by Taryn Plendl
I wanted to go back, but I didn’t. Shelly kept telling me that there was an explanation. That I owed it to myself to find out, but I was afraid I wouldn’t like the answer, or even worse, that it wouldn’t matter. I was in love with Garrett, and I knew that no matter what the reason was, I was still going to love him.
I never understood how people could stay with someone who hurt them. I had to remind myself of that every day that I was away from him, but deep down, I knew. I knew Garrett would never intentionally hurt me.
Every time Lucas came to the bar I secretly hoped Garrett would be with him. I just wanted to see him. I didn’t ask Lucas about him, and he didn’t offer any information either, but he was still so nice to me. Even without mentioning him, it was the only connection I still had to Garrett.
I stuffed a couple of things in my bag, just about ready to leave for work. I was so glad it was Friday. I needed a busy night to keep the thoughts away.
The doorbell scared me, and at the same time my stomach flipped. Who could that be? Was it Garrett? I tried to compose myself and then realized it was futile. I swung the door open.
“Hello, beautiful.” It wasn’t Garrett.
***
“Are you going to just stand there, or are you going to let your dad in?”
It took me a minute to shake the shock and fear, but I couldn’t show him that. I was determined to stand my ground.
“What are you doing here?” I gasped. How was he out of prison? He was supposed to be there for several more years. I knew this because I had been at all of his parole hearings. I had visited my dad a couple times over the years, but if he wasn’t already a sick bastard before he went in, he certainly was even more so now. He blamed me for what happened, even though I wasn’t the one who told. He was crazy—narcissistic. It was always somebody else’s fault. He had even told me at one point that it was my fault for putting him in that situation.
“I’m out on parole.” His grin sent chills up my spine. How was that possible? I had always gotten a letter to notify me of his parole hearing dates. I would have never missed it if I had.
“No.” My voice didn’t sound nearly as strong as I’d hoped.
“No?” He smiled at me, which made me feel sick. “It isn’t really something you have a choice in, my dear.” He stepped forward, and instinctively I stepped back, not wanting to be near him. I didn’t want him close enough to touch me. He kept moving, though, and before I knew it he was shutting the door behind him and locking it.
“What do you want?” I croaked.
“I need your help, my sweet Payton, and this time you are going to give it to me. This time you don’t get to hide behind the parole board and throw lies at me.” His smile sent chills up my spine.
“I never lied,” I mumbled.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” He stepped closer.
“I said I never lied.” I pulled myself up taller. “I saw you. I walked in, you sick bastard, remember?” I was shaking, and it pissed me off. I didn’t want to allow him to make me cower.
His hand moved so quickly that I didn’t see it coming or even have time to react, taking the full force of it across my left cheek. I recoiled, slamming against the wall. I touched my cheek, staring at the blood on my fingers as I pulled them away, completely shocked. Who was this man? How could he be my father? He was a sick monster.
“How could you do it? How could you throw everything away? You didn’t even think about what it would do to your family—to her and her family.” I squared my shoulders, pulling myself up, staring him in the eye. He could beat me down physically, but I wasn’t going to let him tear me down and take my soul. I’d worked way too hard to build myself back up.
“You killed her. Your own wife.” I saw the flash of anger register through his eyes.
“I did no such thing. She took her own life. She was a coward,” he spat.
“A coward? Do you even have any idea what we went through?” For just a moment I saw something flash through his eyes. Guilt? Was he even capable of having a conscience? I had not seen anything that resembled regret over the years. “I was thirteen when I found my own mother dead, although you might as well have killed both of us the night you raped my friend in our own house.” I was trying to control my sobs. I didn’t want to be weak in front of him.
