrong, Shell?” Lucas put his hands on her arms, gently rubbing them.
“I don’t think she is okay, guys. That was the prosecuting attorney over her dad’s case. Her dad is out on parole. Apparently Payton has never missed a hearing before, and the attorney was concerned.”
“Her dad? I thought he was dead.” What the hell was going on?
“No, Garrett, her dad has been in prison. He is a sick bastard from what I’ve heard. The attorney alerted the local police, are on their way to check on her, but she wanted to let her know, and she couldn’t reach her on her phone either.”
I didn’t wait for any other information. I just ran. I dialed the phone as I crossed the street to the park.
“Jackson! I need you to meet me at Payton’s. She’s in trouble.” I hung up knowing he would do exactly what I asked.
So many things ran through my mind as I ran across the park. I thought about how helpless she looked that first night. Our first kiss. The trust she had for me when she told me about her past, and the hurt I saw on her face when she found out the truth about Jackson. After everything, I still knew without a doubt that I loved her, and the thought of someone hurting her made me move faster than I’d ever run before.
Chapter 17
I threw myself into every aspect of my life with one hundred percent of my energy. It was the only way I could keep myself going.
School was routine and so was work. The time I had the most trouble was when I was home or alone. There was entirely way too much time to think. I felt like I was a defective person ... unwanted, unloved, and alone.
The days immediately following my encounter with Garrett and his brother at their house were the hardest. I couldn’t help but want to go back—to hear why. To know what made his brother attack me that night. The voice did not match the face. In my mind, he was a monster, not a scared young man who honestly didn’t look capable of hurting anyone.