What Might Have Been: Daniels Brother #4 (Daniels Brothers)

by Sherri Hayes

  Megan, Marilyn, and Elizabeth gushed over the baby. It brought back memories of Kaylee. Little Madison had the same head full of dark hair and strong jawline all the Danielses had—including Kaylee.

  Abby felt the emotions bubbling up inside her. Flashes of her child filled her vision and made it difficult to concentrate on the conversation happening right in front of her.

  “Abby?”

  She blinked several times before refocusing on Marilyn. “Sorry. I missed what you said.”

  “Are you feeling all right?” Marilyn looked concerned.

  “I’m fine. I just . . .” Abby did her best to smile through the pain she was feeling. “Excuse me for a moment.”

  Not giving any of them time to ask any more questions, Abby disappeared into the house and made a beeline for the bathroom she’d passed on her way in. She felt the tears threatening and she didn’t want to start crying in front of them.

  Abby closed the door behind her and sank down onto the floor. Moisture filled her eyes and she let the tears fall down her cheeks as grief overtook her. Seeing Chloe had been bad enough, but Gage’s daughter looked too much like Kaylee had, the one and only time Abby had gotten to hold her. Kaylee who, instead of making happy gurgling sounds like Madison, had been silent . . . lifeless.

  It had been years since she’d felt the loss of her daughter so acutely, but seeing Madison had hit home like nothing else could. Abby wrapped her hand around the pendant dangling from her neck—her constant reminder that her daughter had existed.

  ***

  Once the women headed outside to the deck, leaving the men alone in the kitchen, the questions began.

  Chris held a cup in one hand and a dishtowel in the other. “What’s going on between you and Abby?”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” Trent said as he finished drying a plate.

  Paul snorted. “Denial, man. It won’t get you anywhere. Believe me.”

  “They were holding hands when I came in the house,” his dad chimed in with a smirk on his face.

  Trent couldn’t believe his father had just thrown him under the bus.

  Chris placed the cup down on the counter and narrowed his eyes at his younger brother. “So there is something going on.”

  “No slacking, boys. You can work and grill your brother at the same time.” Mike Daniels thrust another glass in Chris’ direction.

  He took it, but didn’t relax his stance as he glared at Trent.

  At the sound of the front door opening, they all stopped. Trent didn’t miss how Paul’s right hand slipped into his pocket. His brother was no doubt carrying. Being a cop, Paul didn’t go very many places without being armed. He said it was safer that way. There was always a chance of running into someone he’d arrested.

  A heartbeat later, Chloe let out an excited squeal. “Uncle Gage! Aunt Becca!”

  The dishes were momentarily forgotten as the new arrivals made their way into the kitchen.

  “I didn’t know you guys were coming,” Paul said, walking over to take a peek at the newest addition to the family.

  “The team’s got a bye week, so we thought we’d come and let you all meet Madison.”

  The five men formed a small circle around the tiny baby sleeping in her carrier. Madison was only a week old. Her head was covered in dark hair and she was sucking on one of her fists.

  “Where’s Ma?” Gage asked.

  Mike Daniels looked up at his son. “The ladies are relaxing out on the porch.”

  “Why don’t you hang out in here with the boys and I’ll take Madison to see your mom?” Rebecca said.

  Gage set the carrier on the table so Rebecca could pick Madison up and take her outside.

  “How’s it feel to be a dad?” Paul asked once the door had closed behind Rebecca.

  “It’s great. I don’t even mind when she wakes up crying in the middle of the night.”

  Paul chuckled. “Give it a month.”

  They all laughed.

  Chris tossed a clean towel in Gage’s direction and they got back to work on the dishes. Luckily for Trent, the subject of his relationship with Abby didn’t come up again. Everyone was too caught up in Gage, Rebecca, and Madison.

  That was until Abby came rushing into the house like something was hot on her heels. She didn’t even glance in his direction before ducking into the bathroom down the hall.

  “Is she okay?” Paul asked to no one in particular.

  “I don’t know.” Trent threw his towel down on the counter and marched toward the bathroom.

  The door was closed by the time he reached it. He debated whether to knock, but something didn’t seem right about the way she’d run past. Something was wrong. “Abby? Are you okay?”

  She didn’t answer.

  “Abby . . .” Trent rested his forehead against the door, considering his options. That’s when he heard what sounded like crying coming from inside.

  Not thinking about anything but getting to her, he reached for the doorknob. It wasn’t locked. He cracked the door open. “Abby, I’m coming in.”

  What he saw when he opened the door broke his heart. Abby was sitting on the floor along the back wall with tears streaming down her face.

  Stepping inside the cramped space, Trent closed the door and knelt down in front of her. “What happened?”

  “I’m okay,” she hiccupped. “I just need . . . I just need a minute. That’s all. I’m—”

  “Do not tell me you’re fine. You’re clearly not fine, Abby.”

  She looked up at him, her eyes bloodshot.

  Trent didn’t care that there was barely any room, he sat down and reached for her.

  Abby didn’t fight him. She crawled into his lap and buried her face in the crook of his neck.