He was a sick fuck! I had to live with the fact that I walked away, back to my room, all those years ago when I knew something was wrong—when I saw the frightened eyes of my friend. If I had been stronger, I would’ve stopped him, but I wasn’t. I was scared of him. He had never touched me sexually, but there was no limit on his emotional and physical abuse. I should have never asked my friend to stay over. I basically threw her right into the lion’s den. That was mine to own, even though she and her family never held me responsible, I did. That is why I did everything I could to keep my dad behind bars. It was the only thing I could do to right the wrong I felt I’d committed.
“Payton, I’m not going to stand here and argue with you. I need money, and since you didn’t stand by me before, I’m pretty sure you more than owe me now.” Before I could answer, my phone rang again.
“They’re going to keep calling. I’m supposed to be at work.” I nervously licked my lip, realizing that it was rapidly swelling from the hit.
“Fine, call your work and tell them you’re sick, but so help me, little girl, if you even indicate you are not here alone, I will make you regret it,” he warned.
I picked up my cell phone and dialed the bar, letting Shelly know that I wouldn’t be in and then hung up. I wanted to tell her I was in trouble, but my dad stood right next to me the entire time. I took a deep breath and faced him. “Fine, what do you want?”
“I told you, I need money. I need to move on, and you are going to help me,” he demanded.
“How in the hell do you expect me to help you? I don’t have any money. Do you think they give foster kids money? Well, let me help you out, no they don’t. They give it to the families that are stuck with you when your selfish bastard of a dad ruins your fucking life!” The next hit came harder than the first, and slammed me into the wall, knocking the air out of me. My head felt like it exploded as it hit the wall. I could see black spots in my vision as my dad walked toward me. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even raise my arms to protect myself.
The crash made me jump, and for a moment, I was positive he had hit me again, until I looked up and saw Garrett. The next thing I knew, I was looking into the eyes of the same young man who attacked me in the park, but this time he wasn’t hurting me, he was protecting me. “Thank you,” I managed before everything went dark.
Chapter 18
By the time I broke through the other side of the park, I saw Jackson running toward me on the sidewalk. “What’s wrong, Garrett?” Jackson followed me up the steps to Payton’s door, trying to catch his breath.
“Shh.” I took the stairs quietly but quickly until I heard the crash from inside her apartment. “What the fuck?” I didn’t even stop; I just rammed my shoulder into her door, sending it cracking against the wall.
The large man was standing right over Payton who was crouched against the wall on the floor. She was hurt and bleeding, and it took me only two steps before I plowed into the man, knocking him onto his back. I took advantage of the upper hand and started swinging, connecting with his face, stomach—basically anything I could.
“You fucking hit her? I’ll fucking kill you!” I screamed as I continued to land punch after punch. “Jackson? Is she okay?” I hollered without looking over. Without stopping my assault.
“She’s unconscious. I’m calling ambulance,” he shouted back.
“Garrett!” I felt arms wrap around me, pulling me off the bloodied man. I almost started swinging at the owner of the arms until I realized it was Rob and Lucas holding me.
I started shaking uncontrollably from the adrenaline. “He hurt her,” I gasped, turning for the first time to see Payton’s limp body lying
against Jackson. I dropped to my knees next to her, rubbing my finger across the rapidly swelling bruise on her cheek. “Payton?” I whispered. “Baby, you’re okay now. I’m here. I won’t let him hurt you ever again.”
***
The next few hours dragged by between giving our statements to the police and getting everything figured out with the hospital. At first, it was hard for us to get any information about Payton because none of us were family. Finally, Shelly was able to get access to her. I was a freaking mad man to say the least. I just wanted to see her—touch her. She needed to know I was there.
“Garrett, you need to calm down. Shelly said she would come out and let us know everything as soon as she could.” Lucas squeezed my shoulder. I let my head drop into my hands as I sat down.
“You want to get someone to look at your hands while we are here?” I glanced at my swollen hands, straightening and bending my fingers. I shook my head at Lucas. Nothing was broken.
“Fuck, Lucas. I wanted to kill him. I just might have if you and Rob hadn’t shown up.” I closed my eyes, trying to shake the memory of how Payton looked when we arrived. Who the hell hits a little woman like that? What kind of sick bastard was he? After talking with the police, I think I had a pretty good idea of just what kind of monster he was. They said he was in jail for raping a child. I couldn’t bring myself to ask if it had been Payton. I didn’t know if I could handle that. There was so much I didn’t know about her, but I wanted to know everything. I wanted to protect her, to love her. I had to find a way to get her to take me back.
Shelly walked through the doors, and I jumped to my feet. “How is she?”
“She’s okay, Garrett. They are keeping her overnight for observation due to the concussion, but other than that, she is just bruised.” I sighed. The relief practically dripped off me.
“Can I see her?” I asked.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Garrett.” Shelly smiled sadly.
“Bullshit, Shelly.” Lucas grabbed my arm with enough pressure to let me know I needed to back off. “I’m sorry, Shelly. Please. I need to see her. I won’t stay long,” I pleaded.
She nodded. “Fine. She is in room two-twelve. Don’t upset her, Garrett.” I didn’t answer as I took off, walking briskly through the white hallway toward the elevator.
I stood outside her room trying to calm myself before walking in. I knocked softly and pushed the door open. She was looking out the window, although it was dark, and I think her view was a wall. “Payton?”
She looked at me, surprised that I was there. “What are you doing here?”
“Are you kidding me? Where else would I be?” I walked slowly to the side of the bed, pulling a chair up so I could sit by her. I didn’t trust my legs to hold me right now.
She turned back to the window. “Thank you.”
“For what?” I asked.
“For helping me. How did you know?” She turned back, looking at me with her sad blue eyes. She looked so lost.
“I was there when you called Shelly. I just knew in my gut something wasn’t right, so I told Jackson to meet me at your place. When we showed up, I heard the crash from when he …” I couldn’t say it. I closed my eyes and tried again. “I heard the crash and just reacted.” I shrugged.
She nodded. “Well, thank you. I’m glad you showed up when you did.”
“How’s your head?” I wanted so badly to reach out and touch her. The swelling in her cheek looked like it had stopped, but there was a pretty nasty bruise there as well as a small cut that had butterfly strips on it.
She smiled. “I’ll survive. It’s not the first time.”
“Payton, why didn’t you tell me about your dad? You said he was dead.”
“He is dead to me,” she whispered.
“The police told me why he was in prison.” She looked at me, searching my eyes. “Can I ask you something?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer, but I couldn’t help it. I needed it. “Was it you? Did he … um … did he …” I couldn’t finish the sentence.
“No,” she whispered. “It was my friend.” I sighed audibly.
To my surprise, she continued, “I never had anyone over. My dad was always a loose cannon. He was forever yelling at Mom and me. We couldn’t do anything right by him.” She tried to sit up, and I stood to adjust her pillows so she was more comfortable.
“Did he hit you before?” I asked as I poured her a glass of water.
She took a sip and handed it back to me. “Thank you. Yes, he did, but almost never in the face. Katy was the first real friend I had. She knew my dad was strict, but she said she wanted to stay over anyway.” She closed her eyes for a moment. “My dad was so nice that night. He hung out with us, played games, and watched a movie, too. I was almost in shock at how he was acting, but I liked it. For the first time, I felt like I had a normal family.”
I woke up that night when I heard something. I went looking for the sound and found my dad in his office. He had Katy under him. He yelled at me to leave, and I did.” She started to cry, and I couldn’t resist anymore. I took her hand into mine, rubbing soft circles with my thumb over the back of her hand.
“It’s okay, Payton,” I soothed.
“It’s not okay, Garrett. I should’ve stopped him. He raped her, and I walked away,” she sobbed.
“Payton, you were a child. He was a sick tyrant. You were a victim as much as she was,” I stressed. Suddenly I was wishing I finished the job with him earlier. I never wanted to hurt someone as much as I did him.