  He had no idea how long they stayed in that position—long enough for his legs to protest. No one came to check on them. Trent was positive his father was to thank for that.

  “I should go,” she whispered against his neck.

  “All right. I’ll follow you home.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  He placed a finger under her chin, turning her so that he could place a chaste kiss on her lips. “Take a few minutes in here while I tell everyone we’re leaving, and then we can go.”

  Abby held his gaze for a long moment and then nodded. She climbed off his lap and stood, brushing the moisture from her cheeks.

  Trent gave her another brief kiss, and went to find his family. They were all huddled together in the kitchen with worried looks on their faces.

  His mother was on him the moment he entered the room. “Is she all right?”

  “She’s fine. I’m going to follow her home.”

  “I don’t understand,” Elizabeth said. “One minute we were all talking and then the next minute she was taking off.”

  “No one said anything to her?” Trent didn’t think they would, but he felt as if he had to ask considering he’d found Abby alone and crying in the bathroom.

  Megan shook her head. “No. We were all focused on Madison.”

  An uneasy feeling settled over Trent. He tried to shake it off, but it wouldn’t go away.

  Trent leaned down and gave his mom a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll call you later.”

  Abby stood in the doorway to the bathroom when he returned. “You ready to go?”

  She took a deep breath that seemed to take a huge amount of effort on her part. “You don’t have to leave. I didn’t mean—”

  He closed the gap between them, pulled her into his arms, and kissed her protest from her lips. “Let’s get you home.”

  When he started moving them toward the front door, Abby didn’t object.

  He walked her to her car and opened the door for her. “I’ll be right behind you.”

  Questions swirled through his mind as he followed her home. Something had to have happened to cause Abby’s reaction. She’d been fine at dinner.

  Trent parked his truck in the visitors’ area a
nd then jogged over to where Abby waited for him by her car. He had no idea if she wanted him to leave or not, but he had to make sure she was going to be okay. All he knew was that he didn’t want her to spend the rest of the night holed up in her apartment, alone, crying.

  He was still weighing his options when she asked, “Do you want to come in?”

  “Do you want me to?”

  She pressed her lips together and nodded.

  Once they were inside her apartment, Abby kicked her shoes off and dropped her purse on the coffee table. “Do you want something to drink? I don’t have any beer, but I have wine.”

  “I’ll take some water.” Trent thought it was best if he kept a clear head.

  He walked over to the bookcase along the wall while Abby was in the kitchen. It was full of pictures. There was one of Abby and her father at her high school graduation. And another one of her at maybe four or five years old with both her parents.

  Abby also had a picture of her and Max. They were both wearing NYU sweatshirts.

  Even now, knowing that Abby didn’t think of Max as more than a friend, Trent couldn’t completely push away the jealousy.

  A few minutes later, Abby returned with a glass of water for him and a full glass of wine for herself. He took the water and placed it on the coffee table before reaching for her. She came willingly.

  “Thank you for following me home.”

  He kissed her forehead and met her gaze. “I’ll be your knight in shining armor anytime you want. Just say the word.”

  She giggled and took a sip of her wine.

  The pain in his chest eased a little. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Not really.”

  “Okay.” Trent wanted her to confide in him, but he wouldn’t push.

  She backed away from him and reached out her hand. “Come with me.”

  Linking their fingers together, he let her lead him down the hall to her bedroom. Once in the room, she released his hand and strolled over to her closet. Abby removed a shoebox and walked to the bed. She took a huge gulp of wine, placed the glass on the nightstand, and sat down.

  Trent stood by the door until she patted the mattress beside her. He crossed the short distance and lowered himself down onto the bed.

  Abby held the box in her lap for the longest time. He had no idea what was inside, but whatever it was, it had to be important to her.

  Her hands were shaking when she opened the lid. He wanted to reach out, but something told him he shouldn’t. This was uncharted territory and he didn’t know what to do.

  She extracted something from the box and handed it to him. It was a picture. An ultrasound picture, to be exact.

  “What’s this?” he asked.

  Abby swallowed hard, but her gaze never left the picture he held in his hands. Tears welled up in her eyes once more.

  “Abby?”

  She looked up at him, her eyes full of sadness. “It’s a picture of my baby. My daughter.”

  Chapter 11

  Abby held her breath, waiting to see how he’d react.

  He blinked several times, and then lowered his gaze to her stomach. “You’re pregnant?”

  The sides of her mouth pulled up slightly in a half smile, despite the seriousness of the conversation. At twenty, she’d been so conflicted about having a baby. Now she’d give just about anything to be able to hold her little girl again.

  “No. It was . . . a long time ago.”

  Trent handed the picture to her and she reverently placed it back in the box. After another long look at the grainy black and white picture, Abby stood and returned the box to the closet.

  When she sat down beside him once more, Trent appeared to be deep in thought. Her insides clenched waiting for his reaction. Would he put the pieces together on his own?

  “Where . . .” Trent cleared his throat. “Is she back in New York?”

  “Yes.”

  He took a deep breath and nodded. “With her father?”

  This was it. Abby couldn’t skirt around the issue anymore. It was time to take that leap and jump off the proverbial cliff. “No. She’s not with her father.”

  Trent stared at her, confusion etched into his features.

  “Kaylee was stillborn. The doctors tried, but they weren’t able to revive her.” It was impossible to keep the tears at bay.

  He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and tucked her against his side, trying to console her. She latched on tight, knowing this could be the last bit of comfort she received from him. Once he knew the truth, would he push her away?

  “I’m so sorry,” he murmured against her hair.

  Abby enjoyed the warmth of his embrace for several minutes, soaking it up while she could. “I need to tell you something else.”

  Trent looked a little disappointed when she sat back up, putting distance between them, but he let her go.

  Abby folded her hands in her lap and laced her fingers together, as if that would somehow keep her grounded as she spilled her secrets.

  He placed his hand on top of hers and gave it a comforting squeeze. “Whatever it is, we’ll get through it.”

  Abby shot him a wary look before taking a deep breath and plunging ahead into unknown territory. “It’s about Kaylee’s father.”

  When she didn’t continue, he asked, “What about him?”

  It was now or never. “I never told him about her. I was scared, so I kept putting it off and putting it off. Then I went into labor and . . .”

  A lump formed in her throat. It felt as if every emotion she’d experienced over the years was rushing to the surface all at the same time. Max had paid for her to go to therapy after Kaylee’s funeral, but talking about losing her daughter never got easier.

  “And you never told him?” Trent asked.

  “No.” She would have given just about anything to know what he was thinking.

  Trent didn’t respond for several minutes and when he did, it wasn’t what she’d expected. “Did you love him?”

  “I did once, yes.” She inhaled and ripped the Band-Aid off. “It was Chris.”

  He let his hand drop, but he didn’t say anything.

  When Abby glanced over at him, he was staring straight ahead with an unreadable expression on his face. She couldn’t tell if he was angry or in shock.

  A long time passed with neither of them saying anything. With every passing minute, she drew closer and closer to the edge. It had been years since she’d felt anything even close to what she felt when she was with Trent. The last thing she wanted was to lose him over a mistake she made twelve years ago.

  “Please, say something.” Even her whisper sounded loud in the room.

  “What am I supposed to say?” He didn’t look at her, and Abby couldn’t blame him. She wouldn’t want to look at her either.

  “Do you hate me?” she asked.

  He turned his head in her direction and she could see all the conflicting emotions in his eyes. “I don’t know what I’m feeling right now, Abby. But no, I don’t hate you. I don’t think I could ever hate you.”

  She released a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding, and the weight pressing down on her chest eased up a bit.

  That was until he uttered his next words. “But you need to tell Chris. You have to. He deserves to know.”

  Over the years, she’d come close to picking up the phone and calling Chris at least a dozen times, but something always held her back. “I don’t know how to tell him.”

  Trent shook his head. “I can’t help you there. It’s something you’re going to have to figure out and soon. I can’t—”

  “I know.” She’d never heard Trent so serious in all the years she’d known him.

  He dug his cell phone from his pocket and held it out to her.

  She stared at it as if it were a snake ready to strike. “Now?”

  “No time like the present. His number is in my contacts.” He nudged the phone in her direction again, encouraging her to ta
ke it.

  With the enthusiasm of someone about to jump into the ocean without a life jacket, Abby closed her fingers around his phone and rested it in her lap. She stared at it, unable to drum up the courage to scroll through the list of names to find Chris’.

  “Do you want some privacy?” Trent asked.

  “No!” She grabbed onto his arm, as if somehow that would prevent him from leaving.

  He looked at her long and hard, then nodded.

  When she still didn’t make a move, Trent inclined his head toward the phone. “It’s not going to get any easier the longer you wait.”

  Abby knew he was right. She’d been putting off this call for twelve years.

  Squaring her shoulders, she scrolled through his contacts until she found Chris’ name. She pushed the call button before she could chicken out, and held the phone to her ear.

  A part of her was praying it would go to voice mail, but no such luck. After two rings, Chris answered. “Hey, I was about to call you. How’s Abby?”

  It was that right there that made the Daniels family so easy to love. Even though she and Chris hadn’t been together in over a decade, he was still concerned about her wellbeing.

  “Chris, it’s me. Abby.”

  It took him a moment to respond. “Are you all right?”

  “Yeah. I’m . . . I’m fine.” She opened her mouth to say the words she knew she needed to, but swiftly closed it again. This wasn’t something he should have to hear over the phone. If she was going to do this, then he deserved to hear it from her in person. “I was wondering if maybe I could talk to you.”

  “Of course you can. You know that.” He almost sounded offended that she would think otherwise.

  “Do you think you could stop by my apartment? Are you still at your parents’ house?”

  He hesitated for a moment, as if her request threw him off. “Yeah. I mean, we were about to head out, but we can swing by your place. What’s your address? I’ll put it in my GPS.”

  Abby rattled off her address for him, amazed that she was able to get it out at all, considering how nervous she was.

  “We’ll be there in about twenty minutes.” He paused. “Trent’s there with you?”