“I know that. Really, I do, but I hate that Katy had to go through that. All I wanted was a friend—a normal life.” She wiped her tears.
“What happened to Katy?” I asked.
“She was incredible, Garrett. She was so strong. She was instrumental in putting him behind bars for as long as they did. I guess you can do anything when you have a loving family by your side.” I hated that she had to go through so much.
“What happened to your mom, Payton?”
“She killed herself on my thirteenth birthday. I found her.”
“Jesus,” I groaned. She was so young—so small and all alone. “So that is when you went into foster care?” She nodded.
“Payton, you are so strong. I am amazed by your strength. You have pulled yourself through the darkness and come out on top.” God, I loved this woman so much.
“The darkness has a way of consuming you when you least expect it,” she whispered. I watched as she visibly shut down. It was almost like I could see the walls going back up.
“Garrett, I can’t thank you enough for saving me, but I can’t do this. Nothing has changed. You still lied to me.”
“Payton, don’t do this. I know I kept things from you, but you did, too. Please,” I pleaded. I couldn’t lose her again.
“The difference is that my secrets didn’t hurt anyone else but me. You knew it was your brother that night, but you didn’t say anything. The worst part isn't just knowing I was lied to, but knowing that I wasn’t worth the truth. The truth can be forgiven a lot easier than a lie, Garrett. I guess sometimes silence says everything louder than any words could ever be said.”
“Payton, please.” I pushed down a sob.
“I’m sorry, Garrett. I just can’t do this.” She wouldn’t look at me anymore. I knew I’d lost her.
***
“Why are you doing this?” Lucas asked as we walked toward Pastimes.
“She may not be talking to me, but I’m not letting her walk home alone. I’ll walk behind her if I have to.” I shrugged.
“You’re like a knight in shining armor, Garrett.” Lucas laughed.
“Fuck you,” I chuckled back.
We walked through the doors of the bar. Rob shook my hand and nodded. We seemed to have come to an agreement of some sorts. I knew he was only protecting Payton, and he knew I loved her and was doing the same. I don’t think he knew the details of why Payton didn’t want to be with me, but he knew I’d hurt her s
omehow, so he was weary. Not every problem had an easy way out. Sometimes you needed to face the consequences of the mess you'd created. Reality is a hard pill to swallow, but I wasn’t ready to give up yet.
I grabbed a table and Lucas grabbed us a couple of beers. “How is she?” I asked as he sat down, sliding my beer toward me.
“She seems good.” I looked up and locked eyes with Payton. Tonight was her first night back to work since the incident at her apartment. The bruise seemed to be fading, but the light in her eyes was still gone. She looked away first.
“How do you think she is going to react when you walk her home?” Lucas smiled. He knew full well how that would go down.
I tipped my beer back, taking a long draw before answering, “She’s going to be pissed.” I grinned.
Chapter 19
“What is he doing here?” I asked as Shelly poured a beer from the tap. She looked at me and smiled.
“I don’t know.” She shrugged.
“What are you up to, Shel?” I demanded.
“I know nothing.” She grinned as she walked to the other side of the bar.
Garrett hadn’t been back to see me after he left the hospital two days ago. I didn’t expect him to. I basically told him not to. I looked over to the table where he and Lucas were sitting. They seemed to be having a good time. Garrett was grinning. God, I missed that smile. I missed everything about him—his arms around me, his kisses.
It was killing me to be away from him, but I couldn’t allow myself to go there again. I had been so wrapped up in this budding relationship with Garrett that I missed my dad’s parole hearing. If I had been paying attention to what was important, I would have never missed that letter. I had gotten a letter about the parole hearing after all. I’d found it after coming home from the hospital in the random piles of mail that I had ignored for a few weeks while I was out goofing off. At least I didn’t have to worry about missing another parole hearing letter. The prosecuting attorney was confident that he would have no possibility of parole again.